Sexual Liberation The Downfall Of A Society

[MrGilbert]

Great post @Jib. I've experienced all kinds of benefits from SR, although I slip up from time to time as I have a gf. Tempting to go back to monk life...

 

[managing]

ableton you seem to want to controle the thread in the direction that you want and get angry and stressed out and threat/ inform us about u leaving, when it doesnt.

Managing: I like your points, I enjoy reading them too- Somehow I could sense that you were older than some of us here x) in my opinion its interesting and informative to hear the perspective from someone that has been around longer and has seen previous trends through out the years also of someone who can offer an outsider view to the current youth programming (it does not target you, ofc your child yes sadly!) Im glad your child has Peat parents btw big respects to you and your fam

Thank you! I appreciate the international perspective we get on here too. I saw this brand of protestant shame and guilt growing up in the midwestern US. I loathe that it is coming back. Technologies accelerate change but its too easy to attach motives and morality to them like some here want to do. Which doesn't, of course, mean they are benign either.

 

[Jib]

@Jib Your posts remind me (a bit) of member @Runenight201 , and by that I mean as a compliment, good work

Great post @Jib. I've experienced all kinds of benefits from SR, although I slip up from time to time as I have a gf. Tempting to go back to monk life...

Thanks guys!

Monk life is easier when it's a necessity. I'm not sure what I'd do if I had a girlfriend again.

This journey partially started for me after severe premature ejaculation caused by Rexulti. I mean severe to the point of being 100% unable to have sex. I'm not sure if the damage is permanent but I'm afraid to find out.

So there's a lot of trauma mixed in for me. Other things beside that which I won't get into.

In general everyone seems to agree that connection is important. Even people who use porn and have no objection to it would agree it's not a substitute for connection, and can be detrimental to connection if overdone.

I don't know what I'll do in the future. What the extent of my relationships with women will be. I think retention would be about a million times harder with a partner.

So I'm looking at this time period as an intimate relationship with myself for the first time in my life. I don't know how long it'll last. I'm appreciating my time here as much as I can.

Occasionally purging grief and sadness over the end of my last relationship, and difficult childhood memories coming up.

There was love and intimacy and affection in that relationship. It was real. If someone hasn't ever experienced that, I would recommend it despite all the pain and anguish that comes with it when it ends. It sucks losing pets too but that doesn't mean you should go your whole life without one.

Just a morning rant. Woke up feeling a bit more human and less mystical today. Some difficult things coming up. That is important too. Get too detached from human emotions and human suffering and you end up feeling like a space cadette that's not part of the human race.

There was a time I thought promiscuity was the answer. To never commit to a relationship ever and always keep everything completely casual. It wasn't for pleasure seeking either, it was to avoid pain. To avoid grief. Don't get too close and then it won't hurt when it's over, was my thinking.

A lot of people are motivated by avoiding pain more than pursuing pleasure. The line can be pretty blurry sometimes.

 

[cjm]

This journey partially started for me after severe premature ejaculation caused by Rexulti.

A lot of people are motivated by avoiding pain more than pursuing pleasure. The line can be pretty blurry sometimes.

+2. I have run away from so many potential pains, premature ejaculation the most terrorizing one. I didn't give a spit about girls or jerking off until a friend mentioned it in middle school, I must have been 12 at that point, so I went home after school and jerked off with a sample-sized bottle of shampoo/conditioner. I didn't have an orgasm but it was a nice sensation. I don't know when sex turned into a performance but it always was and still is for me. I'm in a long-term relationship with a really fascinating girl with a very strong sex drive. Probably estrogen driven to some extent but she genuinely likes sex, her orgasms send streams of energy up and down her body, she convulses from head to toe with every orgasm. I'm jealous! Every time I think about her sexual escapades as a younger girl (she's a few years older than me and I'm mid 30s), my mind races and a deep rage surfaces. I don't know all the details, my mind fills in the gaps. I'm pissed at her for having fun when I've been a performer my whole life with no focus on pleasure. It's not fair to her but at the same time, I deserve to enjoy sex the same way. My rage is irrational. I feel it is directly related to my biological (and probably somewhat psychological) inability to accommodate strong sensations.

I still "go early" -- it's really a problem. If the pressure to perform wasn't so great, maybe it wouldn't be a big deal. The shame of going early is real. My girlfriend will say "I like that you go early, it makes me feel good" in the sense that she thinks she is the reason I can't hold back for longer. Which is partially true but also annoying because I'm the one clenched up and ready for release at a moment's notice.

But Ray and this forum provide plenty of tools and guidance for those of us in this situation. All I have to do is bring honesty and hard work to the table. It's a long road. The muscles of the pelvic floor are monstrously strong. Funny enough, focusing on my gut, i.e., transit time, positive sensations, has been integral to loosening up stubborn muscular tension around my body.

On a personal note, I'm a tall, attractive dude who invested a lot of energy in his image to the detriment of work (i.e., practicing a skill), and I resent the attention I get now because I'd rather focus on the "intangibles." I am stuck in a prison where I know attractiveness can be a trump card and the temptation to use it keeps me from working/practicing. You ever had a girl gawk at you, speechless, because she can't look away? I have. It's a cheap thrill. A cocky attitude is just as in your face. Words, my dudes, are the truest aphrodisiacs.

Not sure if this is helpful but I felt like a lurker reading and not contributing.

I am watching this thread with personal interest. @managing, thanks for sticking in there and developing this conversation.

 

[managing]

+2. I have run away from so many potential pains, premature ejaculation the most terrorizing one. I didn't give a spit about girls or jerking off until a friend mentioned it in middle school, I must have been 12 at that point, so I went home after school and jerked off with a sample-sized bottle of shampoo/conditioner. I didn't have an orgasm but it was a nice sensation. I don't know when sex turned into a performance but it always was and still is for me. I'm in a long-term relationship with a really fascinating girl with a very strong sex drive. Probably estrogen driven to some extent but she genuinely likes sex, her orgasms send streams of energy up and down her body, she convulses from head to toe with every orgasm. I'm jealous! Every time I think about her sexual escapades as a younger girl (she's a few years older than me and I'm mid 30s), my mind races and a deep rage surfaces. I don't know all the details, my mind fills in the gaps. I'm pissed at her for having fun when I've been a performer my whole life with no focus on pleasure. It's not fair to her but at the same time, I deserve to enjoy sex the same way. My rage is irrational. I feel it is directly related to my biological (and probably somewhat psychological) inability to accommodate strong sensations.

I still "go early" -- it's really a problem. If the pressure to perform wasn't so great, maybe it wouldn't be a big deal. The shame of going early is real. My girlfriend will say "I like that you go early, it makes me feel good" in the sense that she thinks she is the reason I can't hold back for longer. Which is partially true but also annoying because I'm the one clenched up and ready for release at a moment's notice.

But Ray and this forum provide plenty of tools and guidance for those of us in this situation. All I have to do is bring honesty and hard work to the table. It's a long road. The muscles of the pelvic floor are monstrously strong. Funny enough, focusing on my gut, i.e., transit time, positive sensations, has been integral to loosening up stubborn muscular tension around my body.

On a personal note, I'm a tall, attractive dude who invested a lot of energy in his image to the detriment of work (i.e., practicing a skill), and I resent the attention I get now because I'd rather focus on the "intangibles." I am stuck in a prison where I know attractiveness can be a trump card and the temptation to use it keeps me from working/practicing. You ever had a girl gawk at you, speechless, because she can't look away? I have. It's a cheap thrill. A cocky attitude is just as in your face. Words, my dudes, are the truest aphrodisiacs.

Not sure if this is helpful but I felt like a lurker reading and not contributing.

I am watching this thread with personal interest. @managing, thanks for sticking in there and developing this conversation.

You are welcome. And a shotout to @R J for getting me off my high horse and @Carla for introducing some very interesting twists and for bringing a much-need female voice.

I am impressed with your self-awareness about your "irrational rage". Its frustrating I understand.

 

[PxD]

LOL. And @PxD doesn't believe in white supremacism. I suppose he or she could make the argument that anti-semitism isn't the same as white supremacism. Because THAT would be a meaningful distinction.

I suppose you are one of those who thinks everything Heidegger says must be anti-semitic because he joined the Nazi party? Which he later regretted.

Gestell is about the technology of things positioning human beings as objects, rendering them sense-made, rather than sense-making. Jews can create "gestell" just like every other human being can as well. Heidegger was not anti-semitic. Certainly not in the Nazi sense. Later in life he had a very productive collaboration with Martin Buber.

No, what I said was you're ragging on this mythical white supremacism that's "coming for your family", when in reality white supremacism in the U.S. is 50 guys in the hills of Tennessee.

Meanwhile, BLM/Antifa torch and loot entire city blocks while peacefully rioting - but it's tolerated, because there is this tremendous blindspot/double standard when we evaluate and judge the left and the right. Statistically, you should be orders of magnitude more worried about black crime affecting you than a guy in a MAGA hat.

The cognitive dissonance from you liberal-leftoids is dismaying.

Re: anti-semitism, we should come up with a new term. Arabs are Semites too, so Jews are probably the biggest anti-Semites on the planet.

 

[cjm]

You are welcome. And a shotout to @R J for getting me off my high horse and @Carla for introducing some very interesting twists and for bringing a much-need female voice.

I am impressed with your self-awareness about your "irrational rage". Its frustrating I understand.

Thanks, man. The frustration is managing, er, manageable, but not debilitating, not unless the mental manacles are turning my brain into a hermetically-sealed aquarium. I sympathize with @Ableton (not that you're looking for sympathy) because I feel privileged to have had some escape from the struggle, regardless of whether escaping was time well spent.

 

[cjm]

@Ableton Just had a thought: Being attractive enough to qualify for a woman's attention with looks alone is not as comforting as you might think. Attractiveness is a spectrum like anything else. Some people are more beautiful than others, there is competition at every level. Merely good-looking people compete with the beautiful people. You need to bring something else to the table if you're the former.

Myself, I get insecure around self-assured people with skills.

The skills I bring to the table are that I'm decent with my hands, can catch a ball and play sports, I used to play drums, piano, and guitar at a decent level, I performed on stage for a while, but there's always someone out there who can write better, is more athletic or graceful, plays an instrument better, sings like an angel (god forbid, these people are my kryptonite) AND has grit, determination, resolve, etc. AAAAANNND whose confidence in their particular craft just deflates my ego.

There's a theater group in my town in which EVERYONE is massively talented. With them, it's all about who can make the biggest spectacle. Very few if any "gorgeous" people in this group, just a bunch of kids that like to have fun showing off for each other.

Social media doesn't make this easier. Everyone with a talent is filming and publishing himself being better than you. Tough time to be finding yourself with all these distractions.

I suppose one could always use his looks to find someone who feels they couldn't possibly do any better than him, no worries there, you're top dog. But that seems like a temporary solution in the grand scheme of things.

 

[Jib]

@cjm

Contribution much appreciated. Very valuable stuff. Glad you decided to post.

So much of sexual gratification is ego based. That's also where the rage comes from. I'm extremely familiar with that. Like dude, imagining my ex sleeping with someone else, I wanted to kill the guy. Like this fictional guy. Or her. I would never do that in real life. And that rage feels so foreign to me now. But I was there. I also experienced extreme jealousy, because if she didn't play with herself during sex, she never orgasmed, just from penetration alone. I remember a couple times she got close and then I ejaculated, even though I had lasted over 30 minutes before she said she was going to come. Makes me wonder if watching so much porn with an emphasis on that affected me and wired my brain to ejaculate to "triggers" that are overly stimulating.

Anyway, she claimed she only had an orgasm from penetration once in her entire life, said she saw colors etc. and it was overwhelming, amazing...and of course, I didn't show it, but it made me feel awful. Like who was this guy? What was so much better about him?

And I had amazing sex with my ex. She would tell me repeatedly it was the best sex she had in her life, that I was the first guy who could make her orgasm with my hands or by going down on her, constantly complimenting my penis, all the time, and my body. Practically worshiping me. She was constantly all over me, always wanted sex with me, always praising me. And that was intoxicating. Not only did I take it for granted, but no matter how much of a pedestal she put me on, I still felt inadequate knowing she had been with other guys and possibly had experiences with other guys that were better than experiences with me.

It's insane. It's such a low state of being. Now there was a lot of fighting and other bad stuff later on. But the truth is, I got all the intimacy and ego gratification any man could have ever asked for, and I still felt insecure and unsatisfied. I was having sex multiple times a day every single day and I still felt insecure and unsatisfied. It's crazy.

That's one reason I'm loving this journey. It's forcing me to take a very deep, difficult look at my personal demons. It isn't a coincidence I've been sleeping earlier and waking up earlier, and have way more energy. That alone makes it worth it to me. But the psychological/spiritual challenge is so significant. I've been more tempted to ejaculate lately, look at some porn. Because it's been getting overwhelming. But as soon as I remember the benefits and think of prioritizing my spiritual health...the urge goes away.

I remember the pain and suffering of being in such a low state of being. Sex is great, don't get me wrong. It feels amazing. And the ego gratification is great. This is just a newfound 'liberation' to me, the feeling that finally, I can be at peace, even without sex. Even if I never have sex for the rest of my life. That's a pretty big deal. I can confidently say for the first time in my life, I would be OK, if it came down to that. I wouldn't like it, but I wouldn't be suicidal over it like I used to be. Huge improvement.

@Carla

Appreciate your contributions as well. For years I was obsessed with touch and affection. I was so deprived. And it was all I wanted. I even humiliated myself the last time I was forcibly hospitalized at the psych ward by telling these three female doctors I wasn't suicidal, I just needed a hug, and I was too afraid to ask for it. They just looked at me silently and then said "Your room is over at the end of the hall." Nothing, no other response. It was humiliating and awful, among many other experiences at mental hospitals I've had, but that's whatever.

Platonic affection, I agree with more than anything. When my grandparents were alive, I was all over them. Constantly holding their hands, rubbing their backs, hugging them, sitting down next to them. I loved my grandparents and I loved being affectionate with them right up until they died when I was in my early 20's and late 20's.

I don't know what it was, but my grandparents were the only people I really was able to be completely openly affectionate with. I'm really sad that they're gone. My avatar is a screenshot of a drawing my grandma did a little while before she died.

So not to get all soupy on you. But I think I lean more towards platonic affection as a necessity, than romantic. It could be because of everything I've been through. And I can't imagine platonic affection outside of family. I couldn't imagine having that with friends. Or anyone in my family besides my grandparents. Perhaps that's a cultural issue.

You may find the book "Touching" by Ashley Montagu interesting if you haven't read it yet. I have it. But have not read it yet! Lol. But I can still recommend it! Because I know it exists. But that's about it. I might have read a little bit but I have almost no attention span at all, so.

But these days I don't crave affection at all. The idea of being close to someone is aversive to me. Maybe just because of what I've been through. I'm very happy being alone and without sex or affection for the time being. Never thought there would come a day I'd say that confidently.

 

[Jib]

@cjm

I'll add that I still feel rage, and I still get horny. Severely. But am way more objective about it now. I simply see it as my energy. That's my power. That's my drive. I used to feel controlled by these things. Now all of a sudden I've been slowly building way more focus, been working out daily for the first time in over a year or even two years.

"Transmuting" may as well be a trick of the mind. It's simply perceiving internal stimuli in a different way. That same rage I had with my ex, and also the same lust, can be used for other things. So I'm also not seeing it as "overcoming my nature" by simply redirecting it consciously. Though I will say the most staggering and mind blowing aspect of retention so far has been my capacity for exercise. I was convinced I had CFS and would just be basically bedridden the rest of my life, no energy to do anything, and I've been slowly building muscle starting about a month ago.

So I do want to emphasize, it's very important to embrace our nature. I have no qualms about admitting that on a regular basis I get extremely powerful sexual urges. It simply isn't triggered by porn anymore or even seeing women out and about in real life. It's just energy inside me. I've had a few times I was shaking like a leaf, as if it was below 0 degrees outside. Seriously. Like uncontrollable convulsing. I was like what the hell is going on? What is this? It's happened a few times since retaining. It'll start with sexual urges but then it just becomes this insane physical sensation. Literally tremors over my whole body. Have no control over it and it'll last for several minutes.

I have no idea how to explain that. Been experiencing a lot of strange but good things since retaining. An interesting journey for sure. But again: I don't condone repressing our natural urges. The trick is transmuting them. Fully acknowledging yes I want to **** my brains out with some girl right now. That is one aspect of myself. But then choosing to redirect that energy into something else. Feelings are not bad in and of themselves.

I do think experience helps a lot. When you've been with women and "been there done that," it takes the mystery out of it all. Part of how I'm able to do this, is I know what I'm missing out on. I'm not wondering what it would be like to have a lot of sex because I've already lived that. It was an experience worth having and very valuable at the time. But these days I'm feeling much better and if I had to pick between the two, I'd pick where I am now.

 

[Peater]

It's just energy inside me. I've had a few times I was shaking like a leaf, as if it was below 0 degrees outside. Seriously. Like uncontrollable convulsing. I was like what the hell is going on? What is this? It's happened a few times since retaining. It'll start with sexual urges but then it just becomes this insane physical sensation. Literally tremors over my whole body. Have no control over it and it'll last for several minute

Has it ever made you feel almost nauseas?

 

[Jib]

Has it ever made you feel almost nauseas?

Not yet. Thankfully.

I will say this "convulsing" is something I've experienced before from sexual arousal. I remember it with my ex once in a while, if I hadn't ejaculated in a day or two. I'd get really excited but would start shaking like a leaf.

However, this is much more intense. Like a lot more intense. The shaking I'm used to is much, much milder. This was like on hyperdrive to the point where I was like okay. What is going on. Had to ride it out like a short drug trip or something, it was that weird. But perhaps a similar thing to what I experienced in the past, just more dramatic.

 

[Peater]

@Jib Maybe nausea isn't the best term, but is the most relatable way of describing that feeling in my stomach/base of my spine. It wasn't a pleasant feeling and ties in with your 'bursting with energy' feeling. Interestingly I think that point ties in with chakra and acupuncture points.

 

[Jib]

@Jib Maybe nausea isn't the best term, but is the most relatable way of describing that feeling in my stomach/base of my spine. It wasn't a pleasant feeling and ties in with your 'bursting with energy' feeling. Interestingly I think that point ties in with chakra and acupuncture points.

Makes me think of kundalini. It's crazy I never cared about that or chakras and thought it was all BS. But now am suddenly fascinated with the concept.

Sexual energy is extremely powerful. It does seem like retaining and transmuting it is a phenomenon and not just psychological.

Been having intense urges lately from interacting with some females. Like them being extremely flirty, having fun enjoying flirting back. Just enjoying the interaction. But man does it leave me feeling sexually charged.

Without releasing this energy, it builds up. Again, I thought this was all BS. For all I know it's neurotransmitters and the brain's dopamine system rewiring itself. But it's not a coincidence I'm now sleeping around midnight and waking up around 8am after being practically nocturnal for two years. And have plenty of energy to work out daily. And am laser focusing on some projects I had on hiatus for years.

I'm not going to judge people being promiscuous. I'll clarify that semen retention probably seems polarized because you have to be polarized to take it seriously. In my mind I have polarized views right now, but I think I have to in order to stay on this path. If you don't believe ejaculating is wasting your life force, for example, why not do it?

It's human nature to want to justify what you're doing. Promiscuity? "Humans are sexual creatures and naturally promiscuous." Semen retention? "Lust is a sin and takes us away from God."

The two beliefs aren't as far apart as you'd think. Honestly at the end of the day I think it comes down to individual paths we're on. The polarization comes when we try to convince people that our path is the "true and only" path.

Glad that no one in here has gotten personal about that, as in, accusing people of being evil for being promiscuous, or accusing people of being nutjobs for being on semen retention.

I've been relieved to check on this thread and not get massively triggered by people tearing each other apart. Good job everyone. Perhaps the Day Peat forum isn't such a strange place for such a discussion after all. Personally I enjoy seeing different viewpoints, keeps me on my toes

 

[cjm]

@cjm
I do think experience helps a lot. When you've been with women and "been there done that," it takes the mystery out of it all. Part of how I'm able to do this, is I know what I'm missing out on. I'm not wondering what it would be like to have a lot of sex because I've already lived that. It was an experience worth having and very valuable at the time. But these days I'm feeling much better and if I had to pick between the two, I'd pick where I am now.

Lot more I should say to you in response, but in short I'm super grateful to have learned your story and even partially understood your journey. I'm still figuring a lot of stuff out, often as I'm writing a post or a response on here. Also, I like you: I like your energy, I like your philosophy, and I wish you the best on this ride.

That's one reason I'm loving this journey. It's forcing me to take a very deep, difficult look at my personal demons.

I wish I had been more present during my promiscuous days (college mostly) but I was drinking to numb myself so I would be more of a hard body for sex. Still, I got what I wanted. It's money in the bank. Can't go back now. That's why I wanted to share, I'm coming from a place where I don't necessarily want what I have. I'm trying to figure out where to go taking inventory of where I've been and boy, there are NO lights in the inventory room. The heart, the actual physical heart and the surrounding tissue, is the key to navigating in the dark (speaking of chakras) @Peater

One thing to add because it hasn't been mentioned yet, tagging @Ableton in case you're still here: my girlfriend chose me. She wanted me, had to have me, and got me. I don't chase her much because of how much she pursues me, still to this day after 2+ years in the relationship. Do you how insecure this makes me sometimes? My girlfriend's an objectively good person in the right environment but she tortures me over my gaze. Any little looks or suspicions get a snarky little joke, or worse. I reap the rewards of being someone she's chosen, but I didn't really choose her. I choose her over all other options waking up every day but it's not the same as it were a willful, aggressive (more like assertive but with more gusto) choice to make her mine. I want to raise a healthy, resilient kid one day and I think we could make it work if we *both* get back to a better place, I haven't forgotten about the other purpose of men and women getting together besides companionship and pleasure.

You may find the book "Touching" by Ashley Montagu interesting if you haven't read it yet. I have it. But have not read it yet! Lol. But I can still recommend it! Because I know it exists. But that's about it. I might have read a little bit but I have almost no attention span at all, so.

Gonna check this out. Thanks for the reco.

 

[managing]

No, what I said was you're ragging on this mythical white supremacism that's "coming for your family", when in reality white supremacism in the U.S. is 50 guys in the hills of Tennessee.

Meanwhile, BLM/Antifa torch and loot entire city blocks while peacefully rioting - but it's tolerated, because there is this tremendous blindspot/double standard when we evaluate and judge the left and the right. Statistically, you should be orders of magnitude more worried about black crime affecting you than a guy in a MAGA hat.

The cognitive dissonance from you liberal-leftoids is dismaying.

Re: anti-semitism, we should come up with a new term. Arabs are Semites too, so Jews are probably the biggest anti-Semites on the planet.

I don't know if you are a white man and grew up in the US, but I am/did. White supremacism is alive and well in all 50 states. Those motivated to act out on it are probably a small number. Somewhere in the range of a few million. But those willing to turn a blind eye to it are almost enough to enable it.

BLM is an organization. Antifa is not. Whether BLM itself was behind destruction and looting or not, I have no idea and neither does anybody else. But to turn your whataboutism on its head, anybody burning things or stealing things should be arrested and prosecuted. Now let's get to reality instead of sound bites. Many local authorities decided that the destruction caused by containing it was less than the potential carnage that might be caused by suppressing it. Were they right? I don't know. Probably the people who made those decisions are also uncertain still to this point. However, to the extent that, after the fact, they have been able to identify people committing specific illegal acts, they have detained and prosecuted them. If the leadership of BLM, or individuals claiming to act out of "antifa" motives committed crimes, they should be prosecuted if the evidence is available to do so.

So, your whataboutism says "let's ignore white supremacists and prosecute BLM". Which makes you . . . . SMH.

 

[TheSir]

White supremacism is alive and well in all 50 states.

Through which means, and in what manner, does white supremacism manifest itself around you in your daily life, if I may ask? By white supremacism, are you referring purely to the belief of whites being superior to other races, or the concrete effects of whites outperforming other races within the American society? Is there a difference between white supremacy and white exceptionalism?

 

[cjm]

I will say this "convulsing" is something I've experienced before from sexual arousal. I remember it with my ex once in a while, if I hadn't ejaculated in a day or two. I'd get really excited but would start shaking like a leaf.

My +1: The only time I've experienced this convulsing has been outdoors on cold, windy nights after smoking a ton of pot. It's like all the adrenaline and emergency heat-making mechanisms turn off and I have to shiver (SHIVER) to get warm. It happened the other day actually, after having been inside in still, warm air all day, and I stepped outside to take out the trash and as soon as a tiny breeze hit my skin, it was like all my skin contracted at the same time. I "sat" with that sensation as a I walked back inside, proud of myself for not having freaked out. Not sexual, but sort of the same thing.

 

[Peater]

BLM is an organization. Antifa is not.

Aren't they legally defined as a terrorist organisation now?

 

[managing]

Makes me think of kundalini. It's crazy I never cared about that or chakras and thought it was all BS. But now am suddenly fascinated with the concept.

Sexual energy is extremely powerful. It does seem like retaining and transmuting it is a phenomenon and not just psychological.

Been having intense urges lately from interacting with some females. Like them being extremely flirty, having fun enjoying flirting back. Just enjoying the interaction. But man does it leave me feeling sexually charged.

Without releasing this energy, it builds up. Again, I thought this was all BS. For all I know it's neurotransmitters and the brain's dopamine system rewiring itself. But it's not a coincidence I'm now sleeping around midnight and waking up around 8am after being practically nocturnal for two years. And have plenty of energy to work out daily. And am laser focusing on some projects I had on hiatus for years.

I'm not going to judge people being promiscuous. I'll clarify that semen retention probably seems polarized because you have to be polarized to take it seriously. In my mind I have polarized views right now, but I think I have to in order to stay on this path. If you don't believe ejaculating is wasting your life force, for example, why not do it?

It's human nature to want to justify what you're doing. Promiscuity? "Humans are sexual creatures and naturally promiscuous." Semen retention? "Lust is a sin and takes us away from God."

The two beliefs aren't as far apart as you'd think. Honestly at the end of the day I think it comes down to individual paths we're on. The polarization comes when we try to convince people that our path is the "true and only" path.

Glad that no one in here has gotten personal about that, as in, accusing people of being evil for being promiscuous, or accusing people of being nutjobs for being on semen retention.

I've been relieved to check on this thread and not get massively triggered by people tearing each other apart. Good job everyone. Perhaps the Day Peat forum isn't such a strange place for such a discussion after all. Personally I enjoy seeing different viewpoints, keeps me on my toes

I am not psychologist. And, although I've dealt with my own demons, they aren't the same as yours. But I will say a few things that strike me.

First off, this level of self-awareness and honesty--particularly with yourself--is invaluable to you.

Second, it seems to me that where you are right now is that you have swung from one extreme to the other. From fornicating like a rabbit to nobody is getting any from me. And that is cool. I am not trying to problematize where you are right now and I don't doubt that it feels a lot safer and dignified than before. I say it only for--to the extent it may help--to bring your attention to it. If you aspire to "a happy medium" in the future, it will take consciousness to get there.

This story your telling, this life you are living, few things I've read here fit the Ray Peat mantra (Think. Perceive. Act.) better. You are shedding the demons of authorities and moving toward a more chosen path. Walk on.