Also I was probably projecting a lot, as I had a phase of being obsessed with spirituality, LOA, psychedelics, and my own inner world. Everything I wanted to do in life had to be mentally processed and thought about for a seemingly neverending amount of time, actions could be considered complete as long as I had thought about them enough, in my weird distorted world view. It was enough for me to think about what I wanted in life, so much so that actually going for it or taking the risk inherent in any pursuit became less of a priority and just thinking about it seemed to satisfy the need (of course it can’t and never did). That website has helped me understand my psychology a bit better and was really my only reason for sharing.
When i thought about my desire i was filled with energy and motivation to do some action for it, even thought it wasn't a material desire.
However i did notice a thing that i resonate with a trait from the Communicator. Long story short, when i was a child i wasn't raised with emotion. My parents weren't that affectionate and tended to be more discipline-like. My mother was loving and maybe was a bit more affectionate but not so much, my (unfortunately) father wasn't. His psychology was the old school, his methods of teaching behavior were violent and aggressive and his vocabulary was disgusting. Also he was alcoholic. He didn't drink 24/7 but when he did...We had problems. I mean he originates from a family with a very disgusting mentality, so i don't wonder why he grew to be like that. I mean we had happy moments, happy times, vacations, laughter but that was most of the time in vain for me.I always felt unrelated, disconnected from this person. Recently he did pretty bad things so i completely cut ties with him and lost that very little thing i had for him.
At 17/18 years of age (i am 18) i realized that i have never been connected to this person. I wondered why i always despised his character.
In short, i never felt father's love/affection/security whatever. I have never had reliable father figure in my life. But now it doesn't matter that much. I still long for that yes, it's still here, but it isn't something that is going to ruin me or make me depressed. I accepted it and i am moving on with life.
What bothers me now is this anhedonia thing. I want to get myself back, my aliveness, my energy and so on :)