I've been lurking for a short time and I'm signing up so I can view photos and maybe contribute some and take some value.
This is my first post and its kind of long and strange. I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions though that may help me help myself become more like myself again.
I'm a 27 year old male 150 pounds slight abdominal slight chest fat
I've been having some problems for years now. I was wondering if anyone might have some suggestions. I think I repressed stress for a long time and it caused some kind of mental break I can't get out of and alcohol misuse and medications made worse.
When I was 16 I started to smell bad no matter how much I showered and cleaned myself. I was told I smelled like feces, garbage, or "fish from the ocean" this happened almost every day until I was about 20. I'm not sure when it stopped happening because I couldn't smell myself. I do have sense of smell and I can smell my body odor if I sweat too much but I couldn't ever smell the other smells people complained about
I also didn't really start puberty until 18 years old. When I was 17 and started a new job on my first day someone asked "since when do we hire 10 year olds". I had a very hard time even getting hired anywhere and was asked for my ID before most places would give me an application
Another time of stress was being on Parris island for 6 months. I dislocated my patella and was put in a rehab platoon but was never allowed to recover and eventually separated. I felt like I lost my purpose and was a failure.
I broke up with my gf after this and as revenge she made rape stories and abused the legal system to harass me. I had to go to court to defend myself. After it was dismissed by the judge my ex GF made blog posts and inspired men to start harrassing me. This was stressful until I moved away.
I was doing well after that until I broke my ankle. I had surgery. I got depressed and started feeling very odd around this time. I also started meditating because I heard it helped. I started to have feelings like I shouldn't be here and this whole existence is absurd. I wondered how can people be walking around so calmly and not in constant a state of astonishment and terror? I knew they were kind of juvenile thoughts but I kept thinking about things similar to this.
I eventually went to the doctor to be examined because it felt like my **** was leaking clear fluid and I found kind of an extra hole near my anus. He referred me to a psychiatrist without examining me and I started taking Prozac and risperidone that really messed me up more than anything. I was convinced by the dr I was insane for a while and had somehow imagined everything from when I smelled bad. until I talked to someone from high school and asked him and he told me I definitely did have a smell in high school. I had grown breasts from the medication and gained weight from it. I stopped the medication and lost 70 pounds of fat over 2 years.
Now I am here
It's been 2 years without the medicine.
I do not feel helpless I have hope for change. I am feeling a lot better but I am still having problems and what I am doing so far hasn't fixed them yet.
Anhedonia, derealization, low libido, low motivation, fatigue, monotone voice unless I force ups and downs, and when I ejaculate I don't have the feeling of orgasm like I did before 4 years ago.
blood pressure is sometimes high in the morning 135/85 normal temperature.
Diet: Mostly water, coffee, grain fed chicken, grass fed and finished beef, broccoli, spinach, green beans, egg whites, olive oil, grass fed butter. More rarely: Greek yogurt, Tuna, chicken liver, oats, milk, apples, random vegetables, peanut butter.
Supplements: 5,000 iu vitamin d3, 1 mg folic acid, 100mg b6, 50 mg zinc, 1 gram vitamin C
Weightlifting 3-5 times a week. Working and making money helps my motivation. I'm looking forward to starting school for welding and school for my engineering prerequisites.
Does anyone have any suggestions ?
This is my first post and its kind of long and strange. I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions though that may help me help myself become more like myself again.
I'm a 27 year old male 150 pounds slight abdominal slight chest fat
I've been having some problems for years now. I was wondering if anyone might have some suggestions. I think I repressed stress for a long time and it caused some kind of mental break I can't get out of and alcohol misuse and medications made worse.
When I was 16 I started to smell bad no matter how much I showered and cleaned myself. I was told I smelled like feces, garbage, or "fish from the ocean" this happened almost every day until I was about 20. I'm not sure when it stopped happening because I couldn't smell myself. I do have sense of smell and I can smell my body odor if I sweat too much but I couldn't ever smell the other smells people complained about
I also didn't really start puberty until 18 years old. When I was 17 and started a new job on my first day someone asked "since when do we hire 10 year olds". I had a very hard time even getting hired anywhere and was asked for my ID before most places would give me an application
Another time of stress was being on Parris island for 6 months. I dislocated my patella and was put in a rehab platoon but was never allowed to recover and eventually separated. I felt like I lost my purpose and was a failure.
I broke up with my gf after this and as revenge she made rape stories and abused the legal system to harass me. I had to go to court to defend myself. After it was dismissed by the judge my ex GF made blog posts and inspired men to start harrassing me. This was stressful until I moved away.
I was doing well after that until I broke my ankle. I had surgery. I got depressed and started feeling very odd around this time. I also started meditating because I heard it helped. I started to have feelings like I shouldn't be here and this whole existence is absurd. I wondered how can people be walking around so calmly and not in constant a state of astonishment and terror? I knew they were kind of juvenile thoughts but I kept thinking about things similar to this.
I eventually went to the doctor to be examined because it felt like my **** was leaking clear fluid and I found kind of an extra hole near my anus. He referred me to a psychiatrist without examining me and I started taking Prozac and risperidone that really messed me up more than anything. I was convinced by the dr I was insane for a while and had somehow imagined everything from when I smelled bad. until I talked to someone from high school and asked him and he told me I definitely did have a smell in high school. I had grown breasts from the medication and gained weight from it. I stopped the medication and lost 70 pounds of fat over 2 years.
Now I am here
It's been 2 years without the medicine.
I do not feel helpless I have hope for change. I am feeling a lot better but I am still having problems and what I am doing so far hasn't fixed them yet.
Anhedonia, derealization, low libido, low motivation, fatigue, monotone voice unless I force ups and downs, and when I ejaculate I don't have the feeling of orgasm like I did before 4 years ago.
blood pressure is sometimes high in the morning 135/85 normal temperature.
Diet: Mostly water, coffee, grain fed chicken, grass fed and finished beef, broccoli, spinach, green beans, egg whites, olive oil, grass fed butter. More rarely: Greek yogurt, Tuna, chicken liver, oats, milk, apples, random vegetables, peanut butter.
Supplements: 5,000 iu vitamin d3, 1 mg folic acid, 100mg b6, 50 mg zinc, 1 gram vitamin C
Weightlifting 3-5 times a week. Working and making money helps my motivation. I'm looking forward to starting school for welding and school for my engineering prerequisites.
Does anyone have any suggestions ?
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