Unrequited Love Is Suffering

[Broken man]

I feel ya @Br
oken man.....you don't present yourself as young and inexperienced. You do have the gift of self introspection and that's a good thing.....seems as if brought about thru internal pain/discomfort; the biggest factor for putting oneself on the path to Knowledge.

Here's a snippet from another 's writings which I read, Tom Montalk:

Mind over Matter:

- To know that your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, mindset, attitude, outlook, etc. not only color what you perceive, but also shape what experiences/people you attract in life.

- That you can and should resist giving into self-destructive, limiting beliefs and moods that are distortions of reality, because they will otherwise distort physical reality into seemingly confirming those mental distortions. When they do, this creates a malicious feedback loop between mind and reality that can result in an eventual nightmarish meltdown of both.

- That what you focus on most, you help bring into being. Note, this doesn’t mean that ignoring something keeps it from happening, only that being preoccupied with something increases its chances of happening.

EDIT To add more clarity to the above. This is #3 in a series of 4 videos Tom Montlk did:

To be honest, my life was really good and easy until I started working. Why? Because I had alot of desire and wanted to know how things are working. Thanks to this I was very creative and understood almost everything fast. I made alot of money when I was kid without need to work but something happened and things were getting worse and worse. I am trying to get to that state now. But I believe that having more experience is better, even the bad ones. I try to explain everything as a system, myself too. For example, I dont believe that there is something like "spirit". For me, the word spirit means just energy directed toward a goal. Its logic for me but the way how to understand it is not through logic. My opinion about reality is that we all are builders of our realities. We just need to create the right environment. Mind is part of brain, try to take something with histamine and you will not be able to think. These words caught my attention but if you want to talk about something or if you have other point of view, I will like to discuss it but dont want to do it here.

 

[Lolinaa]

Something more expansive to consider:

Discernment in Relationships
from “Greater Community Spirituality” by Marshall Summers

[Note: The word “Knowledge” used in this article relates to Gnosis (Higher Knowledge/Embodied Knowing)…….nothing to do intellectual mind-stuff, nor just ordinary feelings and is deeper than “intuition”…directly related to one’s level of Being/individualized soul. “The steps towards Knowledge” are a process, depending on one’s sincere self-work, lessons to learn, talents to develop, aligning with one’s unique soul purpose/Divine Will (contrary to the desires of the ego mind and is most often a destructive process —> death of the personality identification to be reborn in one’s true “I”).]

There are very few people in the world who really understand you – your deeper nature and the deeper qualities that you have that even you have not discovered. At the surface of your mind, you might find much agreement, but at a deeper level beneath the surface of your mind, there are only a few who would be able to really recognize you.

To have many friends really does not account for much at all. To win favor amongst many people is to accommodate yourself to their expectations, and this will weaken and even destroy your ability to recognize yourself. People want to be loved and accepted and acknowledged, but this is driven by insecurity primarily.

At a deeper level, you need a more profound recognition. You need a true ally, not merely a friend. You need someone who recognizes your deeper nature and responds to this naturally. You do not have to perform for these people. But you do have to honor this nature within yourself. If it is unknown to you, or if you are resisting it or denying it by trying to be something else that you think will be successful, then your relationship with these rare individuals will not come to pass and you will have lost a rare and great opportunity.

As you begin to take the steps to Knowledge, to the deeper intelligence… within you, your criteria for relationships will change. You will seek clarity and honesty. You will look for deeper values. You will look for more permanent values. You will look for greater integrity within people, greater sincerity, more substantial values. Of course, this will rule out many people, even if they are very pleasant and very nice in a social sense.

If they do not have this greater capacity within themselves or have not discovered this for themselves, well, then there will be no place for you to connect with them. You can understand them at the level of their circumstances or their personality; you might admire their appearance or their charms or their unique abilities, but the deeper connection will not be there. They are living at the surface, and you have gone beneath the surface.

You cannot wait for them or try to educate or enlighten them, for this will not be productive. You have to seek for people who are ready, willing and able to connect with you at this deeper level. If you try to improve someone else or bring them to this greater state of recognition, you will be wasting your time, which is precious and should not be wasted.

What you are really looking for here is Knowledge in others. You are no longer swayed by beauty, wealth and charm as you might have been before. Now you are listening for a deeper quality, a deeper spirituality, a deeper awareness. And surprisingly perhaps to you, you will not find it in many people.You will not find it in the “beautiful” people [obsessed with their physical appearance], the charming people, the wealthy people, the socially popular people, the people who are aggressive and ambitious, the people who are constantly selling themselves, the people who are caught up in political persuasions or the people who are extraordinarily intellectual.

If they do not have this deeper capacity yet, it will be evident, and Knowledge within you will not respond to them. Knowledge within you will not criticize them or condemn them. They are just not there yet. And this will give you a very different understanding of what real advancement is in an individual’s development.

Placing all your emphasis on beauty and charm is clearly superficial, but so is placing all your emphasis on intellectual brilliance, and you will see this. You are listening for something deeper in yourself now, and that is why you are listening for something deeper in others. It is not just that you share ideas or beliefs. You may talk about spirituality, you may talk about God, you may talk about inspiration, but that does not mean there is a deeper connection at all.

Here, your mind must be clear and neutral. You cannot be judging, comparing and condemning other people, or you will never know the power of Knowledge within yourself. People are always judging one another, and this keeps them from recognizing one another or carrying on a deeper evaluation, which has nothing to do with condemnation at all.

You are looking for the evidence of Spirit in another, not just a conversation about Spirit, not just a liveliness in their personality. You are looking for something deeper in them because perhaps you have reached the point now where you are looking for something deeper in yourself, and you see that wittiness, charm, beauty and extravagance or even shared ideas, hobbies and so forth really is not it. You are surprised you find there are very few people who seem to have this deeper quality that you can discern and that Knowledge within you really does not respond to many people at all. And you feel alone, and you wonder if there really is anyone else.

Here you have to be willing to be alone if you are to have this level of integrity within yourself. Here you have to be true to Knowledge. If Knowledge is not responding, you do not need to respond. You can be friendly, you can be courteous – that is valuable – but you must be reserved.

If there is nothing there, there is nothing there. And if you realize there is no value and there is only unfortunate consequence in amplifying the attractive features of a person at the surface of their existence, then you will have to face the reality that there are but a few that you can deeply connect with. This will keep you from filling up your life with people and activities and involvements that really do not have anything important to offer and do not represent any serious or meaningful engagement for you. Here it is better to be largely alone than to have your life filled with people and engagements that have nothing to do with your greater purpose and destiny in the world.

Relationships take time. Serious relationships take a great deal of time. So many people are losing their lives, their time and their energy involved in relationships that have no greater capacity or greater destiny for them. Because they do not want to be alone, they are afraid that the person or the persons they are looking for truly may never arrive, so they will say to themselves, “Well, this relationship is not perfect, but if I wait, there may be nothing better for me.”

You have to be very careful what you tell yourself here. You must have faith in Knowledge and faith in life to bring into your life those people whom you are really destined to meet, who really have a great impact on your life, who will play a significant role in your own development and accomplishments in the world. You must build this faith.

If you are alone now, it is a valuable time to build your connection to Knowledge. Knowledge represents your most profound and important relationship. If this is not established, if this is not fully established, then your relationship with everyone else will be out of sync – lacking clarity and purpose, lacking meaning – and your life will be filled with people, engagements, activities and commitments that will never create a real opening for you. Beyond your need to go to work and to earn a living and to build your education for opportunities in the world, there is this greater destiny you have with certain people, and that is really what you are looking for.

But you must be patient. You must see that there is an appropriateness to when people appear in your life. Timing is very important. Many people think they are ready for true partnership, but they do not know what it is for, and perhaps they are armored against this realization. So if they met the right person, they would not be ready to participate with them, and this would produce a great and profound conflict.

You must be ready for a greater relationship. You must know where you are going. You must have a deeper sense of your purpose and destiny, even if it is not fully defined yet. It must be real and strong for you. You must be willing not to give yourself to other attractions. You must know enough not to give yourself to other seductions.

Part of your education here is really learning what does not work. It is more a process of elimination. As long as you are drawn by beauty, wealth, and charm, you do not yet have the discernment to see what is really meaningful and important. If you have never really felt a deep connection with another, do not think it is not possible and meant for you.

You have a greater destiny in the world, and there are others who are part of this destiny and who will play a significant role in its discovery and expression. This is an article of faith for you now, for not all your needs can be met in this moment, nor should they be met.

You have to have a sound relationship with your mind and your body. You have to develop your health. You have to develop your Pillar of Work. You have so many things to do now to build your foundation in life. You have the Steps to Knowledge to take to build your connection with Knowledge. No one should be pining away for a relationship when they have all of this work to do to build their foundation.

A relationship cannot take the place of this, ever. You cannot be waiting for someone to give you all the meaning and value of your life. For if you do not have this foundation, you will not be able to participate with them. You will not have the strength, the courage or the self-honesty to be able to participate with someone in a greater way. It will only be a relationship of convenience, a relationship of advantage, a relationship of attachment, a relationship filled with fantasies and expectations that will fail in the face of a real life.

People are attracted and then disappointed, constantly. They are not finding what they are really looking for in one another because they are not looking for the right things. They have not built the patience and the clarity and the discernment within themselves to really know what this means.

Discernment in relationships is very significant, for you can give your life away so very easily. It can be so easy to get involved and so difficult to free yourself later. There are many seductions and many traps. Look around you and see how people have fallen prey to these things. Look without condemnation. Look with the desire to learn, for people are committing every possible form of self-violation out there, particularly in their relationships.

They will teach you the consequences of choosing wrongly, of being attracted by meaningless things, of being seduced by others, by being trapped in relationships, held in place by someone else, unable to extricate themselves, sold on a relationship because there is nothing better or there is something there you want—financial security, beauty and charm, shared interests.

But none of these things really constitute a real connection with another. None of them speaks of a greater purpose and destiny in life. They are all momentary attractions, and if you commit yourself to momentary attractions, time will be very disappointing to you.

So you must have the strength, the faith and the confidence to wait, to look and listen. Do not shut people out. Really listen to them. Listen for Knowledge within yourself as you listen to them. If Knowledge is not responding beyond simple courtesy, you do not need to respond, nor should you. You are looking for one or two or three people who will make the great difference in your life. Perhaps one will become a life partner. Perhaps one will be a great teacher. Perhaps one will be a great companion in your work. Perhaps one will just teach you momentarily something of immense value or point your life in a direction, showing you the way to go.

You might need other people for simple things—to provide goods and services, for simple companionship, for lighthearted enjoyment, but do not give yourself away to them. Do not give yourself away to anyone until you have built this deeper foundation within yourself. Do not let impatience or compulsion drive you. Do not let the persuasions of others or the power of seduction drive you.

Take your time. Do not hurry into any relationship. Listen to others carefully, to hear what their presence in your life means, if it means anything at all. If you are patient and observant, you will know. If you are reckless and compulsive, your life will be calamitous, and you will have a string of failed relationships or be circumscribed in an unhappy marriage or other arrangements with people.

The longer you are in a relationship that does not have this greater promise, the harder it will be to free yourself, for you will become dependent upon security and familiarity. You will need the person more than really want to be with them. And this is a dreadful trap, dreadful to the Spirit, dreadful in that it pre-empts you from finding your greater purpose and the individuals who will make all the difference in your discovery and expression of this purpose.

Do not worry that you are getting older. Do not let that drive your decision. If you are not meant to meet the significant partner for three years, let us say as an example, what are you going to do in the next three years? Go in and out of relationship, experience frustration, heartbreak, anger or resentment, disappointment, burning up your life over engagements that have no promise, while the Four Pillars of your life (Pillar of Relationships, Pillar of Work and Providership, Pillar of Health, Pillar of your Spiritual Development) remain undeveloped and un-recognized?

Can you be out of relationship for three years while you are building other aspects of your life? If you cannot, then you have a problem with personality addiction and this has nothing to do with real relationships. This is a personality disorder. Can you face loneliness and emptiness, or must you have constant stimulation, constant romance, constant infatuation and with them all the disappointment, frustration and disapproval that this generates?

You will waste your life and other people’s lives doing this. It is not necessary, you see. Constant searching, constant hoping and wanting someone—this is pointless and unnecessary, you see, for when you are ready, Knowledge will bring into your life the individual that you need and the people that you need for other parts of your life.

Do not think that everyone who crosses your path has been destined to meet you. If you have many engagements with people, many people will be crossing your path. You might have momentary encounters with them. They too are looking for certain individuals. Everyone is looking even if they are pretending not to be looking. But it must be the real engagement, you see. Knowledge will know. If you are strong with Knowledge, you will know. You will feel Knowledge’s response. It will be clear. It will be simple.

Perhaps you will meet someone, and Knowledge will say, “Ah, this is your husband or your wife you are meeting here.” None of this drama and excitement and infatuation and personal suffering and anguish that people go through in their romantic endeavors, their romantic escapades—just a recognition.

Then you have to see if the person is really ready for this and if, in fact, this is who they are in your life, and you take your time doing that. It does not have all the glory and sensation and extravagance that you see in the movie picture. It is a simple recognition because the resonance is there and the connection is there. The right person is the right person. Now you must discern if they are ready for this and if you are ready for this. Then you must learn of their traits and their values to see if there is sufficient compatibility between you, to allow a relationship to be formed and sustained.

You may have a greater destiny, but that does not mean that you can function successfully together. You will have to wait and see. If you value your life, you will not want to give it away. You will not want to gamble it. You have nothing to lose by taking time to see. If this is really the person for you, they are not going to go away. You can afford to take time.


For a relationship to function in the world, it must have a sufficient degree of compatibility. That does not mean you are completely the same, of course not. But you must have compatibility regarding your values, regarding your lifestyle, regarding your use of money, regarding how you look at work, regarding, really, the Four Pillars of your life.

Here you cannot rehabilitate anyone, for they are either ready or they are not. They are either right or they are not. The relationship is going to work or it does not. All this work that people do on their relationships is foolishness. It means the relationship does not work, and they are to keep trying to make it work, and they invest time and money and energy and sometimes a whole life into trying to make something work that really just does not work. They have no idea that if the relationship worked, they would not have to invest this kind of time. Yes, there are corrections and learning to be done and being together. But if you are always working on a relationship, it does not work. Spare yourself this fundamental lesson in life that can occupy so much of your life to learn.

Knowledge will know. But then you must find out the particulars of a person’s life to see if you can communicate, if you can share your values, if you can be together harmoniously. Sometimes people are attracted to people very different from themselves, but these relationships are almost never successful. They require too much adjustment, too much conflict, too much disparity and too much personal adjustment.

If you are with someone whose values are very different from yours, you will never be comfortable with them, and your being together will never be smooth and easy. This is not about falling in love. You can fall in love with someone you can never be in a relationship with. So infatuation or even recognition does not mean a relationship. This is another great lesson of life.

Perhaps you will fall in love with many people over the course of your life, but you cannot marry them all. Some are personality infatuations. Some represent relationships from the ancient past that you are now re-experiencing and want to experience again. And some represent real connections that could not be brought into being because the people were not ready or mature enough to participate effectively together. In the moment, you will not know what is what. So be careful about letting yourself become so infatuated with anyone.

Do not want and try to be in love. That is blind and foolish. There are many people who could excite the deeper passions of the heart with whom you could never function together. You can be in love with someone whose values are so different from yours that you could not stand to be together beyond the initial romantic phase. You will constantly be arguing, constantly in friction, constantly disagreeing, constantly maladapting to each other. People fall in love and get married without any idea of what they are doing in their lives or where they are going. They just assume if you are in love you should be married. It is a great mistake. You might feel spontaneous love for someone, but do not let yourself go overboard with that.

In relationship, you are choosing your primary influence. You are assigning the person to be your chief influence, your chief advisor. It is a practical arrangement, not just an emotional one.

Do not think if you work hard enough, if you love enough, you will make it all work. This is foolishness. You will have to work at relationship, certainly, to a degree. You will have to adapt, certainly, to a degree. You will have to relinquish some of your personal freedoms and recklessness to be in a real relationship, of course. You will have to be attentive. You will have to be honest. You will have to be engaged. But people take this to mean that they can make a relationship work with someone whom they want for themselves, and this is a cruel error.

If you feel like you are going to fall in love with someone, hold yourself back, keep your eyes open. This is a very important learning and very necessary for you to become mature and wise. To be swept along by impressions and infatuations, to allow yourself to be seduced by others, to be overtaken by beauty, wealth or charm is such a form of self-betrayal. It is such a dangerous involvement. It has such profoundly difficult and unfortunate consequences.

You have to be very careful here. Who you associate with and how you associate with them has all the bearing for your life and the kind of life you have and the opportunities you have. Likewise, do not become sexually engaged with anyone unless it represents a real partnership for you, for sexuality is a commitment by its very nature. You may think of it as a casual involvement, but emotionally it is never casual. Your relationship will never be the same. And if it cannot fulfill itself at a greater level, it will be disappointing, and that will generate resentment and failed expectations, disappointment.

You can not always just be a friend with someone who was once a lover, for you have crossed a threshold where you are pretending to be in a real relationship even though perhaps you never were. Sexuality is wonderful with the right person and damaging with the wrong person. Never treat this lightly. Never think of this as a casual, recreational kind of involvement. To your body it is the real thing. To your emotions it is serious because it is consequential.

Here you may have to hold yourself back and learn to restrain yourself, or you will give yourself away recklessly, hopelessly and cause great damage. And as a result, you will never know what is really true within yourself.

People use each other so thoughtlessly in this regard and give themselves away so thoughtlessly in this regard. Particularly in the more free nations, the democratic nations, people have such access to each other that they can indulge themselves at great damage to themselves and to other people—damaging their own integrity and the integrity of another, playing with the affections of another, pretending to be serious when in fact they have no real intentions here. Do not play these games with yourself or with others, for they produce nothing but harm.

You will see through disappointment here that you really do have deeper intentions regarding relationships. You have a more serious intention here. And what is that? And what does that mean? What does that require? And what are you really looking for in another? And are you yourself ready to be in a relationship of a greater nature or are you only pretending and flirting?

People commit themselves before they are ready. They get married before they are ready. They give their life away before they even know what their life is for, where it is going or what it really means. This happens all the time. So you have unhappy marriages and unhappy families. People are trapped. People are unhappy. People have capitulated. And now you have unhappy children being taught all the lessons of compromise that their parents have made.

To break this pattern, to break free of this reality that people have created, you must follow a deeper Knowledge within yourself and know what this means and how it feels, what it feels like to be restrained by Knowledge.

Take your decisions to Knowledge. If Knowledge is not choosing, well, you do not need to choose. If Knowledge is not saying yes, then do not say yes. If Knowledge is silent, then you be silent. If Knowledge is not committing itself, do not commit yourself. If it is not a yes, it is a no. There are no maybes. Do not tantalize yourself with that. That is trying to get what you want in the face of all the evidence that you are on the wrong track. So there is no maybe. Take your time. Look and listen to another. Do not become sexually involved with them. Do not be pressured to do so.

People will tell you all about themselves right away: their behavior, their intentions, their self-honesty, their interests, their values, their sincerity or lack of it, their self-awareness or lack of it. Do not be convinced by appearances. You must look deeper than this.

This will save your life. Later on, you will think back and say, “Oh my God, I could have married this person. Oh my God, I could have become involved with this person.” And if your life is really moving in the right direction, you will see what a calamity that would have been and how that would have used up such a great part of your life to try to get clear and to extricate yourself from that situation. And when you finally meet the people you need to meet, you will be so grateful you did not compromise before. You will be so grateful.

Ultimately, your focus must be on contribution in the world—where you are meant to be, what you are meant to do, where you are meant to give. If this is the focus of your life, then relationships will easily be a part of that, or they will not. And it will be very much easier to see if a person can fit into that or not.

That is why focusing on the presence of Knowledge and learning to read the signs of your own deeper inclinations are so extremely important before you become committed to another. Here you are seeking the kingdom first. You are seeking the reality of your life first. You are trying to discern a deeper direction. You are willing to be alone to do this. You are willing to forgo immediate gratification to do this because it is so much more important. You will hold yourself back for this.

If you are not extremely physically attractive, it is such an advantage here because the people who are very physically attractive are being constantly bombarded with offers and persuasions and seductions. They are being given power and recognition though they have most often never really earned it through any real merit. They are being seduced, and they will seduce themselves, and you will rarely find a highly physically attractive person who has ever cultivated any depth within themselves. They have become a product to be bought and sold. They are a resource for others. Unless they can see beyond this deception, they will fall prey to it.

As long as you are not hiding from people, avoiding people and denying people, you will be able to see where the connections could possibly be. But in the interim, your real purpose and emphasis and priority is to discern the presence of Knowledge and the signs of a deeper purpose in your life. For whoever you meet must be connected to this Knowledge and this purpose if you are to be with them successfully and if this relationship is to yield anything of real value and importance.

Take the Steps to Knowledge then. Learn from the wisdom of others’ mistakes and your own errors in judgment. Learn to be clear and sober. Do not condemn people, and do not become infatuated with them either. Do not base your expectations upon potential in others, for what you see today is really what you have in front of you.

There are so many important lessons here in discernment. But they all must be practiced to be realized. Take your path and evaluate it. Watch others clearly so that their accomplishments and mistakes can educate you. Let the world teach you what is true and how to distinguish it from what is not true, what is really good from what only looks good.

Be sober. Be clear. Do not give your life away. Build your connection to Knowledge. Begin to discern the evidence that you are here for a greater purpose. Do this without coming to conclusions; just allow the evidence to grow.

Feel Knowledge moving you and holding you back. Take good care of your mind and your body. Be present to others, but be reserved. Then you will have the freedom to practice this deeper discernment, and you will see how invaluable it is and how it is so lacking in other people’s discernment and decision-making.

Knowledge is here to take you somewhere, to prepare you, to strengthen you, to show you the difference between what is real and what is not real.

You have a greater destiny and a greater purpose. You must follow this pathway and not give it up for love or money, not for beauty, wealth or charm. If you do this, your life will be preserved, and you will be able to become strong and mature enough to engage with certain people with whom you share a greater destiny. You will find them, and they will find you. And you will be ready for one another.

What he is saying is what I would love to believe and hope will happen. But the part about sexual intercourse can be very hard.
I used to think that way too because I used to be in a long term committed relationship. Before I didn’t care at all about sex. Since restarting on thyroid and my metabolism is great, and above all when the weather is sunny I just cant help feeling horny very often those last days.

I dont think waiting to be in a relationship for me to have sex will work. I of course dont sleep with every body who compliments or are attracted to me but I am thinking more and more on giving their chance to the persistent ones that I find attractive. I just want to take my time to find the right person while working on improving myself but to not have touch or kiss or even sex is hard. I just feel the lack too much.
But at the same time doing it without feeling can feel empty and sad. It's so complicated sometimes :/...

 

[japanesedude]

I believe that We all should not be addicted to a person or any kind of specific relationship.
in my experience, 'Unrequited love' is happen only when I feel weak or stressed out and couldn't feel 'dopamine' in my brain.
I guess it is coming from high serotonin or estrogen.

 

[ecstatichamster]

What he is saying is what I would love to believe and hope will happen. But the part about sexual intercourse can be very hard.
I used to think that way too because I used to be in a long term committed relationship. Before I didn’t care at all about sex. Since restarting on thyroid and my metabolism is great, and above all when the weather is sunny I just cant help feeling horny very often those last days.

I dont think waiting to be in a relationship for me to have sex will work. I of course dont sleep with every body who compliments or are attracted to me but I am thinking more and more on giving their chance to the persistent ones that I find attractive. I just want to take my time to find the right person while working on improving myself but to not have touch or kiss or even sex is hard. I just feel the lack too much.
But at the same time doing it without feeling can feel empty and sad. It's so complicated sometimes :/...

Take a look at reuniting.info.

 

[zewe]

What he is saying is what I would love to believe and hope will happen. But the part about sexual intercourse can be very hard.
I used to think that way too because I used to be in a long term committed relationship. Before I didn’t care at all about sex. Since restarting on thyroid and my metabolism is great, and above all when the weather is sunny I just cant help feeling horny very often those last days.

I dont think waiting to be in a relationship for me to have sex will work. I of course dont sleep with every body who compliments or are attracted to me but I am thinking more and more on giving their chance to the persistent ones that I find attractive. I just want to take my time to find the right person while working on improving myself but to not have touch or kiss or even sex is hard. I just feel the lack too much.
But at the same time doing it without feeling can feel empty and sad. It's so complicated sometimes :/...

@Lolinaa Thank you for your honesty. And you're right; it is so complicated at times.

Sexual urges are natural and the bonding one can feel w/ another is something that I hope all can experience.

However, [a shoe drops when a sentence begins w/ 'However' ] I'd like to share some hard earn lessons I've learned.

I was very attractive to men [women too] so much that it was hard to get away from that type of attention....slender, long limbs and big breasts and I was attractive in facial features with long strawberry blond hair.

I had an extremely high libido too. I'm histamine intolerant and they say that a high libido comes with the condition [think on the Kennedy family].

Hindsight as a woman of a certain age, I can honestly say that sex and sexual urges, many times, just overwhelmed me. It got in the way on so many levels. I just wanted people to know me, Michelle. Too many never looked beyond the package.

Men catcalled after me; said some of the most embarrassing things to me, got angry if I rejected them and begged me to lay with them. Women snubbed me if they didn't know me and would go out of their way to be cruel and make a point of leaving me out of activities.

My appearance combined with my empathic nature put me in the sights of a few sociopaths and one very dangerous psychopath who took his time hurting and torturing me. I was in my 50s and still getting the type of attention I described earlier.

I did enjoy both sex and lovemaking but I think I've missed out on the rewards of growing with another through a committed relationship.
My niece, who is beautiful and bulit like me, summed it up best. She said, "Aunt Michelle, guys don't want me; they just want to do me."

And there's the rub.

We've taken one of the most beautiful acts humans can experience and totally trashed it, marketed it, degraded it....taken women's part of it and served it up to the world in a screwed up....I don't even know how to finish.....

Perhaps this is just therapeutic for me but here goes:

Thanks so much to all who wished and inflicted physical and emotional pain on me. You won. I don't make myself attractive anymore; I hide my body so you don't have to feel insecure or chance rejection. I'll never be able to lie in a man's arms and feel that kind of love again. You broke my spirit, took my joy, and my womanhood.

I work on forgiveness but the rage within me is blinding and I can't find my way through it.

 

[Lolinaa]

@estatichamster: Thank you for the link. I looked at it quickly and recognize the sex without orgasm stuff you wrote about before here.

@zewe: I could have written exactly what you wrote apart the blond strawberry part and long limbs, as well as committed relationships because I mainly had that in the past apart the last 2 years. Me I am quite thin and a bit petite 1m59. I didn't have a high sex drive either. It's one of the reason my relationship didn’t work out. I always felt too tired for that, but I think its because I wasn’t in love anymore with my partner and stayed because I liked him lots.
In the country I am living now I dont allow myself to have a high sex drive or sleep around because there are a lot of mysoginistics men. They can be downright disrespectful or dangerous if you show too much openess to them.
I try to manage it as best as I can and its seasonal like summer or during ovulation that I feel the need most.

I used to date a guy who spoke a lot and I asked him to have sex instead of talking that much, he told me he was shock by my behavior. In London or New York I felt free to sleep with as many guys as I wanted and to show openly that I enjoyed it. The mentality is different and nobody will treat you like a slut for enjoying intercourse. Guys are more gentlemen and wont judge you for hooking up.

I am sorry for what you went through. I completely empathize as I went through lots of crazy things as well. I think insecurities, bigotry and narrow-mind can make people hurt others. I cut lots of friendship and left lots of jobs because of hypocritical insecure people. I have never understood how some people can go so low.
Personally I refuse to change to accommodate them. I cut hurtful people off and continue with my life with dignity. I think you should not alter your physical appearance to please others. Those are gifts and assets that life gave us. I think our mission is to take care and fulfill ourselves as best as we can. While I wont hurt or smear my assets into anybody's face, I am pretty sure I have the right to live my life as free, happy and as at peace as I want it and I wont let miserable people preventing me doing so. I wish the haters can find peace and deal with their own demons instead of spreading hate. I thank the universe or god or whatever we believe in for every kind and caring person I cross path with. I wish you peace and happiness too zewe.
Dont let negative experience undermine you even though it's not as easy said as done. I almost gave up a project I am doing right now because of some jerks.

 

[Peater]

@Lolinaa

My niece, who is beautiful and bulit like me, summed it up best. She said, "Aunt Michelle, guys don't want me; they just want to do me."

I guarantee that every 'nice guy' she said "lets just be friends" to, would have moved heaven and earth for her and treated her every word like it was sent from above.

 

[zewe]

@Lolinaa First off, let me say that your response was kind and thank you for the pep talk.

And second, I apologize for not responding sooner. Here's why I needed time to myself.

This part of the year for me is difficult because it's the time related to a trauma I experienced. Add that to the fact that I had literally run into a couple connected to the trauma face 2 face while turning the corner of an aisle in a store.

They took me to a party for a previous golf outing where I was drugged, knew something was wrong with me and left me there. The rest is as they say, history.

I have eluded to my being a "sensitive," earlier in this thread but that's not accurate. I am an empath and there is a difference in being an empath vs a highly sensitive person. [empathetic]
Being Empathic versus Being an Empath: Crucial Differences

Most think this might be a cool thing and it is as I can comunicate with plants, animals, and even our earth.

What's not so cool, sometimes, is that I feel other people's pain [and illness] and their emotions....sometimes their thoughts although this is not something I want to develope; I couldn't handle it.

And there are other beings in the surrounding environment that most cannot see.....many are dark but positives too. Empaths ARE psychic and it's not something you can just turn off.

I do not have to be in the vicinity of a person to get a "reading" on them. In the Mental Environment, distance doesn't matter and I pick up other's "stuff" even on forums such as this one.

For the most part, it is difficult for me to comprehend why people treat each other badly or act the way they do.

When I was younger, I had no one to help me understand what I was or how to handle it. Until about 10 years ago, most never heard the word empath. I used to say that I'm not wired for living on this planet.

I need alot of downtime, away from people to recharge myself and to detox from other's emotions which can impinge on me. There are times when I have to separate what I'm actually feeling as opposed to what others are feeling.

I'm in the process now of taking care of the empath within me and getting my subtle bodies cleared. Much of this is trial and error for me. Right now, I'm working with a crystal called Auralite 23. [a good stone for any empaths out there]

Thanks again, @Lolinaa, Deep Peace to you on your journey through life.....I feel that you'll do just fine!
Michelle

 

[Lolinaa]

@zewe, thank you for your kind answer as well.
I am with you on the part I cant comprehend why people do what they do and take pleasure in hurting others. I think people are the way they are. I dont find them excuses. As soon as I see the negative traits I try to stay away as much as possible. I do pity them too. They are trying to gain power or control by showing in what extent they are weak. We cant change the world or people, can we? So the best is to find a way for it to hurt you as less as possible.

If somebody hurt you purposely they dont deserve you to spend time being sad because of them. Make a decision to care about your well being above all.

One more thing about the empath thing, I used to be like that a lot too. I think it is damaging and I think it is due to being hypothyroid or some other health problems. Try to be as healthy as you can and it will impact you less in terms of shock and emotions. Be well

 

[zewe]

@zewe,.....SNIP:

One more thing about the empath thing, I used to be like that a lot too. I think it is damaging and I think it is due to being hypothyroid or some other health problems. Try to be as healthy as you can and it will impact you less in terms of shock and emotions. Be well

@Lolinaa I'm smiling right now because I know your advice is well intended but it is not a bad health issue. Also, it is a mistake to write off the existence of empaths, meaning a subset of the human race....possibly even an evolutionary difference amongst humans. [My thinking on this]

I thought the article I had posted, would clear up the difference between cognitive empathy and what an Empath experiences.

An empath actually, literally, experiences the emotions of others as if the emotions were their own. We feel them in our body.

Non empaths find this hard to believe and I've had my share of people who were creeped out by it. Some, I felt, were afraid of me.

Science hasn't directly looked at empaths but there are studies which point to why empaths perceive differently. Below, I'll post a few articles and studies which may help to understand the difference.
------------------ -----

From PSYBLOG:
Two different types of empathy can be seen operating in the brain, a new study finds.

The two types are emotional empathy and rational empathy.

Emotional empathy is when you feel someone else’s emotions yourself.

Rational empathy is when you try to understand someone else’s emotions intellectually.

Mr Robert Eres, who led the study, said:

“People who are high on affective [or emotional] empathy are often those who get quite fearful when watching a scary movie, or start crying during a sad scene.

Those who have high cognitive empathy are those who are more rational, for example a clinical psychologist counselling a client.”

The brains of people who respond rationally to emotions are different from those who respond emotionally, the study found.

The study examined whether people with more brain cells in certain areas respond in different ways to emotional stimuli.

Researchers found that people with higher gray matter density in the insula — an area important for the emotions — displayed more emotional empathy.

Those showing more rational empathy had higher gray matter density in the midcingulate cortex.

Mr Eres said:

“Every day people use empathy with, and without, their knowledge to navigate the social world.

We use it for communication, to build relationships, and consolidate our understanding of others.

In the future we want to investigate causation by testing whether training people on empathy related tasks can lead to changes in these brain structures and investigate if damage to these brain structures, as a result of a stroke for example, can lead to empathy impairments.”

The study’s authors conclude:

"Taken together, these results provide validation for empathy being a multi-component construct, suggesting that affective and cognitive empathy are differentially represented in brain morphometry as well as providing convergent evidence for empathy being represented by different neural and structural correlates.”

The study was published in the journal Neuroimage (Eres et al., 2015).
SOURCE:
The Two Types of Empathy Pinpointed In The Brain - PsyBlog
-------- ------- -------
FROM PSYCHOLOGY TODAY....the author claims to be an Empath, herself:

The Science Behind Empathy and Empaths
Five scientific studies on the phenomenon of how empathy works.
Posted Mar 03, 2017

• As a psychiatrist and an empath, I am fascinated by how the phenomenon of empathy works. I feel passionately that empathy is the medicine the world needs right now.

Empathy is when we reach our hearts out to others and put ourselves in their shoes. However, being an empath goes even farther. Like many of my patients and myself, empaths are people who’re high on the empathic spectrum and actually feel what is happening in others in their own bodies. As a result, empaths can have incredible compassion for people—but they often get exhausted from feeling “too much” unless they develop strategies to safeguard their sensitivities and develop healthy boundaries.

In my book, “The Empath’s Survival Guide” I discuss the following intriguing scientific explanations of empathy and empaths. These will help us more deeply understand the power of empathy so we can utilize and honor it in our lives.

1. The Mirror Neuron System

Researchers have discovered a specialized group of brain cells that are responsible for compassion. These cells enable everyone to mirror emotions, to share another person’s pain, fear, or joy. Because empaths are thought to have hyper-responsive mirror neurons, we deeply resonate with other people’s feelings. How does this occur? Mirror neurons are triggered by outside events. For example, our spouse gets hurt, we feel hurt too. Our child is crying; we feel sad too. Our friend is happy; we feel happy too. In contrast, psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists are thought to have what science calls “empathy deficient disorders.” This means they lack the ability to feel empathy like other people do, which may be caused by an under-active mirror neuron system. We must beware of these people because they are incapable of unconditional love.

2. Electromagnetic Fields

The second finding is based on the fact that both the brain and the heart generate electromagnetic fields. According to the HeartMath Institute, these fields transmit information about people’s thoughts and emotions. Empaths may be particularly sensitive to this input and tend to become overwhelmed by it. Similarly, we often have stronger physical and emotional responses to changes in the electromagnetic fields of the earth and sun. Empaths know well that what happens to the earth and sun affects our state of mind and energy. Similarly, we often have stronger physical and emotional responses to changes in the electromagnetic fields of the earth and sun. Empaths know well that what happens to the earth and sun affects our state of mind and energy.

3. Emotional Contagion

The third finding which enhances our understanding of empaths is the phenomena of emotional contagion. Research has shown that many people pick up the emotions of those around them. For instance, one crying infant will set off a wave of crying in a hospital ward. Or one person loudly expressing anxiety in the workplace can spread it to other workers. People commonly catch other people’s feelings in groups. A recent New York Times article stated that this ability to synchronize moods with others is crucial for good relationships. What is the lesson for empaths? To choose positive people in our lives so we’re not brought down by negativity. Or, if, say a friend is going through a hard time, take special precautions to ground and center yourself. These are important strategies you’ll learn in this book.

4. Increased DopamineSensitivity

The fourth finding involves dopamine, a neurotransmitter that increases the activity of neurons and is associated with the pleasure response. Research has shown that introverted empaths tend to have a higher sensitivity to dopamine than extraverts. Basically, they need less dopamine to feel happy. That could explain why they are more content with alone time, reading, and meditation and need less external stimulation from parties and other large social gatherings. In contrast, extraverts crave the dopamine rush from lively events. In fact, they can’t get enough of it.

5. Synesthesia
The fifth finding, which I find particularly compelling, is the extraordinary state called “mirror-touch synesthesia.” Synesthesia is a neurological condition in which two different senses are paired in the brain. For instance, you see colors when you hear a piece of music or you taste words. Famous synesthetics include Isaac Newton, Billy Joel, and violinist Itzhak Perlman. However, with mirror-touch synesthesia, people can actually feel the emotions and sensations of others in their own bodies as if these were their own. This is a wonderful neurological explanation of an empath’s experience.

The Dali Lama says, “Empathy is the most precious human quality.” During these stressful times, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Even so, empathy is the quality that will get us through. It will enable us to respect one another, even if we disagree. Empathy doesn’t make you a sentimental softy without discernment. It allows you to keep your heart open to foster tolerance and understanding. It might not always be effective in getting through to people and creating peace but I think it’s the best chance we have.

(Adapted from The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People by Judith Orloff, MD, which is a guidebook for empaths and all caring people who want to keep their hearts open in an often-insensitive world.)
SOURCE:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...201703/the-science-behind-empathy-and-empaths
---------------------
More on the insula....part of brain that Empaths would have more density in.
From:
KNOW YOUR BRAIN: INSULA
5/06/2013

Where is the insula?

The insula is a small region of the cerebral cortex located deep within the lateral sulcus, which is a large fissure that separates the frontal and parietal lobes from the temporal lobe.

What is the insula and what does it do?
If you decided to write a term paper on the insula 20 years ago, it probably would have been a bad idea. First off, your teacher might have thought you were just trying to impress her by choosing an obscure area of the brain that even she knew nothing about. Second, you would have had a hard time even finding enough sources to write the paper with. Since the mid-1990s, however, this deeply-buried region of the brain has begun to garner much more attention.

The insula is tucked away inside a prominent fissure of the brain called the lateral sulcus. Its concealment is one reason why it went mostly unnoticed for such a long time. But neuroimaging, along with studies involving patients with damage to the region, have helped us to recognize the insula as an area of the brain that seems to play a role in a number of everyday activities. However, the imprecision of neuroimaging and clinical studies have also led to vagueness about what exactly that role is.

Indeed, the insula appears to be activated during a wide array of events. Depending on whom you ask, the insula is involved in pain, love, emotion, craving, addiction, the enjoyment of music, or even the tasting of wine. So, what is really going on here?

The answer may be that the insula is at least partly responsible all of these seemingly disparate things because it facilitates our concept of self-awareness. This would include the awareness of our bodies and emotions, and how they interact to create our perception of the present moment. This sounds very metaphysical, and is only a hypothesis, but it would help to explain why the insula seems to be involved in such a diversity of thoughts and behaviors.

The idea that the insula is involved in the formation of our present-moment awareness can be traced back to what is known as the somatic marker hypothesis. Put forth by Antonio Damasio in the 1990s, the somatic marker hypothesis suggests that people use bodily signals to help them make decisions (e.g. a queasiness in your stomach about walking down a dark side street at night might cause you to stick to the well-lit main street). Damasio suggested that the insula plays an important role in the processing of these bodily sensations so they may be used to influence decision making.

The role of the insula in the somatic marker hypothesis was expanded upon by A.D. Craig, who has developed a hypothesis that the insula is the cornerstone of our overall awareness. Craig suggests that the insula constantly receives a heaping of information about the location and condition of our bodies, our subjective emotions, and the key features of our environment. It then incorporates the salient, or important, information into what Craig calls a “global emotional moment.” A global emotional moment is an image of ourselves at one point in time that includes all of the information that is important to us (e.g. I am happy, stimulated, yet hungry). It is the stringing together of these global emotional moments, according to Craig, that allows us to be subjectively aware of the present moment, and it all happens in the insula.

Of course, one should take caution when attributing such a grand function like the generation of awareness to any one brain region. For now, the insula’s true role remains something of a mystery. It is activated by a wide variety of stimuli, but exactly why is unclear. It may be the cornerstone of our conscious awareness, or its function may be much more mundane. It has become a prominent part of neuroscience, however, which is quite an accomplishment for a brain region that was essentially unheard of a few decades ago.

Craig AD (2009). How do you feel--now? The anterior insula and human awareness. Nature reviews. Neuroscience, 10 (1), 59-70 PMID: 19096369
SOURCE:
Know your brain: Insula

 

[Herbie]

@zewe

Yesterday I drove a father and a daughter in the cab (cab driver currently) I dropped the father off at a hospital, probably in his 70s, dealing with some health things and then the daughter to the airport to fly back to her city, She was up beat but once we dropped him off She started gently crying in the cab and when these situations occur, I get very very hot in the face and body probably go red, not from embarrassment or awkwardness even though I'm not talking to the person, don't know them, they are in the back of the car, and not looking at them, only from listening. I'm probably at the early stages of crying, I thought that perhaps it was the last time she would see her father. Is this empathy on my behalf?

 

[zewe]

@Benyamin Bulluc
Well, you are an empathic person and a highly sensitive one. The question, is are you an empath?

To answer that you have to ask yourself if you were reacting to this woman's sadness or were you feeling her sadness. I can tell you were overwhelmed by her...so maybe your ability is blossoming.

An empath would also have intuition about what caused her sadness. Yes, the dad was obviously sick; anyone could decipher that. But you had the intuition that this was the last time she would see her father; that's very specific.

Let me ask you this. Did you have an intense or urgent desire to reach out to her; to ask if she was ok? Because it is an empath's nature to do so. If you had, you might have found out that indeed it was their last meeting and she was putting on a brave face for her dad.

All living things on this planet are psychic and by that I essentially mean that we are all "interconnected" on levels that are not readily apparent - yielding more information than we have currently acknowledged or understood. An empath is naturally tuned into that information. It comes as feelings, images or symbols....like archetypes. Also, we have a tendency to take on others emotions. Empaths are essentially healers. Healing takes place on many levels....not just in the physical body.

Were you like this as a child, before culture/institutions/
people told you it isn't so? Because empaths are born this way.

I hope I've answered your question we can discuss more here or feel free to PM me. Thanks for sharing your experience; I had a good feeling about you and you have confirmed that for me!

 

[Herbie]

Thanks @zewe, I appreciate it.

I had these thoughts about the sacrifices her father did for her throughout her life and what he did to support her to be alive and have the life she has had and that she was grateful. You know those short clips of moments in life playing. I'm not sure if I was reacting or feeling it, I felt an emptiness, solum feeling. Yeah she was up lifting, giving attention and affection and being positive to him.

I don't reach out because I don't like it when people interrupt/smother the grieving process for me, I think its a sacred process, she was alone in a safe place and felt comfortable to be vulnerable to go through it, when people step in, it ruins the moment in my opinion though depends on the context. I respect boundaries but I gave her a sincere good bye and well wishes, she knew that I understood without saying anything. Ive learnt to disconnect from this a bit because it can be a bit much to take onboard.

One time my aunt was a bit sick and my mother asked me if she should fly to her city to see her and I said yes she should go and my aunt died while my mother visited her and my mother was able to say good bye, I was 18 at the time, it was an unexpected death.

Another time I was going camping and had a strange feeling and wanted to leave a particular area I had planned to go, couldn't explain why and left, later found out that someone had died in their car and had been there for months in that place.

Yeah Ive always been like this,The thing which has flustered me is when I'm aware of something and confront someone about it and they deny it, due to not even being aware or being in denial about it, now I keep my mouth shut, took me a while to learn that. Ive had that gas lighting done to me by people I trusted and it rocked me for a while, it was an important lesson.

 

[zewe]

@Benyamin Bulluc I'm the one who should be thanking you. Empaths are far and few between and I get lonely for people like me....or those who at least try to understand me.

I'm 99.99999% sure you are an empath.

I get ya on keeping the mouth shut. I couldn't even talk to my mum about it. I see other entities which weren't always nice and i'd call out to her at night when they'd bother me and she could not relate at all. Eventually, I'd go sleep on the floor by her bed. But they weren't all nasty my son and have both seen angels too. There are forces that have your back.

The bad feeling you got camping is a typical sign of being an empath....always pay attention. I could have eluded my attacker had I not been drugged. Also, there are times when you're down and stuff gets past you. Try and pay attention to dreams too.

As an empath, you can have a mixture of gifts. I have an affinity with animals and have held and communicated with many wild ones: deer, foxes, mink, and birds of all kinds.....had a swift stay with us, perching on us for 2 days till I told my son we couldn't keep him.
The thing that's so amazing about that is that they stay in flight until dusk...eat [hold mouths open to catch bugs] and mate in flight. Most never see adults up close because they just don't land.

I can sense plants too and I love trees...The Standing People....

Here's some types of empaths or as I said you can be a mixture as I am. I think most are a mixture with maybe one more predominate:

1. Emotional Empath

Emotional empaths are often overwhelmed by the world they live in. They are always the ones who are supposed to be hit by the tornado of emotions and feelings of the others around them. That’s in a way a special ability, but also a burden. Emotional empaths can experience the emotions and feelings of other people within their own body.

2. Medical/Pgysical Empath

You always know when a person is not feeling well. Medical empaths have strong sensory abilities for the physical issues of the people around them. Most of the medical empaths work as nurses, doctors, healers etc.

3. Geomantic Empath

You are the kind of empath that loves nature, environment, people and everything connected with the collective form of existence. That’s what you feel and predict the best- your intuition is connected with nature and that’s what you feel best- nature, plants, animals, colors etc.

4. Plant Empath

This is the empath who feels the plants. This is some kind of a ‘sub-kind’ of the Geomantic Empath, but the plant empaths are focused only on plants. They could seek connection with the plant’s spirit and communicate with plants.

5. Animal Empath

An animal empath is a person who feels deeply connected with animals. He/she knows what they need and can feel into their thoughts and emotions. They usually end up working as veterinarians. Many animal empaths will feel called to work in shelters and will give their energy to help those animals heal and become whole again.

#6 Claircognizant or Intuitive Empath

This empath just has to look at a person or place their awareness on them and they will start downloading information about their life and past. They will know their habits, blockages, and lifestyle choices. This can be very overwhelming and if this empath doesn’t know how to distinguish between his/her own thoughts and emotions and those of others then he/she can find herself in many co-dependent relationships or getting caught up in business that they have no place in being.

#7 Mirror Empath or a Heyoka

Heyoka’s are the native American empaths who are considered to be the pioneers of the empathic shamanism and practices. Mirror empaths or Heyoka empaths feel other people’s emotions and thoughts, and they manifest them in front of other people. They are driven by the other people’s actions and they repeat the negative behavior or thoughts to show the social group that someone among them is a traitor, for instance.

The Heyoka is interesting and that is a Lakota empath they are said to be the most powerful but it is a hard life:
Heyoka - Wikipedia

I also wanted to say that you had a great connection with the woman in your taxi and I'd bet she felt the better for her encounter with you.

People don't always take kindly with the messages we bring but I'd bet, in solitude, it gives them something to mull over. So, don't hide your gifts. These aren't the days of witch hunts!

 

[Braveheart]

"The Dali Lama says, “Empathy is the most precious human quality.” During these stressful times, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Even so, empathy is the quality that will get us through. It will enable us to respect one another, even if we disagree. Empathy doesn’t make you a sentimental softy without discernment. It allows you to keep your heart open to foster tolerance and understanding. It might not always be effective in getting through to people and creating peace but I think it’s the best chance we have.".....so true...a wonderful and timely thread this is.

 

[SuperiorFatties]

If you 'suffer' from unrequited love you're probably not in love, maybe melancholically depressed instead. Why would you suffer when being in love? Most kids, students, ... I met throughout my life didn't give a damn about break-ups.

Studies on social relationships can be pretty interesting :
The odds of reporting a long-term illness for never married and long-term divorced or widowed men were not significantly raised once socio-economic background was controlled for (model 2).
Marital status, health and mortality

 

[Lolinaa]

@Lolinaa I'm smiling right now because I know your advice is well intended but it is not a bad health issue. Also, it is a mistake to write off the existence of empaths, meaning a subset of the human race....possibly even an evolutionary difference amongst humans. [My thinking on this]

I thought the article I had posted, would clear up the difference between cognitive empathy and what an Empath experiences.

An empath actually, literally, experiences the emotions of others as if the emotions were their own. We feel them in our body.

@zewe: I have read a lot about empaths, highly sensitive people and people on the other spectrum such as narcs... Those information are definitely not new to me.

My post was not mean to dismiss your feeling or opinion on the matter but I definitely think if something bothers someone to the extent you described earlier it is important to take actions. And as I said when I improve my metabolism and general well being my environment doesn’t impact me the same way. I have read a few of Ray Peat's articles and I have clearly seen how hormones can impact in terms of physiology and psychology and I am talking about my experience.

 

[Elephanto]

Some times ago, I told my dad something that seemed to strike him. He was defending that it's okay to eat bad food, and I told him that when you have less inflammation, it's easier to be kind to others. He's an high stress type of individual and I can feel that its his own chronic pain/tension that makes him sometimes rude and easily angry with others. He has many features of inflammation and stress and has been on statins for a while, got him to start taking Coq10 since statins inhibit the body's natural production of this potent antioxidant and promoter of mitochondrial respiration (hopefully that will prevent the worst outcomes of statins use). What I wanted to highlight with this story is how empathy, kindness and ego detachment are facilitated by states of low inflammation and stress. This relationship is probably mutual, like simply making an act of kindness seems to decrease stress levels. Relating to this thread, it seems to me like a sign of ego attachment and fear. Fear being a symptom of Serotonin which stress promotes. I observed in people who have these kind of speeches that they lack the ability to see from the perspective of others. For instance, a friend who was overly possessive with his girlfriend and seemed to have chosen the situation to become a martyr (like constantly providing her services but also making her feel like she had a due, subconsciously knowing that he would be in this position when he started to know her). He couldn't see the pain he caused in her but only focused on the unrequited love, never asking himself if the situation was positive for her. There is the fear that we are not loved, and so we look for confirmation, but when this fear/stress is removed, it becomes obvious that there is a lot of love around us. As a sign of love, people forgive us all the time when we cause pain. And when they don't, you should forgive them for not doing so. Forgiving is probably the best feeling there is, it removes a 10 tons monkey off your back. But it's also natural that love comes to us more easily when we give it. And sometimes that means letting someone go free. In this fearless state, we connect more deeply with humanity, it starts to seem that a positive encounter with a stranger is not less meaningful than an intimate relationship with someone that implies exclusivity.

 

[zewe]

@zewe: I have read a lot about empaths, highly sensitive people and people on the other spectrum such as narcs... Those information are definitely not new to me.
My post was not mean to dismiss your feeling or opinion on the matter but I definitely think if something bothers someone to the extent you described earlier it is important to take actions. And as I said when I improve my metabolism and general well being my environment doesn’t impact me the same way. I have read a few of Ray Peat's articles and I have clearly seen how hormones can impact in terms of physiology and psychology and I am talking about my experience.

@Lolinaa Hello again. I hope all is good for you today, sister.

Up until the attack, I was very healthy and strong in body. It took 3 years for me to seek help. By then, I was a mess. I didn't have insurance at that point, couldn't work and finally went to a low cost health clinic. They helped me get free insurance [Welfare here in USA] Believe me I saw every type of doctor, had them check my labs every 3 months.

I can not do any drugs [have very bad reactions] except those that are antihistamines. This is due to the fact that I am histamine intolerant, have been since birth...it runs in my family. That I treat through upping my methylation process.

What I did get from this experience is a bad case of PTSD. What you [and any who read my outburst] witnessed was me having a direct trigger to the trauma.

I was drugged, abducted, beaten, and tortured. One way he tortured me was by stripping me naked and pouring boiling water over me. I will not discuss the other things done because to tell affects people badly. Even the therapists I've seen/see either start crying or they go into a mini shock.

I also suffered from central pain syndrome which I believe came from blows to my head which snapped my neck to an fro.

One blow caused me to see a blinding white light which I continued to see for about a year and a 1/2 later.

For any who do not know what central pain is, I can state that it is a hellish altered existence. I've highlited in bold italics the type of pain I experience for years after:
-------- - --
Central pain syndrome is a neurological condition caused by damage or malfunction in the Central Nervous System(CNS) which causes a sensitization of the painsystem. The extent of pain and the areas affected are related to the cause of the injury.

Symptoms
Pain can either be relegated to a specific part of the body or spread to the entire body. It is typically constant, and may be moderate to severe in intensity. It is often made worse by touch, movement, emotions, barometric pressure and temperature changes, usually cold temperatures along with many other similar 'triggers'. Burning pain is the most common sensation, but patients also report pins and needles, pressing, lacerating, aching, and extreme bursts or constant sharp or unremitting excruciating pain. Individuals may have reduced sensitivity to touch in the areas affected by the pain, as if the part is 'falling asleep'. The burning and loss of sense of touch are usually, but not always, most severe on the distant parts of the body, such as the feet or hands, spreading until it is in some cases felt from head to toe. For some patients with intense affliction, there often can be unremitting nausea, causing vomiting. The pain can also bring on hyperventilation. Blood pressure can rise due to the pain.[1]

Cause
Damage to the CNS can be caused by car accidents, limb amputations, trauma, spinal cord injury, tumors, stroke,immune system disorders or diseases, such as Multiple Sclerosis, Parkinson's, Gravesor Addison's disease, Rheumatoid arthritis, and epilepsy.[2] It may develop months or years after injury or damage to the CNS.[3]
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And yes, my adrenal hormones [which I'm still treating] were affected because what I felt during and after was big fat FEAR.

He was going to kill me. And I knew it then. I escaped by mustering up my own rage at him and ran straight at him, knocking him into gym equipment, he had in the house, which left him on the floor and stunned.

I grabbed a covering, ran out of the house and hid under a neighbor's porch until he stopped looking for me and I could find help.

Lolinaa, for years I could not talk about this. I would like to see anyone, woman or man, go through this and come out ok in the head. Top it with the fact that I am an empath and maybe you can understand how soul crushing it was.

The man who did this was a psychopath with a capital P. Psychopaths are at the opposite end of the spectrum from an empath. They are-wired differently from ALL humans.

They are what I would call an organic portal, they lack a normal soul. Oh, they have something like soul material because they are alive but it's not developed like ours.

Because they are a portal of sorts, they can be possessed by negative entities. I saw this in him and it could only be called a demon and it was pure evil that I faced.

So, here I am, still standing, most of the pain is gone, but I still have lingering fatigue. I faced a devil and won. The memory of that will never go away but I continue to heal and grow stronger.

I am Woman, I am Strong, I am Invincible!

 

[zewe]

@Elephanto How wise you are! What a beautiful flow of sentiment you have written! Thank you deeply for that.