Thoughts On Being Unhealthy At A Young Age

Dhair

Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2015
Messages
880
I've been thinking about the general effects of being unhealthy at a young age, the consequences it has on lifestyle, and how it has influenced my personal philosophy.
Every since my flouroquinolone poisoning, I have been forced to adapt my lifestyle due to physical (but mostly cognitive) limitations. I understand that I cannot be involved in some of the same activities that others my age are able to enjoy.
In accepting my new reality, I have spent a lot of time pondering some existential questions.
On the bright side, I no longer see a benefit in constant partying or drinking/drug taking. After discovering Peat, I kind of feel sorry for other people my age who have to smoke weed or get drunk to get through the day. Of course I wouldn't be able to go down that road at this point even if I wanted to, seeing as how it's a struggle to stay sane every day as it is.
Another issue that comes to mind is the idea of inevitable decline. Maybe this is just my own learned helplessness kicking in, but after having a very real feeling of being sick for so long, I realize that it's unlikely that things won't get worse.
Sometimes this thought is frightening, but I also have a feeling that if I can ever conquer this, then there's likely nothing that I can't overcome. I am stronger than I thought I was.
I know this seems like a scattered or confusing post, but I would like to hear from other young people like myself who have been damaged at a young age, particularly PFS sufferers, FQ poisoning sufferers, or anyone who suspects they might have some HPA axis dysregulation. Everyone please share your thoughts on how being sick at a young age has changed your lifestyle/philosophy and how you interact with other people your age.
 

mangoes

Member
Joined
Jul 6, 2013
Messages
457
I think your post is well presented and to the point actually, maybe because I relate completely. I had a few years of partying hard from like 16-19, but it got to the point when I was entering my 20s where I physically wasn't able to continue either.

Honestly, it's a mixed bag I think. One of the biggest things it's made me realise that absolutely everything in life, no matter how bad it is, to borrow a cliché, has a silver lining. Although I've been restricted from living life as my friends do and being ill is overall crappy to put it nicely, it has benefited me in various ways.

It was the catalyst for me to grow quickly. It has taught me a lot. I've matured. I'm no longer as judgemental as I was. When I was a teenager I was an arrogant, self centered boy lol. Becoming ill young really changed my paradigm on life and people. No matter how sh*t it gets you have to look for the silver lining.

I agree with your sentiment about if I can become healthy again, I will feel like I'll be able to do anything. Honestly, for a long time I was basically living to die anyway, I had given up hope, learned helplessness etc. But it has become my quest and life's purpose to get better I suppose. Even though being ill has had benefits, and really has made me the person I am today, which I wouldn't change, I will put everything I have into getting better. There's a reason people say "well, as long as you have your health."

What more do I have to lose?
 
OP
D

Dhair

Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2015
Messages
880
I think your post is well presented and to the point actually, maybe because I relate completely. I had a few years of partying hard from like 16-19, but it got to the point when I was entering my 20s where I physically wasn't able to continue either.

Honestly, it's a mixed bag I think. One of the biggest things it's made me realise that absolutely everything in life, no matter how bad it is, to borrow a cliché, has a silver lining. Although I've been restricted from living life as my friends do and being ill is overall crappy to put it nicely, it has benefited me in various ways.

It was the catalyst for me to grow quickly. It has taught me a lot. I've matured. I'm no longer as judgemental as I was. When I was a teenager I was an arrogant, self centered boy lol. Becoming ill young really changed my paradigm on life and people. No matter how sh*t it gets you have to look for the silver lining.

I agree with your sentiment about if I can become healthy again, I will feel like I'll be able to do anything. Honestly, for a long time I was basically living to die anyway, I had given up hope, learned helplessness etc. But it has become my quest and life's purpose to get better I suppose. Even though being ill has had benefits, and really has made me the person I am today, which I wouldn't change, I will put everything I have into getting better. There's a reason people say "well, as long as you have your health."

What more do I have to lose?
I feel the same way.
It's also very frustrating when people assume I'm healthy just because I'm young.
But most of the concerns I had when I was "healthy" seem trivial now. I don't care much about my physical appearance, or even my hair loss. Other people my age seem to have some kind of masochistic attraction to drama and unhealthy relationships, but I don't care about any of that stuff.
I definitely understand what you're saying about maturity. It's a feeling of being forced to grow up.
 

Diokine

Member
Joined
Mar 2, 2016
Messages
624
I've discussed some of these topics with you but I'll condense them into this - I think that the potential for healing, even in cases of serious dis-ease and ill health in young age, is far greater than any perceived permanent maladies you are currently facing.

I want to look at some of the language you're using, because to me it offers a valuable look into your thought processes regarding your health, because those thoughts are so very critical.

I understand that I cannot be involved in some of the same activities that others my age are able to enjoy.
The word understand here is important, it's telling me that you've given your situation some degree of agency over your life. In other words, it has the power to shape what you think from here on out. You quite literally "stand under" this information, and you let it have the power to influence how you live your life. This is your hypothesis about how life works, and your next statement

In accepting my new reality, I have spent a lot of time pondering some existential questions.
Is showing that this hypothesis is in essence "crystallizing," or becoming your thesis for how you navigate life moving forward.

We get very attached to our ways of thinking, and we have become conditioned to believe that change is very hard. We believe that change takes a long time, and that it is very difficult or near impossible to effect long standing change. The evidence, though, shows this is not true. Very permanent changes can come about from a single thought or piece of knowledge gained, or an experience, and in many cases it can happen nearly instantly. What this tells us is that when we change our theoretical framework for how we interpret reality, our reality changes to reflect these expectations.

How is this practical? Realize that if your current framework is not effective, change it. Visualize your entire body of knowledge regarding health, cells, permanent metabolic damage, and condense it into an abstracted box. Take this box and put a lid on it, don't look at it. Understand that how you look at life right now is not permanent, and neither is the state of your health.
 
OP
D

Dhair

Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2015
Messages
880
I've discussed some of these topics with you but I'll condense them into this - I think that the potential for healing, even in cases of serious dis-ease and ill health in young age, is far greater than any perceived permanent maladies you are currently facing.

I want to look at some of the language you're using, because to me it offers a valuable look into your thought processes regarding your health, because those thoughts are so very critical.


The word understand here is important, it's telling me that you've given your situation some degree of agency over your life. In other words, it has the power to shape what you think from here on out. You quite literally "stand under" this information, and you let it have the power to influence how you live your life. This is your hypothesis about how life works, and your next statement


Is showing that this hypothesis is in essence "crystallizing," or becoming your thesis for how you navigate life moving forward.

We get very attached to our ways of thinking, and we have become conditioned to believe that change is very hard. We believe that change takes a long time, and that it is very difficult or near impossible to effect long standing change. The evidence, though, shows this is not true. Very permanent changes can come about from a single thought or piece of knowledge gained, or an experience, and in many cases it can happen nearly instantly. What this tells us is that when we change our theoretical framework for how we interpret reality, our reality changes to reflect these expectations.

How is this practical? Realize that if your current framework is not effective, change it. Visualize your entire body of knowledge regarding health, cells, permanent metabolic damage, and condense it into an abstracted box. Take this box and put a lid on it, don't look at it. Understand that how you look at life right now is not permanent, and neither is the state of your health.
I appreciate you taking the time to reiterate this.
I don't feel totally hopeless, I just don't want to find myself in a place where I'm holding onto hope and endlessly researching to no avail. Maybe this is not a logical way of looking at the situation, but I think the idea that I may have to some day accept that things might never be the same should be at the forefront of my mind. In other words, I don't want to seem delusional. It's hard enough going to doctors and listening to them tell me, "I've never heard of that before" or "it sounds like you're just depressed." Maybe it's just getting to me.
Anyway, the purpose of this thread was not for me to throw a pity party for myself, and I'm sorry of it seems that way. I think @amaranthine understands the gist of what I'm getting at. We sometimes learn some very interesting things about ourselves when we are faced with a seemingly monumental task, and if we take the right attitude, our health problems can help us evolve into better people.
 

lampofred

Member
Joined
Feb 13, 2016
Messages
3,244
Being ill has made me extremely empathetic, almost absolutely nonjudgmental, and very God-fearing. Quite a bit superstitious also. Almost like how people's personalities drastically change after they experience brain damage. I used to be selfish, rude, arrogant, and agnostic. Maybe getting sick was a gift from God to save me from going to hell...
 

lampofred

Member
Joined
Feb 13, 2016
Messages
3,244
I've been thinking about the general effects of being unhealthy at a young age, the consequences it has on lifestyle, and how it has influenced my personal philosophy.
Every since my flouroquinolone poisoning, I have been forced to adapt my lifestyle due to physical (but mostly cognitive) limitations. I understand that I cannot be involved in some of the same activities that others my age are able to enjoy.
In accepting my new reality, I have spent a lot of time pondering some existential questions.
On the bright side, I no longer see a benefit in constant partying or drinking/drug taking. After discovering Peat, I kind of feel sorry for other people my age who have to smoke weed or get drunk to get through the day. Of course I wouldn't be able to go down that road at this point even if I wanted to, seeing as how it's a struggle to stay sane every day as it is.
Another issue that comes to mind is the idea of inevitable decline. Maybe this is just my own learned helplessness kicking in, but after having a very real feeling of being sick for so long, I realize that it's unlikely that things won't get worse.
Sometimes this thought is frightening, but I also have a feeling that if I can ever conquer this, then there's likely nothing that I can't overcome. I am stronger than I thought I was.
I know this seems like a scattered or confusing post, but I would like to hear from other young people like myself who have been damaged at a young age, particularly PFS sufferers, FQ poisoning sufferers, or anyone who suspects they might have some HPA axis dysregulation. Everyone please share your thoughts on how being sick at a young age has changed your lifestyle/philosophy and how you interact with other people your age.

This is nothing more than a hypothesis, but I think we ponder existential questions when we're stressed. When I'm at my lowest in terms of not getting enough light, not getting enough social interaction, spending too much time on the computer, and basically having high stress hormones, I think despairing thoughts and end up reading Nietzsche, which screws me up even more. I don't think it's a coincidence that for most people, deep thinking occurs at night alone in bed (darkness and isolation being the stressors). But good sleep and bright sun (and a bit of cyproheptadine) clear those thoughts away rapidly.
 

HLP

Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2015
Messages
324
Being unwell from a very young age until I was almost 50 really taught me a lot. Despite being a "vegetable" with no energy, I kept trying to get well and never gave up. I didn't waste my time with judgemental people who said "you don't look sick". I learned a second language and put myself out there to help other people in my own limited way. So, yes there was a silver lining in it for me and it also empowered me to find solutions outside the box that really worked. Now that I am nearly 60 and feel better than I did in my teens, I am in a position to help others. I learned there is always a way out.
 
Joined
May 26, 2016
Messages
406
Without sickness and poor health, it's impossible to fully appreciate wellness and good health. And when you're born or diagnosed with conditions over which you have no control, it causes you to be better at recognizing and succeeding at those things in life which you are able to control. At least that's my experience.
 

Wagner83

Member
Joined
Oct 15, 2016
Messages
3,295
This is nothing more than a hypothesis, but I think we ponder existential questions when we're stressed. When I'm at my lowest in terms of not getting enough light, not getting enough social interaction, spending too much time on the computer, and basically having high stress hormones, I think despairing thoughts and end up reading Nietzsche, which screws me up even more. I don't think it's a coincidence that for most people, deep thinking occurs at night alone in bed (darkness and isolation being the stressors). But good sleep and bright sun (and a bit of cyproheptadine) clear those thoughts away rapidly.
This is where I feel meditation helped me, I try to give no importance to existential questions when they arise and simply let them float arond and vanish, it is pretty powerful, sometimes I feel it's the same about diet. As you said, I always have/had them in my worst moments, when stressed, desperate etc.. Good diet (digestion) , social interactions, physical activity, sunlight all help.
 

Similar threads

Back
Top Bottom