Abdominal Fat Is A Phase Folliwing The End Of Calorie Restriction

[pushkin]

I would like to know from both you and @Peatful how this affected your children and husband / SO and your career?

thank you Momma for the thread recommendation and for your kind words, to answer your question:

I have two teenage children, both of them lived through my eating disordered years at close quarters but are now living away from home. I have my husband to thank for his stability and wisdom and quite frankly, I think my children would have grown up completely different had he not been there. They were quite used to experiencing 'mum's new eating fad' that obviously went on continuously. They are totally well-rounded and have no food obsessions or issues. They are, dare I say it, completely normal.

My husband to this day, one year in, still thinks this is another phase I will eventually grow out of. He is the personality type who gets bored very quickly with facts and figures and so wants to see real life evidence. I think it has been very difficult for him to see me eat next to nothing for all these years and have all those rules and special requirements and then suddenly see me eat whatever is put in front of me and gain all this weight. I take solace in the fact that he has also stopped all exercise and is eating much more than he used to. He too has gained weight and so I do believe that he is tacitly supporting me physically rather than psychologically, which is his way.

re: my career - well let's just say that after college I never really had a career apart from homeschooling my children. I trained as a fashion designer and was totally caught up in the glamour of it all but soon saw it for what it was and jumped ship. I was well into my eating disorder by then. I have had a gazillion projects over the years, all of them could have been viable businesses but I always lost interest before they came to fruition. Six months ago I picked up one of those projects again and decided to run with it - I, at last have the stamina to see it through.

There is a theory that those who are under-nourished seek to be continually on the move as their bodies search for new feeding grounds. It's called the migration theory. I know now that this was what was happening to me, I could never settle or see anything through to completion, when I was anxious I would plan my next business project at the same time as I was dropping the old one, always looking to the future. Funny enough, nowadays I know when I have not eaten enough on a particular day as this wanderlust/unsettled feeling returns and I become dissatisfied with what I am working on. Fortunately, after a day or two of eating extra amounts, I am back on track again.

 

[Peatful]

thank you Momma for the thread recommendation and for your kind words, to answer your question:

I have two teenage children, both of them lived through my eating disordered years at close quarters but are now living away from home. I have my husband to thank for his stability and wisdom and quite frankly, I think my children would have grown up completely different had he not been there. They were quite used to experiencing 'mum's new eating fad' that obviously went on continuously. They are totally well-rounded and have no food obsessions or issues. They are, dare I say it, completely normal.

My husband to this day, one year in, still thinks this is another phase I will eventually grow out of. He is the personality type who gets bored very quickly with facts and figures and so wants to see real life evidence. I think it has been very difficult for him to see me eat next to nothing for all these years and have all those rules and special requirements and then suddenly see me eat whatever is put in front of me and gain all this weight. I take solace in the fact that he has also stopped all exercise and is eating much more than he used to. He too has gained weight and so I do believe that he is tacitly supporting me physically rather than psychologically, which is his way.

re: my career - well let's just say that after college I never really had a career apart from homeschooling my children. I trained as a fashion designer and was totally caught up in the glamour of it all but soon saw it for what it was and jumped ship. I was well into my eating disorder by then. I have had a gazillion projects over the years, all of them could have been viable businesses but I always lost interest before they came to fruition. Six months ago I picked up one of those projects again and decided to run with it - I, at last have the stamina to see it through.

There is a theory that those who are under-nourished seek to be continually on the move as their bodies search for new feeding grounds. It's called the migration theory. I know now that this was what was happening to me, I could never settle or see anything through to completion, when I was anxious I would plan my next business project at the same time as I was dropping the old one, always looking to the future. Funny enough, nowadays I know when I have not eaten enough on a particular day as this wanderlust/unsettled feeling returns and I become dissatisfied with what I am working on. Fortunately, after a day or two of eating extra amounts, I am back on track again.

Glad to be invited in
Thank you

I hope you are doing well in France.
Such an inspiration with the uprising to fight the cabal.


The first thing that i want to address is the Kelj connection

I was more than halfway through my refeeding when she came to the forum
The already fat but not loosing yet place

Many PMs between us
Not to get any help from her
But to encourage her
She received much opposition
And i was living in synch with her information
Little did she know it was much needed data for me at the time

She left and im thrilled to know her exhortations / efforts were not in vain




To address the family and societal side of things

It was complex
It was painful

The world treated me differently
And it hurt
Not me personally
But the reality of the illusion i was breaking free from
It has changed me for the better at every level
But there is a new sadness or understanding now

My children were absolutely fine
They were elementary and middle school at time
But as i healed i saw how my restrictive eating affected the older one
In hindsight of course
They were watching and absorbing
And i was such a mess for years

My husband was actually grieving I believe
I was no longer the cheerleader wife
He was great overall
But had no understanding
Because at the time I honestly didn’t know if it would make me well
But I didn’t care
He did and he needed reassurance in a way


I could talk about this for days
But i think I’ll end here

Pushkin
If you could
Please come back and let us know how you are doing
Freedom only gets better and better

Respect,

Peatful

 

[kimbriel]

But I've looked like that all my life even at my lightest of 74kg, my fittest/strongest of 85kg and all points and diets in between

Same here. I always have a poochy belly.

 

[Peater]

Same here. I always have a poochy belly.

In my opinion it's clearly hormonal, but I've never worked it out. I have a feeling it's related to prenatal environment. Tried everything I can think of. I think it looks somewhat OK on women. At least overall my face etc is slim enough I look decent in a suit with a good haircut etc.

 

[Bluebell]

*Some of the healing I have done so far = completely sorted out my body temperature and pulse rate within a few weeks of starting to re-feed - all totally normal now (from in the past doing everything I could to try and raise them and not succeeding), I am now totally warm in lightweight clothes outside in the snow, menopausal symptoms disappeared, allergic responses vastly improving, food intolerances disappeared, bone health sorted - my pelvis had dislocated, my nail beds became longer - the moons showing again, digestion vastly improving, gallbladder pains disappearing, liver spots (cherry angiomas) receding, fungal infections cleared up, sleep totally restored, teeth getting very strong (they were destroyed after 6 months of taking thyroid), my eyes are going green again like they were when I was younger and I have grown 1 inch taller in height over the last 12 months.

Pushkin, that is some wonderful healing, it must feel amazing. If you are willing to share, I'd love to know all the foods/drinks you were having, and if you had tea/coffee/chocolate.

 

[Regina]

Hi to everyone who has commented above - I totally get where you are all coming from. I have been there and I am with all of you. I am not out to convince anyone of anything, I just wanted to record my experiences here in case anyone stumbled upon Kelj's posts like I did and finally realised that the searching may finally be over.

I spent twenty years working in the fashion industry out front and behind the scenes. My body conformed to the industry standard and nothing, absolutely nothing until a year ago would have convinced me that what I am doing now is a good thing. I agree with the anorexia comments - it is a mental disease and truly devastating for all involved. I now believe my father had anorexia for most of his life and died young of liver failure. No one recognised what he was going through, even as he was dying, no health practitioner had an inkling of what was going on. For anyone reading this who believes they have anorexia, they should get professional help ASAP.

What is more relevant here is orthorexia. It may not be the amount of food you are restricting but the restriction in your choice of food that takes its toll. All I can say is that a year ago, I came to the point where I was truly and totally fed up with obsessing about what I should or should not be eating. I'd been doing it for 30 years and I was no healthier than when I started (and certainly less healthy in some areas of my life). You name a diet, I've been on it, you name a supplement, I've tried it. I was utterly DOG-TIRED of all of it. I was sick of going out and not eating what everyone else was eating, packing my own food, not going to certain restaurants etc. Sick of being 'good' then having an uncontrollable binge on the worst crap I could find, then beating myself up for it, then doubling down the next day. My poor body. And TBQH I was sick of spending all my time looking for just ONE more thing that would be the answer to all my problems. I was at the point where I could not spend any more money on supplements or gadgets and I was having trouble freeing up space in my head to concentrate on my work and family life.

Much of the weight that is put on when you start re-feeding is water-weight - I read that fat cannot accumulate on the body that quickly. Much of the digestion troubles you go through are your body getting used to new foods again after long periods of eating 'clean', fasting or eating from a certain food group only. The exhaustion you experience is your body signalling to you to stop exercising so it can finally get down to the task of healing. Unfortunately in our image/health-conscious world, these 'symptoms' are often confused with 'you cannot control your appetite, you eat only junk food and you are lazy'. If I am being totally honest with myself, because I was so obsessed with getting back the health I had when I was younger, I was also caught up in the 'you can only be healthy if you look a certain way' attitude (which was another way of showing people that I was 100% in control of myself), I did not understand the body positivity movement or the 'health at any size' concept.

Today, I have never felt better in my life, I have grown 1 inch taller in a year. And yes, I am 38 kilos (as scary as that sounds) heavier than the weight I used to keep myself at in order to be 'healthy' - which I now see was chronically, dangerously underweight, even though it was totally on trend. I do not expect or really want to stay at this weight for the rest of my life, I actually want my waist back but I know that I will never again restrict to get to a weight/shape the magazines/instagram tells me I should be at to feel my best - because it is a lie. If you can look deeply enough and ignore the fads that go in and out of fashion and the tortuous obsession with macros, micros, endless analysis of new scientific papers, etc. everything points towards the fact that if you eat to complete satiety at every meal with the foods you truly want to eat (because you love them) and do not get obsessed with over-exercise, your body knows exactly what to do to regain health and perfect balance for the rest of its life, whatever size that may be - there are many sizes and shapes in this world. Sometimes we just have to get over ourselves and that can often be the hardest thing. Letting go into uncertainty and testing out our heart's courage in the face of all the naysayers can be a great and healing balm in itself - whatever the outcome.

I have so much more now than I ever did. I am hot, strong and totally happy, when a crisis happens I am much better prepared to deal with it and I have space in my brain to get the projects I want to get done finished for the first time in my life. And I adore food, every single morsel that I put in my mouth is like an explosion of incredible taste I have never experienced before. It may sound like I am uncontrollably stuffing my face but I am now eating in a totally normal way with zero food obsession or fear. Dare I say it, I am fun to be with again.

When we get caught up in our own dogmatic thinking and rules (which a starved brain tends to be attracted to) we have to be careful about labelling something as unhealthy or healthy. I sometimes have a youtube video come up on my feed saying something like: 'what I eat in a day to stay lean' etc. and I know now that no matter how tempting it is to click on it and start eating that way 'cos they look incredible - it will never trump the wisdom my body possesses to get me back into a state of complete health all by itself. @Kelj did it, the other people I mentioned did it and I am doing it. All it takes is a letting go of control and 100% faith that eventually, if we persist for long enough, it will happen.

Thanks for sharing. Great post!
I grew up in the ballet world due to my sister being a principle in a major ballet company. (I don't want to dox her). She's been retired for decades, but the sickness is still with her. I have always believed it to be anorexia. She's still brilliant, beautiful and an avid reader and lover of the arts. Really encylopedic knowledge of the classical literature in music and dance. Can name any artist like breathing. Any architect, any plant, any designer. Ballet dancers have so much discipline. I think it is the only reason she survives this. Otherwise, it is just inexplicable. She somehow can live on cigarettes and asparatame, salad and a bite of salmon. It's the most frustrating thing to see.
Her husband is a marvelous cook. He adores to cook for people. But no, don't bother her to make her a plate.
I was a child model. But got out before it was too crazy. Horsebacking riding camp saved me. I fell in love with barrel racing, taking care of horses and mucking stalls. I came back with leathery hands and loved it.
Our Mom was something of a stage Mom. Mom also had encyclopedia knowledge of theatre from Shakespeare to slapstick. All the shows and her Dad was a famous designer.
When I came back from camp, my Mom scoffed "Hide your hands" for the photoshoot. I had been Saks Fifth Avenue poster girl.
She was a kind Mom and super duper smart. Not exactly a "wire-hangers!!!" type.
But ugh. I know the mileau. Thankfully I disliked ballet lessons and wasn't very good at it.
My sister suffered from being fantastic at it.

I've known dancers who have died from anorexia both male and female.

Later when I worked in Arts Management--running a theatre conservatory, there were children students who also already had anorexia. it was crazy to see in a 10 or 12 year old. I remember sitting on the bathroom floor helping a little girl eat a couple of bites of a sandwich.

You're doing fantastic! Keep us posted.

 

[pushkin]

In my opinion it's clearly hormonal, but I've never worked it out. I have a feeling it's related to prenatal environment. Tried everything I can think of. I think it looks somewhat OK on women. At least overall my face etc is slim enough I look decent in a suit with a good haircut etc.

there's no need to work anything out and the fact *you've* tried everything probably means it's your body's turn to have a go. Relax, enjoy a wide range of food (whatever takes your fancy), rest up a little and be prepared to gain weight before your body balances itself out - look at some of the youtube channels (@beckyfreestone9908 is a good place to start for short daily inspiration) and just keep going!

Thanks for sharing. Great post!
I grew up in the ballet world due to my sister being a principle in a major ballet company. (I don't want to dox her). She's been retired for decades, but the sickness is still with her. I have always believed it to be anorexia. She's still brilliant, beautiful and an avid reader and lover of the arts. Really encylopedic knowledge of the classical literature in music and dance. Can name any artist like breathing. Any architect, any plant, any designer. Ballet dancers have so much discipline. I think it is the only reason she survives this. Otherwise, it is just inexplicable. She somehow can live on cigarettes and asparatame, salad and a bite of salmon. It's the most frustrating thing to see.
Her husband is a marvelous cook. He adores to cook for people. But no, don't bother her to make her a plate.
I was a child model. But got out before it was too crazy. Horsebacking riding camp saved me. I fell in love with barrel racing, taking care of horses and mucking stalls. I came back with leathery hands and loved it.
Our Mom was something of a stage Mom. Mom also had encyclopedia knowledge of theatre from Shakespeare to slapstick. All the shows and her Dad was a famous designer.
When I came back from camp, my Mom scoffed "Hide your hands" for the photoshoot. I had been Saks Fifth Avenue poster girl.
She was a kind Mom and super duper smart. Not exactly a "wire-hangers!!!" type.
But ugh. I know the mileau. Thankfully I disliked ballet lessons and wasn't very good at it.
My sister suffered from being fantastic at it.

I've known dancers who have died from anorexia both male and female.

Later when I worked in Arts Management--running a theatre conservatory, there were children students who also already had anorexia. it was crazy to see in a 10 or 12 year old. I remember sitting on the bathroom floor helping a little girl eat a couple of bites of a sandwich.

You're doing fantastic! Keep us posted.

Oh I have heard several stories like this! And the real shame is that her obvious discipline would mean that she could totally smash this recovery thing. I come from the same kind of discipline, a body being scrutinised in detail in public - that's why I believe I could have gone full blown anorexic when my father died. Unfortunately, my starved brain was so rigid that I would snap over from one disastrous health regime to another and be 100% dedicated to it. But fortunately that very same thinking stood me in good stead because as soon as I had absorbed enough information about recovery to convince my brain I could give it a shot, I was 100% committed.

Pushkin, that is some wonderful healing, it must feel amazing. If you are willing to share, I'd love to know all the foods/drinks you were having, and if you had tea/coffee/chocolate.

I eat whatever I fancy! I tried to eat healthy for the first few weeks and was so bloated and unhappy I just could not eat like that any longer. When I upped my intake, the hard-to-digest fruit, whole grains etc. was soooo tough on my digestion. So at first I just wanted snickers, potato chips, burgers, peanut butter, every variety of bread and lots of deserts. My body loved it. I completely gave in to it and I just ate everything I came across after that. You are encouraged to challenge yourself to eat the foods you fear. For me that was def. PUFAs. so I made a point of eating them. That was scary but I don't even give it a second thought now. I never wanted fruit or vegetables. I gave up drinking orange juice and water but I still drank milk when I wanted it. My body was happier on less fluids. I generally like food with more salt. I gave up coffee straight away as I suddenly felt too wired drinking it and my sleep improved overnight. I will have a sip of my husband's coffee now and again as I quite like the taste but I never crave it. I never drank alcohol but now I have red wine if other people are drinking it but I'm not bothered as a rule. I was also suddenly repulsed by dark chocolate and couldn't understand why I had been eating it the whole of my adult life, I wanted white chocolate for a while and now eat milk chocolate but again don't crave it. I would eat oysters and liver again but I am really not bothered by their taste either. I def. went through phases where I craved a certain food but then that food became neutral. Now I am open to eating anything and everything without a problem and actively explore new cuisines, I now have a balanced diet based solely on taste. I hope that helps!

 

[pushkin]

Glad to be invited in
Thank you

I hope you are doing well in France.
Such an inspiration with the uprising to fight the cabal.


The first thing that i want to address is the Kelj connection

I was more than halfway through my refeeding when she came to the forum
The already fat but not loosing yet place

Many PMs between us
Not to get any help from her
But to encourage her
She received much opposition
And i was living in synch with her information
Little did she know it was much needed data for me at the time

She left and im thrilled to know her exhortations / efforts were not in vain




To address the family and societal side of things

It was complex
It was painful

The world treated me differently
And it hurt
Not me personally
But the reality of the illusion i was breaking free from
It has changed me for the better at every level
But there is a new sadness or understanding now

My children were absolutely fine
They were elementary and middle school at time
But as i healed i saw how my restrictive eating affected the older one
In hindsight of course
They were watching and absorbing
And i was such a mess for years

My husband was actually grieving I believe
I was no longer the cheerleader wife
He was great overall
But had no understanding
Because at the time I honestly didn’t know if it would make me well
But I didn’t care
He did and he needed reassurance in a way


I could talk about this for days
But i think I’ll end here

Pushkin
If you could
Please come back and let us know how you are doing
Freedom only gets better and better

Respect,

Peatful

Thank you for your reply, beautiful as ever! I hope one day Kelj will get to know that all her brave posts were absolutely not in vain and that is why I am happy to revive them. It was not so much the content of them - although that was hugely important to me at the time and I saturated myself in every single word - it was just she seemed so at peace, as if all the seeking and questioning had fallen away and that had a lasting effect on me. I wanted to be where she already was. I sense that in you too @Peatful and the fact you are totally open to being critiqued (and other ways you speak of your experience) indicates to me that you are coming from a completely well-nourished mind and soul. I applaud the fact that you stay on this forum to encourage others.

I told myself I would not comment on anything here until I had been 'all in' for a year at least. I had no idea where I would be but I am so pleased that I am able to report back to say I am now in a happy place. The past year was really tough however, I don’t want to give the impression that it was plain sailing. Despite that, at no point was I prepared to give up. I probably will not be on this forum too often in the future but I will come again and give you an update on how things are going for sure. Thank you for the invitation. Freedom has certainly taken on a new meaning for me these past 13 months and I cannot wait to see what the next 13 have in store.

I too could talk about this for days but then again I also feel that nothing more need be added. I believe that if a person is able to catch the slightest whiff of what this is all about, then the only thing left for them to do is to go away, set their minds to the tough (yet simple) journey ahead and make it happen (like their life depended on it).

 

[Bluebell]

I eat whatever I fancy! I tried to eat healthy for the first few weeks and was so bloated and unhappy I just could not eat like that any longer. When I upped my intake, the hard-to-digest fruit, whole grains etc. was soooo tough on my digestion. So at first I just wanted snickers, potato chips, burgers, peanut butter, every variety of bread and lots of deserts. My body loved it. I completely gave in to it and I just ate everything I came across after that. You are encouraged to challenge yourself to eat the foods you fear. For me that was def. PUFAs. so I made a point of eating them. That was scary but I don't even give it a second thought now. I never wanted fruit or vegetables. I gave up drinking orange juice and water but I still drank milk when I wanted it. My body was happier on less fluids. I generally like food with more salt. I gave up coffee straight away as I suddenly felt too wired drinking it and my sleep improved overnight. I will have a sip of my husband's coffee now and again as I quite like the taste but I never crave it. I never drank alcohol but now I have red wine if other people are drinking it but I'm not bothered as a rule. I was also suddenly repulsed by dark chocolate and couldn't understand why I had been eating it the whole of my adult life, I wanted white chocolate for a while and now eat milk chocolate but again don't crave it. I would eat oysters and liver again but I am really not bothered by their taste either. I def. went through phases where I craved a certain food but then that food became neutral. Now I am open to eating anything and everything without a problem and actively explore new cuisines, I now have a balanced diet based solely on taste. I hope that helps!

Thanks pushkin, much appreciated!