managing
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- Joined
- Jun 19, 2014
- Messages
- 2,262
Your description of your girlfriend "choosing" you struck a cord with me. I felt that way somewhat 20 years ago. As I got to know here, I realized that she was an amazing person. And one of the most beautiful I'd ever dated as a bonus. I went through many stages (pre-Peat) of not feeling worthy of her, resenting myself for not wanting her more, focusing on her faults, and acting out. Not coincidentally, as my energy improved I began to realize that she had stuck by my side reliably through it all and never wavered. Which means I must be worth it (or she is crazy, which she is not). And I am. And I look back and couldn't be happier with the path I chose. I might wish I had gotten here faster, but I am a stubborn SOB. YMMV.Lot more I should say to you in response, but in short I'm super grateful to have learned your story and even partially understood your journey. I'm still figuring a lot of stuff out, often as I'm writing a post or a response on here. Also, I like you: I like your energy, I like your philosophy, and I wish you the best on this ride.
I wish I had been more present during my promiscuous days (college mostly) but I was drinking to numb myself so I would be more of a hard body for sex. Still, I got what I wanted. It's money in the bank. Can't go back now. That's why I wanted to share, I'm coming from a place where I don't necessarily want what I have. I'm trying to figure out where to go taking inventory of where I've been and boy, there are NO lights in the inventory room. The heart, the actual physical heart and the surrounding tissue, is the key to navigating in the dark (speaking of chakras) @Peater
One thing to add because it hasn't been mentioned yet, tagging @Ableton in case you're still here: my girlfriend chose me. She wanted me, had to have me, and got me. I don't chase her much because of how much she pursues me, still to this day after 2+ years in the relationship. Do you how insecure this makes me sometimes? My girlfriend's an objectively good person in the right environment but she tortures me over my gaze. Any little looks or suspicions get a snarky little joke, or worse. I reap the rewards of being someone she's chosen, but I didn't really choose her. I choose her over all other options waking up every day but it's not the same as it were a willful, aggressive (more like assertive but with more gusto) choice to make her mine. I want to raise a healthy, resilient kid one day and I think we could make it work if we *both* get back to a better place, I haven't forgotten about the other purpose of men and women getting together besides companionship and pleasure.
Gonna check this out. Thanks for the reco.
The second thing is, how do you react when she sees you checking somebody out? Defensively? That unintentionally tells her that you doubt your motives too. React nonchalantly (if you don't). You are going to react. How you react matters. Knowing your boundaries matters. If you can communicate that to her, she shouldn't feel threatened. If she still does, its her and not you. This is how you know. YMMV.