Younger Brother/autism

[Tarmander]

yes. Im 19 and my older brother is 24

Yeah, there is an age old saying that usually applies very well. The sins of the family rest hardest on the youngest sibling. They tend to get all the crap on them. Doesn't mean you don't have some of the same issues he does...I am sure you can see some of your younger brother in you. But you had a younger brother to parlay a bit of the strain onto. Doesn't mean you meant to or it was vindictive or anything, just how the family dynamic works.

 

[Amber]

Yeah, there is an age old saying that usually applies very well. The sins of the family rest hardest on the youngest sibling. They tend to get all the crap on them. Doesn't mean you don't have some of the same issues he does...I am sure you can see some of your younger brother in you. But you had a younger brother to parlay a bit of the strain onto. Doesn't mean you meant to or it was vindictive or anything, just how the family dynamic works.

 

[Tarmander]

Its quite the opposite, actually. My older brother got all the ***t on him while my mom protected me and my younger brother

I am confused, you just said you and your older brother were doing alright, and your younger brother is the one struggling?

 

[Amber]

I am confused, you just said you and your older brother were doing alright, and your younger brother is the one struggling?

 

[Tarmander]

Because we are, but he still is the one that got everything on him but he turned out fine somehow

Being given more responsibility as the eldest is not the same as the sins of the family resting on you. The oldest getting the most "***t" is often hard, but there is a reason why first borns tend to be the most successful of a family.

 

[Amber]

Being given more responsibility as the eldest is not the same as the sins of the family resting on you. The oldest getting the most "***t" is often hard, but there is a reason why first borns tend to be the most successful of a family.

First of all i never said he got more responsibilities, i said he got 'everything on him' and with that i mean he got all the drama, problems and everything over him because me and my brother were young. My mother protected us from it.

I am done discussing this now, since its not getting me anywhere.

 

[Tarmander]

First of all i never said he got more responsibilities, i said he got 'everything on him' and with that i mean he got all the drama, problems and everything over him because me and my brother were young. My mother protected us from it.

I am done discussing this now, since its not getting me anywhere.

Why did you delete all your posts?? Look, you asked for opinions. The opinion that you don't like hearing is the EXACT opinion you should listen to the most. There is something there to learn, and if it is hard to hear...well all the better reason to listen to it. I am sorry your brother is struggling, I hope you find a solution. If you ever want to discuss it more, no hard feelings.

 

[ilikecats]

@Tarmander military school? Are you serious? "Instill fear" wow... do you even read Ray Peat bro? He obviously is hypothyroid with a lot of autistic symptoms probably do to high serotonin. All of his behaviors are the result of certain physiological defects. Trying to play armchair psychologist with your analysis of his family dynamics lol . OP seems fine... Her brothers probably very depressed and he might end up killing himself if you put him in a situation like that. Autistic people perceive seemingly small changes in their environment as extremely stressful. They adhere to their rigid routines and social isolation as an attempt to lower their stress hormones.

 

[Tarmander]

@Tarmander military school? Are you serious? "Instill fear" wow... do you even read Ray Peat bro? He obviously is hypothyroid with a lot of autistic symptoms probably do to high serotonin. All of his behaviors are the result of certain physiological defects. Trying to play armchair psychologist with your analysis of his family dynamics lol . OP seems fine... Her brothers probably very depressed and he might end up killing himself if you put him in a situation like that. Autistic people perceive seemingly small changes in their environment as extremely stressful. They adhere to their rigid routines and social isolation as an attempt to lower their stress hormones.

Dang dude, you totally nailed my underlying motive. All my talk of three meals a day, a sleep schedule, and discipline was all a clever ploy to get her brother to kill himself. You've saved the day.

 

[Constatine]

Dang dude, you totally nailed my underlying motive. All my talk of three meals a day, a sleep schedule, and discipline was all a clever ploy to get her brother to kill himself. You've saved the day.

I've seen people shape up after going into the military but I must say I don't think it will work with someone who has autistic symptoms. Perhaps him getting out, working out, and being forced to socialize will be beneficial but the stress of the situation might prove too much. Though now that I think about it if he does gain a sense of camaraderie and purpose out of it that would be awesome (though he can also be outcast by his peers). But the risk is great.

 

[Tarmander]

I've seen people shape up after going into the military but I must say I don't think it will work with someone who has autistic symptoms. Perhaps him getting out, working out, and being forced to socialize will be beneficial but the stress of the situation might prove too much. Though now that I think about it if he does gain a sense of camaraderie and purpose out of it that would be awesome (though he can also be outcast by his peers). But the risk is great.

Yeah and they give you a bunch of vaccines...I mean the military does kind of suck nowadays compared to back when food was decent, but there are many disciplined systems out there to choose from.

 

[Thoushant]

Being awake at night means liver is under a lot of stress especially if trouble sleeping from 10pm to 2 am. Body odor is usually die off from a fungus / etc. He is probably not digesting food very well due to low vile flow hence the odor and acne. Caffeine is very good at relieving tension in the liver via vile ducts but can also exarcerbate congestion long term. Edit: Reallyvdepends how it is used and the combination it is taken with. Btw doesn't Redbull have taurine and stuff too? Regarding the anger, do a search for "biliousness".

I agree.
Red Bull has 1g taurine pr can, and different B vitamins.

All detoxifaction pathways are dependent on methionene and cysteine, taurine is made from them too. It's also related to methylation cycle, to reuse homocysteine.
If you search homocysteine and anger or autism you see some articles come up.

Try logging what he would typically eat in a week in cronometer, and see whether an appearent vitamin or mineral is way behind. There's some websites that claim improved autism symptoms from magnesium and B6. I would pursue mineral and vitamins test if cronometer don't reveal anything.
I would go easy on supplementing, unless blood test show a severe deficiency.

Are allergies present? antihistamines usually sedates and increase hunger, but I don't want to recommend drugs unless it's certain they don't mess up growth. I Think this could be useful to push him up to atleast 100g of protein.

Typical diet is already low in glycine, and if he isn't getting a lot of good protein, then he isn't synthesizing his daily needs. How would he responds to gelatin or gummy bears?
Glycine is a GABA agonist, which also can be relaxing.

So has he always been like this? Did it change once he became a teenager, did eating habits change, did you move,etc.

Hope it helps.

 

[squanch]

He is always in his room, playing videogames and doesn't work out because he doesn't feel like it.. He barely eats all day and when he does eat its junkfood. When we have dinner like potatoes/meat/vegetables he doesn't eat anything because he 'doesn't like it' and my mom just lets him be because you can't change his mind once its set, its very hard. I can try to get him to eat breakfast/lunch/dinner, i'll talk to him about it. He does have a job at the local supermarket. He loves it. He doesn't want to go to school, he wants to work but he knows he has to go to school.

1. He has very bad acne on his face and on his back
2. He is very pale and skinny
3. He lives at night (cant sleep, adrenaline maybe) and sleeps all day when he doesn't have school.
4. He gets angry very easily, short temper (cortisol, estrogen?) and he has very low energy.
5. Excessive sweating/body odor
6. Frequent migraines/very bad headaches especially when under stress
7. He becomes 'alive' when he drinks redbull (caffeine). Makes him happy/talks more, he goes out to do things.

Sounds exactly like me when I was his age. I can almost guarantee you it has nothing to do with autism.
His nutrition is nowhere near adequate to support a growing 16 year old male and pretty much everything about his lifestyle is extremely destructive. Without actually knowing him, I can already tell that his social life is basically nonexistent; his love life is definitely non existent and the sexual frustration will be through the roof. This will fuel the whole toxic Hikikomori lifestyle even more of course.


So the advice I would give to him is the same advice I would give to myself at this age:

1. Eat more nutrient and calorie dense foods. A LOT more. You can probably double your current calorie intake over the course of a few months. Drink liquid calories and eat a tablespoon of honey and coconut oil after each meal when you're full to get those calories up. Aim for 3500kcal-4000kcal. Stop being a little b**** with the whole "I don't like this"and "I'm not hungry". You're not eating because it's fun, you're eating to support a healthy and strong body.
Include oysters and liver in your diet and identify any potentially allergenic foods to get the acne under control. Some vitamin supplementation may be necessary in the beginning after years of under eating.
2. Start lifting weights. Any full body workout 3x / week will do. For example.
You will never naturally have the hormone profile that you have now again, take advantage of this.
3. Stop masturbating. It will tremendously improve confidence and energy levels.
4. Work on your general appearance and take care of yourself (haircut, clothing, grooming, body language, eye contact, etc...)
5. Stop sitting in your room all day and force yourself to go out and be more social. Talk to people, even if it's hard in the beginning.

If he doesn't do those things now, it will be extremely hard in the future.
Just like myself, he will probably ignore any advice I've just given and think "things will just work themselves out on their own". They won't, it will only get worse.

 

[Amber]

Sounds exactly like me when I was his age. I can almost guarantee you it has nothing to do with autism.
His nutrition is nowhere near adequate to support a growing 16 year old male and pretty much everything about his lifestyle is extremely destructive. Without actually knowing him, I can already tell that his social life is basically nonexistent; his love life is definitely non existent and the sexual frustration will be through the roof. This will fuel the whole toxic Hikikomori lifestyle even more of course.


So the advice I would give to him is the same advice I would give to myself at this age:

1. Eat more nutrient and calorie dense foods. A LOT more. You can probably double your current calorie intake over the course of a few months. Drink liquid calories and eat a tablespoon of honey and coconut oil after each meal when you're full to get those calories up. Aim for 3500kcal-4000kcal. Stop being a little b**** with the whole "I don't like this"and "I'm not hungry". You're not eating because it's fun, you're eating to support a healthy and strong body.
Include oysters and liver in your diet and identify any potentially allergenic foods to get the acne under control. Some vitamin supplementation may be necessary in the beginning after years of under eating.
2. Start lifting weights. Any full body workout 3x / week will do. For example.
You will never naturally have the hormone profile that you have now again, take advantage of this.
3. Stop masturbating. It will tremendously improve confidence and energy levels.
4. Work on your general appearance and take care of yourself (haircut, clothing, grooming, body language, eye contact, etc...)
5. Stop sitting in your room all day and force yourself to go out and be more social. Talk to people, even if it's hard in the beginning.

If he doesn't do those things now, it will be extremely hard in the future.
Just like myself, he will probably ignore any advice I've just given and think "things will just work themselves out on their own". They won't, it will only get worse.

I like this advice, i have been thinking about those same things. He has no social life, no love life no. I am 100% sure he is unhappy but doesn't show it and acts like everything is fine. I forced him to get a job which he has now at the supermarket to be more social and make some money. It also forces him to dress properly, shower, shave and all those things. When he does go out, he takes good care of himself.

How do i bring up masturbating though, lol. I just feel like making a list with questions and let him answer those on paper, might be easier to be honest that way.

I agree that things will only get worse, they have been getting worse over summer because summerbreak=no school=he doesn't have anything to wake up for, no socializing ever so he just did whatever he wanted to do.

Thanks for the advice.

 

[Amber]

I agree.
Red Bull has 1g taurine pr can, and different B vitamins.

All detoxifaction pathways are dependent on methionene and cysteine, taurine is made from them too. It's also related to methylation cycle, to reuse homocysteine.
If you search homocysteine and anger or autism you see some articles come up.

Try logging what he would typically eat in a week in cronometer, and see whether an appearent vitamin or mineral is way behind. There's some websites that claim improved autism symptoms from magnesium and B6. I would pursue mineral and vitamins test if cronometer don't reveal anything.
I would go easy on supplementing, unless blood test show a severe deficiency.

Are allergies present? antihistamines usually sedates and increase hunger, but I don't want to recommend drugs unless it's certain they don't mess up growth. I Think this could be useful to push him up to atleast 100g of protein.

Typical diet is already low in glycine, and if he isn't getting a lot of good protein, then he isn't synthesizing his daily needs. How would he responds to gelatin or gummy bears?
Glycine is a GABA agonist, which also can be relaxing.

So has he always been like this? Did it change once he became a teenager, did eating habits change, did you move,etc.

Hope it helps.

He has always been shy/anxious/poor appetite etc. When i was a kid i was always outside, playing and making friends but he never joined. He was quiet and would rather play inside or watch tv. I think to protect himself from more stress. However, during puberty it got a lot worse. Doesn't socialize, when i have a friend over he doesn't say hi when he sees my friend, just acts like no ones there. Locks himself in his room.

His diet for the past few days was basically:

2 bags of potato chips, some potatoes once, lots of coke/other sugary drinks/redbull and some bread. He barely eats, mostly liquid calories. Very low nutrients in his food if any

I dont think he has any allergies, never tested though. I was talking to my mom about it but she can't handle him and tells me to leave it alone. He is a lot bigger than her so she's kinda scared because when you tell him something he doesn't like, for example she tells him or asks him to go outside more or whatever, he gets mad and can react pretty angry which scares her a lot because of things that happened to her in the past. He only does this to people he knows he can handle, females mostly since hes very tall and quite strong. He won't ever talk like that to our older brother or male adults.

 

[Amber]

I actually have a mini gym upstairs in a room (squat rack, bench press, etc. All free weight exercises basically) i paid for this stuff but always ask him to join or do a workout himself but he doesn't want to

- im following starting strength myself to keep my strength up for soccer (i play soccer) i gave him some papers on the workout/strength training in general before, but he never mentioned it again.

 

[squanch]

I like this advice, i have been thinking about those same things. He has no social life, no love life no. I am 100% sure he is unhappy but doesn't show it and acts like everything is fine. I forced him to get a job which he has now at the supermarket to be more social and make some money. It also forces him to dress properly, shower, shave and all those things. When he does go out, he takes good care of himself.

How do i bring up masturbating though, lol. I just feel like making a list with questions and let him answer those on paper, might be easier to be honest that way.

I agree that things will only get worse, they have been getting worse over summer because summerbreak=no school=he doesn't have anything to wake up for, no socializing ever so he just did whatever he wanted to do.

Thanks for the advice.

Well like I said, he will most likely brush of any advice because he is young, in denial and thinks things will get better on their own.
What bothers him the most right now will probably be the fact that he is a virgin who never even kissed a girl (sorry, but I would be REALLY surprised if this wasn't the case) and he doesn't have a social circle of people that he trusts and likes to be around.
So you have to somehow make it clear that if he continues on his path and doesn't do those things I mentioned above, he will still be a socially awkward and unhappy virgin without any real friends at 30. So yeah, that's going to be awkward. Good luck...

 

[Amber]

Well like I said, he will most likely brush of any advice because he is young, in denial and thinks things will get better on their own.
What bothers him the most right now will probably be the fact that he is a virgin who never even kissed a girl (sorry, but I would be REALLY surprised if this wasn't the case) and he doesn't have a social circle of people that he trusts and likes to be around.
So you have to somehow make it clear that if he continues on his path and doesn't do those things I mentioned above, he will still be a socially awkward and unhappy virgin without any real friends at 30. So yeah, that's going to be awkward. Good luck...

Haha, thanks lol. He has had a gf though. He is actually attractive but still very insecure. He has kissed his gf too, or well he told my mom he has

 

[squanch]

Haha, thanks lol. He has had a gf though. He is actually attractive but still very insecure. He has kissed his gf too, or well he told my mom he has

Right, of course. I also had a girlfriend at 16. She's from another town though, you know. That's why you've never seen her. Totally made out and everything too.

 

[Amber]

Right, of course. I also had a girlfriend at 16. She's from another town though, you know. That's why you've never seen her. Totally made out and everything too.

Haha, i've met her. I knew her before they knew eachother lol. Not sure about the kissing tho