What Do You Guys Think Of Masturbating And Do You Do It

[Libra guy]

The combination of a pathologically increased libido and a rather below-average appearance is the absolute killer of all positive feelings for me. This lousy state then intensifies the feeling of inner emptiness and loneliness. To compensate for this, my libido increases again, which makes me masturbate excessively. And that, in turn, ultimately reinforces all previous symptoms. It's a damn vicious cycle of tremendous resistance. I've been trying to break this vicious circle for about 15 years. I have not yet succeeded, despite intensive attempts. I believe this problem will have completely destroyed me at some point.

i feel you man

 

[Mark21]

The combination of a pathologically increased libido and a rather below-average appearance is the absolute killer of all positive feelings for me. This lousy state then intensifies the feeling of inner emptiness and loneliness. To compensate for this, my libido increases again, which makes me masturbate excessively. And that, in turn, ultimately reinforces all previous symptoms. It's a damn vicious cycle of tremendous resistance. I've been trying to break this vicious circle for about 15 years. I have not yet succeeded, despite intensive attempts. I believe this problem will have completely destroyed me at some point.

Troubling. I suppose I would invest more energy into appearance then. What makes you characterize yourself as unattractive?

 

[Flo93]

The problem is I also think that masturbation is a kind of "patch" for chronic injuries to my soul. I experienced severe trauma in my childhood when I had to watch my mother's boyfriend at the time beat my mother for years. During this time, my masturbations became increasingly excessive and that continues to this day. I also somehow have a mother complex. In doing so, I make my peace of mind dependent on a woman. I secretly long to be protected by a woman and that she gives me a feeling of security. Since this is not possible, I get my "security" through excessive masturbation. Ultimately, however, this only makes the problem worse.

 

[Flo93]

Troubling. I suppose I would invest more energy into appearance then. What makes you characterize yourself as unattractive?

It's not necessarily the look, but rather the look. Something in my charisma seems unappealing and not attractive to women, even though I actually see myself as a good person. For example, I noticed that in certain phases of "NoFap" I seemed more attractive to women. And those were precisely those phases in which I felt unusually aggressive or dominant, which is very atypical for me. Unfortunately, I couldn't keep up this feeling.

 

[TheSir]

It's not necessarily the look, but rather the look. Something in my charisma seems unappealing and not attractive to women, even though I actually see myself as a good person. For example, I noticed that in certain phases of "NoFap" I seemed more attractive to women. And those were precisely those phases in which I felt unusually aggressive or dominant, which is very atypical for me. Unfortunately, I couldn't keep up this feeling.

Chronic masturbation definitely alters something about your overall presence, which others then subconsciously pick up on. I don't know what it is exactly, but I have upon years of experimentation on myself learned to distinguish this vibe on others to the point where I can easily tell whether someone ejaculates too often. I would imagine that women are even more tuned in to this kind of thing by nature. It's more than just how you act, it's almost like an aura that you give off.

 

[Flo93]

Chronic masturbation definitely alters something about your overall presence, which others then subconsciously pick up on. I don't know what it is exactly, but I have upon years of experimentation on myself learned to distinguish this vibe on others to the point where I can easily tell whether someone ejaculates too often. I would imagine that women are even more tuned in to this kind of thing by nature. It's more than just how you act, it's almost like an aura that you give off.

I see that too. It was precisely these reasons that prompted me to try NoFap at the time. Any religious reasons were absolutely irrelevant to me. I'm a very rational person and I want to get to the bottom of things on a scientific level. On the surface, this changing of the aura may not sound scientific, but I am sure that there actually is such a thing as an aura and that it can actually be influenced. Unfortunately, I always noticed something like tolerance in this regard. But in some phases at NoFap, something in my body was changed in such a way that I appeared different to women. They noticed me more and I was greeted more often.

 

[ecstatichamster]

Chronic masturbation definitely alters something about your overall presence, which others then subconsciously pick up on. I don't know what it is exactly, but I have upon years of experimentation on myself learned to distinguish this vibe on others to the point where I can easily tell whether someone ejaculates too often. I would imagine that women are even more tuned in to this kind of thing by nature. It's more than just how you act, it's almost like an aura that you give off.

I think this is true.

I prefer masturbation that leads to dry orgasms, or no orgasms, if I am going to masturbate. I have a great sex life with my wife and I don't use porn or masturbate by myself. I am working on dry Os which are easy to learn and there is no refractory period and they are absolutely wonderful. They don't take anything out of you the way ejaculation does.

 

[Jib]

@Flo93

I used to be in your situation. There were some moments with my ex that I felt cared for and loved, and in a way I got to live out some of that fantasy. But it was short lived. The entire reason I was a failure with women for most of my life was because of this dependent attitude. Being needy/desperate is the absolute worst thing when it comes to women.

It's a harsh lesson. I remember hearing for the first time years ago that women want men to be the leaders and it completely flipped my world upside down. My entire idea of salvation hinged on me not being a leader, but being supported. Again, because of childhood trauma.

It took me a lot of rejections and a lot of pain over a very, very long period of time before I got into my first relationship at 26 years old, and then it was a whole nother thing to work through realizing that "unconditional love" does not exist as I had wanted it to. That was an extremely difficult relationship for a lot of reasons. I do think being in a relationship is necessary to become disillusioned. A lot of old wounds will come up, and it's like an exorcism. All the fighting, yelling, and the emotional hell you'll experience in the aftermath of a breakup....IMO, it's all necessary to process this childhood trauma.

This is not normal and thankfully I don't think most people have to experience something this intense. I will just warn you that should you get involved in a relationship at some point, be prepared. Expect it to be a bumpy ride and expect the turbulence of unexpected emotions from childhood wounds. He is best prepared for trouble who sees it coming from afar.

There is another side. A light at the end of the tunnel. You have to trust me on this, because I know better than anyone that you will not believe me. You believe only a woman's love can save you and you will absolutely refuse to believe anything else that argues otherwise. This is because of the childhood trauma. I know all too well how this works. I would be too embarrassed to share how obsessed I was with touch/love and the idea of being in love/supported/cared for. Utterly obsessed. Even now I've just accepted lack of touch as a fact of my life, but I am no longer distraught like I used to be. My self esteem is much higher even though I'm more isolated and avoidant than ever.

The real challenge is being able to see women as just women. Childhood trauma makes this exceptionally difficult. This is the main problem. This is also why most guys without a history of childhood trauma can go from relationship to relationship, experience the normal pains of love and losing love and starting over again, but do not have suicidal meltdowns or feel like their entire world is shattering. It doesn't mean people like us are any less than anyone else. It simply means our experience of the world is different and we will be much more sensitive to concepts of love/acceptance/support, and how well we feel those needs are being met. Because we're coming from a deficit.

For a time, it's the scariest thing in the world to see women as just women, nothing out of the ordinary. This is because it's letting go of, and coming to terms with, your childhood trauma. To see women as just women also allows you to accept your natural role as a man to lead. And this is the exact opposite of what we want: providing the love/guidance that we have so desperately craved for ourselves.

I will say this much: consider being respected vs. being loved. Now imagine the best of both worlds: having both at the same time. Why fantasize about being loved when you could be both loved and respected?

As you heal your childhood wounds, you'll be able to see yourself as a man more and more. And all the power and benefits that come with that realization. Trauma can freeze us developmentally and we stay in a state of mind where we feel dependent and needy, craving love and emotional support. Breaking out of that can be easier when you realize that giving that up does not mean you're forsaking love and support for the rest of your life. It only means you're letting go of your fantasies of dependence so you can embrace something even better: both love AND respect.

Simply changing your worldview, and your view of yourself, can change everything. Moreover, in a vulnerable and traumatized state, sometimes that is the most you can ask of anyone, and the most you can expect of yourself. More changes can come later. The most important changes are the ones that happen silently in the mind.

Relationships are good to experience. I've only been in one, but it was worth it, despite how stressful it was. I did have to do a 'makeover' with my brain first, and it started because I had a carefree, "let's see what happens" attitude, with no desperation for love/support/etc. Problems came up later. But for the most part, to get your foot in the door, having the right attitude is very important.

Do what you can to work on your looks, but you don't need to go crazy with it. Most people look much better than they think they do provided they groom themselves adequately and clothe themselves in a decent style that works well for them. Very minimal stuff. The really big factor is your attitude. It is not easy to do when you don't have a history of success with women, but I was also in that situation, and managed to figure it out at least enough to get into a relationship. It was a tough relationship and I haven't been with any other girls since it ended, but it's at least some experience. So I know this stuff is possible to overcome even when it seems completely impossible.

It's been quite a while since I've used this technique, but I'd also highly recommend checking out Robert Smith's "Eutaptics" or "Faster EFT" on YouTube. It is not remotely the same as EFT. Completely different process and completely different results. I used that extensively on myself for at least a couple years. Lots and lots of crying alone while working through childhood memories of trauma. I even went to the dark room under the stairs where I used to hide when I was a little kid, now as a full grown adult, and cried my eyes out for at least 2o or 30 minutes, and felt like I was re-living the dissociation and pain all over again. But felt better some time after that, and did more tapping, more work on myself. Over and over again. As much as I needed.

I've grown lax with it and have not been taking the best care of myself, but it does seem the results are permanent. I am not 100% better but I am at least significantly better than I was, and that change has remained after working on myself even years after the first time I tried it.

I enjoy being alone much more now. Much more comfortable with myself. For people with such a history of trauma and abandonment, being able to enjoy being alone and actually appreciating being with yourself, is practically a miracle. One that I've personally experienced. So don't give up hope. I would recommend looking into Game, getting familiarized with some of the concepts, and think about seeing women as just women. Just people like you are. Your subconscious will fight you tooth and nail because of the desperation to be saved. But over time the message will start to sink in and things will start to normalize. You just have to trust the process and also trust that changes will occur if you commit to it.

Giant trees come from seeds. Don't be impatient. Just do your best to focus on healing yourself and opening yourself up to new experiences. For what it's worth, I do think there can be a lot of love and support and what seems like unconditional love in a relationship, for a while. It simply isn't permanent and that's the hard part for the ego to grasp. You need to become strong in your heart and mind independently otherwise experiencing love can be like falling into quicksand. It's already very hard for normal people; for people with childhood trauma issues it can be like getting dangerously hooked on a powerful drug overnight and the idea of losing it makes you want to kill yourself. This is also not uncommon for people to feel "suicidal" but IMO the risk for people with actual histories of trauma is much higher. It's serious stuff. Do not take it lightly.

I'm on the other side of the fence now, I do still get lonely and feel sexually frustrated being completely isolated pretty much all the time these days, for a couple years now. But it isn't at the level it was before I started working on myself. Being in a relationship may help overcome these issues to an extent, but only insofar as it helps you learn about yourself. There was a long period of being suicidal I went through after the breakup simply because I felt like life was no longer worth living now that I lost what I figured was my only chance to experience love. It was devastating, and you have the additional stigma of being a "pu$$y" if you feel this way. Most people are insensitive and not understanding of people with actual problems; predator/prey mentality is very common in this world.

Anyway. I made it through that too. I'm as lonely and frustrated as I was before, but I simply am more at peace with myself now, and like myself more, so it doesn't make me feel suicidal. Even when I'm feeling like I'm losing my mind from lack of stimulation. It's a huge change. At the absolute least, your life can become much more tolerable and enjoyable than it is right now, even completely alone.

Enough rambling from me. I saw your post and felt I could relate and wanted to relay the message that your situation is not hopeless. It's a harsh world we live in and you should take pride in yourself for enduring as long as you have with the pain you've gone through. No one else will congratulate you or take pride in you as much as you yourself can, because no one knows you as well as you do. It's very important to esteem yourself highly and take healthy pride and confidence in your existence. Instead of focusing on the desperation, congratulate yourself for enduring that desperation for so long now. That takes a lot of strength to endure that pain and most people are too cowardly and inexperienced to admit it, and brush off the pain of lack of love as nothing. If only they knew what absolute hell true isolation is.

You're a warrior dude. You gotta believe that and start telling yourself that until it sticks in your mind.

 

[Jib]

More interesting experiments. Been talking to a few girls and have had some joking around, them sending me naked pics, etc.

You can only do this via text, I guess. If this kind of sexual tension happened in person, sex is just a natural consequence. I'm actually trying to break out of texting and actually getting back out into the real world after my last relationship bombed. But anyway.

The pump is awesome. It's like f***ing rocket fuel. Getting super turned on talking to some girl who's into you and then channeling that energy into something like working out. It's pretty crazy to have powerful sexual fantasies when you don't even have an erection. And it's not because I can't, it's simply by choice. I've been masturbating pretty regularly, just less frequently, as I'm trying to get more control over my ejaculation, and I think it's an important part of training that to practice being sexually aroused without feeling the urge to ejaculate. Just feeling the rush/energy and getting used to it. I've spent so much time just using orgasm as a way to cope with chronic stress, I never really gave myself a chance to experience the rush of extreme sexual arousal without gratification.

It's either been "dead ****," do nothing, kill your libido and shame it, or just masturbate as much as I want with no regard to anything. This seems like a great inbetween. Masturbate, but simply less frequently, and make regular efforts to experience intense arousal while deliberately avoiding gratification, and "re-flowing" the energy through your body.

I've been having really intense workouts in my home gym while having these insane sexual fantasies at the same time. And I do suppress having an erection. That might be trouble with certain exercises, lmao.

Seriously though, try it. It's amazing. I think if I avoided masturbating for a few days and looked at porn I could have a similar effect. But there's nothing like having a girl that's into you take some pics for you or send you some dirty messages. I think this experiment so far has been very healthy for my sexuality.

Goldilocks....just the right amount. No shame, and on the other hand, no wanton wasting of energy by just mindlessly wanking until my d**k is numb. This is a great experiment to really accept your sexuality. I don't know if I've ever done this so much before, had intense sexual fantasies while not masturbating, and without even an erection (by choice)....my grip while working out felt about 10x stronger than usual too.

I won't make too much of this aside from it being a short boost...but the lessons contained in doing it are huge. A big goal for me after my last relationship is healing my perception of my own sexuality. To accept my urges and feelings and desires and fantasies and get rid of as much of this shame and guilt as possible. This was an unexpected way to do it.

 

[Experienced]

More interesting experiments. Been talking to a few girls and have had some joking around, them sending me naked pics, etc.

You can only do this via text, I guess. If this kind of sexual tension happened in person, sex is just a natural consequence. I'm actually trying to break out of texting and actually getting back out into the real world after my last relationship bombed. But anyway.

This not normal human behaviour sending nudes is weird imo and they're dumb crazy sluts that's in need for attention nothing more just pump&dump that's all you gotta do with those girls. You're probably not the only guy that gets their nudes in case if you got happy.

 

[Jib]

This not normal human behaviour sending nudes is weird imo and they're dumb crazy sluts that's in need for attention nothing more just pump&dump that's all you gotta do with those girls. You're probably not the only guy that gets their nudes in case if you got happy.

Normal in 2020 unless you're living under a rock. I would say it's guaranteed you're not the only guy that gets their nudes. And anyone who thought they were the only guy would be incredibly naive.

It's only a problem if you care about being in a monogamous relationship and are looking for an actual partner. If you don't care about that then none of this is an issue unless you're allergic to having fun. As long as you remember that you're not special or unique. Most guys just get pissed off because they were deluding themselves that they were different/special, and immune to girls being girls. Don't be that guy.

 

[Experienced]

Normal in 2020 unless you're living under a rock. I would say it's guaranteed you're not the only guy that gets their nudes. And anyone who thought they were the only guy would be incredibly naive.

It's only a problem if you care about being in a monogamous relationship and are looking for an actual partner. If you don't care about that then none of this is an issue unless you're allergic to having fun. As long as you remember that you're not special or unique. Most guys just get pissed off because they were deluding themselves that they were different/special, and immune to girls being girls. Don't be that guy.

I'm not living under a rock if I screen recorded / screenshotted everything I've got from girls a lifetime I could've served you terabytes no jokes. I Know what you're talking about .

 

[Jib]

I'm not living under a rock if I screen recorded / screenshotted everything I've got from girls a lifetime I could've served you terabytes no jokes. I Know what you're talking about .

Well there you go. I don't even have gigabytes, I'm f**in jealous >:[

On that note, one of my favorite songs lately. Hilarious

 

[Experienced]

Well there you go. I don't even have gigabytes, I'm f**in jealous >:[

On that note, one of my favorite songs lately. Hilarious

Nice I'm not into those songs I wouldn't listen to it either if I was locked in a room with this shitty song but It sounds good to you I guess.

What more do you listen to?

 

[Jib]

Nice I'm not into those songs I wouldn't listen to it either if I was locked in a room with this shitty song but It sounds good to you I guess.

What more do you listen to?

I listen to pretty much anything you can think of. Don't wanna derail the thread but I have an extremely wide taste in music and will listen to just about anything, rock, pop, ethnic, traditional african/japanese/native american/indian, classical, rap/hip-hop, electronic, alternative, any genre of metal, acoustic instrumental, punk, literally anything. Been a musician for over 16 years and get ideas and inspiration from just about anything. I always try to give things a chance because a lot of music I like, I didn't like at first.

-------------------------------------------

But yeah I don't wanna derail the thread. One thing I've been experimenting with lately, as far as masturbation goes, is reverse kegels. Being on a version of Abilify seriously screwed me up. I always had some issues with ejaculation control, but when I was with my ex, we had protected and unprotected sex so many times without issue. After being on that medication for a few months, I literally could not even get to the point of insertion without ejaculation.

I read a couple other testimonials talking about premature ejaculation issues on Abilify. It's rare but I'm not alone. My guess is it has to do with its agonist action on D2 dopamine receptors, and the effect on 5HT-1A and 5HT-2C. Something like that. I've been off it for around 8 months now, at least 4 of those months were spent in absolute hell from withdrawal. Barely eating, couldn't sleep much, and had wicked anxiety 24/7. I just hope that the premature ejaculation issue is not permanent. It was literally so bad that ejaculation was impossible, and having had sex hundreds and hundreds of times prior to taking the medication, I can't imagine anything else was responsible.

Never had that issue before and as I said, even 1 second of penetration without ejaculation was impossible. The second I'd feel the tip of my **** going inside I would just start to ejaculate. It was humiliating and also extremely depressing because it made me feel like a sexual cripple.

So lately I've been experimenting with abstaining from ejaculation largely to address this issue.

@ecstatichamster

I was gonna ask you about Karezza. Are you familiar with Reverse Kegels? How do you manage to have sex without ejaculating? I can totally see the benefits of this, but suffering with this severe premature ejaculation issue (have not tried to have sex in the past 4 months so I'm seriously hoping it's at least somewhat better now, with further clearing the drug from my system)......

...I have a very hard time imagining prolonged sex without ejaculation. I've been trying to "lock in" to this mindset, and understand how to experience sexual pleasure and satisfaction without ejaculating. Obviously this is without a partner for now, but I'm not sure if I would even be able to accomplish this with a partner.

Do you have to have sex slowly and deliberately or do you also get more aggressive but simply abstain from ejaculating? I'm curious about all of this. I'm really trying hard to reprogram my brain to have more control over ejaculation, and part of that is de-programming the urge to ejaculate which always seems to be at the forefront of my mind with sex. And unnaturally so, like nothing else even exists sexually outside of ejaculation.

This may seem silly but what do you think about masturbation without ejaculation, if you don't have a partner? I can't seem to resist the temptation yet, but I wonder if it can have some similar benefits, as opposed to the hardcore NoFap "don't ever get an erection again" school of thinking. My primary concern is addressing ejaculation control, but I will admit to pretty severe brain fog from orgasm, and if I overdo it (which at my age now seems to be doing it once a day), my motivation to do anything is just completely destroyed. After 5 or 6 days of not ejaculating I seem to get a fair amount of motivation back, which says a lot.

Would love to have more control over my body, and I know you've been practicing this method for quite a long time now, and imagine you have a very good amount of control. Very curious to hear your perspective/experience, and if this control is something that comes naturally to you or something you had to learn.

 

[Experienced]

Untitled Post

 

[Jib]

@Experienced

Very interesting, thanks for sharing that.

 

[ecstatichamster]

@ecstatichamster

I was gonna ask you about Karezza. Are you familiar with Reverse Kegels? How do you manage to have sex without ejaculating? I can totally see the benefits of this, but suffering with this severe premature ejaculation issue (have not tried to have sex in the past 4 months so I'm seriously hoping it's at least somewhat better now, with further clearing the drug from my system)......

...I have a very hard time imagining prolonged sex without ejaculation. I've been trying to "lock in" to this mindset, and understand how to experience sexual pleasure and satisfaction without ejaculating. Obviously this is without a partner for now, but I'm not sure if I would even be able to accomplish this with a partner.

Do you have to have sex slowly and deliberately or do you also get more aggressive but simply abstain from ejaculating? I'm curious about all of this. I'm really trying hard to reprogram my brain to have more control over ejaculation, and part of that is de-programming the urge to ejaculate which always seems to be at the forefront of my mind with sex. And unnaturally so, like nothing else even exists sexually outside of ejaculation.

This may seem silly but what do you think about masturbation without ejaculation, if you don't have a partner? I can't seem to resist the temptation yet, but I wonder if it can have some similar benefits, as opposed to the hardcore NoFap "don't ever get an erection again" school of thinking. My primary concern is addressing ejaculation control, but I will admit to pretty severe brain fog from orgasm, and if I overdo it (which at my age now seems to be doing it once a day), my motivation to do anything is just completely destroyed. After 5 or 6 days of not ejaculating I seem to get a fair amount of motivation back, which says a lot.

Would love to have more control over my body, and I know you've been practicing this method for quite a long time now, and imagine you have a very good amount of control. Very curious to hear your perspective/experience, and if this control is something that comes naturally to you or something you had to learn.

All I do is relax my PC muscles when I'm having intercourse and other times too. That way no tension builds up. I can stop anytime I want. I don't get "blue balls".

On a scale of 1 - 10, with 10 being an orgasm, I try to be around a 6 or 7.

That's about it. I love how I have stronger and stronger feelings for my partner, and how I have great feelings of drive and desire during the day. And how when I'm having intercourse it's like a constant ongoing orgasm rather than 10 seconds of orgasm.

I am also kind of playing with dry orgasms right now and expect that to bear fruit over the next 6 months. A dry O can be done without refractory period and again and again and sounds like fun. It is the orgasm without the ejaculatory reflex.

 

[ecstatichamster]

This may seem silly but what do you think about masturbation without ejaculation, if you don't have a partner? I can't seem to resist the temptation yet, but I wonder if it can have some similar benefits, as opposed to the hardcore NoFap "don't ever get an erection again" school of thinking.

I think masturbation is wonderful if 1) you don't use porn and 2) you don't ejaculate very often. You can simply edge. At the end you have experienced a great deal of pleasure and you get on with your day still having high drive and libido.

You can play with this idea and get really good at it and have your cake and eat it too. It's wonderful. Don't throw away masturbation like the baby with the bathwater.

Also there are other amazing solo things like prostate massage that are incredible.

I think the NoFap movement is silly and extreme. I get the need for it temporarily but it should not become an identity and a lifestyle. That's just dumb.

 

[Experienced]

@Experienced

Very interesting, thanks for sharing that.

No worries :)