Attracting Women: What’s The Secret?

[grapes]

where the female seeks a partner who will provide for and protect them against the dangers in the environment

Very good post overall, but don't forget that in modern world women can provide for themselves. Also OP as an immigrant is supposed to be poorer so it's rather a female partner's role to provide for him.

 

[FocusedOnHealth]

I would have to agree with all of this.

As a generality, I do find women are better multi-taskers and better manipulators than men. I wrote something to this extent on another thread, but I think it was misconstrued as negatively targeting women—which was not my objective. So, it's nice to hear a woman say it.

Men tend to prefer, and be better at, a singular task or project. All generalities have variances and exceptions of course; and sometimes extreme.

P.S. I forgot to add the men's negative variation of their tendencies, which I think would be irresponsibility.

P.P.S. Please pardon all my edits, but I wanted to simply my answer.

Right, I understand what you are saying. My comments were also not meant to target women, as I am a woman. But this has been proven in studies. I’ve often heard men marvel that women can jump from topic after topic with ease. I know it drives some men crazy. I do think that’s why men find women more “complicated”. Women can be all over the map whereas men just want to get to the point

That carries over into other areas as well.

 

[grapes]

But this has been proven in studies.

The studies on this subject on Pubmed say the opposite, or, depending on tests, same result for men/women : Gender differences in multitasking experience and performance - PubMed , Putting a stereotype to the test: The case of gender differences in multitasking costs in task-switching and dual-task situations - PubMed What are the studies you are talking about ?

 

[FocusedOnHealth]

The studies on this subject on Pubmed say the opposite, or, depending on tests, same result for men/women : Gender differences in multitasking experience and performance - PubMed , Putting a stereotype to the test: The case of gender differences in multitasking costs in task-switching and dual-task situations - PubMed What are the studies you are talking about ?

Oh, just things I’ve read and more importantly, observation.

 

[grapes]

Oh, just things I’ve read and more importantly, observation.

I see, the kind of things where wrong stereotypes come from : "she's cooking a dinner while passionately gossiping with her friend on the phone - women are so good at doing multiple things at the same time"

 

[-Luke-]

Is there even something like "good" multitasking? Maybe some people are less bad at it than others, but isn't the end result always worse than to concentrate on one thing at a time?

 

[grapes]

Is there even something as "good" multitasking? Maybe some people are less bad at it than others, but isn't the end result always worse than to concentrate on one thing at a time?

I think no, the end result will alwas be worse when multitasking.

 

[IndigoBoy]

Very good post overall, but don't forget that in modern world women can provide for themselves. Also OP as an immigrant is supposed to be poorer so it's rather a female partner's role to provide for him.

Indeed they can! How do you conclude the OP's financial situation? I presume he is in the US legally? Which would mean that he has a Green Card?? I am not familiar with the US Workplace Relation System. Do immigrants get paid less than citizens for performing the same role? I understand that the minimum wage is quite low in comparison to Aust. But, maybe, the OP arrived with money and specialised qualifications in a well paid industry?

 

[BetterCallSaul]

OP was last seen on this site last Mon (5 days ago) so....maybe some of the collective wisdom has been put to use and he has found his girl!!

The OP presented his perspective on an age old dilemma - how does boy meet girl, and vice versa? Reading through the replies was even more interesting with each responder having their own unique take on the situation based on their gender, personal experiences and cognitive biases in relation to romantic relationships and presumptions about what characteristics women find attractive in a man. Looks, clothes, status, access to resources, confidence, grooming etc. And vice versa

I suspect that the underpinning principle to all the advice provided lies in evolutionary biology - where the female seeks a partner who will provide for and protect them against the dangers in the environment. Hence, if you happen to be a physically impressive, highly motivated and confident Alpha male to which the other males defer to then you will have the pick of the most attractive of the available females. And usually that pick will be a female with a desirable waist / hip ratio as an indicator of her childbearing ability. And as the top couple in the tribes' hierarchy you will be afforded the most favorable conditions within that community.

The question I have is, is this still true today? And (how) can our OP leverage this knowledge to build his social attractiveness? Even though he wasn't born there, he doesn't look out of place. He has insight, intelligence and, most likely, is bilingual. He is young, ambitious and knows what he is looking for. And he is in the land of the free and the home of the brave. A country that rewards entrepreneurial enterprise and celebrates success.

So.....this is my advice to you, IPlayDart. Do not be too hasty in your pursuit of a deep connection with a woman just yet. What you need is some experience. Get out there and meet as many people as you can, build your networks - guys and girls. Use your uniqueness as your point of difference. ie, don't try to fit in by being the same, try to stand out. If you have a foreign accent then use it. Stick to your native customs (if relevant), hell, even make some up. Cultivate an identity that is memorable and is true to who you are and who you want to become.

Practice your smile, introducing yourself, look people in the eye when you talk to them (the Left eye - this is important!!). Always shake hands firmly in a neutral position A good handshake will leave a longer lasting impression than the words you say! A bad handshake is hard to come back from.

Develop a quick 'elevator' pitch that will tell anyone you meet who you are, what you do and what you want to achieve in 30 secs or less.

Stand tall with your shoulders back, occupy space. Learn to remember names and quirky details about people. Always use their name when you talk with them. Be curious. Ask questions (when possible) to find out not just what they do but what they feel and think. This gives you an opportunity to instigate meaningful conversations in the future. It also helps you to qualify them as a person of genuine interest or just casual acquaintance.

Most of all use your observational skills.....it is probably one of your strengths, right?

Be the guy that notices the things that others miss. Be the guy that introduces people to one another, not just be name, but by common interest. This is a valuable skill to hone for many reasons. Accept that sometimes you will get things wrong, or might forget a name etc. This is a good thing, it makes you human and relatable, calmly correct your mistake and apologise later. Everyone makes mistakes.

Take pride in your appearance. Comb / style your hair. Choose clothes that suit your physique and are not prone to style redundancy. Try to develop your own style that is compatible but not identical to your peers. Wear cologne, daily. Develop regular routines - exercise regularly and always get out of bed at the same time. Do your shopping, clothes washing, garden maintenance etc. at the same time every week. Make sure you look after your nutrition and sleep hygiene. Women are not attracted to guys who cannot look after themselves.

These are your foundational behaviours, your standard way of conducting yourself. They convey discipline, confidence, organisation and personal pride. All attractive traits to others.

Focus on these things for 3 months. - make them habitual, things you do without thinking. Once you have them locked down, move to phase two.

Phase two is where you practice some advanced social skills and actively seek opportunities to expand your social circle. Two skills that are important. Firstly, learning the art of consensual touch. For example, when talking to someone you know, reach out and gently touch their forearm or gently guiding them if you are walking nest to them. If done appropriately this will build massive trust and it is a signal to proceed if doing it for romantic reasons.

The second skill is the art of inviting yourself to social events and making sure that you are being included in group activities. Be socially proactive my friend. Success in life is achieved by those who create their own opportunities. Throw a party with a caveat that each guest has to bring someone. As the host it is your duty to welcome new guests.....which gives you first crack at any available girls..... first in, best dressed! A perfect opportunity to hone your flirting skills and present yourself in a very favourable light.

The key to success is to establish an interest and connection with the girl of your choosing. Chat her up a bit, qualify her interest with some consensual touch (non sexual, of course) secure her number and a date, then get back to the party and enjoy yourself, or at least pretend to enjoy yourself......you can bet that the girl will be watching and assessing you! The more fun you have, the more attractive you become to her. Make sure to keep some eye contact and a smile every now and then and check in with her to make sure she is feeling socially comfortable etc.

You will establish yourself first as a man of high value to all the available girls at the party which will make her feel special that you have chosen her over the others.

So....I hope this all makes sense and the mystery of attraction is solved for you. It really is not rocket science. People are pack animals who conform to a hierarchy with few leaders and many followers. The followers need a leader to show them the way and the leader needs followers to validate their ego. With that knowledge you can position yourself in this hierarchy as the Sigma Male - not a follower, not a self proclaimed Alpha leader but the mysterious guy who does his own thing and answers to no-one......... and that will make you a very attractive proposition for a lot of girls.

Finally.....keep learning. Books I recommend: The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene YouTube Channels: Far from average

I’ve read this through a few times and honestly, it’s superb advice.

 

[grapes]

Indeed they can! How do you conclude the OP's financial situation? I presume he is in the US legally? Which would mean that he has a Green Card?? I am not familiar with the US Workplace Relation System. Do immigrants get paid less than citizens for performing the same role? I understand that the minimum wage is quite low in comparison to Aust. But, maybe, the OP arrived with money and specialised qualifications in a well paid industry?

No idea about OP particular situation or how it works in US. But I can relate as an immigrant myself. Today even good work is not enough for having a good (enough) situation, mostly because of real estate prices. When I see people whose families were in the country for several generations, they most often than not have an apartment/house, will inherit one or even a few. Where I live you have to be paid in top 15-20 % range I think to expect buying a decent property (solo), or you'll pay rent till your retirement included which is problematic.
If OP family has immigrated a few generations before it's a totally different case though, they could have acquired enough wealth.

 

[Sitaruîm]

Is there even something like "good" multitasking? Maybe some people are less bad at it than others, but isn't the end result always worse than to concentrate on one thing at a time?

Multitasking can be good for doing chores while cooking, etc. But concentrating requires discipline and in today's smartphone era most people have lost that ability.

 

[Rinse & rePeat]

I understood very well that's why I took an example of air traffic controllers, which job is based exactly on that, analyze different information at the same time.
How would nurturing babies be more multitasking than hunting or fighting in a battle?
You disagreeing with me is pointless, I state facts you state your opinion which you made up to flatten your ego.

My husband has always said he would rather go to work than raise the kids. He said at work he can focus on one thing and at home it is way to hard with all the multitasking. You really don’t know what are talking about, because you have not had too much experience in life or woman yet.

 

[Brandin]

Don’t act immature, don’t talk about yourself, look her straight in the eye, give a compliment, be fun, smell good and most of all be confident.

This doesnt work. What girls see as confident is different from what a masculine man sees as confident. Talking about them and asking them questions only works if you also talk about yourself. Nuch more than this, I know how the avarage female works and its completely different from how society views it. Just like health and why pufas are pushed.

 

[Brandin]

What you say is harmful, and as beautiful young woman, your advice is like millionaire heiress giving financial advise. You have no experience from the other side, nor about changing anything. I do.

All the answers here are superficial and won't help you. I can literally look at a woman and be attractive, and then, by changing nothing in my posture or expression look at her in a way that causes her to recoil away and close sown her body language in defense. Women like stuff like being tall and having money, but a women feels in a deep way a man can not. She feels you, who you are and what you intend. She might say she would never have sex with you because you are short, but would have sex with a shorter man because he is attractive. A women is attracted to you energy.

Your issue is craving. That energetically drives away what you want. Especially women. Women want to be desired. They absolutely do not want to fill an emptiness inside you. Sedona Method should help. Let go of that need to be loved, and you will attract women. Learn to feel your emotions, and bodily sensations. For this meditation, yoga and tantra are helpful. Open you heart and learn to love unconditionally, even a little bit an you will be supremely attractive. Advaita Vedanta/nonduality in the tradition Ramana Maharishi is IMHO the easiset. And go do some Radical Honesty workshops, you in likelyhood are dishonest with women. Most men are, women feel it, and hate and fear it.

Looks, youth, money, height. All nice and women like them. But Eckhart Tolle is a sex symbol to many women, Mooji allegedly has a harem, and there are guys living in their cars playing guitar all day with stunning women in their lives. Women see your soul, even if they don't know they do. It's not what you do. It's who you are that attracts women. There is no trick that would make a fat woman attractive to me. Women are no different.

Some of this is true, now looks help alot too for sure.

 

[Rinse & rePeat]

This doesnt work. What girls see as confident is different from what a masculine man sees as confident. Talking about them and asking them questions only works if you also talk about yourself. Nuch more than this, I know how the avarage female works and its completely different from how society views it. Just like health and why pufas are pushed.

I am only going by what I like and my girlfriends like. I guess it depends on what kind of girl you are trying to attract.

 

[grapes]

My husband has always said he would rather go to work than raise the kids. He said at work he can focus on one thing and at home it is way to hard with all the multitasking.

Noone cares about your husband. You have to run correctly elaborated tests on statistically representative amount of people. I cited 2 studies that prove that men are better/as good as women at multitasking. The job (air traffic control) which requires the multitasking at it's core and where lives of thousands of people depend on it is dominated (in numbers) by men.
You bringing up what your husband says is very immature and childish, you act as a cliche of a woman that lives off what men provide to her.

 

[Rinse & rePeat]

Noone cares about your husband. You have to run correctly elaborated tests on statistically representative amount of people. I cited 2 studies that prove that men are better/as good as women at multitasking. The job (air traffic control) which requires the multitasking at it's core and where lives of thousands of people depend on it is dominated (in numbers) by men.
You bringing up what your husband says is very immature and childish, you act as a cliche of a woman that lives off what men provide to her.

And I think you are funny!

 

[IndigoBoy]

My husband has always said he would rather go to work than raise the kids. He said at work he can focus on one thing and at home it is way to hard with all the multitasking. You really don’t know what are talking about, because you have not had too much experience in life or woman yet.

I have three children! I concur with you my milady.... I also concur with your learned nemesis... There is no gender difference in sequential multitasking.

Gender differences in multitasking experience and performance - PubMed

There is a widespread stereotype that women are better at multitasking. Previous studies examining gender difference in multitasking used either a concurrent or sequential multitasking paradigm and offered mixed results. This study examined a possibility that men were better at concurrent...

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Turns out we can all do it. Some better than others I'll wager. @Rinse&rePeat and @grapes: you do realise that you fundamentally agree on a salient point? That in a partnership there are two primary roles: one of caregiver / homemaker and one of provider (gross generalisation I know). Each role is of equal significance and value and, in the past, I feel that the homemaker role may not have been as valued by society as much as it should have. But this is only my opinion and I am happy to be corrected.

 

[IndigoBoy]

Looks, youth, money, height. All nice and women like them. But Eckhart Tolle is a sex symbol to many women, Mooji allegedly has a harem, and there are guys living in their cars playing guitar all day with stunning women in their lives. Women see your soul, even if they don't know they do. It's not what you do. It's who you are that attracts women. There is no trick that would make a fat woman attractive to me. Women are no different.

Eckhart Tolle....sex symbol....maybe there is some hope for me yet. I like that guy, he has much wisdom, wit and integrity and does not need a loud powerful Tony Robbins like persona for his message to hit its mark. I really enjoyed your post BTW - it really is about your own energy and being on good terms with yourself. The car, the job, the clothes, the cash....just props. Actually more like hinderances......shiny objects attract the wrong type of woman.

 

[Rinse & rePeat]

I have three children! I concur with you my milady.... I also concur with your learned nemesis... There is no gender difference in sequential multitasking.

Gender differences in multitasking experience and performance - PubMed

There is a widespread stereotype that women are better at multitasking. Previous studies examining gender difference in multitasking used either a concurrent or sequential multitasking paradigm and offered mixed results. This study examined a possibility that men were better at concurrent...

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Turns out we can all do it. Some better than others I'll wager. @Rinse&rePeat and @grapes: you do realise that you fundamentally agree on a salient point? That in a partnership there are two primary roles: one of caregiver / homemaker and one of provider (gross generalisation I know). Each role is of equal significance and value and, in the past, I feel that the homemaker role may not have been as valued by society as much as it should have. But this is only my opinion and I am happy to be corrected.

Thank you wise Sir! I personally don’t think either genders are simple minded. I think men are easier to get along with in general, some more than others. I feel a bit bad for men because woman’s can really get the better of them, and they never see it coming, which is why I want a woman in my corner when I need help, a woman to plan the attack and a strong man to do the job!