Jennifer's Cellular Regeneration Log

[Dutchie]

That was a tough situation you were in, most of us would be haunted by that regardless of our prior history with that person.
I hope the haunted feeling will settle down eventually over time.
Yep, it works the same between my mom,sister and I, when in situations of high emotions/anger we might leave it for a moment until everyone's calmed down , but we always get back to the topic to talk things through.

 

[Jennifer]

That was a tough situation you were in, most of us would be haunted by that regardless of our prior history with that person.
I hope the haunted feeling will settle down eventually over time.
Yep, it works the same between my mom,sister and I, when in situations of high emotions/anger we might leave it for a moment until everyone's calmed down , but we always get back to the topic to talk things through.

Thankfully, it has. It’s no longer constant, it comes and goes, and when it comes, I hand it over to its owner. It was not the product of my decision, it was the product of my mum’s so I thought it unfair that I should have to live with, and be blamed for, her choice, so when I’m hit with a flashback of the event and start to relive it, I ask her to please take it from me and within seconds, the pain is gone.

I’m glad you three talk things through. Growing up, we got the silent treatment so as a chronic people pleaser and peace maker, it took me growing a pair to change that dynamic. IME, resentment grows in the silence so…

 

[Dutchie]

Thankfully, it has. It’s no longer constant, it comes and goes, and when it comes, I hand it over to its owner. It was not the product of my decision, it was the product of my mum’s so I thought it unfair that I should have to live with, and be blamed for, her choice, so when I’m hit with a flashback of the event and start to relive it, I ask her to please take it from me and within seconds, the pain is gone.

I’m glad you three talk things through. Growing up, we got the silent treatment so as a chronic people pleaser and peace maker, it took me growing a pair to change that dynamic. IME, resentment grows in the silence so…

I'm glad,your request is quickly being granted, when you ask for the feelings to be taken from you. :)
Lol, i wasn't that smart (more like aware of it) at the time.

When I was a child, my mom would often use the silent treatment on me for a short while, probably bc she knew that would work better/quicker for me,as a pleaser, to reflect on the situation and apologize.
Lol, grounding me and sending me to my room wouldn't work as I'm a hermit.
Obviously,when we got older and more mature, we could just have conversations about what was bothering.

 

[Jennifer]

I'm glad,your request is quickly being granted, when you ask for the feelings to be taken from you. :)
Lol, i wasn't that smart (more like aware of it) at the time.

When I was a child, my mom would often use the silent treatment on me for a short while, probably bc she knew that would work better/quicker for me,as a pleaser, to reflect on the situation and apologize.
Lol, grounding me and sending me to my room wouldn't work as I'm a hermit.
Obviously,when we got older and more mature, we could just have conversations about what was bothering.

Thank you. :)

LOL In fairness, you were just a child when you lost your dad. I didn’t think to ask that until my 30s when I lost Cricket.

Ah, so the silent treatment was a sort of time-out for you to self-reflect on something you did wrong? We got it for different reasons.

 

[Dutchie]

LOL In fairness, you were just a child when you lost your dad. I didn’t think to ask that until my 30s when I lost Cricket.

It would've saved me a lot of long years of living with- and pushing through the pain...and everything that resulted from its trigger (like weak health).
Oh well....I've always been a slow and hard learner.

Ah, so the silent treatment was a sort of time-out for you to self-reflect on something you did wrong? We got it for different reasons.

Yeah, it was sort of, which usually lasted about half an hour to an hour at most, lol bc that's how quickly I couldn't take 'the treatment ' anymore and would start apologising for what I did and begging to be spoken to again....in other words I realised I'd been wrong.
Thankfully,that hardly happened. Not to stick feathers up my own *ss, but I was a quiet&calm introverted child so I hardly caused problems for my parents,where they felt they needed to punish me.

 

[Jennifer]

It would've saved me a lot of long years of living with- and pushing through the pain...and everything that resulted from its trigger (like weak health).
Oh well....I've always been a slow and hard learner.


Yeah, it was sort of, which usually lasted about half an hour to an hour at most, lol bc that's how quickly I couldn't take 'the treatment ' anymore and would start apologising for what I did and begging to be spoken to again....in other words I realised I'd been wrong.
Thankfully,that hardly happened. Not to stick feathers up my own *ss, but I was a quiet&calm introverted child so I hardly caused problems for my parents,where they felt they needed to punish me.

Well, at least you’re consistent. Haha! In all seriousness, I understand. It would have saved me years of “ahem” too.

That’s good that the silent treatment didn’t happen much. It’s not fun. And there’s no shame in stating a fact. :) We were very well behaved children, too, and I didn’t withhold apologies. I was an unusual combination of adult, yet innocent. Put it to you this way, my friends’ parents liked it when I was around because I kept the siblings from fighting. lol Honestly, I don’t remember ever feeling like a child and yet I still don’t fully relate to my contemporaries.

 

[Dutchie]

Well, at least you’re consistent. Haha! In all seriousness, I understand. It would have saved me years of “ahem” too.

The consistency of being a slow and hard (more like stubborn at times) learner doesn't always pair well with being impatient with myself.

That’s good that the silent treatment didn’t happen much. It’s not fun. And there’s no shame in stating a fact. :) We were very well behaved children, too, and I didn’t withhold apologies. I was an unusual combination of adult, yet innocent. Put it to you this way, my friends’ parents liked it when I was around because I kept the siblings from fighting. lol Honestly, I don’t remember ever feeling like a child and yet I still don’t fully relate to my contemporaries

Lol....so you were a born referee,huh.
I've always had a sense of responsibility, but from around my 7th I was, forced by life, fully thrown into the adult arena.
Well, just bc the majority of people aged "..." act like '...' , doesn't mean that you have to.

I remember when I was a child and had this image in my mind of what it would be like to be adult...and now that I'm actually that age, I don't fit that description at all or feel like it. I still get startled by the fact that I'm already in my 40's and going towards the supposed downward spiral of life.

 

[Jennifer]

The consistency of being a slow and hard (more like stubborn at times) learner doesn't always pair well with being impatient with myself.

Huh, stubborn. I can’t possibly relate. It must be a terrible affliction. As they say, the first step on the road to recovery is recognizing that you have a problem?

Lol....so you were a born referee,huh.
I've always had a sense of responsibility, but from around my 7th I was, forced by life, fully thrown into the adult arena.
Well, just bc the majority of people aged "..." act like '...' , doesn't mean that you have to.

I remember when I was a child and had this image in my mind of what it would be like to be adult...and now that I'm actually that age, I don't fit that description at all or feel like it. I still get startled by the fact that I'm already in my 40's and going towards the supposed downward spiral of life.

LOL Yes, a referee. My friends didn’t like their siblings playing with us, but I don’t like people feeling left out and I always thought the more the merrier. When I took care of children, the yard would be filled with kids from the neighborhood. lol

Forced by life is right. I know a few of us who were forced into adulting early on. What did you imagine it would be like to be an adult? As a child, I noticed that most adults seemed to have a level of dissatisfaction with life. My classmates were always in such a hurry to grow up so they could be free to do whatever they wanted, but I had never met an adult who wasn’t a slave to their job and bills, and counting down the days to retirement.

 

[Dutchie]

Huh, stubborn. I can’t possibly relate. It must be a terrible affliction. As they say, the first step on the road to recovery is recognizing that you have a problem?

Hehe....maybe I should start a Stubborn Anonymous.
Members: me,myself&I

LOL Yes, a referee. My friends didn’t like their siblings playing with us, but I don’t like people feeling left out and I always thought the more the merrier. When I took care of children, the yard would be filled with kids from the neighborhood. lol

Lol....from the sound of it. It probably took quite some mediation for 'the more,the merrier' to work.

Forced by life is right. I know a few of us who were forced into adulting early on. What did you imagine it would be like to be an adult? As a child, I noticed that most adults seemed to have a level of dissatisfaction with life. My classmates were always in such a hurry to grow up so they could be free to do whatever they wanted, but I had never met an adult who wasn’t a slave to their job and bills, and counting down the days to retirement.

Wow....you already noticed that at such a young age?! (I'm speaking about approximately age 4 - 7)
I guess I also had more of a romanticised view on growing up back then. Like your classmates, I only saw the pros of 'more freedom' when grown up. (lol only to find out now that it's probably the other way around). Though I wasn't in a hurry to grow up.

What I imagined about adulthood (not necessarily something I wanted) were basically things I saw from 'adults' around me: having your own house/home, relationships/marriage, kids , wearing a certain type of clothing, freedom to do as you want,but moreso 'adulthood' felt like such a different world to me...like you morph into another person; that I imagined that at some point in your life you totally transform mentally and become 'serious and grown up' and dress differently.

Truth is,now, I still like things I liked as a child and/or feel the same as I did.
Sure, I've learned and matured along the way, but as a child I wouldn't have thought this was possible, that I would still feel (and kinda dress similarly) like the 'me' from back then...if you know what I mean? (It's kinda vague how I can describe this)

 

[Jennifer]

Hehe....maybe I should start a Stubborn Anonymous.
Members: me,myself&I

I’d attend a meeting, but I’m too stubborn to give up my stubbornness. Hehe

Lol....from the sound of it. It probably took quite some mediation for 'the more,the merrier' to work.

Actually, not with the neighborhood kids. Everyone got along.

Wow....you already noticed that at such a young age?! (I'm speaking about approximately age 4 - 7)
I guess I also had more of a romanticised view on growing up back then. Like your classmates, I only saw the pros of 'more freedom' when grown up. (lol only to find out now that it's probably the other way around). Though I wasn't in a hurry to grow up.

Even younger than 4. Having grown up in a hard working, poor family with a sick parent since birth, it would have been difficult not to notice.

Truth is,now, I still like things I liked as a child and/or feel the same as I did.
Sure, I've learned and matured along the way, but as a child I wouldn't have thought this was possible, that I would still feel (and kinda dress similarly) like the 'me' from back then...if you know what I mean? (It's kinda vague how I can describe this)

Yep, I know exactly what you mean.

 

[Dutchie]

I’d attend a meeting, but I’m too stubborn to give up my stubbornness. Hehe

Aww......shucks! I'd hoped you might bring along some icecream, instead of the standard coffee&donuts (...that is according to what I've seen in movies).

Actually, not with the neighborhood kids. Everyone got along.

That's nice....so you actually had time to play as well.

Even younger than 4. Having grown up in a hard working, poor family with a sick parent since birth, it would have been difficult not to notice.

Hmm, when you put it like that, it's understandable.
I guess at such a young age I didn't pay attention to (the impact of) financial circumstances. I probably was too lost and occupied in my daydreams and fantasies.
The sick parent part started a couple of years later.

 

[Jennifer]

Aww......shucks! I'd hoped you might bring along some icecream, instead of the standard coffee&donuts (...that is according to what I've seen in movies).

Well, now, for a sundae with sprinkles, I can fake a willingness to recover, let members think I’m considering taking their advice when I have absolutely no intention of doing so. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I will not change; the courage to not change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference but not care.

That's nice....so you actually had time to play as well.

To be honest, it was my job so I wasn’t concerned about my enjoyment but the enjoyment of the kids I took care of. I liked getting them outside so I would come up with activities for them to do, and the kids in the neighborhood would see us and want to join in.

Hmm, when you put it like that, it's understandable.
I guess at such a young age I didn't pay attention to (the impact of) financial circumstances. I probably was too lost and occupied in my daydreams and fantasies.
The sick parent part started a couple of years later.

Maybe your parents were able to hide it from you at that age? I was present for all of it so there was no way I wouldn’t have noticed. For example, going to the bank with my mum to withdraw my college savings so we didn’t lose the house, collecting cans and cashing them in at the recycling center for money, having to wear a coat that I had outgrown for more than one winter because we couldn’t afford a new one, those sorts of things. With her illness, even as young as two I was giving her her medicine and combing her hair for hours to relieve the pain from her migraines or accompanying her to her therapy sessions for her back. In every instance, my mum was visibly upset, sometimes crying. I find babies to be quite observant and empathetic. Look at how this little girl is upset seeing this cartoon dinosaur fall and perceiving he is sad:


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwpMkZ2i4wM

 

[Dutchie]

Well, now, for a sundae with sprinkles, I can fake a willingness to recover, let members think I’m considering taking their advice when I have absolutely no intention of doing so. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I will not change; the courage to not change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference but not care.

You're too kind, but that might change the group to Actors Anonymous

To be honest, it was my job so I wasn’t concerned about my enjoyment but the enjoyment of the kids I took care of. I liked getting them outside so I would come up with activities for them to do, and the kids in the neighborhood would see us and want to join in.

Ah ok ....this was already later in life?
lol....I thought you were talking about your own childhood,when you were still a little kid

Maybe your parents were able to hide it from you at that age? I was present for all of it so there was no way I wouldn’t have noticed. For example, going to the bank with my mum to withdraw my college savings so we didn’t lose the house, collecting cans and cashing them in at the recycling center for money, having to wear a coat that I had outgrown for more than one winter because we couldn’t afford a new one, those sorts of things. With her illness, even as young as two I was giving her her medicine and combing her hair for hours to relieve the pain from her migraines or accompanying her to her therapy sessions for her back. In every instance, my mum was visibly upset, sometimes crying. I find babies to be quite observant and empathetic. Look at how this little girl is upset seeing this cartoon dinosaur fall and perceiving he is sad:

Yeah, I can see when being an active part in it, that it's hard to 'miss such clues" , so to speak.
I think my parents deflected things a bit, like they would often bring me to my grandparents instead of me having to sit&play alone upstairs all the time while they were working. My grandma would often sew me clothes, which (sewing) was her hobby but it would also save some money, I imagine.
Still, during that time,sure they had to work hard in the store but the real financial struggles started after my father died and my mom had to be the sole provider for the 3 of us.

Yeah, I often see videos posted of crying babies bc of something they'd seen on tv in a cartoon or something happening to an animal for instance.
I remember this videotape I had of a cartoonseries I watched and in one episode a weasel was being shot by a hunter. I remember I found that so upsetting that I never watched that videotape again.

 

[Jennifer]

You're too kind, but that might change the group to Actors Anonymous

Haha! But on some level, aren’t we all actors?

Ah ok ....this was already later in life?
lol....I thought you were talking about your own childhood,when you were still a little kid

The neighborhood kids congregating was in my early teens with my first child care job and my “refereeing” my friends and their siblings was when I was younger. :)

Yeah, I can see when being an active part in it, that it's hard to 'miss such clues" , so to speak.
I think my parents deflected things a bit, like they would often bring me to my grandparents instead of me having to sit&play alone upstairs all the time while they were working. My grandma would often sew me clothes, which (sewing) was her hobby but it would also save some money, I imagine.
Still, during that time,sure they had to work hard in the store but the real financial struggles started after my father died and my mom had to be the sole provider for the 3 of us.

Yeah, I often see videos posted of crying babies bc of something they'd seen on tv in a cartoon or something happening to an animal for instance.
I remember this videotape I had of a cartoonseries I watched and in one episode a weasel was being shot by a hunter. I remember I found that so upsetting that I never watched that videotape again.

Gotcha. That’s good that you got to spend time with your grandparents instead of being alone. My grandmother homeschooled me for kindergarten and after that I was a “latchkey kid.”

I’ve heard people describe something similar the first time they saw Bambi. They mentioned growing up hating hunters because of it.

 

[Dutchie]

Haha! But on some level, aren’t we all actors?

Yeah, but we aren't all actors of the same quality.
In general, there's a difference between a soap actor and a 5x time Oscar nominated actor.

The neighborhood kids congregating was in my early teens with my first child care job and my “refereeing” my friends and their siblings was when I was younger. :)

Got it.
I thought it was all in your (very) younger years. :)
So, you were already taking care of kids/babysitting in your teens,huh? Lots of girls babysit in their teens to make a buck.
I never did....well at least as a paid job and I only had 1 kid to care for.
Lol....I was the paper delivery-job kinda girl.

Gotcha. That’s good that you got to spend time with your grandparents instead of being alone. My grandmother homeschooled me for kindergarten and after that I was a “latchkey kid.”

Though I understand it was done out of necessity, I feel sorry for you that you had to be a latchkey kid.
I've been lucky and thankful, that we often got to go to my grandparents.
Didn't you also have some company from your brother?

Haha! But on some level, aren’t we all actors?



The neighborhood kids congregating was in my early teens with my first child care job and my “refereeing” my friends and their siblings was when I was younger. :)



Gotcha. That’s good that you got to spend time with your grandparents instead of being alone. My grandmother homeschooled me for kindergarten and after that I was a “latchkey kid.”

I’ve heard people describe something similar the first time they saw Bambi. They mentioned growing up hating hunters because of it.

Yep, Bambi is famous for 'traumatising' children.
I thought of this before,but when you think about it, all these supposed kid-friendly Disney movies actually have some dark&dim stuff going on.

 

[-Luke-]

I’ve heard people describe something similar the first time they saw Bambi. They mentioned growing up hating hunters because of it.

Yep, Bambi is famous for 'traumatising' children.
I thought of this before,but when you think about it, all these supposed kid-friendly Disney movies actually have some dark&dim stuff going on.

Never hated hunters. But my grandparents once had venison roast for Christmas (my grandpa was a butcher) and when he mentioned what kind of meat it was none of us kids (my sister, two cousins and me) wanted to eat it because it reminded us of Bambi. Poor man, had made such an effort and then this. Should have just said it was turkey or something like that.

 

[Dutchie]

Never hated hunters. But my grandparents once had venison roast for Christmas (my grandpa was a butcher) and when he mentioned what kind of meat it was none of us kids (my sister, two cousins and me) wanted to eat it because it reminded us of Bambi. Poor man, had made such an effort and then this. Should have just said it was turkey or something like that.

Aww....I'm sure your grandpa understood the issue. :)
It just might've taken him by surprise that children wouldn't eat it bc of the Bambi movie. Such things generally are not on adults'minds, especially not a butcher's, I imagine.

 

[Jennifer]

In general, there's a difference between a soap actor and a 5x time Oscar nominated actor.

One who wasn’t willing to entertain the director on the casting couch and one who was?

Got it.
I thought it was all in your (very) younger years. :)
So, you were already taking care of kids/babysitting in your teens,huh? Lots of girls babysit in their teens to make a buck.
I never did....well at least as a paid job and I only had 1 kid to care for.
Lol....I was the paper delivery-job kinda girl.

Yep, my first job at 13 I took care of 2 kids Monday through Friday during the summer and then starting in the fall I had another job taking care of 3 kids after school with occasional babysitting on the weekends and when I was legally old enough, I had that job and also worked at a clothing store at the mall. I was saving for my future business. Did you like delivering the paper?

Though I understand it was done out of necessity, I feel sorry for you that you had to be a latchkey kid.
I've been lucky and thankful, that we often got to go to my grandparents.
Didn't you also have some company from your brother?

Thank you, but I didn’t mind. It was only for a few hours each day and I’ve never had a problem entertaining myself. Plus, I had my dog to keep me company. My brother was usually off doing his own thing.

Yep, Bambi is famous for 'traumatising' children.
I thought of this before,but when you think about it, all these supposed kid-friendly Disney movies actually have some dark&dim stuff going on.

Never hated hunters. But my grandparents once had venison roast for Christmas (my grandpa was a butcher) and when he mentioned what kind of meat it was none of us kids (my sister, two cousins and me) wanted to eat it because it reminded us of Bambi. Poor man, had made such an effort and then this. Should have just said it was turkey or something like that.

I wasn’t big into cartoons growing up so I didn’t watch Disney movies, but I did read Charlotte’s Web so I get it. Pork and ham were staples in my family and one Easter, we celebrated with my cousins and my uncle buys a full pig and I definitely saw Wilbur that year. My brother and uncle are hunters so we’ve had venison (both deer and moose) in our house, but I’ve never had any.

 

[Dutchie]

One who wasn’t willing to entertain the director on the casting couch and one who was?

Lol....I'm not sure if the 'willingnes to entertain the director ' equals acting talent, but in a lot of cases it seems to happen that the less talented are more willing to entertain.

Yep, my first job at 13 I took care of 2 kids Monday through Friday during the summer and then starting in the fall I had another job taking care of 3 kids after school with occasional babysitting on the weekends and when I was legally old enough, I had that job and also worked at a clothing store at the mall. I was saving for my future business. Did you like delivering the paper?

So,you did what you already did from a very young age....taking care of people. :)
I did what I was good at as well.....being a loner
Yeah, I liked delivering the papers enough to not switch to doing something else,which might've been easier and better or equal pay.
It was a free weekend paper, so I didn't have to get up at the break of dawn,like regular paper deliverers.
I had a big route,so,with all the pre-work of folding in folders, it would cost me my entire Saturday time wise and I've definitely had days with horrible weather, but overall I liked walking outside with my Walkman on(lol....blast from the past), listening to my music or a radioprogram that was on. I always found that to be relaxing....I still do, that's why it frustrates me that I can't walk/cycle outside anymore as long and far as I please.

Thank you, but I didn’t mind. It was only for a few hours each day and I’ve never had a problem entertaining myself. Plus, I had my dog to keep me company. My brother was usually off doing his own thing.

Yeah, I figured that he probably would do his thing, hang out with his friends etc. That's how it goes between most siblings.
Aww yes....pets are the best company around

I wasn’t big into cartoons growing up so I didn’t watch Disney movies, but I did read Charlotte’s Web so I get it. Pork and ham were staples in my family and one Easter, we celebrated with my cousins and my uncle buys a full pig and I definitely saw Wilbur that year. My brother and uncle are hunters so we’ve had venison (both deer and moose) in our house, but I’ve never had any.

Funny, you mention Charlotte's Web, I've never read that book. I'm not even sure if it was available here at the time. I think the book only became known here because of the movie they made of it, years ago.
Well, it doesn't matter whether it's from a book, cartoon, social media (nowadays)....animal suffering/torture and death are a failsafe way to traumatize little kids.

 

[-Luke-]

Aww....I'm sure your grandpa understood the issue. :)
It just might've taken him by surprise that children wouldn't eat it bc of the Bambi movie. Such things generally are not on adults'minds, especially not a butcher's, I imagine.

As I recall it, he didn't understand the issue thaaaat well, mevrouw Dutchie. But he was probably glad that bambi wasn't a cow or a pig, because that would have made eating at my grandparents' house pretty difficult. But now I would like to try venison. Just like Jennifer, I've never eaten it and these days, I don't care much about Bambi anymore.