THE BEST Of TIMES, THE WORST Of TIMES

[mayweatherking]

Hi mayweatherking....Honestly, I have NO idea where I was talking about Nystatin with narouz. Coulda been anywhere....Peata's log maybe? Or the Candida thread? Who knows? Maybe @narouz recalls better than me.

Unfortunately I have a bad habit of chatting all over the forum in casual conversations. I've not been consistent about logging my experiments in chronological order on my own log, this is something I'm trying to improve upon, but the fact of the matter is I'm way too random. Also, I moved since I did that Nystatin experiment and I bought a new lap top. All of my Nystatin info is on my old laptop in storage somewhere. I don't have time to dig it out.

This isn't a plot to keep info from you, I simply don't have time to look stuff up. I can tell you this much: I remember paying close to $200 for the Nystatin and I think that included shipping (which is kind of expensive from Canada). Prices may have changed since then tho, I have no idea.

So, if you go to the Fludan website and find the Nystatin that is somewhere around two hundred bucks, that would be the size that I bought. I took it twice a day, twelve hours apart to keep it in my system round the clock for 90 days. I went through nearly the entire bottle in that 3 months.

Large dose Nystatin will make you VERY hungry.....keep us posted!

can you tell me what size of a dose you took of nystatin? also, why do you think it increases your hunger? do you think it's the fungus blocking your hunger, or is it boosting metabolism or something?

 

[mayweatherking]

hey @thebigpeatowski did your blood tests come back yet? i wonder waht your prolactin and vitamin D is at with your situation right now!!!!!!! let us know

 

[mayweatherking]

@thebigpeatowski i would personally message you this.. but i think your pms are off. thank you for telling me about nystatin. i am on my second day now and it makes me feel really good. i don't know how long it will last. but today, at work, i talked to one of my female co workers for over an hr i think, but i have a really big crush on her right now. i have not felt this way in a very, very long time. not since high school. i am 28 now to put that into perspective. i have been trying for a really long time to feel emotions again, especially for girls as you can tell from my posts lol. it is really nice. i am in a weird blissful state right now. it was really easy for me to have a BM today though. i dont know how nystatin is working, i dont get it, is it fungus blocking my metabolism or is it just a metabolism booster in general? my hair is falling out really hard though sadly. i hope maybe i cant control it if i can start handling milk again. i have not felt this way in a very long time. i didnt know if i was ever going to feel this way again. or if this is normal to feel this way or what is going on. i cant complain though... going to go eat some more calories now... :) how are you?

 

[thebigpeatowski]

I think she went out on the road with Betty so I'm not sure if she will get this anytime soon.

Hi Blossom....nope, not out on the road just yet, I don't leave until November 9th. And just for clarification: this trip is Practice Bus, not Betty. Betty needs MAJOR renovation and won't be done for a very long time. Years maybe.

I've been crazy busy with a million last-minute details (which wouldn't be last minute iffin I wasn't such a procrastinator)....details like insurance....had NO idea that getting driver's insurance for a converted bus was such a pain in the *ss. Turns out very few companies want to insure a forty year old bus that hasn't been "professionally converted by a well-known RV company". WTF? They obviously have NO idea what a perfectionist I am. I'm required to take/send in photos as proof that Practice Bus isn't a substandard piece of work.

But you're 100% correct, I can only check in here briefly on occasion and so my apologies to y'alls for sporadic replies.....I'm up against the dreaded deadline and the clock is kickin' my butt.

 

[Blossom]

Hi Blossom....nope, not out on the road just yet, I don't leave until November 9th. And just for clarification: this trip is Practice Bus, not Betty. Betty needs MAJOR renovation and won't be done for a very long time. Years maybe.

I was in awe thinking that I could have never gotten Betty ready so quick! I just know you'll have a great time and I can't wait to hear about your adventures.

 

[thebigpeatowski]

There's a specific technique called the Tearless Trauma Technique that might be good for your father stuff. Basically you think of a specific terrible event (only in the vaguest sense--don't start reliving it!) and then put it into a mental "box"--basically you're dissociating, here--and then you make a guess about how bad you'd feel (on a scale of 1-10) if you did think about it. The key is that you don't actually think about it--you just guess. Then you do your tapping, and then guess again. You keep doing this until you guess that the intensity would be pretty low (like a 3 or lower), and then you mentally take it out of the box and really start looking at it to see what parts are still bothersome. Then you keep tapping until it's gone. After that, you move on to the next really traumatic event and do the same thing. Ideally, if you did enough of these, the rest would just sort of melt away on their own. Anyway, it's a good technique for the really tough stuff.

Oh, and congrats on the terrible weather canceling the dreaded birthday party! I hope you enjoyed your White Russian(s).

Did you decide against just using haidut's Tyronene (so you can avoid the douchebag endo)?

Hi denise! This sounds like a cool technique....I'l give it a shot if I experience any more flashbacks, but so far so good. It was so funny, as soon as I got the text and email that the party had been cancelled I was like "Oh gosh-darn *snaps fingers in disappointment*, drinks all around!!!!"

I really don't think I'm ready to see Father Figure in person just yet....need another week or two to finish processing, then I shall put The Remedy to the true test. I certainly feel much better, but I won't really know for sure until I'm actually in the same room with him.

And no I haven't decided against haidut's Tyronene (btw, my 'puter autocorrect dealio keeps changing haidut to handout, I swear I'm not looking for a handout, lol). Must figure out how to disable that annoying feature.

Anyways, I plan on ordering his T3 today, just to have in case I don't get what I need from Endodouche. I've jumped through most of his requirements, one being that I was ordered to STAY OFF ALL THYROID MEDS until the next blood draw. He ordered the blood draw to occur on day 10 of my cycle because he's testing some specific hormones.

My period started one week early and so I was able to go in last week and complete my tasks earlier than planned. I bled like ************* Bloody Hell this cycle, (something I haven't done in YEARS) which is simply more proof of My Condition. Yes, I'm keeping a list.

Basal body temp was 97.2 this morning, pulse was 55. Super Stellar metabolism, no?

Also got the results back form my thyroid ultrasound......even MORE PROOF.

My mother doesn't think I should go back to that bad doctor. She insists I should start over and find a female Endo, but I need to do this for several reasons, some of which might seem like they have nothing to do with My Condition.

1. I want those friggin' lab results NOW.
2. I need to prove to myself that I'm not afraid of him. Pretty sure he'll blast me for non-compliance for refusing the ionizing radiation bone scan. Oh well...it's a pre-Father test of sorts.
3. I need to have the last word because I'm right godammit. And I'm NOT a victim, I refused to be victimized any more.
4. It's been a VERY interesting experiment to go through this very stressful time without any thyroid meds. I've learned a lot....more than I ever could have imagined.

So, whether I get the T3 or not is irrelevant at this point. I'm going to have the final word. I win either way. I'm always winning .

Victory Day Appointment is set for the 24th.

 

[thebigpeatowski]

@thebigpeatowski its actually Complex-PTSD , which is trauma in childhood which we carry round with us in adulthood,as opposed to war vets etc and PSTD

Most are running on adrenaline ever since as a result of the stress from the trauma. We cope we dont thrive. It f***s up our bodies physically as many on this forum are aware of , but do they know its a result of trauma. I think its much much more common than people think.

I joined up the dots and it all started to make sense. Dissociation is a big factor (ie tendency to daydream/procrastinate/over think/fantasise) . It takes us away from our true feelings.

You mentioned perfectionism, this is classic C-PTSD. Its an attempt to gain safety and support in a dangerous family. Its self persecutory.

There is forum for this and another member on here is a member. Out of the Storm.

Also check out http://pete-walker.com/fAQsComplexPTSD.html

Keep posting and Good luck

EXACTLY THIS @Simonsays. You're spot on, I suppose the pattern is eerily familiar to you. I can't thank you enough for your input here. I promise to spend more time over analyzing My Complex Condition. I'll have all the time in.... (checks calendar cuz I never really know what day it is) OMFG 20 days! I'm leaving in 20 days!!!

Gotta GO....more soon as I can squeeze it in...XOXO

 

[thebigpeatowski]

TBP, it's a beautiful thing to see you thrive. I'm so glad you're here.

Dear 800mRepeats,

Thank you so much for your kind words and for hanging out with me.

I'm sending more Moody Blues cuz music is especially good therapy.....big hugs all around!!!

 

[Simonsays]

@thebigpeatowski Just about the Endo visit , i can understand your reasons for going. But you risk re-traumatising, he might be a bigger a**hole next time. If he thinks he can molest patients wow! The arrogance. Sounds a bit of a narc to me. They love the power, wont take kindly to a mere patient telling him stuff. Think about his poor ego.

Anyway your call

You could always Forget him, hes not worth it




But then you could just let him have it!!
:)

 

[narouz]

 

[thebigpeatowski]

Apologies if I triggered something - glad you felt better for barfing it out.
Some of what you wrote above is close to home for me and so I can empathise somewhat FWIW.

Yesterday I happened to go to a pig farm (no kidding). I did a farm tour for a couple of hours around some magnificent country and the owners (small family owner operated) are passionate farmers who are into regenerative agriculture, no spraying, ethical animal production and fertilise their soil with rich manure and grass to recover and regrow. They are the most amazing healthy-looking pigs and piglets. The owner said very rarely do they have any problems with gut issues and the use of antibiotics is rare on their farm and no wonder in such a nurturing, supportive and healthy environment.

Dearest moss......Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit, baby piglets are darling, aren't they??!! (WHERE is the interrobang when ya need one?)
Coincidentally, I chatted with a hog farmer here in town a week or so ago. He brought a trailer full of babies to sell in front of the feed store....must be a seasonal thing. After a good long chat, I came to the conclusion that it was cheaper and easier for me to buy bacon.

Oh, and you didn't trigger my BS, so no worries. And even if you would've it's ALL good. Full restoration is the order of the day. I need to deal with the trauma/rejection of adoption more, I guess. And I totally dig your choice in musical therapy, never heard that tune before. It's my new FAVE.


I'm sorta bummed to hear that my words hit close to home for you. My impractical/magical thinking mind wants everyone to be okay all of the time (even piglets). No one should feel pain. Yet it's the human condition.....would we know joy in the absence of sorrow?


I know I keep repeating myself, you poor Peatlings who've suffered through my Journey must be rolling yer eyes in yet another Here-She-Goes-Again-Moment. Regrettably, it can't be helped. My particular process of healing is akin to peeling back layers and layers of built up sh*t..... 50 years worth. An overlapping sediment of self-protection.

I think about this stuff all day long while I'm working and I've noticed a pattern: distressing memories seem to surface on an as needed basis, but also somewhat chronologically. Retracing my footsteps, er something. Maybe it's erosion exposure....due to aging.....or my hypo-metabolic brain.

Some issues I've been able to face and deal with as they arise, others not so much. Daddy Issues go way back to the beginning. As I grew older it was easier just to ignore everything, pretend stuff didn't happen. If it didn't happen it wouldn't affect me. Hindsight screams otherwise.

I give myself occasion to grieve that I didn't "get it" sooner. By get it I'm referring to addressing all Father Issues specifically because they were/are certainly a main force driving My Condition.....life woulda been very different.....blah, blah, blah.....fruitless waste of energy fretting over that. I'm very grateful to be doing this work even with all of it's unexpected (and TOTALLY inconvenient) twists and turns.

But seriously people, I should be done with all of my BS soon enough, right? I mean, I've gotta be nearing the end here, eh?...er the beginning depending on how ya look at it.

I guess when trauma starts prenatally accumulation is unavoidable. It's not like we develop healthy coping skills as infants and toddlers.... thrown into this world under the care of sick people makes it EXTRA challenging.


Oh, did I mention Practice Bus is a 1971 MCI Challenger.
Ha ha, more irony. My life is silly with it.

This thought repeats often enough: maybe the very reason it has taken me sooooooo ******* long to heal is precisely because of my Chronic Avoidance Always Too Busy Gotta Start Yet Another Project Way Of Life. Trauma drives perfectionist overachieving.Ya think? Yes, we all agree on that.



But but but I LOVE what I'm doing.....so I can't stop. The Double (Decker) Bonus is that I get to take this project on a Therapeutic Practice Mission (aka forced relaxation). Ultimately, in a convoluted way my Busy-ness becomes my Salvation.

Salvation can be the twisted spawn of Trauma & Sickness....if you make it so. Either that or Justification joins my list of useless skills: Denial, Procrastination and Avoidance.


Btw, I still do not have the carpet installed. The weekend storm revealed yet another leak in Ye Olde Practice Bus. With each new puddle I take a DEEP breath and give thanks for the revelation prior to carpet installation. I'm only six months into this project and already I could write a book on Vintage Bus Restoration.



UPDATE: What's in a name? Ye olde stainless steel (exceedingly) challenging Practice Bus has officially been named and for good reason:
She effin' DESERVES it.

I struggled for months with whether or not I should name this earth ship. You may have noticed my penchant for naming everything, I don't know why I do it.


On the one hand, I didn't want to become too attached, being as she's up for sale and all. I mean, you must know that I cannot keep TWO 35 foot buses in ma driveway. Despite my deeply ingrained hoarderistic (yeah, I made that up) tendencies, I'm just not that crazy.


And although she's veeeeery cooooool, she's NOT like Betty (my precious baby who I would never EVER sell/abandon). Betty is in really rough shape, most people think she ought to be scrapped. Trash.....But she shines in my eyes. Love is blind.


On the other hand, this sweet stainless steel 70's ship is fully worthy of a proper monicker. It came to me as I was scrolling through the destination display sign today. There are a bunch of destinations on the scroll. She divulged to me that she'd spent her formative years as a sleek inner city belle from Texas. Swanky.


And so this spiffed up seventies silver-sided Challenger will double as my therapeutic hotel for the next four months. Forced R & R, which stands for Reflection & Restoration (in case you didn't know)....I settled on this destination for her name (see pic). She goes by Astro, for short, and she is OUT OF THIS WORLD. It be perfect, no?






....let's hope this adventure ends better than the 1986 Mission of The Space shuttle Challenger


I'll slap a For Sale on her and just maybe I can write this whole thing off as a business expense when I'm done.
Will she sell? Will I eek a profit? No clue. Never done this before.....like everything I do, it's a gamble.

 

[800mRepeats]

<squee!> There it is! I'd been hoping. Fabulous

 

[Simonsays]

Well you could always teach English writing classes

 

[thebigpeatowski]

@thebigpeatowski Just about the Endo visit , i can understand your reasons for going. But you risk re-traumatising, he might be a bigger a**hole next time. If he thinks he can molest patients wow! The arrogance. Sounds a bit of a narc to me. They love the power, wont take kindly to a mere patient telling him stuff. Think about his poor ego.

Anyway your call

You could always Forget him, hes not worth it

I hear ya @Simonsays....and I understand the risk too. I can tell that he really thrives on his power over other people. Gloating arrogance does not do him justice.

But I hafta do this....for myself. I'm almost positive that he's gotten away with his behavior before, but I have no way of knowing for sure. It's merely speculation on my part, fueled by acutely honed observation. I can't take on the burden of other women tho. I can only deal with my sh*t. And I won't be able to forget about it properly if I don't make an attempt to defend myself.

I can't let another human being have that kind of power over ME. This really isn't about Endodouche so much anymore. This goes waaaay back. He merely triggered the cascade...so yeah, I'm not going to "teach" him anything.

This is about me saving me.

If he can't see the situation clearly then I'm going to politely verbally rip him to professional shreds (without losing my cool). I have words for that. I know a lot of good words.

He f*cked with he wrong girl see?

Peri-menopausal......hypo-metabolic brain....post-traumatic (complexly even)......estrogen dominant......stressed out from self-imposed work deadlines.....scorned woman.....etc...

It's a lethal combo.

Besides, don't you wanna see how this ends?

 

[thebigpeatowski]

Check this out...I've been googling (procrastinating) Astroworld Hotel in order to learn more history:

Astroworld Hotel’s dazzling penthouse suites

 

[Rafe]

Oh, Astro is from The Houston '70s. Beautiful!

 

[moss]

I'm sorta bummed to hear that my words hit close to home for you. My impractical/magical thinking mind wants everyone to be okay all of the time (even piglets). No one should feel pain. Yet it's the human condition.....would we know joy in the absence of sorrow?

Nope. I'm OK, you don’t need to be bummed about anything. I identified with some of the things you have mentioned around family and I cannot begin to know how you feel. I do understand the work and energy it can take, the frustration and the desire to shift through stuff though. I have done a ton of work over the years sorting through a mother load!
It can be extremely challenging and yet extremely liberating, when I think back, it was like there was a knowing that my body wanted to re-orientate itself. Working through stuff allows blocked energies (physically, emotionally....) to clear from the head to the heart on many levels.

I give myself occasion to grieve that I didn't "get it" sooner. By get it I'm referring to addressing all Father Issues specifically because they were/are certainly a main force driving My Condition.....life woulda been very different.....blah, blah, blah.....fruitless waste of energy fretting over that. I'm very grateful to be doing this work even with all of it's unexpected (and TOTALLY inconvenient) twists and turns.

Stay strong for the upcoming Endo apt. I understand your need to go and see him again, get your lab results and thyroid meds (hopefully) and if you don’t get them there is always someone else out there….
It is an opportunity for you to stand up to him and say what you need to say and reclaim your body, an immense amount of healing can come through old wounds/issues and that is powerful stuff. Ironically, it may even be healing for him (unlikely, and you never know) it may, however, make him think and stop him from doing it to someone else. Be prepared he may not take responsibility. From experience, you may find roll playing a few times prior to the apt may be helpful.

[QUOTE="thebigpeatowski, post: 179656, member: 1428"]Oh, did I mention Practice Bus is a 1971 MCI Challenger.[/QUOTE]

If the bus walls could talk!

I settled on this destination for her name (see pic). She goes by Astro, for short, and she is OUT OF THIS WORLD. It be perfect, no?

Shove a G in front....



MIND & TISSUE Ray Peat
CHAPTER 18
THE FLOW OF ENERGY INTO THE WORLD

If generalization is insight into the relationships among many particular experiences, this kind of insight will be facilitated by the kind of energetic imagination that allows many experiences to be held in relationship and compared. We can think of a generalization as a kind of "tube" through which we perceive related experiences, and through which we project ourselves when acting intelligently, or making a discovery: This new thing, previously not done, is possible because it relates meaningfully to other events.
Generality is like a lever: An intelligent action is one that has the desired consequences, and we hope a little action will go a long way. Failure to understand when acting means that the consequences won't occur where we expect them to, so it's as if all the lever is on our side of the fulcrum, reaching nowhere, doing nothing. The lever image can be changed to a telescope, looking through it both ways: When we have great insight and effect, we and world seem to be expanded; when we achieve no effect, we feel diminished. *
Our "tubes" of generality are some kind of connection we make among things in our mental space and time, in our consciousness "field," the flow through structured gels. If we project ourselves effectively and intelligently into the world, it is because our consciousness is able to structure itself sensitively into the world. To be simple--both inside and out--our structures must be extensive, pervasive.

* I suspect that this corresponds to the degree of tissue conductivity, energy charge, tissue structure.

 

[thebigpeatowski]

HA HA....Spencer The Rover....you creep, narouz.

Btw, I spent this whole weekend experimenting with the Blue Sky Peptide T3. I had bought 6 bottles back in April (I gave away 3 of them), but hadn't got around to experimenting with it myself until just now. My delay was due to using up my supply of Cynomel (I wanted a back to back comparison), but I went off all meds for the summer and then was promptly ordered to stay OFF meds for testing.

All testing accomplished and with serious hypo symptoms setting in, I thought now would be a good time:

I tried one drop, nothing.
Two drops, still nothing.
Three drops, nope. Nada.
Four drops, still NOTHING.
Five drops=This sh*t contains ZERO T3, pure water and glycerine at best.
Seven drops=Man, I really got ripped off and it's prolly not even pure water, more like sh*tty tap water.
Ten drops= Those thieves in Jupiter F-L-A are gonna get a personal visit from Yours Truly, come December. I have a portable lab you know....

Meanwhile, waking pulse is 55. I never see 70bpm during the day, even with boat loads of caffeine, sugar, salt, OJ, ice-cream.
I'm lucky iffin my temp gets to 98.1.
My sleep has gone to crap, waking up multiple times during the night to pee, frightening nightmares, heart pounding and hyperventilating.
Hair is starting to shed and I'm sh*tting marbles.
My tolerance for b*llsh*t has plummeted to nil. I have no patience left in me. Simply Delightful.

I had my rT3 tested, it ain't that. I'm not making ANY enzymes to down regulate thyroid hormones either, I haven't had any exogenous thyroid medication in many months...so I'm left to conclude that Blue Sky Peptide T3 is nothing but GARBAGE.

I could slam the entire bottle, it don't make no nevermind.

The four bottles (one was returned to me, half-used and deemed "useless" by a close family member) that I have are from two different lots which expire in March & April of 2018. And yes, they've been properly stored and shook with vigor prior to dosing.




The good news is:
My Tyronene has just arrived, damn that was fast.
TODAY is my appointment with a certain Roving-Handed Endocrinologist....can you feel the winds of change?

More soon.

 

[Simonsays]

Give it to em!!

 

[narouz]

HA HA....Spencer The Rover....you creep, narouz.

Btw, I spent this whole weekend experimenting with the Blue Sky Peptide T3. I had bought 6 bottles back in April (I gave away 3 of them), but hadn't got around to experimenting with it myself until just now. My delay was due to using up my supply of Cynomel (I wanted a back to back comparison), but I went off all meds for the summer and then was promptly ordered to stay OFF meds for testing.

All testing accomplished and with serious hypo symptoms setting in, I thought now would be a good time:

I tried one drop, nothing.
Two drops, still nothing.
Three drops, nope. Nada.
Four drops, still NOTHING.
Five drops=This sh*t contains ZERO T3, pure water and glycerine at best.
Seven drops=Man, I really got ripped off and it's prolly not even pure water, more like sh*tty tap water.
Ten drops= Those thieves in Jupiter F-L-A are gonna get a personal visit from Yours Truly, come December. I have a portable lab you know....

Meanwhile, waking pulse is 55. I never see 70bpm during the day, even with boat loads of caffeine, sugar, salt, OJ, ice-cream.
I'm lucky iffin my temp gets to 98.1.
My sleep has gone to crap, waking up multiple times during the night to pee, frightening nightmares, heart pounding and hyperventilating.
Hair is starting to shed and I'm sh*tting marbles.
My tolerance for b*llsh*t has plummeted to nil. I have no patience left in me. Simply Delightful.

I had my rT3 tested, it ain't that. I'm not making ANY enzymes to down regulate thyroid hormones either, I haven't had any exogenous thyroid medication in many months...so I'm left to conclude that Blue Sky Peptide T3 is nothing but GARBAGE.

I could slam the entire bottle, it don't make no nevermind.

The four bottles (one was returned to me, half-used and deemed "useless" by a close family member) that I have are from two different lots which expire in March & April of 2018. And yes, they've been properly stored and shook with vigor prior to dosing.




The good news is:
My Tyronene has just arrived, damn that was fast.
TODAY is my appointment with a certain Roving-Handed Endocrinologist....can you feel the winds of change?

More soon.

I'm sorry for your troubles, Big P.
I wasn't meaning to be creepy with the "Spencer the Rover" video--
I just noticed the other John Martyn video upthread a bit,
and so I posted another of his I really love.

On the BlueSky,
please check out my post here...
https://raypeatforum.com/community/threads/tyronene-liquid-t3-for-lab-research-use.12097/page-7

I will get back to you on this stuff.
Hang in there!