Christmas, Time Of The Year When People Feel Entitled To Your Money

[scarlettsmum]

Anyone else feels the same way??
First the cleaner asked to contribute to some vague party they are organising.
Then friends ask to support their varied charity causes.
Then the builder asked for advanced payment with the following sentence:" I know it's Xmas and all, but can you pay me some money in advance, I need to buy a present for my girlfriend"
Ugh..when will this stop?!
I would feel embarrassed to ask anyone and yet it's becoming the norm so it seems.

 

[DaveFoster]

I feel. Gave two dollars to the Salvation Army, though.

 

[amethyst]

Anyone else feels the same way??
First the cleaner asked to contribute to some vague party they are organising.
Then friends ask to support their varied charity causes.
Then the builder asked for advanced payment with the following sentence:" I know it's Xmas and all, but can you pay me some money in advance, I need to buy a present for my girlfriend"
Ugh..when will this stop?!
I would feel embarrassed to ask anyone and yet it's becoming the norm so it seems.

I agree with you. I really dislike being stared down by all those Salvation Army bell ringers. Like, how do they know you didn't just give a donation to their organization at another store? If I want to give to someone or some organization, I will do it of my own accord. And privately.Not because of a guilt trip, or because I have to.

 

[scarlettsmum]

@DaveFoster @amethyst thanks guys, it's good to know I'm not the only one harassed from all sides.:)
At least where I live we don't have people standing by the shops door asking money for charity. Although in some respect it is easier to refuse a stranger than somebody you have built a relationship with.

 

[amethyst]

@DaveFoster @amethyst thanks guys, it's good to know I'm not the only one harassed from all sides.:)
At least where I live we don't have people standing by the shops door asking money for charity. Although in some respect it is easier to refuse a stranger than somebody you have built a relationship with.

Christmas time is when all the shopping monsters come out. Conspicuous consumption. I'd just as well spend Christmas quietly with friends and family enjoying a good meal, and sharing a few gifts, not a bunch....which is what I am doing this year, actually.

 

[Amazoniac]

But if you decided to encourage people to gather some money to send Ray on a random date, it would be much less than at the end of the year. Tarmander is accomplishing 30 years and 2 months today and yet no one but me is celebrating that.

 

[whodathunkit]

@scarlettsmum, give what you're comfy with, and let the rest go. We're not obliged to give more than we feel we can, and certainly not to causes we are not supportive of. And certainly don't give money for services rendered "up front" so they can buy gifts, unless you are entirely comfortable with doing that and trust this person completely! Whew! That's a bit of chutzpah, there, unless you have a really good relationship with your contractor!

People hit you up at Christmas because it's a time of year when everyone may be more in the mood to give, since giving to support those less fortunate is the Christian thing to do. It's a good spirit to be in and I respect it, even though I'm not a Christian.

The conspicuous consumption is also a form of giving, and I'm good with that, too. Some people turn it into a contest, which is unfortunate, but honestly, I like to spend my money to buy gifts that I know people I love and like will enjoy and use. If it costs $3, fine. Some of my all-time favorite gifts I've given and gotten have been "doo-dad" gifts. But if it costs $300 (and I have the $300, LOL), I'll do that, too. I don't care if I get anything from the person I'm buying for. I think there's a lot of that spirit out there, but so many sneer and call it conspicuous consumption they turn it into something ugly. People who turn it into a contest and get petulant unless complete reciprocity is achieved make it ugly, too. But IMO those people are in the minority. Neither attitude is healthy.

That said, I'm also very, very happy sharing meals and conviviality with friends and family, and not much else. Harmonious relationships and good food are the best gifts going. It's all about the spirit, and not about the merchandise. Although useful or fun or pretty merchandise is always a boon.

So, basically, do whatever the spirit of the season moves you to do, and don't feel guilty if your spirit doesn't move you to comply with everyone else's wants. Enjoy the people you love in the way you want to enjoy them, and let the rest go.

 

[scarlettsmum]

I find this article interesting abullying by charities into giving money.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-34111

But if you decided to encourage people to gather some money to send Ray on a random date, it would be much less than at the end of the year. Tarmander is accomplishing 30 years and 2 months today and yet no one but me is celebrating that.

i agree and RP certainly deserves everything he gets and I'm sending him money privately. I'm talking about those that take advantage of a friendship.

 

[goodandevil]

I agree with you. I really dislike being stared down by all those Salvation Army bell ringers. Like, how do they know you didn't just give a donation to their organization at another store? If I want to give to someone or some organization, I will do it of my own accord. And privately.Not because of a guilt trip, or because I have to.

I hate the salvation army people ... that's a catholic organizwtion isn't it, why don't they hit up the vatican? Anyways their CEO gets paid quite well they can go **** themselves ... bahhum***k .. lol

 

[scarlettsmum]

@scarlettsmum, give what you're comfy with, and let the rest go. We're not obliged to give more than we feel we can, and certainly not to causes we are not supportive of. And certainly don't give money for services rendered "up front" so they can buy gifts, unless you are entirely comfortable with doing that and trust this person completely! Whew! That's a bit of chutzpah, there, unless you have a really good relationship with your contractor!

People hit you up at Christmas because it's a time of year when everyone may be more in the mood to give, since giving to support those less fortunate is the Christian thing to do. It's a good spirit to be in and I respect it, even though I'm not a Christian.

The conspicuous consumption is also a form of giving, and I'm good with that, too. Some people turn it into a contest, which is unfortunate, but honestly, I like to spend my money to buy gifts that I know people I love and like will enjoy and use. If it costs $3, fine. Some of my all-time favorite gifts I've given and gotten have been "doo-dad" gifts. But if it costs $300 (and I have the $300, LOL), I'll do that, too. I don't care if I get anything from the person I'm buying for. I think there's a lot of that spirit out there, but so many sneer and call it conspicuous consumption they turn it into something ugly. People who turn it into a contest and get petulant unless complete reciprocity is achieved make it ugly, too. But IMO those people are in the minority. Neither attitude is healthy.

That said, I'm also very, very happy sharing meals and conviviality with friends and family, and not much else. Harmonious relationships and good food are the best gifts going. It's all about the spirit, and not about the merchandise.

So, basically, do whatever the spirit of the season moves you to do, and don't feel guilty if your spirit doesn't move you to comply with everyone else's wants. Enjoy the people you love and let the rest go.

Very well said. I need to work more on my assertivity, usually I just say that my husband deals with financial matters and that way I get rid of the responsibility of having to give them an answer on the spot.:) With regards to the contractor, he's got some nerve, asked for $800 in advance!! What on earth is he buying?! Can't be an engagement ring, not quite enough!! Crazy!
I agree with giving to less fortunate and I often donate nice clothes, and send money to a local charity providing homes and safe carers for children from unstable families. And I love how transparent it all is. I just can't stand faceless give me money guilt trips and people asking for ridiculous donations acting as though it's completely normal. I too crave nothing more than spending time with my nearest family by the fire, watching Xmas films and eating flour filled biscuits. And you can't put a price on that.:)

 

[Amazoniac]

I'm talking about those that take advantage of a friendship.

I know. But I think that once you give, you expect to receive; or something like that..

 

[goodandevil]

I feel. Gave two dollars to the Salvation Army, though.

Lol

 

[goodandevil]

But if you decided to encourage people to gather some money to send Ray on a random date, it would be much less than at the end of the year. Tarmander is accomplishing 30 years and 2 months today and yet no one but me is celebrating that.

Let's get Ray some hookers!!

 

[Amazoniac]

Let's get Ray some hookers!!

?

 

[goodandevil]

?

Oh yeah, of course ... THOSE dates! Huh. Well. i'm still getting ray a few hookers tho.

"Catch a ho and another ho- Merry Christmas"- Cypress Hill

 

[whodathunkit]

he's got some nerve, asked for $800 in advance!!

Um...wow. And...NO.

Sounds like you'll be fine. Shifting the responsibility for this stuff to your husband sounds like an excellent strategy, actually. Just let go the annoyance and/or guilt about the whole process, and there ya go.

Honestly, I'm betting the contractor doesn't ask *your hubby* for the advance. I'm morbidly curious...would you mind posting it if he does? I'm sure your husband won't give in but I somehow doubt the contractor will have the sack to ask a man for that.

 

[scarlettsmum]

Um...wow. And...NO.

Sounds like you'll be fine. Shifting the responsibility for this stuff to your husband sounds like an excellent strategy, actually. Just let go the annoyance and/or guilt about the whole process, and there ya go.

Honestly, I'm betting the contractor doesn't ask *your hubby* for the advance. I'm morbidly curious...would you mind posting it if he does? I'm sure your husband won't give in but I somehow doubt the contractor will have the sack to ask a man for that.

Well, when I said that my husband makes the financial decisions, I also asked if he wants to speak to him. After a little hesitation he said yes. So I called my husband and the builder started talking to him about what he's done and what's next and strangely enough forgot to ask him about the money. I then told my husband what he wanted and he couldn't believe it!

 

[amethyst]

I hate the salvation army people ... that's a catholic organizwtion isn't it, why don't they hit up the vatican? Anyways their CEO gets paid quite well they can go **** themselves ... bahhum***k .. lol

I don't hate the people who are standing outside in the cold, ringing their bells for hours upon end. They are just doing a job. Hard to find in Obama's economy But what I strongly dislike is the fact that they are placed right at the entrance to each store, where you can't avoid them. It's like they are saying you are obligated to give to my organization because it's Christmas time. Well, if you do any research into the different organizations such as Salvation Army, you realize that not every donation you give, goes to the people who need it the most. Rather, much of it goes to the organization itself. And, a good many large Christian charities are notorious for not being upfront and truthful about just where the donations they receive, go.

Don't know if the Salvation Army is catholic or not, but the Catholic church sure has a market on guilt tripping it's devoted followers.

 

[amethyst]

I feel. Gave two dollars to the Salvation Army, though.

You caved to the "do-gooder" pressure.

 

[whodathunkit]

After a little hesitation he said yes

Ha! Methinks he didn't really want to speak to hubby but did so simply to save face.

Anyway...well, ho ho ho! Good luck, and just try letting it all go. 'Tisn't the season for annoyance and letting mofo's get us down, after all. :)