Romance is stressful(Shaking from stress)?!

Bluemachine

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I've asked a girl out on a date*first time in like 5 years*, she said yes but now the anticipation is messing with my sleep and appetite & just making me feel run down. I generally feel quite healthy, sometimes really healthy - bounds of energy, euphoria from listening to good music, large appetite, really high sex drive and desire for partner. But my issue is pursuing a partner I find really stressful which makes all that good stuff go away which isn't conducive to being a fun person to attract. she seems to be really interested in me though.

I can get like this with other forms of stimulation like working on an art project for an extended period of time, getting or haircut or doing it myself(the concentration and my perfectionism - probably similar to the first example)

But ye.. My muscles start to tense up & it's got to the point at times where they sort of jerk about and I feel like I'm vibrating a bit. When my health problems started and I was having panic attacks I would literally start shaking & recently when I had a tooth extraction I started shaking which is really awkward because people wonder wtf you are doing. I also - since talking to this girl (which is a constant job due to phones & texting) have been peeing like crazy and have barely any appetite.

I'd really like to make this work with the girl, she seems great & really attractive. Any tips would be hugely appreciated & insight on the shaking thing?!
 

mrchibbs

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There's not much to do, it's quite normal. Just try to focus on enjoying yourself as much as possible and forget about trying to impress or anything else.

If she likes you, it just be smooth sailing from here. Just have fun with it.
 
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Bluemachine

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There's not much to do, it's quite normal. Just try to focus on enjoying yourself as much as possible and forget about trying to impress or anything else.

If she likes you, it just be smooth sailing from here. Just have fun with it.
Ye, I'm hoping after the initial awkwardness it'll become just like hanging around family & friends. Don't know why I find it so hard dealing with stress though as it effects my ability to hold down a job. This is my main priority at the minute though
 

Perry Staltic

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Calm down, relax and just be yourself. Feeling like we have to be something other than what we are creates all kinds of stress.
 

mrchibbs

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Ye, I'm hoping after the initial awkwardness it'll become just like hanging around family & friends. Don't know why I find it so hard dealing with stress though as it effects my ability to hold down a job. This is my main priority at the minute though

I think most of us who have an impaired metabolism tend to be less able to deal with stress.

A good way to deal with is to accept that it is there, and try to focus on the positives.

Obviously good sleep, nutrition, sunshine exposure etc. are all simple but fundamental stress to improve general resilience.
 
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Bluemachine

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Calm down, relax and just be yourself. Feeling like we have to be something other than what we are creates all kinds of stress.
Absolutely, I guess it stems from a feeling of inadequacy though which I don't really know how to overcome. When you think highly of someone I suppose you want to give them the best, which probably exceeds what you can.
 

Perry Staltic

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Absolutely, I guess it stems from a feeling of inadequacy though which I don't really know how to overcome. When you think highly of someone I suppose you want to give them the best, which probably exceeds what you can.

You overcome it by doing what you just did - be honest with yourself. The best you have to give her is yourself. If she's not happy with that, then she's not for you. I think you'll be surprised how much most women love vulnerable, honest men.
 
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Bluemachine

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Have you tried Taurine, Iodine and Vitamin C? Therapy might be helpful.
I've tried vitamin c, not taurine or iodine apart from a red bull & tiny amounts of seaweed. Didn't notice much from the seaweed, the red bull gave me the runs but I had a more sensitive gut back then. What benefits might these have for my situation?

Do you mean like talking therapy? I was just thinking about this, it seemed to help when my OCD was really bad (hypnotherapy) but it's really expensive & I'm not sure it's as effective for something that is a fairly normal response like getting nervous talking to girls
 
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Bluemachine

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You overcome it by doing what you just did - be honest with yourself. The best you have to give her is yourself. If she's not happy with that, then she's not for you. I think you'll be surprised how much most women love vulnerable, honest men.
I definitely am, I've been upfront about some of my issues and it seems to be the topic we've connected over most so far. So much for this be a dominant, assertive, macho as f Chad that these dating coaches spew. Not saying there is 0 truth in that, it's probably individual & a healthy amount of both, Whatever that ratio is.
 

mrchibbs

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You overcome it by doing what you just did - be honest with yourself. The best you have to give her is yourself. If she's not happy with that, then she's not for you. I think you'll be surprised how much most women love vulnerable, honest men.

Vulnerability is certainly much more attractive than phony confidence.
 

Lee Simeon

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I've tried vitamin c, not taurine or iodine apart from a red bull & tiny amounts of seaweed. Didn't notice much from the seaweed, the red bull gave me the runs but I had a more sensitive gut back then. What benefits might these have for my situation?

Do you mean like talking therapy? I was just thinking about this, it seemed to help when my OCD was really bad (hypnotherapy) but it's really expensive & I'm not sure it's as effective for something that is a fairly normal response like getting nervous talking to girls
It might. I found Taurine effective, but it gives me a headache at doses higher than 1 gram. Iodine in a good form helps to reduce the headache side effects from Taurine. I also think Iodine has beneficial effrects on its own.
Ahhh yes, I am thinking about talking therapy. Might be helpful, but I understand if you live somewhere its expensive. I think there are like CBT manuals you can do yourself which I have heard some people swear by, but have not tried it myself.
 

GreekDemiGod

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Reframe the anxiety as excitement. This is your life and it's ending one minute of a time.
Reframe it as excitement that you get to see an attractive woman and it can lead to a steamy sexual encounter. What else could be more exciting about life? Be present, this is your moment.
Also, take Taurine and some Aspirin before seeing her or whatever works for your anxiety.
 
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Bluemachine

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Reframe the anxiety as excitement. This is your life and it's ending one minute of a time.
Reframe it as excitement that you get to see an attractive woman and it can lead to a steamy sexual encounter. What else could be more exciting about life? Be present, this is your moment.
Also, take Taurine and some Aspirin before seeing her or whatever works for your anxiety.
Yes they are extremely similar, one the anticipation of something positive & the other something negative. I fluctuate between the two (this could turn out great/we might really get on vs I could really balls this up/she might not like me at all) Both anxiety & excitement have kept me up at night and effected my appetite, they both seem to be stress/cortisol driven.
Aspirin definitely reduces stress for me a lot but it does seem to irritate my stomach & cause some runs which would be less than ideal on a first date lol. I might try the taurine, it's not something I've read up on. Would the amount in red bull be effective?
 

TripleOG

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We called this "having butterflies" growing up. It's a fun part of early dating that can result in a good bond if shared by both partners.

Enjoy the ride and don't sweat it. Who knows, she might find it cute.
 

Waynish

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Good. British guys need to man up... Western men are generally pathetic these days. Keep going, stop batin'!
 

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