Reducing emotion and over attachment ?

[Jennifer]

I feel the same way. It doesn’t have to be a love or romantic interest, a friend of the same sex can help you heal sometimes in a much safer way. Attachment styles have a lot to do with our first interactions with primary care givers and in order to move to more secure styles or different ways of relating, I feel we need positive experiences of trust, love, and understanding. The most pain I’ve ever been in is getting involved with people who don’t share my emotional depth, but who I unconsciously approach as a project. I’ve realized in my own life I’ve always pursued these people with the hidden intent of making them more like me when really I should just be connecting with people who already feel things very deeply and are in touch with their feelings.

Absolutely. I think the need to be understood is normal and even though it’s nice having someone in my life who expresses their emotions similarly, I’m perfectly fine if I’m the only one who is satisfying that need, but that means no belittling or gaslighting myself for feeling and expressing my emotions the way I do, and no longer entertaining relationships with people who belittle or gaslight me for not feeling and expressing my emotions the way they do. I spent far too much of my life dismissing my feelings in order to be pleasing, keep the peace and navigate trauma, and thinking I was being too sensitive when in actuality, I was feeling other people’s emotions along with my own, which can overwhelm the senses. Instincts and intuition are tied to feeling, and dismissing my feelings led to very bad things happening to me. I’m trying my best not to repeat that mistake.

Curious on other people's opinions too.

In my opinion, men are just as emotional as women, but perhaps those who believe men aren’t are equating emotional to crying when that isn’t the only form of emotional expression? Even if that were the case, I’m not sure why people say men don’t cry when they absolutely do. Have you ever seen a man (or as a man, personally experienced) get hit in the genitals, win a championship, lose a parent, spouse or their favorite dog? I have and tears most certainly were shed, and men most certainly express their happiness, sadness, anxiety, fear, anger, frustration etc. too. All one has to do is watch a sporting event to see a buffet of emotional expression displayed by men. You get butt slaps, chest bumps, hugging, crying, laughing, screaming, dancing, yelling etc. and there is little difference between the emotional expression displayed by male and female athletes at sporting events:


View: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IWOn-I3B99s

 

[Regina]

How long have you been peating for? It took me 3 years to completely fix this issue.

I think I found Peat around 2017?

I do think it is estrogen.
I think it is the distinction between empathy and compassion.

Empathy = estrogen de-differentiation. Vining/attaching. Taking in their pain.
Compassion = insight into what formed this behaviour. Understanding but not feeding the vampire.

 

[LUH 3417]

I think I found Peat around 2017?

I do think it is estrogen.
I think it is the distinction between empathy and compassion.

Empathy = estrogen de-differentiation. Vining/attaching. Taking in their pain.
Compassion = insight into what formed this behaviour. Understanding but not feeding the vampire.

This is really interesting and something I think about from multiple perspectives.

When I was a teenager I had some traumatic experiences and was hospitalized for acting out and rebelling against my parents. I was put on anti psychotics and gained a bunch of water weight. I went from 110lbs to 150lbs really quickly.

I feel like this experience and the medications compounded some form of biological or psychological imprint. Ever since that time my weight has oscillated within about the same range almost every year or so. When I get into relationships that feel really draining and like I am “de differentiating” (losing my autonomy, individuality, being gaslit, being told my emotions are not ok) I gain weight like crazy, almost like I am reexperiencing being 14 again). Then I end the relationship, find some healing, lose weight quickly, feel more in touch with my core and inner impulses and a greater sense of individuality — I feel differentiated.

Water is associated with emotions (in Chinese medicine and other “woowoo” schools of healing although I wouldn’t like to reject them as strictly new age). Cells that take up water are unstable, undifferentiated. If you have the intention to be differentiated, autonomous, stable and have integrity psychically and socially, I would imagine this would be mirrored in the structure and behavior cellularly too.

I think the body stores water as an emotional buffer, a protective shield between the fascia and organs, especially when there is a need to protect or defend oneself from others.

 

[Sascha6990]

This is really interesting and something I think about from multiple perspectives.

When I was a teenager I had some traumatic experiences and was hospitalized for acting out and rebelling against my parents. I was put on anti psychotics and gained a bunch of water weight. I went from 110lbs to 150lbs really quickly.

I feel like this experience and the medications compounded some form of biological or psychological imprint. Ever since that time my weight has oscillated within about the same range almost every year or so. When I get into relationships that feel really draining and like I am “de differentiating” (losing my autonomy, individuality, being gaslit, being told my emotions are not ok) I gain weight like crazy, almost like I am reexperiencing being 14 again). Then I end the relationship, find some healing, lose weight quickly, feel more in touch with my core and inner impulses and a greater sense of individuality — I feel differentiated.

Water is associated with emotions (in Chinese medicine and other “woowoo” schools of healing although I wouldn’t like to reject them as strictly new age). Cells that take up water are unstable, undifferentiated. If you have the intention to be differentiated, autonomous, stable and have integrity psychically and socially, I would imagine this would be mirrored in the structure and behavior cellularly too.

I think the body stores water as an emotional buffer, a protective shield between the fascia and organs, especially when there is a need to protect or defend oneself from others.

How can you tell if it is water weight or fat? I gained weight in a stressful relationship too...

 

[LUH 3417]

How can you tell if it is water weight or fat? I gained weight in a stressful relationship too...

I’m mostly assuming because of how quickly it comes on and off. How do you discern between water weight and fat gain for yourself?

 

[Santosh]

I think I have a serious problem.

I have come to realize I get attached easily and feel alot more than I should. I feel like I am more sensitive when it strictly comes to intimate relationships.

How does one remedy this. What parts of the brain or neuro profile is responsible for this affect in me ?


My relationship made me realize i heavily invest of my emotions too much. I get attached too much. I need attention from them too much. How do i kill this care ?

From a purely chemical standpoint : taking exogenous testosterone makes me very detached and cold to people.
I feel no bond or caring emotion towards even loved ones.

That's why I stopped taking testosterone.

 

[Regina]

This is really interesting and something I think about from multiple perspectives.

When I was a teenager I had some traumatic experiences and was hospitalized for acting out and rebelling against my parents. I was put on anti psychotics and gained a bunch of water weight. I went from 110lbs to 150lbs really quickly.

I feel like this experience and the medications compounded some form of biological or psychological imprint. Ever since that time my weight has oscillated within about the same range almost every year or so. When I get into relationships that feel really draining and like I am “de differentiating” (losing my autonomy, individuality, being gaslit, being told my emotions are not ok) I gain weight like crazy, almost like I am reexperiencing being 14 again). Then I end the relationship, find some healing, lose weight quickly, feel more in touch with my core and inner impulses and a greater sense of individuality — I feel differentiated.

Water is associated with emotions (in Chinese medicine and other “woowoo” schools of healing although I wouldn’t like to reject them as strictly new age). Cells that take up water are unstable, undifferentiated. If you have the intention to be differentiated, autonomous, stable and have integrity psychically and socially, I would imagine this would be mirrored in the structure and behavior cellularly too.

I think the body stores water as an emotional buffer, a protective shield between the fascia and organs, especially when there is a need to protect or defend oneself from others.

Cool thoughts.

In the past, I always lost weight (a tremendous amount) under stress from toxic people and/or circumstances.

Now, post-menopause, I gain weight under stress.

 

[Sascha6990]

I’m mostly assuming because of how quickly it comes on and off. How do you discern between water weight and fat gain for yourself?

I don't know exactly, that's why I was asking... Could it also have different textures like when you pinch it?

 

[LUH 3417]

I don't know exactly, that's why I was asking... Could it also have different textures like when you pinch it?

I imagine it would

 

[LUH 3417]

Cool thoughts.

In the past, I always lost weight (a tremendous amount) under stress from toxic people and/or circumstances.

Now, post-menopause, I gain weight under stress.

Have you ever looked at reich/Lowen’s character types?

http://www.reichandlowentherapy.org/Content/Character/Overview/general_character.html

There are body structures and postures associated with how we relate to others and the world. The first thought I had was becoming tiny to disappear as a defense or protective method. I emailed Ray years ago about psychosomatic symptoms and he never replied although I wish he did. I had a friend in college that would vomit every time she reached the subway stop to our school. I am sure there were biological / physiological things going on, it’s just very curious why those symptoms seem to exacerbate in certain environments and situations. I also feel this is particularly true of female psychology, like those patients Freud was treating who would get asthma attacks or faint around the people who were sexually or mentally abusing them. It’s an unexplored dimension of health and I do think it’s because the health of the female psyche and body has been historically overlooked or dismissed.

 

[Vanset]

From a purely chemical standpoint : taking exogenous testosterone makes me very detached and cold to people.
I feel no bond or caring emotion towards even loved ones.

That's why I stopped taking testosterone.

Same exact experience, but with aromatase inhibition. I pop quarter of a Letrozole lablet and I'm like that for a week or more.

 

[Regina]

Have you ever looked at reich/Lowen’s character types?

http://www.reichandlowentherapy.org/Content/Character/Overview/general_character.html

There are body structures and postures associated with how we relate to others and the world. The first thought I had was becoming tiny to disappear as a defense or protective method. I emailed Ray years ago about psychosomatic symptoms and he never replied although I wish he did. I had a friend in college that would vomit every time she reached the subway stop to our school. I am sure there were biological / physiological things going on, it’s just very curious why those symptoms seem to exacerbate in certain environments and situations. I also feel this is particularly true of female psychology, like those patients Freud was treating who would get asthma attacks or faint around the people who were sexually or mentally abusing them. It’s an unexplored dimension of health and I do think it’s because the health of the female psyche and body has been historically overlooked or dismissed.

Very interesting!
Yes. I did habitually 'play it small' around bullies and toxic people. Like 'don't mind harmless little me. I'm no threat.'

After I had practiced aikido for maybe 3 years, peripheral people (panhandlers) passed me by. I had no intention of projecting anything. I just noticed panhandlers started skipping me. (I used to be swarmed).

Hardened narcissistic people still feed away though. Because once I start talking, I still project mushy pushover. A fixer. A truth seeker.
But I think it is like the "structure and function are interdependent." Like injured animals taking reckless risks to get food.

 

[LUH 3417]

Very interesting!
Yes. I did habitually 'play it small' around bullies and toxic people. Like 'don't mind harmless little me. I'm no threat.'

After I had practiced aikido for maybe 3 years, peripheral people (panhandlers) passed me by. I had no intention of projecting anything. I just noticed panhandlers started skipping me. (I used to be swarmed).

Hardened narcissistic people still feed away though. Because once I start talking, I still project mushy pushover. A fixer. A truth seeker.
But I think it is like the "structure and function are interdependent." Like injured animals taking reckless risks to get food.

That’s so interesting about the pan handlers. I attract narcissistic people too, sometimes I wonder if I haven’t owned my own narcissism or ego strength (I always want to present as other oriented and attentive, thoughtful etc) — like if I was more selfish, less attentive, less other oriented maybe they would leave me alone.

What do you mean about the structure and function and reckless animal analogy?

 

[stoic]

This is pretty reductionist and myopic, how many great works of art, music, literature etc would be missing from the human cannon would we have a world where men don’t experience feelings

OP is asking for advice on how to reduce emotion and over attachment, not on how to produce sentimental works of art.

What I was alluding to is the fact that androgens reduce emotional volatility, both for the neurosteroids that they promote and their inhibition of the stress hormones that induce tear production, prolactin being a major one. So yes, men certainly can and do cry, but have naturally less of a tendency to do so. Granted, as men become increasingly feminine, the difference will be a lot less noticeable.

 

[LUH 3417]

You wrote men don’t cry. I was responding to that. If someone is in a state where they have an impulse to cry, but hide it because it’s not “manly”, they’re still in a highly stressed state and masking the emotion contributes to more stress. That’s the point I was making. @stoic

 

[golder]

You wrote men don’t cry. I was responding to that. If someone is in a state where they have an impulse to cry, but hide it because it’s not “manly”, they’re still in a highly stressed state and masking the emotion contributes to more stress. That’s the point I was making. @stoic

This is a important point. Feeling the need to cry and forcing yourself not to is often a stressor that puts you in disharmony with your body. The impulse to cry being reached too readily is a different question, and hormones should be part (but not all) of the equation in adjusting this.

 

[Sascha6990]

This is a important point. Feeling the need to cry and forcing yourself not to is often a stressor that puts you in disharmony with your body. The impulse to cry being reached too readily is a different question, and hormones should be part (but not all) of the equation in adjusting this.

+1

 

[JamesGatz]

Personally - I think CRUSHES are healthy and very natural, I think its UNNATURAL to NOT feel this way

However, if you feel like you NEED the person and cant live without them, I think this might be caused by serotonin

The definition of learned-helplessness - you can't help yourself so you need help from this person you can't live without

 

[LastingJoy]

I think I have a serious problem.

I have come to realize I get attached easily and feel alot more than I should. I feel like I am more sensitive when it strictly comes to intimate relationships.

How does one remedy this. What parts of the brain or neuro profile is responsible for this affect in me ?


My relationship made me realize i heavily invest of my emotions too much. I get attached too much. I need attention from them too much. How do i kill this care ?

Hi, in my experience the instincts of attachment and feelings towards certain people are the manifestation of your body's perception of the therapeutic potential of those people, for yourself, specifically if they are people you want to embrace, that you feel pleasurable feelings of heart for those people, once we feel it, fullfilling these desires is something ideal that we should strive for, as it potentially allows us to achieve a higher degree of well-being.

If you have a tendency to become intensely attached to adult men, and you consider this to be a problem, good red meat, good organs, good eggs can be very effective,

If you have a tendency to get emotionally attached to women and you consider this problematic,
good ripe fruit, good coconut water, and less meat can be very effective,

Globally people tend to be attracted to things that they tend to lack for their ideal well-being, the more masculine a boy feels the more he will start to show feelings for women, the more feminine a girl feels the more she will start to show feelings for men

So there are two opposites for a boy/man, at these two extremes you feel very little or no emotional dependence towards others :

An asexual state, where you feel the unity with all the living beings and that your energy and your intense emotions gravitate between mainly in the brain, with very few discriminations between the persons,

When the energy begins to descend and gravitate lower than the brain for a man,
It will start with instincts of emotions and attachments to other people through the mouth, then the heart, then the penis and testicles

A sexual state, with a very high degree of stoicism in the brain, in the mouth, in the heart, and a potential of excitement concentrated mainly in the penis

between these two poles the probability that you feel attachment is much higher

 

[Peachy]

If you have a tendency to become intensely attached to adult men, and you consider this to be a problem, good red meat, good organs, good eggs can be very effective,

This sounds very Jeffrey Dahmer