Hmmmm.
Looking back to the past 5 years, I think I can assume I have some form of depression.
Trying to keep this short, I studied Architecture which took around 7 years and some those years were on the brink of suicidal. (most students felt depressed in my studio)
After graduating, it has taken 3 years to gain employment due to industry/financial/location etc. I have been in a job for 4 months (previous job was 8 years in retail) and I cannot stand being there.
From the outset, the office (myself, the boss and someone else) is extremely quiet, dull, cluttered and down right depressing. No music, conversations are limited to Monday mornings and Friday evening (talking about the weekend) and between that there's barley a conversation to be had. I feel incredibly dumb in this job, which is understandable since it's new, but the things I'm doing wrong are things I can absolutely do. In my own environment... Boss frequently watches over me, sniggers when I ask for help and in general gives the impression that I'm not doing my job, though that's never been said so paranoia is on my part.
I'm already considering changing jobs to another office, but if that doesn't happen I'm stuck.
I often wonder "Why the hell am I choosing this 9-6 office job, no excitement within the environment, miserable cold days, when I could be anywhere I wanted in the world!".
Well, not quite since it takes money.
Job aside, I have a hobby of reef keeping which I adore. I think about what life would be like living in Indonesia or Hawaii or Australia in a job away from computers, technology and deadlines. Something like a maintenance worker for gardens, or something to do with tropical life.
It like there's no end in sight and it all comes down to job/money at this point. Before having a full time job, sure I'd be stuck at home, but I was free to do whatever I wanted and I think now, having to abide by the 9-6 routine, waiting for an exhausted weekend is making things worse. I'm all for living in the moment, but in 40, 50 years time what would I be doing if I haven't made savings, or contributed to the world as much as I wanted to?
I don't know. I probably expected a full time 'dream job' to make me happy, which is doesn't and I wonder why I can't just let go of this lifestyle and do something completely difference, in a warm climate. (Winter here, so SAD is making things even worse!)
Looking back to the past 5 years, I think I can assume I have some form of depression.
Trying to keep this short, I studied Architecture which took around 7 years and some those years were on the brink of suicidal. (most students felt depressed in my studio)
After graduating, it has taken 3 years to gain employment due to industry/financial/location etc. I have been in a job for 4 months (previous job was 8 years in retail) and I cannot stand being there.
From the outset, the office (myself, the boss and someone else) is extremely quiet, dull, cluttered and down right depressing. No music, conversations are limited to Monday mornings and Friday evening (talking about the weekend) and between that there's barley a conversation to be had. I feel incredibly dumb in this job, which is understandable since it's new, but the things I'm doing wrong are things I can absolutely do. In my own environment... Boss frequently watches over me, sniggers when I ask for help and in general gives the impression that I'm not doing my job, though that's never been said so paranoia is on my part.
I'm already considering changing jobs to another office, but if that doesn't happen I'm stuck.
I often wonder "Why the hell am I choosing this 9-6 office job, no excitement within the environment, miserable cold days, when I could be anywhere I wanted in the world!".
Well, not quite since it takes money.
Job aside, I have a hobby of reef keeping which I adore. I think about what life would be like living in Indonesia or Hawaii or Australia in a job away from computers, technology and deadlines. Something like a maintenance worker for gardens, or something to do with tropical life.
It like there's no end in sight and it all comes down to job/money at this point. Before having a full time job, sure I'd be stuck at home, but I was free to do whatever I wanted and I think now, having to abide by the 9-6 routine, waiting for an exhausted weekend is making things worse. I'm all for living in the moment, but in 40, 50 years time what would I be doing if I haven't made savings, or contributed to the world as much as I wanted to?
I don't know. I probably expected a full time 'dream job' to make me happy, which is doesn't and I wonder why I can't just let go of this lifestyle and do something completely difference, in a warm climate. (Winter here, so SAD is making things even worse!)