Ruminating vs Doing, Learning new things

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Runenight201

Runenight201

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I enjoyed reading everyone's replies. They really helped me gain insight into why I have feel the way I do. This outreach for help was kicked off by an attempt from me to learn to utilize a photoshop app to complete a mini-passion project I had thought up of. I had wanted to put together a meme, pretty banal to me now, but profound to me for a time, to an insight I had. The idea was there, and my desire to make it happen was strong, but when I began to encounter obstacles I completely fell apart. Each challenge in editing that damn meme that I faced was so frustrating and tiring that I found myself unable to continue. Even though the passion from the idea wore off, and doubts about its banality and cringiness grew, I still felt like I had to make it happen because I've been stricken by rumination and so little action for so long. The meme served as a goalpost for action, but especially more so action to something that was innately personal to me. This was different from action which served someone or something else. I'm no stranger to responsibility, and I've spent a good amount of time learning because I had to, because that was what was expected of me in the duty I was performing. Sometimes I can even convince myself that this responsibility I took on was good for me and thus embrace what in reality was a bad thing.

Well there probably is something to be said about my energy states, hormonal state, stress conditions, etc... that prevented me from being able to complete the meme in that moment, but I guess what I found out was that I didn't need to know about all of these things and then obsessively optimize each one of them to be able to complete the meme. I spent the rest of the night meandering about the internet until the next morning came, when my being was able to reset itself and then address the task again. I do think there is something to being watchful of screen time, but at the same time when I'm feeling passionate about something, the passion complete eliminates all desire for trivial matters, and so I'm not too harsh on myself when I find myself in a screen time binger. When meaning comes knocking I answer. Being free from an additional stressor in that mini healing period was crucial, and there's no doubt that if I had to work that morning or do some other energy draining responsibility that I would find myself in a similar predicament. Since my responsibility was to the meme and the meme alone, I could eventually collect the energy and composure required to finish the task. The meme is attached below. I'll protect myself from ridicule by prefacing that there is a part of me that finds it bland and uninteresting now.

From reading the replies here, each one of them valuable in their own right, I've gathered that there is a lot of energy I spend, a lot which is necessary for my own survival, which detracts from my ability to grow in ways which are deeply meaningful to me. My orthorexia is draining, and at times can cripple me when some gummy bears and chips are better than the under consumption of calories which can occur from unnecessary dietary rigidity. The necessity of work and my failure to succeed in such venues have crippled me, in that I end up spending a large amount of time, stress, and energy attempting to have some type of career, while at the same time not fully believing in the merits of a career. I work because I must live, but I don't live for my work. Attempting to live through my work has brought a huge amount of anguish. I've found a balance in finding a job that gives me a large amount of free time, but is also very stressful and pays little. However I sit in a leadership position, and that does please me, and in some way adds value and meaning to a low paycheck. I still vacillate between pursuing a career for the financial stability and working solely to earn some money so I can mug off and spend my time chasing meaning. I don't strongly crave a career or money, what I passionately crave for is love and meaning. Perhaps discovering the balance between love and meaning and having the means for survival is where I'll find stable happiness. Despite shaking my belief in God, the Catholic message of there being more to this life than merely what the secular world has to offer has remained. The message of the universality of love has not been lost, and the message that the ultimate aim of a human should be the union with such love (God in the Catholic sense) still shakes me to my core.

The Catholics have their priests, and their seminary's, in which men join in union with love. Perhaps I need to find my equivalent somewhere, I'm sure I'd have no problems learning there. Lastly, the humor is not lost on me that I am a millennial complaining about and then finding meaning from creating a meme...that's pretty damn hilarious :)
 

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redsun

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with what? adderall does more harm than good.
Ritalin is probably better but in the end it doesnt matter that much and some respond better to different medications. Its up to each individual to decide based on the advantages and disadvantages on whether they should get treated for executive dysfunction. There comes a point in your life where if you still lag behind because of this issue, its easy to argue that you are doing more harm to yourself than if you were to take a medication that can significantly improve your quality of life. Executive dysfunction affects many aspects of your life, not just those related to work/productive behavior.
 
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Runenight201

Runenight201

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Ritalin is probably better but in the end it doesnt matter that much and some respond better to different medications. Its up to each individual to decide based on the advantages and disadvantages on whether they should get treated for executive dysfunction. There comes a point in your life where if you still lag behind because of this issue, its easy to argue that you are doing more harm to yourself than if you were to take a medication that can significantly improve your quality of life. Executive dysfunction affects many aspects of your life, not just those related to work/productive behavior.
Interesting that you mention Ritalin because I have at times been close to the edge of pursuing that exact drug or a drug similar to it which wouldn’t require a script 4-MPH. I recognize a known flaw and a potential for huge value in the line of work I do, but filling that need involves level of analytical thinking that are beyond my current capabilities (really knowing how to develop with artificial intelligence). So I can dream up of the solution, but implementing it is a whole other level of capability.
 

Jib

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er. I've got lot's of ambition but very little follow through.

I love anecdotes, so if anyone used to be a big time procrastinator and ruminator,

Semen retention is a huge one for me. I think merely the abstaining from the oxytocin/prolactin release of ejaculatory orgasm results in a less sedated and more focused state of mind on a daily basis.

However, I've also been addicted to videogames, and it's very easy for me to space out and play a videogame instead of pursuing ambitions. That takes as much discipline as semen retention to simply not do it.

The kingpin is having a focused goal. For me, it's been YouTube videos, and specific things with my business, such as creating and marketing a specific product. Like one thing. Laser focus. I brainstorm and keep a "docket" on my computer as well, in a Notepad file. On this "docket" I brainstorm specific goals I want to accomplish: for me, that means specific YouTube videos. That turns into writing a script out for a video, which turns into shooting the footage for it, editing it, and publishing it.

Videos are interesting because it demonstrates the reality of how literally everything begins within our mind. Every video starts as a simple idea, then it turns into words on a screen as a script. The actual video is practically secondary to the process of making a video. Which is funny to think about.

Specific goals are everything. A focused task that you can actually tangibly work on. I have specific digital media -- movie and picture files from my camera, my Notepad scripts, my audio files of voiceovers. And I have physical objects that I make to sell.

You need to have tangible things. Words on a screen are tangible things. Anything that comes out of your brain and manifests into the physical world is a tangible thing, whether it's 'brick and mortar' or digital.

It could be making a website, drafting a book, art, anything. But manifesting something into the physical world by conscious choice and action is the key.

I have severe ADD and I know very well how scattered thoughts can get. I spend dozens of hours merely brainstorming each week and not even writing anything down because it gets too disorganized if I do. At some point, the ideas come together. So my other advice is don't be afraid of your own brain. Mull over an idea intensely. It will feel like you're running in circles, and going to distracting pleasures like videogames, TV, or anything else, will be tempting.

But mulling over ideas -- brainstorming -- is everything. Don't be deceived that you're not accomplishing anything. Your brain is like a processor except infinitely more complex. It may feel like you're running in circles, but then all of a sudden, things will begin to piece together.

Then as you start to work, your ideas may change and grow in the process. A video I thought I could get done in a day or two ended up turning into a 3 week project and I am only just starting to put the finishing touches on it. Projects can change and take on a life of their own as you work. Just remember to keep your eye on the ball and see it through to completion. There may be many twists and turns and detours along the way, but if you stick with it and see it through, the reward is immense.

It's a long process of rewiring your brain to have this extreme patience and extreme ability to focus and pay attention. It is like living in a thunderstorm and learning gradually how to generate your own eye in the storm. The chaos will never go away. But you can learn how to calm yourself and function despite it. It's an uncomfortable reality, which is why we're all so tempted to run from it. I think that's the main reason for procrastination. At least it is for me.
 

redsun

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Interesting that you mention Ritalin because I have at times been close to the edge of pursuing that exact drug or a drug similar to it which wouldn’t require a script 4-MPH. I recognize a known flaw and a potential for huge value in the line of work I do, but filling that need involves level of analytical thinking that are beyond my current capabilities (really knowing how to develop with artificial intelligence). So I can dream up of the solution, but implementing it is a whole other level of capability.
In my opinion, getting the script for extended release version is ideal over other forms.

Its not that you yourself are incapable of an increased level of analytical thinking, Its just that you lack the brain energy and optimal activation of important brain regions.

Humans are supposed to be able to form an plan/goal, and then have the ability to logically form the steps to achieve this plan/goal and have the resolve to follow through. If you have what you want in your head but oftentimes you cannot act on it or actualize it into your reality, that is a fundamental human attribute that you are not getting the most out of and affects virtually every facet of your life.
 

Donnea

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I don't know if this helps you, but for me, having things messy around me and a lot of unfinished projects, makes me overwhelmed and passive. I'm a doer, and how I get things done is that I structure things. Like in the mornings I get up extra early so I can walk the dogs, let the chickens out, empty the dishwasher, maybe start a load of laundry & prep for dinner etc. I work fast to get as much done as possible before work, because then I know that it's already done when I get home and I don't have to do it then. While I'm working I listen to e-books or videos, so I do my chores on auto pilot. When I have order in my environment, free flowing energy instead of stagnant energy if you will, I get motivated to start projects when I get home from work and on weekends. For example, I built a large garden with raised beds & gravel paths this summer. That was a huge project, and I couldn't have gotten it done, while working full time, cooking all the food from scratch, taking care of chickens & dogs, and doing all the cleaning inside, if I had not been organized. And motivated. When I get things done, I get energy and feel good for having accomplished things.
 

steel_reserve

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On the ADD front: I recently encountered two students who took caffeine pills three times a day to treat ADD.
 

Kykeon

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the best thing i have found is making strong resolves. Simply telling myself that i will now do this or that, and no excuses are allowed. If you start doing something for the first time, expect to be bad at it but you will improve, and the process gets better.
It is like riding a bicycle, first it was very hard and cost you a lot of mental effort, then it becomes easy. Simply having a strong, unshakable resolve to do something and following through even if you get a small emotional distress is oftentimes worth it. You also get better at this when you do it more.

I went 3 months without using a cellphone or computer screen (for things like emails i used them when very necessary), only reading books, at first i was constantly depressive and thinking i can never do this, but i wanted to complete the challenge, and in the end i was reading books in one sitting, without much distraction or even wanting to leave the book, as the deep concentration i achieved was worth more to me than reading meaningless but "interesting" info-bits. A large deal of the current "ADD/ADHD" problem is people developing "digital dementia", the easy accessibility through electronic devices and constant availability of novel but useless stimuli are a great hindrance to deep thought and real work. I can only recommend a period of time where one quits these devices, or at least writes down what should be done in the internet before using it, as the behaviorist manipulation of the user is a great part of the current "web" and its applications.

Microdosing NDT also works great for me if i lack the critical impetus to start doing something. It is a fine line between ignoring internal distractions (i can't do that, negative self talk) and recognizing when you are not ready, like being too tired or simply lacking the energetic resources to produce high-quality output.

Also my willpower and concentration is the highest right after waking up, so i can get a lot more done in the first 2 hours of the day than at other times at the day.
Perfectionism can also be a problem; The enemy of good is perfect.
 

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