Runenights Musings

[Runenight201]

Absolutely incredible. I just wish I put less peas and more kale. The kale was the best damn part it brought so much warmth with it. Must be the micronutrient density.

I fried up 3 eggs in a buttercream vegetable base with Parmesan cheese, garlic, and salt.

Nice and toasty ?

 

[redsun]

Absolutely incredible. I just wish I put less peas and more kale. The kale was the best damn part it brought so much warmth with it. Must be the micronutrient density.

I fried up 3 eggs in a buttercream vegetable base with Parmesan cheese, garlic, and salt.

Nice and toasty ?

Wow looks like good man.

Damn that sleep is the final nail in the coffin is so true. Whenever I can get a solids night rest I wake up feeling hopeful that I will conquer the day, and when I don’t, it’s all negative emotions the entire day. And this has been an ongoing battle for years with me almost losing last week, but I can just imagine how much better my life would be if every night I was getting deep restful sleep. And with a good partner by my side too even better.

Yes I agree with the well analogy. I still like having my uppers/downers on hand to help deal with various contexts, especially ones that are healthy, such as coffee, T3, magnesium, and imo thc (used correctly), but solely focusing on that while abandoning the water in the well will eventually leave me empty and broken. The well must be taken care of or else bad things happen.

Yea I didn’t like the egg white cuz the texture didn’t give a good mouth feel compared to meat, however maybe I’ll try cooked egg mixed in with my veggies and that could actually be pretty good. When it comes time for my breakfast I think I’ll try cooked eggs mixed together with my veggies in a scramble and see if that does me some good…I’m thinking it will

Thanks for looking out for me I really appreciate it. I’ve spent many a headspace feeling completely isolated and crippled by the loneliness so it really does bring me psychological well-being to have these interactions with forum members. I really want to build the strength to walk alone into the world and pull in connections because ultimately I need to be interacting with flesh and blood that I can see and feel. That network of support also would help me out when life deals it’s inevitable blows as well as be a source of enrichment, growth, happiness, connection, love

It's not a problem. I have been in a similar place. I just want things to go well and stay well for you.

 

[Runenight201]

So I’ve gone full OCD with my guitar and singing and writing songs and what not…but I just started thinking how maybe I could be potentially absorbing the metal of my guitar strings through my finger tips, potentially causing health problems? I mean I love my music, so if I end up dying cuz of heavy metal toxicity through playing guitar I think it’d be worth it.

 

[Runenight201]

I made some hard boiled eggs this morning and I noticed that as I was eating them that the egg yolks were giving me a hard time digesting. They were too chalky and dry. I’d have to drink oj to help them go down but figured to hell with it and scrapped the rest of them out from the egg whites and then just consumed the pure egg whites with no issues whatsoever.

What was super interesting is that I had this pile of egg yolks so I then decided to give it to my dog (because why waste food and hell isn’t that an age old tradition giving the food scraps to the good ole doggo).

Well after he ate it he then proceeded to throw it all up! So what was giving me digestive issues was giving my dog digestive issues too! I gave the poor buddy some oj to lap up for his pallet, just like I had, but it got me thinking.

1) do both my dog and I suffer from the same digestive malady?
Or
2) are hard boiled egg yolks just not a biologically friendly way to consume them!

I do wonder if perhaps they’d be more digestible if I had small little cut of pieces of celery, tomato, and lemon juice or soy sauce or something like that…the experiment for tomorrow, if I’m not being a total degenerate p.o.s taking the easy way out for food.

 

[TopG]

Update this thread, rune.

 

[Runenight201]

Update this thread, rune.

For sure.

Definitely noticing degeneration of what appears to be my overall cognitive faculties, including what only I can describe as my perception of reality. It’s almost as if my nervous system is having a more difficult time just being alive, as anxiety and cognitive distortions take root. Vision is noticeably degraded, as floaters appear and slight visual hallucinations trail around.

Despite this, I am fighting hard to just keep myself grounded here and my body and mind intact. Still have hope and will that so long as I do the right things I’ll be grounded and whole. Trying to be more at peace with my many pathological behaviors that have taken root and act as best as I can, despite my biology’s New suffered state. Paramount is of course my diet, which, despite my daily short comings, is starting to include richer sources of nourishment like bacon, eggs, and some type of leaner protein, like chicken. I still have some what of a scarcity mindset towards consuming these foods, but to truly heal and achieve my highest form possible, I do believe I need to uproot that mindset and feast on those foods in abundance.

Started to take magnesium, b12, and thiamine to help out. Paranoia can get real bad at times, but I force myself through. Difficult to get any real emotional relief from others. Not sure if because of my appearance or behavior but anytime I’m honest with how I’m feeling with others (such as I’m in the middle of a panic attack or having real bad anxiety), it doesn’t really get taken to seriously. I do believe I’ve developed a good mask of my true inner emotions over the years, and so despite an outwardly calm disposition I am struggling desperately inwardly.

Started to take music more seriously, and it’s been a great outlet for focusing my energy. Serious ADD and ahedonia had set into place, along with a very defeatist mentality. Started to just act and bring all the pieces together, however difficult anyone task may be at the moment. Adopting a David Goggin’s “tough ***t” mindset really helps with when I’m moping and feeling like ***t. Finally got myself sorted out enough to actually record a guitar track and myself singing, which helps keeps my actions nested in reality instead of living in my delusions of rockdom.

Lastly I’d like to get more professional help next year. At minimum a check in with a physician who I can be a bit more honest with my physical degenerative symptoms, and then perhaps a therapist as well. I’m anxious and nervous because I’m not sure how I can properly navigate this field while attempting to avoid any pathological medical ideology, such as giving my SSRIs or some other psychiatric drug. At the core of all this I do believe a healthy lifestyle with perhaps some assistance in some fashion from supplements/drugs, while at the same time having my emotional, social, and actualizations needs met should be good enough to make life a pleasant one.

 

[Runenight201]

Thankfully feeling better lately. It's easy for me to get trapped into a negative mindset, where everything I see is negative. I'll see the degeneration in myself, in my family, in my fellow human beings, in this society, and reinforce this pattern of anxiety and fear for this life.

However, it takes little moments of vitality to break the spell. The conscious states that superior nutrition brings provides a clarity and surety over myself. Building the self-awareness to direct my thought patterns to ones that are functional, in the sense that they maintain my energy in vital states, is paramount to living a good life. Traumatic experiences are traumatic, not only in the sense that they cause such psychological and physical suffering, but that they also completely disrupt the behavioral and thought patterns that are necessary to maintain our own vital energy. Degenerative paradigms, belief structures, and ideologies have to be abandoned in place of functional first principles that build a resilient, regenerative being. Ideologies such as veganism, the theistic/abrahamic religions, nationalism, superstition, materialism, capitalism, and any other ism that values artificial, superficial, degenerative, and destructive means of living have to be abandoned. An ideology that promotes individual and collective well-being, the sustainable thriving of all life on earth, euphoria, connection, peace, and stability has to become embedded into the global culture and consciousness if we are to transcend our current state of being.

We have to will for abundance, where there is a superfluous amount of resources, food, and energy for us, so that we can escape scarcity/tribalistic mentalities, which lead to fear, anxiety, toxicity, and paranoia for life on earth. We have to utilize technology to its greatest capacity, to rely on science and a true understanding of the nature of reality to shift the global landscape into one that is abundant and fruitful. We have to abandon all useless and wasteful means of production, that serve no purpose but to damage and destroy our environment. Conflict and wars, stemming from an inability for humans to communicate properly with each other, disparate languages, nationalism and scarcity/tribalistic mentalities, increase our global suffering and impact every human's quality of life. The problem may seem insurmountable, but the reality is that most of us are stuck in outdated, antiquated, toxic, degenerative modes of beliefs that constrain our thinking, creativity, and ability to imagine different possibilities and ways of being. Proper nutrition, medicines, conscious states, and education have the ability to break us out of our limitations, to have us reach new heights of problem solving, construction, societal building, and being. We must will for there not to be a genius once in every couple lifetimes, but for there to be millions of geniuses continually brought into this world. For a collective raising of our intelligence, capabilities, competencies, empathy, and compassion.

Wishing everyone the best, and that we all stay positive, healthy, resilient, and strong as we move forward into the future

 

[Runenight201]

There's a comforting warmth that comes from eating a proper, full meal. A security, a warmth, a feeling of safety. A dissipation of anxiety and fear of death, in which a blanket of peace is imbued into one's being. For everything that Peat was brilliant in, he couldn't have been more wrong when it came to starch. Starch on its own is damaging, but in combination with meat, vegetation, and fruits, it provides an abundance of energy that allows every cell in our being to revel in energy. The superfluous amount of glucose ramps up the ATP production in the mitochondria and allows for a much fuller expression and experience of consciousness.

Proper being is thus eating a full plate at every meal, one that has an abundance of meat, starch, vegetation, and fruits, to eat like a king. It is the foundation from which the rest of being is built off of. There cannot be regeneration without this first principle being practiced each and every day. No supplement, no amount of sunshine, no amount of meditation, no exercise, no relationship, no god can ever do what a proper diet and eating regimen can.

 

[Runenight201]

Sucks to be wrong, but in admitting it there is a redemptive quality in being able to live life moving forward more correctly with less pain and suffering. Smoked some marijuana last night (for the last time ever) and had what was pretty much a psychotic episode of deep paranoia and anxiety surrounding what at the time seemed like my soon to be death. My vagus nerve was completely offline and I was unable to relax and properly nasal breathe, leading to a constant anxiety and need to be moving or doing something. As I began to disassociate I figured it was time to get professional help, as it seemed as if I would pass out or have a cardiac event if I didn't. I couldn't hold any food down, and was throwing up and having liquid bowel movements on top of intense stomach pains. Fortunately for me, ironically enough, none of my family or friends believed that I was in any real trouble, so while I continuously told them that I felt like I was going to die any second, they all just stared at me and told me I'd be fine. Well even tho that was one of the scariest experiences of my life, somehow I came out the other side, and with an adamant resolution to never touch that drug ever again.

Been eating a lot more beans today and feeling more grounded. I'm really focusing in on this calcium/magnesium aspect, and so it makes sense to consume beans, carrots, broccoli, in the diet. Ive noticed that my hair is profoundly more voluminous and healthier eating those foods. I also know a food is healthy for me when I feel blood flow into my hands and feet, which happens when I consume the carrots. I'll fry up carrots/broccoli in lard and eat them that way. I also believe eating those foods will shift my gut microflora to a healthier one that produces less inflammation in my body, improving my moods, cognitive functions, and athletic abilities. I am going to experiment with a diet surrounded by beef, beans, carrots, and broccoli, and some coffee/supplements on the side. I am going to eat my own words and say that I was wrong about being adamant on starch. That's one thing that is very frustrating, as I still don't have a solid dietary ideology to stand on, even tho I've been at this for about 4-5 years now. However, I've learned a lot of WRONG ways to live, and so that in itself is valuable, but ultimately I need to find the correct path. I do believe that I am fighting cardiovascular disease/heart failure at this point, albeit probably in its infancy stages, since I am only 29 years old, but it's not healthy to be so anxious/out of shape/insomniac/etc... However, while youth does have its advantages, I don't believe it's a smart idea to live inappropriately with the belief that the youth will save you. I've read too many accounts of young people dying early with cardiovascular disease.

 

[Runenight201]

Combining sugar and starch has a nice perk of allowing me to dream. The effect seems to be consistent. This is surely a good sign, as while not all dreaming occurs in REM sleep, the most vivid ones do, and my dreams are most vivid when I do the starch + sugar. I used to do this frequently with cereal and milk, but my digestion no longer can support that. Recently I achieved the effect with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

I can tell how my mental state is when my dreams have positive, redemptive qualities. Many times my dreams will be riddled with anxiety surrounding a particular event, but my favorite type of dreaming is when Im with a woman. I'm dangerously attracted to feminine brunettes with pale skin and blue eyes. Probably some Disney programming burnt into my brain. Back tracking again on starch. Read up on someone I used to respect a lot in the Peat circles Cirion, who has disappeared from here for 4 years now. His last posts before disappearing were that high calories were necessary for healing. I believe him to be correct, and certainly stuffing my face with sugar and starch allows me to actually sleep through the night and then dream. @Wolf also made a statement that people leave here and only come back when they are sick again. Since Cirion never came back, I can only hope that he is thriving and has since never needed to come back, which further reinforces this notion that he was doing something correct with the high calories before he left.

Starting to have a desire to be more active in the public sphere. I've practiced music consistently for the past 3 years with guitar and have created countless songs, but I really have a desire to sing, in the style of Elvis Presley, with the distorted wall of sound that the Shoegaze genre produces. Since I've been sick I have been too overwhelmed, inflamed, and low energy to produce and record anything of value, so I mostly fantasize while playing through the songs I've created. I also have fantasies of making YouTube videos surrounding health, religion, sociology, politics, and economics. I believe this would be healthy for me, as it would force me to organize my thinking into proper ideologies with beliefs and values I can stand on.

 

[Runenight201]

BELL PEPPERS AND MEAT!!

A combo meant for the heavens.

I made a delicious sauce by sauteeing tomatoes and bell peppers together, fry the meat in the soup with some salt and let it soak in all the juices.

Viola, guaranteed pro-metabolic you're going to feel better give you another day on this earth, bless the sky that you're alive, breathing this god forsaken air!!!

 

[Runenight201]

**** bell peppers

 

[Summer]

Which color of bell peppers were you using? I feel like red would the way to go since they’re the ripest.

 

[Runenight201]

Which color of bell peppers were you using? I feel like red would the way to go since they’re the ripest.

The green ones at the store are cheaper and just by feeling them felt lower quality.

I’m gonna give the red ones another shot sautéed with onions this time instead of tomatoes

 

[Runenight201]

Had a very scary histamine reaction to crawfish. Had hives all over my body and throat started closing up. Rushed myself to urgent care and the doctors loaded me up with Benadryl and glucocorticoids. Worked like a charm, and the reaction went away and I returned to baseline. Would have been interesting to have cypro on hand and see if that could have cured me, but unfortunately I didn’t. In either case, I was very worried about dying so I’m happy the doctors were able to help me out.

Definitely going to be avoiding all shellfish moving forward, and sticking to just steak as the meat of preference, with chicken/fish as alternatives if necessary.

 

[Runenight201]

Kale me crazy, but that vegetable is actually insanely tasty.

Boil it in a savory soup with some carbs and protein, and it hits

Very strong physiological reason for this as well. Pre-dairy revolution, it would have been impossible to obtain sufficient dietary calcium without consuming some sort of green vegetation.

We thus have an evolutionary impulse to consume boiled greens.

One could argue that dairy was the next step in the evolution chain of calcium consumption, but I don’t think it warrants tossing out the greens all together! With the micronutrient density, and boiling action rendering the green digestible, I believe avoiding the boiled green to be a serious dietary error!

 

[Runenight201]

I took 200mg of Caffeine + 1g of Taurine today before heading into work and noticed a SUBSTANTIAL increase in motivation, drive, focus, and productivity. I have also been using 10.5mg of Nicotine Patch a day, so I'm sure it was synergizing with that as well. The change was shocking, as I frequently deal with low motivation and energy to do even the most basic of tasks. I hope I don't run into any negative side effects from doing this, as it was very pleasant to finally be able to carry out my job without feeling stress and instead feeling the drive to accomplish things. I did notice on the come down (after I ate a heavy potatoes, cheese, egg, kale, mushroom meal) that I had some very bad brain fog, which I'm not sure if I can attribute to the meal, the come down from the caffeine and Taurine, or both combined. Nevertheless I'm going to keep experimenting with it.

 

[Runenight201]

Ate a lot of salami last night and felt super stiff when I woke up. All my muscles were super inflamed and felt my blood flow feel sticky.

I’m hypothesizing that the cured pork fat had a clogging/inflaming effect on my system resulting in that response.

In the morn I took aspirin with vitamin c and then ate some peas fried in tallow and felt substantially better, a more return to normalcy.

I looked up the nutrition facts for peas and was surprised at how healthy they were. Lots of magnesium and vitamin C, which I believe my body desperately needs. Unfortunately not that much calcium but that’s ok.

I learned that coffee depletes your minerals, and I’ve been a daily coffee drinker for years, so I believe part of my pathology is that my minerals are very depleted. I notice every time I drink coffee my teeth become more yellow and decayed, a sign that my calcium is being stripped away from me. I’m attempting to remineralize my body by consuming ample peas, peppers, and onions. Can’t hurt to also learn how to properly prepare greens, as those are another source of quality minerals, especially calcium, which the other vegetation doesn’t give me. Red bell peppers also have a lot of vitamin E, which should be good for keeping my blood from clogging up and flowing well. Keeping artherosclerosis at bay is critical.

Unfortunately I feel a constant compulsion to drink coffee because of my job, in which the drink with milk and sugar gives me a boost of positivity and euphoria, which makes interacting with people MUCH easier. An example of how our environment shapes our behavior and ultimately health. However, I’m paying for tomorrows happiness today but doing so. Need to find more sustainable ways to enter into those states.

The only starch I find enjoyable at the moment are croissants. It seems like everything else just causes my body problems.

 

[Runenight201]

Been eating more pasture raised eggs and drinking 1% low fat milk. I noticed an almost immediate reduction in anxiety and an easier time breathing. For the first time in a while, I can actually just sit still and be at peace, mentally and physically. It’s a really nice feeling. I have definitely missed that inner tranquility. The past 2 years have been a cluster **** of paranoia, angst, and anxiety, all self-imposed, but it’s been difficult finding the correct solutions.

I noticed the eggs almost immediately boost my sex appeal. Walking around in the grocery store I was able to draw the attention of multiple different woman. I almost locked eye contact and exchanged smiles with an absolute gorgeous little blue eyed cutie. She betrayed a brief smile but then looked away as we passed. Definitely still have a lot to work on but it gives me hope that I’m attracting the attention of women again. I remember my younger days where I was actively out flirting with women and going on dates, those were much more exciting times.

I’m thinking the eggs and milk is fixing my insulin resistance because I was able to eat around 3/4 cups of pasta without too much issue. In the past I’d eat a couple bites of some starch and immediately run into bloating and paranoia. I may become a lacto-ovo vegetarian, not ethically but because I believe I do best on those foods. I guess it’s somewhat nice to know that a diet like this is more environmentally friendly than eating ruminant animals. For a long time I was eating animals because I believed them to be optimal for my health, but the longer I’m in this game the less I’m sure about that. I do believe I can get everything that meat can give from eggs and dairy, and perhaps even more healthfully too. Milk and cheese are superior in that you are getting a bolus of calcium to offset all the phosphorous. I need to understand why I digest eggs better than meat. There’s something to the texture of eggs that make them easy on the digestive system. I’m not sure if that’s because of the amino acid composition or if it’s something else. Something to look into for sure.

 

[Runenight201]

Been listening to more about polyvagal theory and have been profoundly agreeing with many of its premises. I myself have always found that the most enjoyable conscious experiences have been one in which I am in a Ventral Vagal State, which is where an individual feels safe, secure, and able to connect with others. I have for sure been stuck in a chronic Sympathetic state for quite some time, and it may even be my default state on a day to day basis. The conscious experience of this state is one of anxiety, shallow social engagement, mistrust of people and the world, and a general negative outlook on life. The environment around me also facilitates this state, in which the people I'm surrounded by have nervous systems that are not tuned into a Ventral Vagal State. This in turn creates a social environment that exacerbates anxiety and negative pathologies. I believe that many people are operating in this chronic Sympathetic state, and that in turn explains the general downward trend of the health of our modern species.

Without the perception that we are taken care of, at a physical, emotional, psychological, socioeconomic level, it is very difficult to enter into a Ventral Vagal State and experience peace, love, harmony, joy, etc.... If I had to characterize the ideal place for a human to be, it would be one in which they have a physically healthy metabolism, have good and supportive relationships, have well-functioning cognitive systems, and are not experiencing poverty aka scarcity. All of these interact with each other, so someone may have a poor metabolism because they are poor and aren't eating quality food and experience scarcity and then have a difficult time socially engaging and then their physical and mental health falter. Or perhaps someone was born into an unstable family unit where the parents never provided for them effectively and thus they didn't develop their social cognitive structures properly and so they maladapt and behave in all sorts of incorrect manners that make their life insufferable. Or perhaps they have a chronic niacinamide deficiency because of a genetic mutation and this results in them having chronic fatigue and unable to cognitively function properly which results in them being poor because they have to take a low wage job and thus starts the degenerative trend.

All of this to say that the factors that influence our lives are very much determined, and I have become much less convinced of the free will theory of our lives. If there's any room for free will it's perhaps at the final layer where we are cognitive aware of the potential options we have and can attempt to direct our physiology down one of them, but the options that are provided to us and our ability to successfully execute any of the chosen options are very much outside of our control. No one decides the genome they are born with, family units they grow up in, culture we are imbued with, thoughts that float up into our head etc... etc... While many people may take a nihilist approach with this line of thinking, I believe it to be very empowering, as it alleviates a large burden of personal shame with our default behavioral patterns. Someone may feel very guilty about the fact that they are lazy, or unintelligent, or forgetful, or unattractive, or have poor social skills, etc... when in reality the brain patterning and physiological expressions that determines these things are very largely outside of their control. Now this doesn't mean that we can't do things to be less lazy, more intelligent, more attractive, better sociability. For instance, fixing metabolic functioning and changing our environments can go a large way towards helping these deficits, but there has to be an acceptance as well of our own physiological constraints. No matter how much I improve my metabolism, I will never grow to be 6+ ft tall, and since height has a known social effect, I will have to cede that I will never meet that criteria.

So my new perception on this life now is to seek out and remain in Ventral Vagal states as often as possible. Making sure I am well-nourished, strong metabolism, good sleep, good brain functioning, good emotional control, rational thinking. Since I am surrounded by pathological people, I desire to be the person who can fix the dysfunction that is around me and have people enter into Ventral Vagal States themselves, and in that way we are all collectively improving our well-being. I have never been interested in the cutting out or removing of toxic people from your life. I completely understand how it may be necessary in an individual who otherwise has no way of changing behavior, and they themselves are being negatively effected by the toxicity, but I find it most heroic to be able to change the world and people around you to be healthier, better, and more functional. I know the common trope is that you can't change people, but I suspect that is uttered by people who don't know how or are powerless to change people. Also, despite how pathological some people may be, there are seeds of positivity in most people, underneath the pathology, toxicity, trauma, and pain. Understanding how our metabolisms, nervous systems, and environment intertwine with each other to create the behavior that I see around me helps existentially ground me, and ultimately I need to be powerful enough to affect behavior positively.