Hey,
I'm writing this because I like this forum and I often get really cool answers. But I'm also writing the following for myself, in the hope that I'll become clearer.
Four weeks ago I got a dog. It was my first time as a foster carer. For those who don't know what that is: you have a rescued dog until a family is found to adopt it.
Maia, estimated to be 5, is a French Bulldog, wants to cuddle 24/7, never barks and has a wonderful nature.
I told myself from the start that I would only have her until someone suitable was found for her, but damn, I couldn't have imagined the bond I would build.
I have very little contact with my family and not many social contacts at the moment. I was alone for Christmas. Well, not completely because Maia was with me...
This morning, after meditating, i had an open heart and she was lying in my lap and I imagined that today was the day she would be taken away and it tore my heart apart and I get tears in my eyes again when I think about it.
Now you're asking yourself, why don't I keep her?
Yes, that's the thing. No matter how much my love for her grows, my feeling to keep her remains a no.
I am 36 years old, can work independently. I just want to travel more, attend workshops, be free, maybe move to another apartment (which is much more difficult with a dog in Berlin). Sure, you can always take them to a friend or put them in a dog hotel, but I know myself and I know that I simply wouldn't do many things anymore. It's not just about special events, but about my everyday life, which is very restricted.
Her love is so wonderful, but in the four weeks I've also noticed how it limit me and sometimes makes me lonelier, because I don't do certain things so that she's not alone for so long, etc. I stay home more often.
It's such a difficult decision, people. The institution that placed Maia with me said there will always be a dog that touches me if I want to continue to be a foster home, but I don't think anyone will be like Maia (sounds like an oneitis yeah?).
I have experienced a lot of trauma in my life. A lot of it had to do with abandonment and at any time the call could come that a family has been found for her. I don't know how to cope with that.
Of course I won't die from it, but I have great respect for the moment when her dog basket is no longer here and I'm sitting alone on the sofa again.
Maybe someone has experienced something similar.
Hugs
Johannes
I'm writing this because I like this forum and I often get really cool answers. But I'm also writing the following for myself, in the hope that I'll become clearer.
Four weeks ago I got a dog. It was my first time as a foster carer. For those who don't know what that is: you have a rescued dog until a family is found to adopt it.
Maia, estimated to be 5, is a French Bulldog, wants to cuddle 24/7, never barks and has a wonderful nature.
I told myself from the start that I would only have her until someone suitable was found for her, but damn, I couldn't have imagined the bond I would build.
I have very little contact with my family and not many social contacts at the moment. I was alone for Christmas. Well, not completely because Maia was with me...
This morning, after meditating, i had an open heart and she was lying in my lap and I imagined that today was the day she would be taken away and it tore my heart apart and I get tears in my eyes again when I think about it.
Now you're asking yourself, why don't I keep her?
Yes, that's the thing. No matter how much my love for her grows, my feeling to keep her remains a no.
I am 36 years old, can work independently. I just want to travel more, attend workshops, be free, maybe move to another apartment (which is much more difficult with a dog in Berlin). Sure, you can always take them to a friend or put them in a dog hotel, but I know myself and I know that I simply wouldn't do many things anymore. It's not just about special events, but about my everyday life, which is very restricted.
Her love is so wonderful, but in the four weeks I've also noticed how it limit me and sometimes makes me lonelier, because I don't do certain things so that she's not alone for so long, etc. I stay home more often.
It's such a difficult decision, people. The institution that placed Maia with me said there will always be a dog that touches me if I want to continue to be a foster home, but I don't think anyone will be like Maia (sounds like an oneitis yeah?).
I have experienced a lot of trauma in my life. A lot of it had to do with abandonment and at any time the call could come that a family has been found for her. I don't know how to cope with that.
Of course I won't die from it, but I have great respect for the moment when her dog basket is no longer here and I'm sitting alone on the sofa again.
Maybe someone has experienced something similar.
Hugs
Johannes