Reducing emotion and over attachment ?

[GorillaHead]

I think I have a serious problem.

I have come to realize I get attached easily and feel alot more than I should. I feel like I am more sensitive when it strictly comes to intimate relationships.

How does one remedy this. What parts of the brain or neuro profile is responsible for this affect in me ?


My relationship made me realize i heavily invest of my emotions too much. I get attached too much. I need attention from them too much. How do i kill this care ?

 

[Limon9]

Everything about society is trying to kill your ability to feel a lot. What you need is the executive function to reign it in and meditate on it.

 

[GorillaHead]

Everything about society is trying to kill your ability to feel a lot. What you need is the executive function to reign it in and meditate on it.

So like action plan?

 

[flame900]

I would say it is a normal emotional behaviour although a higher level of test plus low cortisol would make you feel more detached.Might be something fundamental within you that you can't change though so you have to learn how to deal with it.

 

[GorillaHead]

I would say it is a normal emotional behaviour although a higher level of test plus low cortisol would make you feel more detached.Might be something fundamental within you that you can't change though so you have to learn how to deal with it.

Interesting. Heard ashgwanda does this too people

 

[flame900]

Interesting. Heard ashgwanda does this too people

ashwagandha has cortisol lowering properties and is somewhat anabolic I'd say as it does crank up your appetite.Big downside I have noticed is the apathy and anhedonia you get after building up your tolerance and even taking a break from it.I would stay away from it tbh

 

[alephx]

Do not resist it, flow with it... Otherwise therapy. This forum's perspective is good but not everything is a nutritional issue.

 

[GorillaHead]

Do not resist it, flow with it... Otherwise therapy. This forum's perspective is good but not everything is a nutritional issue.

Flowing with it results in lots of anguish for me.

I winder if this is related to my habit of over talking

 

[Jonk]

I have come to realize I get attached easily and feel alot more than I should.

I've read recently a comment from the user @redsun, which were something about that acetylcholine has an inhibitory effect on reactions to external stimuli, but otherwise I'm very poorly read on the matter. If you know you have any health problems that need to be addressed, improving those I guess would make you feel more calm and more okay being in your own company. Also how's your digestion/bowel health? Can be connected very closely to strong emotions sometimes.

 

[Summer]

Only real cure I see is getting to a point physically, mentally and spiritually where attracting desirable women is not a problem. In my experience, I held such strong emotional attachment to a relationship because I knew she could leave at any time for any reason. Without sounding like some redpill pickup artist, it’s the result of a scarcity mindset. “What will I do if she leaves?”

We live in one of the most fickle societies ever to exist. Often times it’s not how good or loving you are - it’s how long you are able to hold their interest.

 

[LUH 3417]

I feel like if you met people with the same emotional variety and ability to feel close to another person, it wouldn’t be as painful. It’s usually painful when we’re trying to get people who are not like us, to respond like us.

 

[LadyRae]

@GorillaHead I, too, overtalk in some social situations out of anxiety (I guess, I used to just drink a lot) and feel too much to the point of feeling awkward and hyper alert to others' feelings towards me. There's so much input that honestly I avoid these environments now because it's so exhausting. And I quit drinking completely 4 years ago so I can't numb it/block it anymore.

As far as my romantic 21 year relationship, that can often be a real can of worms because I have been deeply hurt so many times by careless comments and reactive outbursts. It's kind of sad to write about it here but in a lot of ways I keep a large part of myself well guarded because it hurts to be vulnerable to someone that you love and then to not know when the painful jabs will come along.

I know in my mind that I am loved and cared about but often I feel misunderstood and unseen. There's a lot going in my life and there's a lot more to my marriage and living situation than just my personal feelings. Perhaps I am in a boring midlife stage of marriage. A lot of times I get the impression that I am a disappointment and that there is resentment toward me for not being more. (More of what exactly? You ask? I'm not entirely sure but it probably has something to do with money) I realize that this could be a projection of his own feelings of inadequacy in life...

So at the end of the day I'm aware that I protect myself in many ways to avoid being hurt and not just from this person- I see that I limit friendships and keep mostly to my daughters as I have not been hurt by them, yet...

A very interesting thread here, it feels kind of scary to even write this out. I'm not sure how to advise you but know that you are not alone.

 

[L_C]

(More of what exactly? You ask? I'm not entirely sure but it probably has something to do with money) I realize that this could be a projection of his own feelings of inadequacy in life...

I see that a lot in my sister's marriage. Her husband wants her to be some career oriented driven woman but he is none of that.

I guess I can be very thankfull for my boyfriend. He is very caring and watches what he says.

 

[GorillaHead]

Th

@GorillaHead I, too, overtalk in some social situations out of anxiety (I guess, I used to just drink a lot) and feel too much to the point of feeling awkward and hyper alert to others' feelings towards me. There's so much input that honestly I avoid these environments now because it's so exhausting. And I quit drinking completely 4 years ago so I can't numb it/block it anymore.

As far as my romantic 21 year relationship, that can often be a real can of worms because I have been deeply hurt so many times by careless comments and reactive outbursts. It's kind of sad to write about it here but in a lot of ways I keep a large part of myself well guarded because it hurts to be vulnerable to someone that you love and then to not know when the painful jabs will come along.

I know in my mind that I am loved and cared about but often I feel misunderstood and unseen. There's a lot going in my life and there's a lot more to my marriage and living situation than just my personal feelings. Perhaps I am in a boring midlife stage of marriage. A lot of times I get the impression that I am a disappointment and that there is resentment toward me for not being more. (More of what exactly? You ask? I'm not entirely sure but it probably has something to do with money) I realize that this could be a projection of his own feelings of inadequacy in life...

So at the end of the day I'm aware that I protect myself in many ways to avoid being hurt and not just from this person- I see that I limit friendships and keep mostly to my daughters as I have not been hurt by them, yet...

A very interesting thread here, it feels kind of scary to even write this out. I'm not sure how to advise you but know that you are not alone.

Thanks for sharing @LadyRae

I think what you are saying makes so much sense and I feel so much with what you are saying. Personally I feel like this is more normal for a women than a man but at the same time doesn't solve the issue. I think we just feel way more we have insane amount of nerve endings but on a mental level.

we can see this happen physically as well. I mean for my entire life my parents will drink tea super hot and when i try to drink the same tea with them at the same time it literally actually burns my tongue. How is it two different people can withstand the same heat but for one it results in trauma. I see this also happening with my mind.

 

[LadyRae]

Th

Thanks for sharing @LadyRae

I think what you are saying makes so much sense and I feel so much with what you are saying. Personally I feel like this is more normal for a women than a man but at the same time doesn't solve the issue. I think we just feel way more we have insane amount of nerve endings but on a mental level.

we can see this happen physically as well. I mean for my entire life my parents will drink tea super hot and when i try to drink the same tea with them at the same time it literally actually burns my tongue. How is it two different people can withstand the same heat but for one it results in trauma. I see this also happening with my mind.

Hmm, yes. The proverbial "like water off a duck's back". How does one build up this oily protective layer?

Sometimes it helps me to talk myself through it, otherwise if I stay too much in my heart then I will get funneled down into emotional drama in my mental speech. I always have a lot of inner dialogue going on at all times, and I noticed that I can sort of wallow in a victim mindset.

Other people are usually a lot more focused on themselves and any sort of hyper awareness that I have about their attitude towards me is most likely just their own reaction to their own reflection coming back at them from the mirror that I hold up... We walk around all day holding mirrors and others can't help but catch themselves- they don't always like what they see. I noticed this hugely after I stopped drinking....

 

[kaydeegee]

Edit: Meant to quote a couple messages lol, actual comment below -->

 

[kaydeegee]

Everything about society is trying to kill your ability to feel a lot. What you need is the executive function to reign it in and meditate on it.

Do not resist it, flow with it... Otherwise therapy. This forum's perspective is good but not everything is a nutritional issue.

^These :) OP, I'd encourage you to explore Internal Family Systems. I'm only just scraping the surface, but it's changed how I understand/interact with/relate to my emotional experience. It won't land with everyone but if it lands with you, it could be a game changer. Best of luck to you <3

 

[Jennifer]

I feel like if you met people with the same emotional variety and ability to feel close to another person, it wouldn’t be as painful. It’s usually painful when we’re trying to get people who are not like us, to respond like us.

This. I’ve learned in recent years how important it is for my well-being to have at least one person in my life with a similar emotional depth and when I don’t, how important it is to give myself the emotional depth I need.

 

[Obromilead]

Hi Gorilla head ;-)
There is an interesting book called "Attached" everyone could benefit from reading it. It offers insight into the main modes of closeness people express the why and the how and what is changeable and what isn't its based on an old huge study. Also it isn't psychobabble or bunch or folk trying to make money out of humans trying to thrive. This will offer you insight about yourself and others, and support your choices going forward. Search the net someone's bound to have made a pdf and put online for free 'Love languages' book also useful resource.
On a personal note I can relate although as I've got older how I operate has evolved, still learning... Emotions are great informers of where we are at and it's useful when we can wait and choose responding over reacting.
I would start with the basics- am I getting enough quality sleep, and downtime when I'm awake, am I well nourished by what I eat if not what small step can I take to change this, do I have something I love to do that I do everyday ( for me its walking the dog) is there someone in the world I can tell it all too who responds with warmth and acceptance? If no start writing to yourself freely until you also start advising yourself like a true friend could. These few things make a world of difference because self care really matters. Slowing everything right down to be in a really deep relationship with yourself is the only starting place. There is only one you in this crazy world and your gift will develop if you honor and care for yourself as a starting point. Im over ideas like 'too' sensitive in a world full of sleepwalkers, 'should' be this or that whose the authority here, there is so much unwell thinking and living it could be that you are healthy loving and a absolute gift to your intimate other.
Just my thoughts minus proper punctuation because because because. X sending love

 

[baggywrinkle]

too attached to emotions you say,
emotions are your savior
to deny your emotions only sets it up to return later
to heal yourself
express the emotions out loud, use a towel pillow and go for it
it will likely oscillate between anger rage and fear, so that means screaming waling moaning crying etc,, dont hold back,,get angry for not understanding any of this etc,,, you will likely go into the fear behind the anger
we have been conditioned to deny our emotions,,so we deny without knowing we deny, which is what being in denial is
we are all deeply in denial
peter