Jennifer's Cellular Regeneration Log

[Jennifer]

Hmm, I was thinking that at least you wouldn't have the extra ingredients which a cream might have, also rivaling for absorption.

Yeah, That’s my thinking, too. Vitamin E is important for absorption of progesterone, but I question the effects of the fillers in the cream. I didn’t find progesterone cream to be that effective, personally, certainly nothing like taking it orally and vaginally or even in my nostrils. lol I did that a few times when I had dry, burning sinuses from a cold.

Actually, thinking back of it and the way I now also feel at times.
I'm seeing similarities and thinking it's not the good kind of libido and 'lively ness' that I would want. (it cones with side-effects)
This makes me think of what you described above about estrogen and unfulfilling arousel and aggression.

Ah, okay. Do you think it was refeeding in general or the foods you refed with that led to your less than stellar results?

I've seen that cheerleader tossing thing in movies. It requires a lot of faith in your fellow cheerleaders....lol, weren't you ever afraid or wary that they migth drop you?

There are spotters who act as a safety net for the flyer—they’re positioned strategically behind or beside the base and catch or stabilize the flyer if things go wrong—and so much training goes into stunts that for the most part, no, but there was one teammate I didn’t trust. She had major attitude and I got on her bad side. It all started while practicing our competition routine. When moving into formation, those of us coming from the front row had to look forward while moving backwards for presentation—it looks cleaner—so it was the responsibility of the girls behinds us to stay out of our way and this particular girl kept walking into me. Even though it was her fault, she kept blaming me and finally our coaches saw what was happening and scolded her. Then I got paired up with her for a stunt and she dropped me. She was quite tall (183 cm) and while standing on her shoulders, she let go of me and I landed flat on my back on the concrete floor. She didn’t even try to catch me. I don’t like people seeing me cry so I hold back tears, but a few escaped me with that fall. Anyway, cheer drama. Most were in it for the sport, but then there were a few girls who were in it for show—mainly for the boys. That’s why, when I was given the opportunity, I passed on cheering in high school to coach Pee Wee squads. It was challenging getting 8 year olds to focus, but it was really rewarding and so much fun choreographing their routines.

Hmm, it makes me think if the (more intense) movement creates all these neurons and whatnot in our brains which stimulate that part of the brain.
Kinda like runners experience this runners high.

Yeah, possibly all the endorphins and also, I find that the repetitiveness puts me in a sort of meditative state where thoughts can flow freely. It also happens when I’m doing puzzles.

Even that....I have no idea. Like I said, I make myself do a daily scribble (probably no more than 5minutes), but even during that time , I often catch myself thinking "pfew...I'm almost done".
Usually, I just copy a figure I looked up for lack of ideas.
I think it's the lack of vision/meaning, passion&drive, behind it which I guess makes it feel like more of an automatic process.

That’s too bad. I haven’t drawn anything since the peacock. I moved on to the dulcimer. I saw Cyndi Lauper perform Time After Time with one back in 2003 and loved the sound of it so my brother had one made for me for Christmas years ago. I figured it was time I learned how to play it. lol

 

[Dutchie]

Yeah, That’s my thinking, too. Vitamin E is important for absorption of progesterone, but I question the effects of the fillers in the cream. I didn’t find progesterone cream to be that effective, personally, certainly nothing like taking it orally and vaginally or even in my nostrils. lol I did that a few times when I had dry, burning sinuses from a cold

yeah, I think I'll stick to the solution once I decide to try it.
Thanks again for the link to the Progesteron Summaries! It's interesting he advises to use it basically (only) during the 2nd part of the cycle. I would've thought the first part be important (maybe in a lower dosage), to oppose the rising estrogen.

Ah, okay. Do you think it was refeeding in general or the foods you refed with that led to your less than stellar results?

I think a combined of both. The refeeding was done too aggresively/in an uncontrolled manner for the body to handle and than a majority of the foods I did it with were aggravating things even more.

There are spotters who act as a safety net for the flyer—they’re positioned strategically behind or beside the base and catch or stabilize the flyer if things go wrong—and so much training goes into stunts that for the most part, no, but there was one teammate I didn’t trust. She had major attitude and I got on her bad side. It all started while practicing our competition routine. When moving into formation, those of us coming from the front row had to look forward while moving backwards for presentation—it looks cleaner—so it was the responsibility of the girls behinds us to stay out of our way and this particular girl kept walking into me. Even though it was her fault, she kept blaming me and finally our coaches saw what was happening and scolded her. Then I got paired up with her for a stunt and she dropped me. She was quite tall (183 cm) and while standing on her shoulders, she let go of me and I landed flat on my back on the concrete floor. She didn’t even try to catch me. I don’t like people seeing me cry so I hold back tears, but a few escaped me with that fall. Anyway, cheer drama. Most were in it for the sport, but then there were a few girls who were in it for show—mainly for the boys. That’s why, when I was given the opportunity, I passed on cheering in high school to coach Pee Wee squads. It was challenging getting 8 year olds to focus, but it was really rewarding and so much fun choreographing their routines.

Yeah, it's bad with such gymnastics if you have to rely on someone you don't trust and sadly proves you right.
That's awful that she just let you fall like that and didn't even try to make an effort to prevent it....you could've broken your spine,gotten serious headinjury or what not.
Hmm, I understand....I do exactly the same trying to not let people see me cry. In my case I think it's courtesy of my Rising sign/Ascendant.

Yeah, possibly all the endorphins and also, I find that the repetitiveness puts me in a sort of meditative state where thoughts can flow freely. It also happens when I’m doing puzzles.

The repetitivness of the action....I didn't even think of that

That’s too bad. I haven’t drawn anything since the peacock. I moved on to the dulcimer. I saw Cyndi Lauper perform Time After Time with one back in 2003 and loved the sound of it so my brother had one made for me for Christmas years ago. I figured it was time I learned how to play it. lol

I think the lack of a goal, something to feel passionate about and go after, is what keeps stagnating things.
Lol....I had to look up what a dulcimer is, but it looks interesting. So, you're now becoming a musician,huh?....if you'll sing with it, you can become a singer/songwriter

 

[Jennifer]

yeah, I think I'll stick to the solution once I decide to try it.
Thanks again for the link to the Progesteron Summaries! It's interesting he advises to use it basically (only) during the 2nd part of the cycle. I would've thought the first part be important (maybe in a lower dosage), to oppose the rising estrogen.

You’re welcome. :) Taking it only days 14–28 is imitating the natural menstrual cycle. If taken all month long, it can trigger early ovulation or even suppress periods, something that’s likely fine in urgent cases such as estrogen driven cancers, but I’m not sure it’s ideal long-term. We’re in a constant state of breaking down and building up, and estrogen has a role in that—shedding of our uterine lining, bone remodeling, childbirth even. Also, if I’m not mistaken, the liver will just excrete the progesterone if there isn’t at least a week break from it.

I think a combined of both. The refeeding was done too aggresively/in an uncontrolled manner for the body to handle and than a majority of the foods I did it with were aggravating things even more.

Gotcha.

That's awful that she just let you fall like that and didn't even try to make an effort to prevent it....you could've broken your spine,gotten serious headinjury or what not.

Yeah, unlike with veganism where I pick up half a watermelon and my spine collapses, my spine survived the fall just fine, thankfully. My back didn’t even ache the following day, which goes to show how protective high quality nutrition is—it happened pre vegetarianism when my diet was still heavy in dairy and seafood.

Hmm, I understand....I do exactly the same trying to not let people see me cry. In my case I think it's courtesy of my Rising sign/Ascendant.

Since the ascendant is the mask we wear, I take it yours is one of the stoic signs? I know your sun is in Leo, which is a prideful sign, but it’s also a passionately expressive one—I think of Leo as theatrical. In my case, I think it’s due to nurture more than nature. My ascendant is a stoic sign (Aquarius), but I also have the most watery, emotionally expressive sign (Pisces) in the first house. Given my childhood, I grew up feeling like I had to keep it together, diffuse tension and be pleasing, not burden people with my pain, so I kept my tears to myself and instead channeled my emotions through my art, particularly my words/writing—my Mercury is in Pisces, the planet of communication, and it’s also in my first house. I’m basically the definition of a Mercury in Pisces woman. lol

I think the lack of a goal, something to feel passionate about and go after, is what keeps stagnating things.
Lol....I had to look up what a dulcimer is, but it looks interesting. So, you're now becoming a musician,huh?....if you'll sing with it, you can become a singer/songwriter

Oh, okay, so creativity doesn’t come to you unless there’s a goal involved?

LOL Yeah, I’ll be shredding on my dulcimer in no time. Not! What drew me to it was its drone sound, you know, the sustained humming/harmonic effect like you hear with the bagpipes, fiddle, harmonica—some of my most favorite instruments—but I don’t care much for the traditional songs played on it. It’s like when I dance ballet, I don’t like dancing to classical music. I dance to rock, blues, pop etc., but the sheet music I have is for Appalachian songs so I’m trying to play songs like the ones below by ear and it’s slow going:


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyoNl9uEMak

The Beatles’ Norwegian Wood sounds good on it, IMO. If I’m not mistaken, a sitar was used in the original:


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rb2zRBGIZJ0

 

[Dutchie]

You’re welcome. :) Taking it only days 14–28 is imitating the natural menstrual cycle. If taken all month long, it can trigger early ovulation or even suppress periods, something that’s likely fine in urgent cases such as estrogen driven cancers, but I’m not sure it’s ideal long-term. We’re in a constant state of breaking down and building up, and estrogen has a role in that—shedding of our uterine lining, bone remodeling, childbirth even. Also, if I’m not mistaken, the liver will just excrete the progesterone if there isn’t at least a week break from it.

It's even better that I'd have to take it half of the cycle, that way a bottle should last me 2 months instead of one.
That's interesting, though I would assume in a healthy functioning liver. Otherwise why would it be easy for the liver to excrete excess progesterone (in all circumstances )but not estrogen

Yeah, unlike with veganism where I pick up half a watermelon and my spine collapses, my spine survived the fall just fine, thankfully. My back didn’t even ache the following day, which goes to show how protective high quality nutrition is—it happened pre vegetarianism when my diet was still heavy in dairy and seafood.

Hmm, that's at least a minor 'upside' to that action (more like lack of action), that it happened during a time where your spine was sturdier.

Since the ascendant is the mask we wear, I take it yours is one of the stoic signs? I know your sun is in Leo, which is a prideful sign, but it’s also a passionately expressive one—I think of Leo as theatrical. In my case, I think it’s due to nurture more than nature. My ascendant is a stoic sign (Aquarius), but I also have the most watery, emotionally expressive sign (Pisces) in the first house. Given my childhood, I grew up feeling like I had to keep it together, diffuse tension and be pleasing, not burden people with my pain, so I kept my tears to myself and instead channeled my emotions through my art, particularly my words/writing—my Mercury is in Pisces, the planet of communication, and it’s also in my first house. I’m basically the definition of a Mercury in Pisces woman. lol

I don't know if it's considered a stoic sign, but my Ascendant is Scorpio, which can go right against Leo. When I read the Scorpio traits, some behaviours, interests etc. from early childhood already, suddenly made so much sense. It's probably why I've always had trouble balancing myself,rich innerlife (which is kind of a double edged sword) and letting go of emotional stuff.
Both Leo and Scorpio are said to be passionate and emotional signs (so...yay,lucky me!), but Scorpio experiences emotions even more intense and generally doesn't like to show they're hurt to others.
Another thing both signs are said to have is that they exude attraction......lol, it's safe to say I miserably fail(ed) at that.

Oh, okay, so creativity doesn’t come to you unless there’s a goal involved?

Not creativity in particular, it's more in a broader sense.
If I have a goal/purpose to work towards,excitedly, it makes all other things I do flow/work/feel better as well.

LOL Yeah, I’ll be shredding on my dulcimer in no time. Not! What drew me to it was its drone sound, you know, the sustained humming/harmonic effect like you hear with the bagpipes, fiddle, harmonica—some of my most favorite instruments—but I don’t care much for the traditional songs played on it. It’s like when I dance ballet, I don’t like dancing to classical music. I dance to rock, blues, pop etc., but the sheet music I have is for Appalachian songs so I’m trying to play songs like the ones below by ear and it’s slow going:

The dulcimer has a really nice sound.
I can't see it clearly in the video, but it looks like it has less strings than a guitar
During the short period I had guitar lessons, I didn't want to learn by playing traditional boring standard songs either, that's why I didn't go to a music school but opted for lessons given by a standalone guitar teacher.

 

[Jennifer]

It's even better that I'd have to take it half of the cycle, that way a bottle should last me 2 months instead of one.
That's interesting, though I would assume in a healthy functioning liver. Otherwise why would it be easy for the liver to excrete excess progesterone (in all circumstances )but not estrogen

I found the quote:

“But when you take progesterone steadily without the interruption, your liver interprets the constant high-level of progesterone as being excessive. And so anything your liver experiences at high-level, it produces enzymes to excrete. And so after two weeks, your liver has built-up excretory enzymes that inactivate the progesterone. And so after two weeks, the effects of a given dose of progesterone is weaker. And stopping for at least a week, lets your liver re-set threshold for excreting progesterone so you get more for your money.” Ray Peat

I don't know if it's considered a stoic sign, but my Ascendant is Scorpio, which can go right against Leo. When I read the Scorpio traits, some behaviours, interests etc. from early childhood already, suddenly made so much sense. It's probably why I've always had trouble balancing myself,rich innerlife (which is kind of a double edged sword) and letting go of emotional stuff.
Both Leo and Scorpio are said to be passionate and emotional signs (so...yay,lucky me!), but Scorpio experiences emotions even more intense and generally doesn't like to show they're hurt to others.
Another thing both signs are said to have is that they exude attraction......lol, it's safe to say I miserably fail(ed) at that.

Scorpio is one of the signs I consider stoic. My dad and grandmothers have/had Suns in Scorpio and lots of Scorpio in their natal charts, and I have it in my chart as well so I’m familiar with the sign. It’s similar to Aquarius in that both are fixed, deep thinking signs that are often misunderstood and like Aquarius, Scorpio has deep emotions—it’s a water sign after all—but like you said, it doesn’t generally like to show its vulnerability. Aquarius, though an air sign, is the water bearer—water being emotions—so it bears emotions, and water in this context also being life so it gives life, but it’s said to be emotionally detached, however, it’s the humanitarian of the zodiac so it most certainly forms emotional attachments, IMO. I think of both signs as still waters run deep.

I only have a rudimentary understanding of astrology from reading tarot but if there is any validity to it, I don’t think the Sun and Ascendent give the full picture. Your Moon (emotions, instinct), Venus (love, sensuality), Mercury (thinking, communication) etc., the houses they’re in, how they’re aspected, your dominant planets etc. may have you feeling less cursed. lol My Sun and Ascendant are in Aquarius, but my Mercury in Pisces is in the first house—the first house being the house of self, i.e., our personality, physical body and way of being in the world—my chart is full of Libra, which is ruled by Venus and Venus is one of my dominant planets so despite Aquarius’ emotionally detached reputation, I’m not a person who is incapable of expressing emotions. :)

The dulcimer has a really nice sound.
I can't see it clearly in the video, but it looks like it has less strings than a guitar
During the short period I had guitar lessons, I didn't want to learn by playing traditional boring standard songs either, that's why I didn't go to a music school but opted for lessons given by a standalone guitar teacher.

Yes, it has less strings—4:

 

[Dutchie]

I found the quote:

“But when you take progesterone steadily without the interruption, your liver interprets the constant high-level of progesterone as being excessive. And so anything your liver experiences at high-level, it produces enzymes to excrete. And so after two weeks, your liver has built-up excretory enzymes that inactivate the progesterone. And so after two weeks, the effects of a given dose of progesterone is weaker. And stopping for at least a week, lets your liver re-set threshold for excreting progesterone so you get more for your money.” Ray Peat

Thanks, I didn't doubt it to be true, I just questioned that one would need to have a healthy functioning liver for this. It just makes no sense to me that a liver would do this under all circumstances with progesterone, yet fail to do so with excess estrogen.

Scorpio is one of the signs I consider stoic. My dad and grandmothers have/had Suns in Scorpio and lots of Scorpio in their natal charts, and I have it in my chart as well so I’m familiar with the sign. It’s similar to Aquarius in that both are fixed, deep thinking signs that are often misunderstood and like Aquarius, Scorpio has deep emotions—it’s a water sign after all—but like you said, it doesn’t generally like to show its vulnerability. Aquarius, though an air sign, is the water bearer—water being emotions—so it bears emotions, and water in this context also being life so it gives life, but it’s said to be emotionally detached, however, it’s the humanitarian of the zodiac so it most certainly forms emotional attachments, IMO. I think of both signs as still waters run deep.

I only have a rudimentary understanding of astrology from reading tarot but if there is any validity to it, I don’t think the Sun and Ascendent give the full picture. Your Moon (emotions, instinct), Venus (love, sensuality), Mercury (thinking, communication) etc., the houses they’re in, how they’re aspected, your dominant planets etc. may have you feeling less cursed. lol My Sun and Ascendant are in Aquarius, but my Mercury in Pisces is in the first house—the first house being the house of self, i.e., our personality, physical body and way of being in the world—my chart is full of Libra, which is ruled by Venus and Venus is one of my dominant planets so despite Aquarius’ emotionally detached reputation, I’m not a person who is incapable of expressing emotions. :)

Yeah, I've read about all these different houses and stuff. I'd have to dig up my birthing chart for that.
It just connected a lot of things for me when I read about traits of this combination.
I saw this vid (can't find it anymore) where the author spoke of a war between the soul and the persona (or ego, I don't know anymore how he referred to it), but it resonated so much with me. That's exactly what it feels like....that a part of me has now been awakened again which dreams about,focuses and mourns about all I am not and don't have. Whereas before (my onset period) I didn't think and cared much about it all anymore.

Both signs are said to have passion,focus and drive to get whatever they set their mind to...I used to be like that (the strong disciplinarian), even to my own detriment at times.
However these past years it feels like I've totally lost all of that and can't seem to find anything anymore which sparks that drive and makes me want to stick to it.
Funny ,how a little bit of bamboo flour can spark what almost feels like an existential crisis....

Tarot,huh....I know my mom knows Tarot cards, but when doing so I've never heard her speak of anything related to astrology.
Not have I ever when someone else laid out Tarot cards for me.

Yes, it has less strings—4:

Ah ok, so kinda like a bass guitar just with less thick strings.
How is playing going for you?

 

[WonMore]

Yeah, That’s my thinking, too. Vitamin E is important for absorption of progesterone, but I question the effects of the fillers in the cream. I didn’t find progesterone cream to be that effective, personally, certainly nothing like taking it orally and vaginally or even in my nostrils. lol I did that a few times when I had dry, burning sinuses from a cold.

Can you write something more about applying it in the nostrils? Was it Progest-E? Did you dilute it? Do you think is it safe place for application, and would be long-term?
Ray once somewhere in Generative podcast, when something regarding similar topic was mentioned, said that it's very undesirable situation for any fat to get to the lungs. I wonder whether any fat particles can dissociate from the bulk during inhalation, and then get so far?

 

[Jennifer]

Thanks, I didn't doubt it to be true, I just questioned that one would need to have a healthy functioning liver for this. It just makes no sense to me that a liver would do this under all circumstances with progesterone, yet fail to do so with excess estrogen.

I didn’t think you doubted it. I just wanted you to know the process taking place instead of my simplistic explanation. :) I’m not certain that the liver does this under all circumstances with progesterone, but fails to do so with excess estrogen. I suppose it’s difficult for a damaged liver to detoxify estrogen, but I don’t know that it’s easier for it to eliminate progesterone. Maybe the issue is that estrogen in excess/unopposed is systemically damaging whereas, progesterone is not? I’m really not sure. lol

It just connected a lot of things for me when I read about traits of this combination.
I saw this vid (can't find it anymore) where the author spoke of a war between the soul and the persona (or ego, I don't know anymore how he referred to it), but it resonated so much with me. That's exactly what it feels like....that a part of me has now been awakened again which dreams about,focuses and mourns about all I am not and don't have.

Mmm, the inner conflict of having seemingly nothing of real value to show for our time on the planet, nothing that even remotely resembles the dreams we had for ourselves, and lacking the drive to change it. Add to that illness, and the inner conflict is tenfold. Illness is living life in survival mode and acts as a distraction, until it doesn’t. When thriving, our life itself is the meaning, the purpose, our greatest achievement. That war within is not particular to any combination of zodiac signs, it’s the human condition. I recognized it as a child—I even wrote a story about it lol—and I hoped that at some point I would figure it out, whatever it was.

Whereas before (my onset period) I didn't think and cared much about it all anymore.
Funny ,how a little bit of bamboo flour can spark what almost feels like an existential crisis....

The it . The existential crisis can appear and disappear within minutes of my consuming a food, who I’m around and in the past, depending on where I was at in my cycle or what questionable supplement and mare urine hormone doctors subjected me to, and I’m clearly not alone in my experience. But how? All that inner turmoil, the feeling like I’m wasting the life “the good lord gave me,” wanting to create but overcome by an impending doom, watching in horror as my once optimistic and cheerful self scours the house for pills to end my life, and within minutes, and with no change in my external world, no grand accomplishments made, I feel like just being alive is accomplishment enough, but I’m so filled with passion for life that everything becomes inspiring and I can’t not create.

If we consider what birth control, SSRIs, toxic, FDA approved, additives in food and water, dieting, low blood sugar, subtle energies/EMF etc. can do to a person, making them anxious, weepy, impatient, quick to anger, suicidal even, we see how our hormones can have such a profound effect on us. So I have to question if these traits are our inherent nature or a product of nurture. This is why I’m cautious not to put too much stock in the astrological belief that I am what is written in the stars. Any astrologer, spiritualist ect. can speak of the human condition in which everyone can relate and become believers. I’ll give the benefit of the doubt that most truly believe what they speak of and have good intentions with their message, but you know what they say about the road to hell…

Tarot,huh....I know my mom knows Tarot cards, but when doing so I've never heard her speak of anything related to astrology.
Not have I ever when someone else laid out Tarot cards for me.

Yeah, I use the cards as a way to connect to my intuition so even though I know how to read tarot, I don’t use the cards in the traditional way. I mainly ask yes or no questions to confirm what I’m intuitively feeling. It appeases my mind. lol

In tarot, each minor arcana card represents an element, which relates to each sign’s most prominent energy—air signs (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) are represented by swords, which relate to knowledge, power, action and change, earth signs (Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo) are represented by coins/pentacles, which relate to stability, fertility, work and the material aspects of life, fire signs (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius) are represented by wands, which relate to passion, energy, enthusiasm and sexuality, and water signs (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces) are represented by cups/chalices, which relate to feelings, emotions, intuition and relationships—and each major arcana card represents a sign so for Leo its the strength and sun cards and for Scorpio it’s the death card. :)

Ah ok, so kinda like a bass guitar just with less thick strings.
How is playing going for you?

It’s slow going, and I can’t say I’m enjoying it. I used to love playing the organ my dad had in his studio when I was growing up, but I can honestly say that I would much rather be doing something physical now like dancing or snowshoeing, however, I do it to occupy my mind. It’s a break from reading and contemplating life. lol

 

[Jennifer]

Can you write something more about applying it in the nostrils? Was it Progest-E? Did you dilute it? Do you think is it safe place for application, and would be long-term?
Ray once somewhere in Generative podcast, when something regarding similar topic was mentioned, said that it's very undesirable situation for any fat to get to the lungs. I wonder whether any fat particles can dissociate from the bulk during inhalation, and then get so far?

I used Progest-E, yes. I used a drop for each nostril, applied neat. After seeing what Ray thought about fat getting into the lungs, I’m not sure if it’s a safe place for application, and I don’t think it’s an ideal site long-term. I only applied it for a few days to coat my dry, irritated nostrils and reduce inflammation. It felt better than the burning sensation I had, but it would likely be a waste otherwise because some inevitably leaks out of the nose, especially when blowing it.

 

[WonMore]

I used Progest-E, yes. I used a drop for each nostril, applied neat. After seeing what Ray thought about fat getting into the lungs, I’m not sure if it’s a safe place for application, and I don’t think it’s an ideal site long-term. I only applied it for a few days to coat my dry, irritated nostrils and reduce inflammation. It felt better than the burning sensation I had, but it would likely be a waste otherwise because some inevitably leaks out of the nose, especially when blowing it.

Thank you for the response!

 

[Jennifer]

You’re welcome, @WonMore. :)

 

[Dutchie]

I didn’t think you doubted it. I just wanted you to know the process taking place instead of my simplistic explanation. :) I’m not certain that the liver does this under all circumstances with progesterone, but fails to do so with excess estrogen. I suppose it’s difficult for a damaged liver to detoxify estrogen, but I don’t know that it’s easier for it to eliminate progesterone. Maybe the issue is that estrogen in excess/unopposed is systemically damaging whereas, progesterone is not? I’m really not sure. lol

Sounds like a viable reason. :)
I was thinking that it might also be bc there are 3 types of estrogen, so I could imagine they're not all equally as easy to clear.

Mmm, the inner conflict of having seemingly nothing of real value to show for our time on the planet, nothing that even remotely resembles the dreams we had for ourselves, and lacking the drive to change it. Add to that illness, and the inner conflict is tenfold. Illness is living life in survival mode and acts as a distraction, until it doesn’t. When thriving, our life itself is the meaning, the purpose, our greatest achievement. That war within is not particular to any combination of zodiac signs, it’s the human condition. I recognized it as a child—I even wrote a story about it lol—and I hoped that at some point I would figure it out, whatever it was.

When thriving our life itself is the meaning.....I agree, but when thriving wouldn't one automatically do meaningful things?
Maybe you should publish that story...it'll likely gather a broad audience,since lots of people seem to be struggling with this nowadays.
Yes, it is innate to the human condition but I can imagine that certain zodiac combinations might influence the scope of how someone experiences this.
Anyway out of curiosity I dug up my birthchart and saw that I have a lot of Fire and Water signs, 1 or 2 Air signs and no Earth signs (no Earth....lol,would that make me an alien after all)

The it . The existential crisis can appear and disappear within minutes of my consuming a food, who I’m around and in the past, depending on where I was at in my cycle or what questionable supplement and mare urine hormone doctors subjected me to, and I’m clearly not alone in my experience. But how? All that inner turmoil, the feeling like I’m wasting the life “the good lord gave me,” wanting to create but overcome by an impending doom, watching in horror as my once optimistic and cheerful self scours the house for pills to end my life, and within minutes, and with no change in my external world, no grand accomplishments made, I feel like just being alive is accomplishment enough, but I’m so filled with passion for life that everything becomes inspiring and I can’t not create.

Maybe the how is the soul/higher self (if one believes in that) is able to strongly break through the physical/external factors which created this crisis and put one back onto their path?

If we consider what birth control, SSRIs, toxic, FDA approved, additives in food and water, dieting, low blood sugar, subtle energies/EMF etc. can do to a person, making them anxious, weepy, impatient, quick to anger, suicidal even, we see how our hormones can have such a profound effect on us. So I have to question if these traits are our inherent nature or a product of nurture. This is why I’m cautious not to put too much stock in the astrological belief that I am what is written in the stars. Any astrologer, spiritualist ect. can speak of the human condition in which everyone can relate and become believers. I’ll give the benefit of the doubt that most truly believe what they speak of and have good intentions with their message, but you know what they say about the road to hell…

Imo these astrological and spiritual beliefs should be looked at in a broad generalized frame. It gives me some clarity to some of my unexplainable behaviours &issues, but I don't let these zodiac traits dictate my life.

Yeah, I use the cards as a way to connect to my intuition so even though I know how to read tarot, I don’t use the cards in the traditional way. I mainly ask yes or no questions to confirm what I’m intuitively feeling. It appeases my mind. lol

Oh,so you use them in a way in which (certain) Oracle cards are also being used.

It’s slow going, and I can’t say I’m enjoying it. I used to love playing the organ my dad had in his studio when I was growing up, but I can honestly say that I would much rather be doing something physical now like dancing or snowshoeing, however, I do it to occupy my mind. It’s a break from reading and contemplating life. lol

That stinks that you don't enjoy it.....lol, kinda like me and my doodling.
I know dancing is more about intuitively going with the flow, but wouldn't it also give you a break from your mind?...or occupy your mind in a different direction for instance by focusing on the music

 

[Jennifer]

When thriving our life itself is the meaning.....I agree, but when thriving wouldn't one automatically do meaningful things?

When thriving, my existence alone feels meaningful—I can sit in an empty room and be so filled with joy just because I exist—but I’m also inspired to create. That’s why I say I can feel like being alive is accomplishment enough but I’m so filled with passion for life that in that state, everything becomes inspiring and I can’t not create, however, my creations aren’t any more meaningful to me than my existence.

Yes, it is innate to the human condition but I can imagine that certain zodiac combinations might influence the scope of how someone experiences this.

I understand. It might seem more credible to me if astrologers could agree on the system used. In Western astrology my Sun and Ascendant are in Aquarius but in Vedic astrology, my Sun and Ascendant are in Capricorn. Two different combinations, yet the same person.

Anyway out of curiosity I dug up my birthchart and saw that I have a lot of Fire and Water signs, 1 or 2 Air signs and no Earth signs (no Earth....lol,would that make me an alien after all.

LOL Aquarius is considered the alien of the zodiac so you’re safe.

Maybe the how is the soul/higher self (if one believes in that) is able to strongly break through the physical/external factors which created this crisis and put one back onto their path?

I could see that as a plausible explanation if the crisis hadn’t returned within minutes and on repeat after that, unless my path is one of suicide, which I would hope it’s not. That particular crisis I mentioned happened only after Dr. Cate put me on bioidentical estrogen and only ceased after I took myself off it. Same goes for food like the bottled juice. My “crisis” occurs within minutes of consuming something offending and only ceases after I stop consuming it. Well, you understand, given your experience with food.

Oh,so you use them in a way in which (certain) Oracle cards are also being used.

I don’t use them in the way oracle cards are used, no. The only meaning the tarot cards provide in the way I use them is yes and no. The major arcana cards are my yes cards and the minor arcana aces, pages, knights, queens and kings of each suit are my no cards.

That stinks that you don't enjoy it.....lol, kinda like me and my doodling.
I know dancing is more about intuitively going with the flow, but wouldn't it also give you a break from your mind?...or occupy your mind in a different direction for instance by focusing on the music

LOL Yes, exactly, like your doodling. I would dance to my heart’s content if it weren’t for the vertigo I have from the spinal injury. I used to be able to spin for hours without experiencing any dizziness but since the accident, all it takes is moving my head too quickly and the room is spinning. That’s why I can’t wait for winter. Snowshoeing the trail on my family’s property is much safer for me because it’s pretty much a straight shot down to the lake. I just need to find some wool leggings and I’ll be good to go.

 

[Dutchie]

When thriving, my existence alone feels meaningful—I can sit in an empty room and be so filled with joy just because I exist—but I’m also inspired to create. That’s why I say I can feel like being alive is accomplishment enough but I’m so filled with passion for life that in that state, everything becomes inspiring and I can’t not create, however, my creations aren’t any more meaningful to me than my existence.

Hmm.... that's what I meant, that when one is thriving one tends to want to create. Creation=Meaning imo, regardless of what's being created.

I understand. It might seem more credible to me if astrologers could agree on the system used. In Western astrology my Sun and Ascendant are in Aquarius but in Vedic astrology, my Sun and Ascendant are in Capricorn. Two different combinations, yet the same person.

Lol....I didn't even know there are different 'versions' of astrology.
I can see how that takes away it's credibility.

LOL Aquarius is considered the alien of the zodiac so you’re safe.

Haha.....on to the mothership then!

I could see that as a plausible explanation if the crisis hadn’t returned within minutes and on repeat after that, unless my path is one of suicide, which I would hope it’s not. That particular crisis I mentioned happened only after Dr. Cate put me on bioidentical estrogen and only ceased after I took myself off it. Same goes for food like the bottled juice. My “crisis” occurs within minutes of consuming something offending and only ceases after I stop consuming it. Well, you understand, given your experience with food.

Ah ok....I didn't know the full context, I thought of a sudden crisis being stopped, period.
No, I don't think suicide is ever one's path of life.
Even though I know the negative influence food and hormones(estrogen) can have, it still amazes me of how much power and influence it has on our lives and wellbeing/feeling.

I don’t use them in the way oracle cards are used, no. The only meaning the tarot cards provide in the way I use them is yes and no. The major arcana cards are my yes cards and the minor arcana aces, pages, knights, queens and kings of each suit are my no cards.

Oh ok.....I thought in essence it could be used for the same reasoning, as I know some Oracle cards also can be used to answer 'yes' and 'no' questions.
It's just that Tarot is much more detailed.

LOL Yes, exactly, like your doodling. I would dance to my heart’s content if it weren’t for the vertigo I have from the spinal injury. I used to be able to spin for hours without experiencing any dizziness but since the accident, all it takes is moving my head too quickly and the room is spinning. That’s why I can’t wait for winter. Snowshoeing the trail on my family’s property is much safer for me because it’s pretty much a straight shot down to the lake. I just need to find some wool leggings and I’ll be good to go.

Hmm, I see that stinks.... especially since there's no way of dancing which doesn't require head movement. It would become a very constraint way of dancing,which I imagine would take the purpose and fun out of it.
Here's to hoping then, that you'll soon be able to go snowshoeing!
(Lol, I imagine your grocery haul would become even more impressive to keep up with burned calories/energy )

 

[Jennifer]

Hmm.... that's what I meant, that when one is thriving one tends to want to create. Creation=Meaning imo, regardless of what's being created.

Yep, I understood what you meant. :) To me just being=meaning so no creating necessary, but I’m no Eckhart Tolle. I haven’t mastered the art of just being. I’m a doing junky.

Lol....I didn't even know there are different 'versions' of astrology.
I can see how that takes away it's credibility.

On the plus side, we can choose whichever natal chart we prefer more. I’m setting the bar low and choosing the chart more dominant in the energy of an underachiever with emotional instability so not much will be expected of me.

Haha.....on to the mothership then!

I’ll be hovering over your area at 9 p.m. tonight. Beam you up then!

Ah ok....I didn't know the full context, I thought of a sudden crisis being stopped, period.
No, I don't think suicide is ever one's path of life.
Even though I know the negative influence food and hormones(estrogen) can have, it still amazes me of how much power and influence it has on our lives and wellbeing/feeling.

It amazes me, too. Knowing that the cause or “it” isn’t me, that I don’t have to suffer in silence out of shame and guilt because I’m having a moment, and that it too shall pass, has thankfully helped with overcoming crises quickly when they inevitably occur.

Oh ok.....I thought in essence it could be used for the same reasoning, as I know some Oracle cards also can be used to answer 'yes' and 'no' questions.
It's just that Tarot is much more detailed.

I’ve never seen a reader interpret oracle cards as yes or no, but I can see them being used like that, sure. I’ve only worked with tarot. I mostly use my Starman deck. The deck’s creator is the artist Davide De Angelis. It’s inspired by the artwork he created for David Bowie. The three cards below are the Leo and Scorpio cards—strength, the sun and death:

Hmm, I see that stinks.... especially since there's no way of dancing which doesn't require head movement. It would become a very constraint way of dancing,which I imagine would take the purpose and fun out of it.

Yeah, I don’t hold back when dancing so that’s why I mostly do it in short and infrequent spurts now.

Here's to hoping then, that you'll soon be able to go snowshoeing!
(Lol, I imagine your grocery haul would become even more impressive to keep up with burned calories/energy)

Thanks! :) My grocery haul shouldn’t increase too much, since snowshoeing will just be replacing the rail trail and stairs. Our property sits on a hill and it only takes about 10 minutes to get to the lake so I’ll get a good climb in doing several laps. Plus, I’m buying less milk weekly because I’m drinking whole goat’s milk now whereas, I was skimming the raw cow’s milk so I needed more milk to make up for the cream calories I wasn’t getting. I’m saving over $30 a week.

 

[Dutchie]

Yep, I understood what you meant. :) To me just being=meaning so no creating necessary, but I’m no Eckhart Tolle. I haven’t mastered the art of just being. I’m a doing junky.

Lol....aren't we all doing junkies.
A lot of it is programmed, that we should be highly active,but I think to a certain extent humans are doing-creatures as thriving makes one intrinsically want to create/do things.

On the plus side, we can choose whichever natal chart we prefer more. I’m setting the bar low and choosing the chart more dominant in the energy of an underachiever with emotional instability so not much will be expected of me.

Cherry picking our destinies....I'm all for it!

I’ll be hovering over your area at 9 p.m. tonight. Beam you up then!

Deal!

It amazes me, too. Knowing that the cause or “it” isn’t me, that I don’t have to suffer in silence out of shame and guilt because I’m having a moment, and that it too shall pass, has thankfully helped with overcoming crises quickly when they inevitably occur.

Hmm, that's what I also try to keep in mind when experiencing such moments. However it is hard for me to do so, bc it feels in such moments everything (so my mind too) is taken over and I'm being pushed to the backseat.
Now that I'm in my 3rd week of the cycle, the turmoil all thankfully has settled down again and I feel more balanced and like me again.

I’ve never seen a reader interpret oracle cards as yes or no, but I can see them being used like that, sure. I’ve only worked with tarot. I mostly use my Starman deck. The deck’s creator is the artist Davide De Angelis. It’s inspired by the artwork he created for David Bowie. The three cards below are the Leo and Scorpio cards—strength, the sun and death:

Davide de Angeles does ring a bell....maybe I've seen some of his other artwork before
That's a cool deck....I love looking at Tarot and Oracle cards bc they often have pretty artwork, imo.

Yeah, I don’t hold back when dancing so that’s why I mostly do it in short and infrequent spurts now.

So, it's like the sprinting that's often being recommended for health as opposed to long distance running.

Thanks! :) My grocery haul shouldn’t increase too much, since snowshoeing will just be replacing the rail trail and stairs. Our property sits on a hill and it only takes about 10 minutes to get to the lake so I’ll get a good climb in doing several laps. Plus, I’m buying less milk weekly because I’m drinking whole goat’s milk now whereas, I was skimming the raw cow’s milk so I needed more milk to make up for the cream calories I wasn’t getting. I’m saving over $30 a week.

Ah ok, I didn't know you went back to goats bc you've said you prefer the taste of cows milk.
That's great that you're able to save some more money.
On the other hand....if you purely made this choice bc it cuts costs/amount of necessary milk...now that the colder season is coming up, wouldn't you be able to drink the same amount of cows milk (vs goats) by adding some (melted) cacao butter or actual butter/ghee (don't know how it'll taste) to it

 

[Jennifer]

Lol....aren't we all doing junkies.
A lot of it is programmed, that we should be highly active,but I think to a certain extent humans are doing-creatures as thriving makes one intrinsically want to create/do things.

Apparently, not Eckhart Tolle. But I agree, a lot of it is programming, however, as much as thriving makes me want to do things, it also makes me not want to do things, i.e., rest. To me, the average child is more in-tune with themselves than the average adult, and they don’t just play hard, they rest hard, too. I’ve mentioned this in my log update about tapping into our inner child, but when I’m in that thriving state, the high-vibe energy is so intense I question how long my body can sustain it and sure enough, I experience burnout. I believe we’re powerful beings but there is a limit to what this meat suit of mine can take, however, due to conditioning from my upbringing and society placing so much value in the masculine energy of doing that it overshadows the restorative, feminine energy of being, I’ve struggled to know my limits and rest when I’m really wanting to rest. In order for me to actually thrive, activity needs to be balanced out with periods of inactivity, and in those periods of inactivity, I can’t be riddled with guilt that by honoring my needs, I’m being selfish, lazy and wasting my life, which has sadly been my default, but I’m slowly changing it.

Hmm, that's what I also try to keep in mind when experiencing such moments. However it is hard for me to do so, bc it feels in such moments everything (so my mind too) is taken over and I'm being pushed to the backseat.
Now that I'm in my 3rd week of the cycle, the turmoil all thankfully has settled down again and I feel more balanced and like me again.

I’m glad the turmoil has settled down. :) It is hard. In those moments, I just allow how I’m feeling to exist without trying to change it. I give myself compassion—no abusive self-talk—and the space to decompress, and it passes quicker than had I created resistance by judging myself harshly and doing everything I can think of to not feel the way I’m feeling.

I love looking at Tarot and Oracle cards bc they often have pretty artwork, imo.

Me too! They’re like shiny objects to me. lol I have to show major restraint not to buy them, especially now that they make a lot of the decks in mini versions. So many decks have oversized cards that are difficult to shuffle if a person has small hands. I don’t know for certain but based on YouTube, I suspect more women read tarot than men and a lot of these decks seem to be made for a man’s hands. I know one reader who trims the decks, but only if they have borders or else they would lose part of the image. I’m so neurotic about things being straight, I wouldn’t dare trim mine. I don’t want some botched tarot cards. It would drive me nuts.

So, it's like the sprinting that's often being recommended for health as opposed to long distance running.

Yes, exactly!

Ah ok, I didn't know you went back to goats bc you've said you prefer the taste of cows milk.
That's great that you're able to save some more money.
On the other hand....if you purely made this choice bc it cuts costs/amount of necessary milk...now that the colder season is coming up, wouldn't you be able to drink the same amount of cows milk (vs goats) by adding some (melted) cacao butter or actual butter/ghee (don't know how it'll taste) to it

Yep, I do prefer the taste of cow’s milk, but I feel better on goat’s milk and found a source of it locally at Whole Foods so I switched back to it. It’s pasteurized, but it’s treating me very well and saves me the 2 hour drive to Four Winds Farm every week. I also found unfiltered juice at Whole Foods so I don’t have to buy the juicer. Yay!

 

[Dutchie]

Apparently, not Eckhart Tolle. But I agree, a lot of it is programming, however, as much as thriving makes me want to do things, it also makes me not want to do things, i.e., rest. To me, the average child is more in-tune with themselves than the average adult, and they don’t just play hard, they rest hard, too. I’ve mentioned this in my log update about tapping into our inner child, but when I’m in that thriving state, the high-vibe energy is so intense I question how long my body can sustain it and sure enough, I experience burnout. I believe we’re powerful beings but there is a limit to what this meat suit of mine can take, however, due to conditioning from my upbringing and society placing so much value in the masculine energy of doing that it overshadows the restorative, feminine energy of being, I’ve struggled to know my limits and rest when I’m really wanting to rest. In order for me to actually thrive, activity needs to be balanced out with periods of inactivity, and in those periods of inactivity, I can’t be riddled with guilt that by honoring my needs, I’m being selfish, lazy and wasting my life, which has sadly been my default, but I’m slowly changing it.

That's what I meant with the programming, we're programmed to 'doing' all the time, preferably as hard as possible. I think, just like you mentioned as kids, it's our nature to be doing things with intervals of not doing anything at all.
So, when you say when thriving,you also have moments where you don't want to do anything at all, makes perfect sense to me.
I used to constantly feel like that too (lazy, wasting my life) and punish myself for it, but thankfully these feelings now only pop up when I'm having a crisis/turmoil like I had again recently after a long time.
In the times of the Romans/Greecs, doing nothing was actually regarded an art....how times have changed

I’m glad the turmoil has settled down. :) It is hard. In those moments, I just allow how I’m feeling to exist without trying to change it. I give myself compassion—no abusive self-talk—and the space to decompress, and it passes quicker than had I created resistance by judging myself harshly and doing everything I can think of to not feel the way I’m feeling.

Hmm, I allow those feelings to be there too and don't try to push them away. The hard thing for me,which requires lots of energy , is to not have negative thoughts attached to those feelings and letting those snowball.
It feels like my mind starts to have a life of its own and 'I'm' being reduced to a mere bystander.

Me too! They’re like shiny objects to me. lol I have to show major restraint not to buy them, especially now that they make a lot of the decks in mini versions. So many decks have oversized cards that are difficult to shuffle if a person has small hands. I don’t know for certain but based on YouTube, I suspect more women read tarot than men and a lot of these decks seem to be made for a man’s hands. I know one reader who trims the decks, but only if they have borders or else they would lose part of the image. I’m so neurotic about things being straight, I wouldn’t dare trim mine. I don’t want some botched tarot cards. It would drive me nuts.

I know! My mom has several decks of huge cards which always makes some fall out when trying to shuffle them.
Lol....I wouldn't try trimming mine either, if I had any, bc I'd probably mess them up. So, I'd rather go for impractical but intact cards, instead of practical half-*ssed cards.

Yep, I do prefer the taste of cow’s milk, but I feel better on goat’s milk and found a source of it locally at Whole Foods so I switched back to it. It’s pasteurized, but it’s treating me very well and saves me the 2 hour drive to Four Winds Farm every week. I also found unfiltered juice at Whole Foods so I don’t have to buy the juicer. Yay!

Awesome..... that's a lot of Yays!
Whenever I sometimes see videos of people in Whole Foods, I'm like.... wouldn't it be great if we had that too?! Then again, there's only one wholefood organic wholeseller (left) here, so whatever they do and don't carry in their catalogue, any healthfood store can/can't get.

 

[Jennifer]

I used to constantly feel like that too (lazy, wasting my life) and punish myself for it, but thankfully these feelings now only pop up when I'm having a crisis/turmoil like I had again recently after a long time.
In the times of the Romans/Greecs, doing nothing was actually regarded an art....how times have changed

I’m glad you no longer constantly feel like that. It really makes life miserable. And how interesting that doing nothing was regarded as an art. That’s one art I don’t mind perfecting.

Hmm, I allow those feelings to be there too and don't try to push them away. The hard thing for me,which requires lots of energy , is to not have negative thoughts attached to those feelings and letting those snowball.
It feels like my mind starts to have a life of its own and 'I'm' being reduced to a mere bystander.

I understand. I gave up on trying to prevent the negative thoughts attached to the feelings. My low moments now are like a scene from Bridget Jones’s Diary, except there’s no self-pity. I give myself permission to not care. I go off on my own with a bowl of ice cream, put on a movie or music, and I’m dead to the world. I’m so used to working so hard for everything, giving life my all, that it feels so good in those moments to be so fed up that I finally let go of control and hand the burdensome things I was feeling over to God.

Lol....I wouldn't try trimming mine either, if I had any, bc I'd probably mess them up. So, I'd rather go for impractical but intact cards, instead of practical half-*ssed cards.

Me too! Some of the decks are quite expensive so there’s no way I would risk messing them up by trimming them. As it is, I don’t shuffle my cards like one would typically shuffle playing cards so that they don’t end up bent/curled up like I see with a lot of tarot readers’ cards.

Whenever I sometimes see videos of people in Whole Foods, I'm like.... wouldn't it be great if we had that too?! Then again, there's only one wholefood organic wholeseller (left) here, so whatever they do and don't carry in their catalogue, any healthfood store can/can't get.

Ah, gotcha. Whole Foods is known for being expensive, but it’s cheaper than the natural market in town—the same goat’s milk that is $9 at WF is $17 at the natural market—and they came out with their own brand of products that are comparable in price to products at the supermarkets so I’m shopping there exclusively now, instead of going to multiple markets like I was and spending so much time reading labels trying to find the cleanest products I can for my dad’s meals. At Whole Foods, clean products are abundant.

 

[Dutchie]

I’m glad you no longer constantly feel like that. It really makes life miserable. And how interesting that doing nothing was regarded as an art. That’s one art I don’t mind perfecting.

Thanks, it does indeed. :)
When I read that it started shifting my thoughts about being inactive and how we're programmed to think it's bad.
Back then they saw it as a good thing,bc it gave one the chance to connect to the self,investigate and develop ourselves etc.

I understand. I gave up on trying to prevent the negative thoughts attached to the feelings. My low moments now are like a scene from Bridget Jones’s Diary, except there’s no self-pity. I give myself permission to not care. I go off on my own with a bowl of ice cream, put on a movie or music, and I’m dead to the world. I’m so used to working so hard for everything, giving life my all, that it feels so good in those moments to be so fed up that I finally let go of control and hand the burdensome things I was feeling over to God.

A scene from Bridget Jones,huh.....hopefully not the one where you're making blue spaghetti
So you basically go into a state of apathy/numbness....that used to happen to me too when I'd hit my lowest point, maybe next time I should try to go directly into that state instead of suffering through until it happens.

Me too! Some of the decks are quite expensive so there’s no way I would risk messing them up by trimming them. As it is, I don’t shuffle my cards like one would typically shuffle playing cards so that they don’t end up bent/curled up like I see with a lot of tarot readers’ cards.

Hmm, I don't know what's considered a typical way to shuffle (Tarot) cards, but the way I've been taught to shuffle cards and seen it happen all around me, they don't bend or curl.
The only way in which I can see that happening, is when people shuffle cards in a showy casino/magic-type of manner.

Ah, gotcha. Whole Foods is known for being expensive, but it’s cheaper than the natural market in town—the same goat’s milk that is $9 at WF is $17 at the natural market—and they came out with their own brand of products that are comparable in price to products at the supermarkets so I’m shopping there exclusively now, instead of going to multiple markets like I was and spending so much time reading labels trying to find the cleanest products I can for my dad’s meals. At Whole Foods, clean products are abundant.

Some larger chain supermarkets here also have their own brand of organic products, which is usually a bit cheaper than the products/brands sold at the healthfood stores (from the monopoly wholeseller), but the quality can vary.