Schooling System Is Designed To Destroy Children

[Constatine]

Agreed that's what I meant by saying bullying is the worst thing you could do in school today. It's ironic that they are using shaming to enforce their goal of no shaming or anything else that is not politically acceptable to the left. Basically you can do anything you want except think for yourself.

I remember when I was a kid many teachers bullied kids for their lifestyle choices and any ideas that opposed whatever agenda they might have. Not to mention school textbooks are very dogmatic and present highly debatable ideas as fact. On top of that media outlets filter content and publicly pass judgement. It is almost impossible for a modern day child to have values and perspectives that are wholesomely his/her own. Many modern day movements are the result of people being fed information and never having to think for themselves. This problem becomes much worse when health related factors come into play. People now have "brain fog" and lack the mental energy to come up with original ideas. They never see this as a problem as they are taught absorbing information = intelligence.

 

[Queequeg]

I remember when I was a kid many teachers bullied kids for their lifestyle choices and any ideas that opposed whatever agenda they might have. Not to mention school textbooks are very dogmatic and present highly debatable ideas as fact. On top of that media outlets filter content and publicly pass judgement. It is almost impossible for a modern day child to have values and perspectives that are wholesomely his/her own. Many modern day movements are the result of people being fed information and never having to think for themselves. This problem becomes much worse when health related factors come into play. People now have "brain fog" and lack the mental energy to come up with original ideas. They never see this as a problem as they are taught absorbing information = intelligence.

I think its been that way for a long time. Imagine the social chaos if the unwashed masses were actually allowed to think for themselves. Speaking of brain fog, legalized marijuana is not going to be good for any of us, except maybe for helping with brainwashing the kids even more.

 

[pimpnamedraypeat]

I would say they lack the mainstream's definition of shame but they have their own culture and are still kept in line via internal shaming. Suddenly having "bigot" ideas would not go over well within their circle.

Agreed. Modern lefty culture is shame culture. Their attempt to fight Trump have mostly been shame and humiliation based. If we mock and ridicule this guy enough he'll have to bow down.

Modern culture is intensely shame based. Men are shamed for being men. Boys are shamed for being boys. Women are shamed for not being men. Girls are shamed for having sexual desires. Whites are shamed for being white.

Feminism was a shaming movement, the civil rights movement was a shaming movement, black lives matter is a shaming movement.

The lgbtq community shames (remember that Christian baker?). The Jews shame.

The press shame, the television shames, internet mobs shame, etc.

It's a feminine weapon used to great effect on horse-broken human beings. Maternal shaming makes you doubt your self worth and whether you're deserving of love. It implants a rootkit that is accessible to the rest of the world.

 

[Xisca]

All child-rearing employs shaming to a certain extent. It's the mothers job. Human mothers have a need to trauma bond their children to themselves, in addition to socializing them. They do this by alternating pain(stonewalling, scolding, shaming) and pleasure (praise and attention), in a skinnerian fashion. This puppy trains the child and creates a lifelong bond, as can be seen in any domesticated dog.

It's a feminine weapon used to great effect on horse-broken human beings. Maternal shaming makes you doubt your self worth and whether you're deserving of love. It implants a rootkit that is accessible to the rest of the world.

I think paternal shaming exists as well!
And Skinner tells part of the process.
It is not "trauma bonding", though you might have experienced this. There will always be some limits, for guiding us and creating the safe space for freedom. Nature and all environment does this as well, and if you do not learn it, you might die soon from an accident. The weather also alternates pain and pleasure on us! ANY behaviour has to either be encouraged/reinforced, or stopped/discouraged.

Thus, there is no trauma if this exposure to stress is graduate, and that's what parents, both, are trying to do, or should, and school should participate in this. They fail when they do not know how to do it.
I repeat what I said, shame is a good tool, if associated with differenciating behaviour and being. To scold and be there to help hold the sadness or other emotion is NOT an alternate pain and pleasure, it is maintaining both at the same time, one on inadequate behaviour and the other on adequate person.

(This is not to say that there is not a possible discussion on what is adequate or not... but this would be a different discussion. Adequate is up to each society, group and even familly, according to different environments.)

If "Maternal shaming makes you doubt your self worth and whether you're deserving of love", then it has not been done the right way, and not enough love was given, and the child is thus confused about his doings / being.

 

[chrismeyers]

Heh since Ive started Peating, nothing shames me. :-P Probably the estrogen reduction, testosterone increases. Im loud, brash, and say my opinions without giving a damn what people think. In fact I will often toy with them by doing it purposely just to laugh at their reaction. And whats funny is before I changed my diet I was compliant and shame sensitive like everyone else. I know exactly what it is. Many studies have indicated that testosterome levels in men on average have fallen like a rock in 30 years. Guessing due to phytoestrogens, soy products, etc. Dont know exactly why. But removing those has made me a mans man LOL

 

[pimpnamedraypeat]

Thus, there is no trauma if this exposure to stress is graduate, and that's what parents, both, are trying to do, or should, and school should participate in this. They fail when they do not know how to do it.
I repeat what I said, shame is a good tool, if associated with differenciating behaviour and being.

If "Maternal shaming makes you doubt your self worth and whether you're deserving of love", then it has not been done the right way, and not enough love was given, and the child is thus confused about his doings / being.

Gradual exposure to environmental stress is completely off-topic. It's what animals do to their young. It's very natural. It's not the ritualized form of brainwashing like I'm taking about.

Things like religion, love of country, love of leaders, etc. That's what im referring to. These are beliefs and feelings that are inculcated into each generation by the one before them.

Communist brainwashing is a very good example. What does it say about a people where you had humble schoolteacher becoming mass murderers like in communist russia and China.

Shame is not a good tool. It's a tool used by the weak. Paternal shaming might exist but a strong father would tell you to stop doing something and you would stop. No scolding or shaming necessary.

Mothers are much more likely to use emotional manipulation to control their children. Maternal shaming makes the child feel like a "bad boy" i.e unworthy of love and parental investment. The child doesnt think to question his mothers. Her judgement of his is taken as gospel. To get back in her good graces, the child takes on another persona, one more amenablr to his parents injuctions. This becomes his public face. The mother likes this well behaving persona more and rewards it with love. Thus the child learns that to be worthy of love you must become this false self.

This has life long effects.

Once the self has been fractured during childhood it is easy enough to create artificial personas that the person can take on and become. He eschews who he really is and waits for society to tell him who to be.

Look at social movements. Hippies, white nationalists, patriots, hipsters, homosexuals. Each with their own culture and pre-fab identities.

People will throw away who their are and take on a new identity (along with taking on new beliefs, behaviors, feelings) to be accepted.

This stems from childhood, where parental rejection meant death and acceptance meant life.

 

[Xisca]

Gradual exposure to environmental stress is completely off-topic. It's what animals do to their young. It's very natural.

You just talk about how bad some do it, and I just talked about how good we can do ...if we keep the right example of animals, with our human ways of course. Or else we would become like those wolf-children, very adapted to wolf life and well behaved for their ways!

I also want to point to the fact that by seeing only the bad aspects of shaming, we can throw the baby with the bath water! I was very surprised in my training when I learned about the real functioning of shaming, and how it can be used without hurting. If we declare it bad, we are indeed going to use it badly!
We cannot not use it, so better learn how it works. As you say for any movement, where all the members can identify each other even in a crowd, they have their rules, and also their ways of structuring. Of course there are also things that would be a shame to do!

We anyway can see the topic according to what has hurt us in the past, according to the type of parents and school we experienced! Men and women as adults and parents, also behave as they were shaped... unless partly when we can get some consciousness through more knowledge.

 

[Queequeg]

I think @Xisca makes a good point. Shame is a natural emotion that has presumably evolved because it confers survival advantage to both individuals and society. Shame, if kept within healthy boundaries is useful in a number of ways including socialization and the fostering of ambition. In the past, shame was used as a tool of control but also used to prepare children for the real world and motivate them to achieve. Today shame is still used as a means of control but its beneficial aspects has been completely stripped away and replaced by completely destructive ones. Hence the proud wearer of the t-shirt I'm Fat. **** off.

 

[Xisca]

I think @Xisca makes a good point. Shame is a natural emotion that has presumably evolved because it confers survival advantage to both individuals and society. Shame, if kept within healthy boundaries is useful in a number of ways including socialization and the fostering of ambition. In the past, shame was used as a tool of control but also used to prepare children for the real world and motivate them to achieve. Today shame is still used as a means of control but its beneficial aspects has been completely stripped away and replaced by completely destructive ones. Hence the proud wearer of the t-shirt I'm Fat. **** off.

I thank you for reading so well as to make things more simple than what I manage!

One problem with the nervous system is called overcoupling, meaning we associate one thing with another. So speaking about shame triggers the old memories of it, and make personal reactions. But these reactions are the path of awareness! So that we can get rid of the painful part, the bath water, and keep the baby!

And what we are proud of, like this t-shirt's writing as provocation, is a tool I use, to know where my pains are.... When I can justify something with very rational arguments, I also know that I have an emotional, and for sure autonomic, reaction! But frozen. Even when we are honest, there are things that are hidden from our consciousness, for emotional protection. Then the emotion of anger is also a good track I follow, noticing it as far as the physical sensation of the emotion, especially as I have been unsensitive to it for yeaaaars. It was good news when I started to be in contact with anger, and let go some physical tensions.

 

[Luann]

Shame is always what shapes education, though it can be done in a way that it does not traumatise. We have to behave within a certain range of similarity, enough to trigger securuty when living together. Shame is not a problem when the human link is not broken, when there is still parental love.

The way you put this in words is just awesome, rings so true.

 

[Luann]

Just thinking out loud but it seems that the snowflakes of today are growing up with a complete lack of any shame

.....

Really? It seems she is dealing with shame by skewing the other way, pride over her body fat, when really it should be a neutral thing for a healthy person. Maybe a thin person is a little bit proud of their body, but not so they write it on their chest.

 

[Queequeg]

Really? It seems she is dealing with shame by skewing the other way, pride over her body fat, when really it should be a neutral thing for a healthy person. Maybe a thin person is a little bit proud of their body, but not so they write it on their chest.

No she is definitely suffering from shame as well as a bunch of other issues. I refined my view a bit in my later posts. Obviously you can never have a society without any shame as it is a human emotion, but I think today's kids experience of shame is very different than in the past. It seems to be much more destructive today.

 

[Queequeg]

I thank you for reading so well as to make things more simple than what I manage!

One problem with the nervous system is called overcoupling, meaning we associate one thing with another. So speaking about shame triggers the old memories of it, and make personal reactions. But these reactions are the path of awareness! So that we can get rid of the painful part, the bath water, and keep the baby!

And what we are proud of, like this t-shirt's writing as provocation, is a tool I use, to know where my pains are.... When I can justify something with very rational arguments, I also know that I have an emotional, and for sure autonomic, reaction! But frozen. Even when we are honest, there are things that are hidden from our consciousness, for emotional protection. Then the emotion of anger is also a good track I follow, noticing it as far as the physical sensation of the emotion, especially as I have been unsensitive to it for yeaaaars. It was good news when I started to be in contact with anger, and let go some physical tensions.

I think you put things quite beautifully and meaningfully. I was just agreeing with your ideas and wanted to lend some support.

 

[Integra]

I am still trying to understand shame as an emotion a bit better.

I am unsure about its validity as a pedagogical tool or as a form of influencing other people. At best, I see it as a necessary evil and definitely better than other formes of coercive behavior. But I do find it manipulative, almost never as a 'healthy' process (even though it may have positive effects).

My main problem is that shame almost universally indicates that things are other than what they should be, and, according to the shamer or the societal source of shame, this is usually seen as almost entirely the shamee's fault. It also assumes that the shamee has a sense of personal responsibility which not all adults have, though Western laws and society are largely (and to me, as a best solution that we have so far) based on that assumption. I read somewhere that not every adult is mature. Some people just age :)

Then I find it even harder to understand what would be a healthy object of shame. The only thing that comes to mind are one's own voluntary actions performed, and perhaps only those performed with malicious intent.

I don't think that things that happened to people are a valid source of shame, even though I suspect this is often the case for many people struggling with it. They might be ashamed of themselves for allowing something bad to happen them, or ashamed of their weakness(es) which resulted in their inability to fight back against whatever hurt them or (unjustifiedly) shamed them. Considerations of whether they objectively had any choice in the matter at the time is often not available to them.

I also thought about the shadow-form and the true opposite of shame. I think that pride, just like shame, is typically an unjustified emotion. The only thing people can objectively feel proud of are the direct effects of their own intentions, etc... This is why I think being proud of one's origin, physical appearance, or even children, which are all common sources of pride for most people, to me is at best a stretch. One can certainly enjoy such things and appreciate them, but pride involves an appropriation that doesn't always make sense to me.

But I think that pride and shame exist in a psychological dialectic and cannot exist without one another. This implies that one who is proud has an underlying sense of shame, perhaps of the very thing one is proud of, like the girl celebrating her fatness, a cultural source of shame. Or that the person who is ashamed believes there are certain external objects of pride that are inherently valuable, but in most cases they may be personally meaningless.

However, I do think that making a virtue out of necessity is a coping mechanism. I've done the same with my own character flaws. It's better than being ashamed of them, but worse than just admitting one has flaws and being emotionally okay with it.

On the other hand, people who advocate "accepting one's flaws" usually also imply that one shouldn't work on them, either. To me, actively discouraging people from facing their weaknesses is universally wrong, and enabling them in their denial would be in the gray zone, where one must way the costs and benefits of intervention.

I hope I developed my ideas clearly enough so that someone can point out the weaknesses of my thought process.

 

[Xisca]

The way you put this in words is just awesome, rings so true.

I think you put things quite beautifully and meaningfully. I was just agreeing with your ideas and wanted to lend some support.

You both should be ashame to make me cry!
(joke and choice of smilies absolutely intentional... )
So early in the morning... lol I had to go and spit my coconut mouth wash... How bad you are my darlings!

Queequeg, I know and knew it was support and agreement, and that in communication, each person allows the following person to express more clearly the ideas, as they are refined as you said.
And this is beautiful because here is the true relationship that touches heart and mind both.
We mostly miss what we look for!
I am emotional because people rarely believe me in my field, because we are not used to put words on what is only felt. But what I know from theory, I also feel it in my flesh! I do not live in my native part, and canarians are special spanish. Their ancesters invaded this place, and they now feel invaded by newcomers... But when you come from outside, how much you notice the SHAME FIELD of a society!

My sensitive field is guilt, and I am more immune to shame than most. I feel it but I am not overwhelmed and I can go through it. When you are in a shaming environment, you cannot freely and securely say "I refined my view a bit in my later posts." because the risk is too big that someone bashes you about what you admit you were not so right before. Each time I try this on purpose, the person makes a profit of it for saying something bitter! But I have my answers ready for this... I just say something that means "If you react like this, it is obvious nobody will want to admit a mistake in front of you!"
The reverse is natural for me, and I directly feel good and with no anger when someone tells me things like "I was wrong, I am sorry and I would have done it differently if I knew...". This is the basis of a healthy shame, to notice that a behaviour what not correct because not adapted.

It is all about cycles and reversing them. And then go out, instead of showing your counter shame on a t-shirt, you have to go back to the waves of life.
Waves bring you safe on the shore, wheras whirlpools suck you down.

By the way, I experienced teaching sport, teaching nature to children, and also teaching 1 year in school. Those teenagers loved what I was teaching, but then they had practises, and they were telling me that they could not do what I was suggesting, even though it felt right to them, they did not know how to implement it. They were bound to productivity and to the ways of the places where they had their practise out of school. So it is not even a pure school problem!

 

[pimpnamedraypeat]

My sensitive field is guilt, and I am more immune to shame than most. I feel it but I am not overwhelmed and I can go through it. When you are in a shaming environment, you cannot freely and securely say "I refined my view a bit in my later posts." because the risk is too big that someone bashes you about what you admit you were not so right before. Each time I try this on purpose, the person makes a profit of it for saying something bitter! But I have my answers ready for this... I just say something that means "If you react like this, it is obvious nobody will want to admit a mistake in front of you!"
The reverse is natural for me, and I directly feel good and with no anger when someone tells me things like "I was wrong, I am sorry and I would have done it differently if I knew...". This is the basis of a healthy shame, to notice that a behaviour what not correct because not adapted.

That sounds like me in my high cortisol state. Waiting for someone to screw up (or to admit to screwing up) so I can pounce.

I am still trying to understand shame as an emotion a bit better.

I am unsure about its validity as a pedagogical tool or as a form of influencing other people. At best, I see it as a necessary evil and definitely better than other formes of coercive behavior. But I do find it manipulative, almost never as a 'healthy' process (even though it may have positive effects).

My main problem is that shame almost universally indicates that things are other than what they should be, and, according to the shamer or the societal source of shame, this is usually seen as almost entirely the shamee's fault. It also assumes that the shamee has a sense of personal responsibility which not all adults have, though Western laws and society are largely (and to me, as a best solution that we have so far) based on that assumption. I read somewhere that not every adult is mature. Some people just age :)

Then I find it even harder to understand what would be a healthy object of shame. The only thing that comes to mind are one's own voluntary actions performed, and perhaps only those performed with malicious intent.

I don't think that things that happened to people are a valid source of shame, even though I suspect this is often the case for many people struggling with it. They might be ashamed of themselves for allowing something bad to happen them, or ashamed of their weakness(es) which resulted in their inability to fight back against whatever hurt them or (unjustifiedly) shamed them. Considerations of whether they objectively had any choice in the matter at the time is often not available to them.

I also thought about the shadow-form and the true opposite of shame. I think that pride, just like shame, is typically an unjustified emotion. The only thing people can objectively feel proud of are the direct effects of their own intentions, etc... This is why I think being proud of one's origin, physical appearance, or even children, which are all common sources of pride for most people, to me is at best a stretch. One can certainly enjoy such things and appreciate them, but pride involves an appropriation that doesn't always make sense to me.

But I think that pride and shame exist in a psychological dialectic and cannot exist without one another. This implies that one who is proud has an underlying sense of shame, perhaps of the very thing one is proud of, like the girl celebrating her fatness, a cultural source of shame. Or that the person who is ashamed believes there are certain external objects of pride that are inherently valuable, but in most cases they may be personally meaningless.

However, I do think that making a virtue out of necessity is a coping mechanism. I've done the same with my own character flaws. It's better than being ashamed of them, but worse than just admitting one has flaws and being emotionally okay with it.

On the other hand, people who advocate "accepting one's flaws" usually also imply that one shouldn't work on them, either. To me, actively discouraging people from facing their weaknesses is universally wrong, and enabling them in their denial would be in the gray zone, where one must way the costs and benefits of intervention.

I hope I developed my ideas clearly enough so that someone can point out the weaknesses of my thought process.

I think that shame is an archaic form of behavioral control, much like corporal punishment. There are arguments that can be made in favor of both, in terms of creating better citizens or more well behaved children. But I think both forms of childrearing are harmful for the individual themselves. In terms of limiting possibilities, limiting spirituality, limiting freedom, etc.

The benefits to socialization that xisca discusses exist, but they're more applicable to bonding and are part of the normal human condition. Shaming, when done correctly, results in a cessation of shameful or behavior leading to acceptance. But when taken to extremes, or used on sensitive individuals, it can lead to permanent reduction in self worth, or even a rejection of the self.

The resulting pathology is narcissism, which is all about avoiding toxic shame.

Shaming makes the person feel like there is something wrong with it, intrinsically, and that it must become someone else to be accepted.

Guilt is a much healthier emotion as it is more action based as opposed to identity based.

I did a bad thing > I am a bad thing

 

[Xisca]

I also thought about the shadow-form and the true opposite of shame. I think that pride, just like shame, is typically an unjustified emotion.

YES, and this way to look for oneself is a psychological tool. If you know what you are ashame of and what you are pride of, then you know where you hurt! You all might have noticed that it is quite easy to see in others, and that we of course have none of this...

Please rethink that if any emotion can be unjustified! They are there and indicate something, and it is the only thing we are responsable of. What was done to us is not our responsability, though some new age or whatever try to make us believe, but the emotion that lingers is definitely our responsability to deal with. I think I understand what you mean by unjustified, the story that created the emotion was unjustified, the act, but emotions are powerful reality to make us deal at physiological level, at feeling level, with the root of the emotion.

 

[Xisca]

I don't think that things that happened to people are a valid source of shame, even though I suspect this is often the case for many people struggling with it.

I did not read you well enough before my last post, and yes you make also like me the difference between the story and the emotion.

I think that shame is an archaic form of behavioral control, much like corporal punishment.

Yes it is, and the way we all behave naturally is partly made through shaming, to make us choose certain behaviours. When done properly, we do not notice that there have been some shaming!
That is has also been used for more than control, and as a violence, I AGREE.
Part of shame is absolutely violent. It is good to, and for solving personal issues this helps to, it is good to make the difference and separate the weeds from the salad.
WHAT makes shame violent, and what is violence?

At best, I see it as a necessary evil and definitely better than other formes of coercive behavior. But I do find it manipulative, almost never as a 'healthy' process (even though it may have positive effects).

When its effects are positive, we do not even notice that there was some shame to help the learning of our social behaviour...
And yes again, it can be used as a violence.

Guilt is a much healthier emotion as it is more action based as opposed to identity based.

IMO it is not, and in my life I even think shame is healthier. All I mean is that it depends on the type of violence we lived!
You have obviously suffered from more shame than me, and me more guilt than you...

When I started the course of social therapy, I could hardly make the difference between shame and guilt.
They can be close. In this forum, when somebody says that she experienced a problem with sugar and that sugar is the culprit, what is the reaction from some other members? Make her feel shame? or guilt? And who would dare say PUFA is good and essential fatty acids are essential? Most of us would laugh and shame. "If you do not share, why are you here, go to another forum". Not bad, we spend enough time looking for solutions, and we need to feel united for solving heath problems with the same type of strategy. If you want paleo, go another place. So, shame is used to discourage people from making us loose our time!

And we were all searching hard for the answer when the teacher was trying to make us find what was the root of the definition of violence! It is very simple, it is when you do not considere the other person as a human being, or even as a real person worth her soul. And it can last 3 seconds and then you ocnsidere the person again as a person, just after you told this nasty thing!

One day I had an argument with another woman in the course. She finally said "Ho, you will never understand"... and she withdrew. The teacher stopped us there and asked her to review what she did. She used the violence of devaluation, so that she could go on and authorized herself with the violence of abandonment. (BTW these are the 2 more non ohysical violences that we did not speak about!).

Wait, something more interresting!
He asked her "who was doing this to you in your familly?". Well, she found what it was of course... When her emotion was too strong (memory), she would still do this: devaluate and leave the poor stupid person alone. When we still have an emotional issue from the past, in 1 of those fields, we do repeat it, so this is not only about beaten children who will beat theirs. Then what, if you do not repeat it? Then if you still have some scar, you will usually be proud to be the reverse. It is better of course, but still it can show up in one little sentence.

 

[Xisca]

So, a few years ago, I was very clear about how much shaming was a violence.
I was astonished when I understood something different during the Somatic Experiencing course. 2 edges.
Because of course we can deal very much with shame during a SE session! Not always, but often.
So we learn about it.

 

[pimpnamedraypeat]

Part of shame is absolutely violent. It is good to, and for solving personal issues this helps to, it is good to make the difference and separate the weeds from the salad.
WHAT makes shame violent, and what is violence?

When I started the course of social therapy, I could hardly make the difference between shame and guilt.
They can be close. In this forum, when somebody says that she experienced a problem with sugar and that sugar is the culprit, what is the reaction from some other members? Make her feel shame? or guilt? And who would dare say PUFA is good and essential fatty acids are essential? Most of us would laugh and shame. "If you do not share, why are you here, go to another forum". Not bad, we spend enough time looking for solutions, and we need to feel united for solving heath problems with the same type of strategy. If you want paleo, go another place. So, shame is used to discourage people from making us loose our time!

And we were all searching hard for the answer when the teacher was trying to make us find what was the root of the definition of violence! It is very simple, it is when you do not considere the other person as a human being, or even as a real person worth her soul. And it can last 3 seconds and then you ocnsidere the person again as a person, just after you told this nasty thing!

One day I had an argument with another woman in the course. She finally said "Ho, you will never understand"... and she withdrew. The teacher stopped us there and asked her to review what she did. She used the violence of devaluation, so that she could go on and authorized herself with the violence of abandonment. (BTW these are the 2 more non ohysical violences that we did not speak about!).

Wait, something more interresting!
He asked her "who was doing this to you in your familly?". Well, she found what it was of course... When her emotion was too strong (memory), she would still do this: devaluate and leave the poor stupid person alone. When we still have an emotional issue from the past, in 1 of those fields, we do repeat it, so this is not only about beaten children who will beat theirs. Then what, if you do not repeat it? Then if you still have some scar, you will usually be proud to be the reverse. It is better of course, but still it can show up in one little sentence.

What makes shame harmful are the two things you mentioned: devaluation and abandonment. When you shame someone you devalue them. "bad boy, bad girl, bad dog, etc" It's often combined with rejection.
The silent treatment.
"I'm not talking to you right now."
"Go to your room."
Not being invited to parties. etc.

The problem is that we shame (i.e devalue and reject) the person not the behavior. This results in toxic shame which leads to personality disorders. In middle eastern and eastern cultures this results in an obsession with face. In western cultures, narcissism.

You say shame is healthier than guilt. I don't understand how that is possible. Guilt is something you feel when you have done something that has harmed someone. Shame is amoral. Shame is a punishment for breaking societal expectations or disregarding societal injuctions.

You could be shamed for dressing or looking different. Being a nerd or being overweight. You could be shamed for not making as much money as the next door neighbor.

Nobody feels guilt for being overweight or poor or ugly or dark. They feel shame. What will people think of me? What will they say?