Record High Number Of People Are Not Having Sex, The Young Lead The Pack

[Collden]

I think a culturally driven psychological weakening of both men and women is largely to blame. Children growing up in the west are protected and coddled like never before, which combined with endlessly easy access to distractions and entertainment at all times mean they never learn how to deal with negative emotions or to value any potentially rewarding activity that involves any kind of struggle or discomfort. Relationships with other people, especially intimate and sexual relationships, is hard and involves exposing yourself to all kinds of vulnerabilities, insecurities and negative emotions, so of course when you never develop any mental toughness you are going to choose the easy way out of using porn and internet communities to meet your sexual and social needs.

Its got nothng at all to do with metabolic weakening or environmental stress, because you dont see this kind of trend in developing countries, and even much less in people living in western countries who migrated from developing countries, ie people who actually had to deal with tough ***t growing up and developed mental resilliance.

 

[Nebula]

Why is it mainly men going through this porn addiction? I had access to it as a teenager and while I did look from time to time, I still had an active social life, boyfriends and was sexually active.

Very frequent masturbation can have very different biological effects on men than women. Higher and longer prolactin spikes and some evidence it can cause androgen receptor desensitization if done multiple times per day chronically as it may trigger mechanisms that regulate sexual satiety.

https://www.researchgate.net/profil...xual-Satiety-and-Brain-Androgen-Receptors.pdf

Another main factor might be that many men in the last couple of generations have been raised without many real life healthy male role models. Raised without a father in the home or had a father who was very stressed and did not guide them towards finding mentors and social outlets for their male instincts, so instead many turn towards video games and porn to fill the void as the path of least resistance. While many mothers also didn't know yet how to deal with the new high speed internet age either to guide their young sons towards preferring social activity to solitary screen time. Hopefully this will be something more parents and society will learn how to proactively help guide young men towards a more well rounded path early on in life.

I also think boys are typically naturally more interested in "things" while girls are usually more interested in "people," so part of raising boys in this high speed digital age might be helping them to get primarily interested in "things" with other groups of people. Its very easy for many boys today to isolate themselves in the endless exploration of things through computers and miss opportunities to develop a real social network they enjoy being a part of. Its also common for boys to bully each other and make some feel ostracized and unwanted by society, so I think its very important for adults and society as a whole to help boys find positive social groups to belong to early in life where they develop a sense of belonging and social skills that will last a lifetime. Excessive porn and solitary media consumption are just the past of least resistance to comfort for boys and young men who are struggling to develop a meaningful social network.

I think a lot of boys and men could also benefit from learning methods of awareness and concentration early in life as well. Activities like meditation, Qi gong, balanced with team sports and weight lifting with the right guidance can help boys learn to manage their impulses and direct them to longer term goals. Teaching boys how to regularly make goals and measure progress is also a good skill for them to learn early. Other milestones are important to help boys engage with life. Like getting their first teenage job and making plans to use the money they earn towards goals and have their own money for going on dates. There's just so many things about the modern world that draw young men towards an intense inner world of solitary media consumption, so a lot of proactive effort is needed to guide them outwards into the real world using more of the complete potential of their body and mind socially.

 

[InChristAlone]

I think a culturally driven psychological weakening of both men and women is largely to blame. Children growing up in the west are protected and coddled like never before, which combined with endlessly easy access to distractions and entertainment at all times mean they never learn how to deal with negative emotions or to value any potentially rewarding activity that involves any kind of struggle or discomfort. Relationships with other people, especially intimate and sexual relationships, is hard and involves exposing yourself to all kinds of vulnerabilities, insecurities and negative emotions, so of course when you never develop any mental toughness you are going to choose the easy way out of using porn and internet communities to meet your sexual and social needs.

Its got nothng at all to do with metabolic weakening or environmental stress, because you dont see this kind of trend in developing countries, and even much less in people living in western countries who migrated from developing countries, ie people who actually had to deal with tough ***t growing up and developed mental resilliance.

I disagree going through tough ***t creates stronger people. All you would have to do is ask therapists who are their toughest cases, and they will most likely be the ones with the most trauma growing up. My husband is stronger than me and had a great childhood, loving parents, no trauma (other than circumcision which he did get into porn use as a teenager). I had to go through some rough emotional trauma, and I'm still dealing with the after effects.

 

[Collden]

Having loving parents helps tremendously in developing good emotional regulation skills as a child, ie ability to tolerate negative emotions, so that is no surprise. There is a difference between trying to eliminate any possibility for your child to have a rough experience, and supporting him as he's having a rough experience. Its why securely attached children are typically less afraid of failure or of trying out new things.

Intense trauma certainly can mess a person up in some contexts, but the most common effect of going through hardship is an improved ability to regulate your emotions and tolerate discomfort in the pursuit of rewards. Actually I'm inclined to think it is _only_ by successfully navigating hardship that a person who never learned to deal with his emotions as a child can learn to do so as an adult. Not just talking about material hardship, but also in experiencing social situations that trigger emotions you cant tolerate.

 

[ecstatichamster]

Why is it mainly men going through this porn addiction? I had access to it as a teenager and while I did look from time to time, I still had an active social life, boyfriends and was sexually active.

Some women are very much harmed by it. But men more so. I don’t know why except that I think men have to initiate sexual contact and relationship contact and with porn they find it difficult even to meet a girl’s eye let alone ask her out. I think that this has a lot to do with it — social and psychological and emotional downhill changes in young men.

Today you can see it in men who are under roughly 35. They have grown up with internet porn and often suffer. Men older than that, even if into porn, managed to wire their brains better and suffer less from porn.

 

[Cirion]

But yeah as hinted earlier, porn is a symptom not a cause. When I am unhealthier I find myself craving things like that, but when I am healthy it barely crosses my mind even though when I'm healthier I have a higher libido. The desire shifts towards dating actual real women.

Men have lower androgens in our generation than any other generation previous. So many men have severe metabolic problems nowadays. So much "mandatory" stress in life doesn't help. For me one of the destroyers of my health was college.

There is a level of "resilience" that undergoing a lot of stress can cause, but resilience / "grit" is different from health. I consider myself as having a lot of resilience due to 30 years of nearly constant depression, but I'm not kidding myself - that has not made me in any way healthy compared to someone without those problems. It does however give me a deeper appreciation of health that others might not have.

 

[MatheusPN]

No tattoos or weird piercings here. I have a very healthy sex drive about 7 months a year when the days are longer.

I just posted in the FB about a vegan who identified as asexual get a sex drive after eating animal protein. I wouldn't blame porn. I blame unhealthy lifestyles.

I blame false truth. Emphasizing the false

Travis posted a study comparing vegans to non-vegans, the result: both studies revealed that vegans had higher blood levels of testosterone!
I have another showing, that milk from pregnant cows elevated estrogens and decreased testo in men and kids

Vegan or non-vegan, is just a small picture

This man probably was assexual, tried to better his health, with vegan soy things, (veganism isn't a diet) and then discovered Ray Peat, and become a 12 months a year with a very healthy sex drive

And to help your last post, Haidut posted a thread, the synopsis: a less stressful environment, produced men with more testo

 

[LUH 3417]

Having loving parents helps tremendously in developing good emotional regulation skills as a child, ie ability to tolerate negative emotions, so that is no surprise. There is a difference between trying to eliminate any possibility for your child to have a rough experience, and supporting him as he's having a rough experience. Its why securely attached children are typically less afraid of failure or of trying out new things.

Intense trauma certainly can mess a person up in some contexts, but the most common effect of going through hardship is an improved ability to regulate your emotions and tolerate discomfort in the pursuit of rewards. Actually I'm inclined to think it is _only_ by successfully navigating hardship that a person who never learned to deal with his emotions as a child can learn to do so as an adult. Not just talking about material hardship, but also in experiencing social situations that trigger emotions you cant tolerate.

This is like the no pain no gain theory of exercise

 

[theLaw]

Why is it mainly men going through this porn addiction? I had access to it as a teenager and while I did look from time to time, I still had an active social life, boyfriends and was sexually active.

Most guys that I knew in their teens (me included) had to jerk off daily to keep the beast at bay.

Never seen this with a female.

 

[morgan#1]

I think that 95% of therapists need therapy. And I’ve been to therapy...the last therapist I had was always late, so I told him if I could be there on time, I wanted someone to have respect for their job and the process and not always be late. I’ve been to maybe 10 + therapists, and I felt that two were changing my outlook. It all has to do with me and what I can give. My previous job was an assistant to this wacko who was a therapist; her ex was a well known published psychologist. I was a grad student in film, video, editing stuff; she knew that and she wanted me to edit one of her clients sessions. The client didn’t know. Anyway she was into tantric healing, so I’ll chalk it up to that.

Maybe sex should be gratifying, but maybe not in the way humans are thinking about it...bonding etc. I don’t mind *ucking, I think it should be total fun. Maybe females just want it to be all thoughtful. And possibly couples should bond in different ways, holding hands “sleeping” together, and silent moments spending time with each other. And then that makes the sex that much better. The fakeness that is our society has ruined sex for almost everyone. People don’t feel good enough, at the gym is a prime example. Women parading around with their hot bodies; and then women who are chubby looking at them, I can’t imagine how that would impact women. I choose not to look to anyone, and not to have a trainer. Every single person has insecurities. Hot bodies are eventually going to become sagging bodies. It’s drilled into us; we are nothing but our bodies and our cars and our careers.

It’s strange the way that being alone is feared, we latch on to another. And probably we are not comfortable being alone. And then we’re afraid of loneliness while clinging to another, and somewhere in the back (or front) of our minds, thinking that this isn’t satisfying, and then cling to a different person. Making the same mistakes over. Sex is overrated, unless you know yourself and are in tune with yourself. I think this society is so warped, and I believe it’s because we look to others. And compare and judge and have this horrible drive to outdo others.

Long story short, is people are too unhappy to reveal/show/ themselves to another, i.e. sex, Most people are distracting themselves from fear and loneliness; and that is a part of us all. Why reject something that is a part of you. That does real damage to the mind. (Accepting this turns things around. And that fear and loneliness kinda dissipate, I think they don’t hold as much power.) And that’s why sex is zippo.

 

[milkboi]

Why is it mainly men going through this porn addiction? I had access to it as a teenager and while I did look from time to time, I still had an active social life, boyfriends and was sexually active.

I think the (simplified) answer for this: Men get attracted visually and women more by emotions. Therefore porn is more used by males and is more rewarding for them, while women get more aroused by things like erotic novels.

 

[Constatine]

I see recurrently, many commentators, saying how porn is bad for you
This way of thinking will be distracting for some people of their real problem (hormonal imbalance, lifestyle, among others)

Without porn industry people can have their imagination, some strange behaviors, voyeurism etc
Porn can be a perfect couple, to your imagination, with some girl... Or something else

Health people are very likely to benefit from the industry, especially from the good porn

While its effects on hormones are the same as that of regular sex, binging on porn certainly worsens dopaminergic function. Porn use that is not considered "binging" is certainly less damaging or depending on the amount watched maybe not damaging at all (in terms of downregulating dopamine receptors). Though complete sexual abstinence itself does have unique benefits. One of which is increasing one's interest in sex and women in general. A man that does not pmo and is not sexually satisfied will more often than not pursue women more than a sexually satisfied man. I do not claim that porn is inherently evil or anything but it does damage individuals and modern culture in its own way. Partially because many young people become addicted to it and don't use it in "moderation". Though I think the nature of porn is inherently addicting as it downregulates dopamine receptors which makes less rewarding tasks more mundane and porn more entertaining by comparison. Its a positive feedback loop.

 

[Gone Peating]

Watching another man **** a woman is very low and bad for self esteem at the very least.

Just as watching people socialize and have fun (TV shows) while not actually participating yourself is very strange and most likely not ideal for your health.

Also, to those of you suggesting porn usage is only a symptom and not a cause, you need to consider people who were not adults when porn became prevalent around 2006/2007 due to wifi being more common as well as personal computing devices.

For adolescent and teenage boys who grew up with porn, it was their first sexual experience. Watching two people have sex is much different than wanking to an image in a magazine. Watching other people have sex and pleasuring yourself came to define a generation's view on the sexual experience itself. I think that this alone (Porn and TV and youtube) accounts for the main reason why men today are so inhibited, anti-social, and anxious when it comes to sexual interaction as well as social interaction: we are used to watching other people do everything stimulating and watch from afar - not a good strategy for intimacy

 

[Collden]

The best evidence against porn as main cause is observing Nofap/Noporn communities. The vast majority of lonely porn-obsessed men who stumble upon this and decide to give up porn do not subsequently become unstoppable alphas bedding women from left to right. For many its a necessary wake-up call to stop escaping from their problems and start the long journey of working on their mental issues, but just giving up porn by itself doesn't fix a person, it may just be a pre-condition necessary for people to start working on themselves.

 

[ecstatichamster]

The best evidence against porn as main cause is observing Nofap/Noporn communities. The vast majority of lonely porn-obsessed men who stumble upon this and decide to give up porn do not subsequently become unstoppable alphas bedding women from left to right. For many its a necessary wake-up call to stop escaping from their problems and start the long journey of working on their mental issues, but just giving up porn by itself doesn't fix a person, it may just be a pre-condition necessary for people to start working on themselves.

Incorrect.

I think there is a period when the brain wires deep neural furrows around sex. Sex has the most hormonal support of any activity. Hormones + experiences wire the brain deeply early on, around late childhood and adolescence.

The majority of nofap men are young. Their brains wired to porn. They are screwed. It is very, very difficult to free yourself because that wiring is so deep. It is possible but difficult and most men will never do it.

Of COURSE along with this wiring-to-porn is going to be the results of a stunted and screwed up sex drive. Men normally, meaning without porn, will be driven to achieve material and financial success in life, to seek their fortune as they put it in the old days.

These wired-to-porn men don’t do that because they lack that sex drive.

It is a huge mess and please, just because you may use porn and not suffer problems from it, don’t think that others don’t have the problem. They do and it is a huge one. I totally disagree that it is not a huge problem and that it is more than porn. It starts with a poorly sublimated sex drive, and it ends up being a huge mess.

 

[somuch4food]

The best evidence against porn as main cause is observing Nofap/Noporn communities. The vast majority of lonely porn-obsessed men who stumble upon this and decide to give up porn do not subsequently become unstoppable alphas bedding women from left to right. For many its a necessary wake-up call to stop escaping from their problems and start the long journey of working on their mental issues, but just giving up porn by itself doesn't fix a person, it may just be a pre-condition necessary for people to start working on themselves.

It's not just porn that can be use to escape problems. Many passive hobbies can have the same detrimental effects: watching TV, playing video games, reading novels... It's the obsessive behavior and lack of real life actions, that's problematic. You get emotions and can feel good/alive while "enjoying" the hobby, but you need it, or you feel empty/bored.

I was there alternating hobbies to feel the voids and keep life interesting. I still have this problem, but I'm aware of it and I can see that it's worse when my metabolism is more sluggish.

 

[Luann]

I want to add an alternative to the biological explanation and say that people have forgotten how to be polite.

You don't have to have high temps or a great metabolism to be polite, and basic social skills are important for our wellbeing (I read a study about it this morning.) When my social skills were worse, I could begin the day in a good mood but I had a tough time relating to others and would feel stressed and irritable by afternoon. Without expressing it socially, the happiness kind of dies.

If they're not sending basic signals of good will toward others then it's no surprise that young people experience a decrease in intimate relationships.

I liked the responses other people posted too and agree with a lot of them.

 

[MatheusPN]

While its effects on hormones are the same as that of regular sex, binging on porn certainly worsens dopaminergic function. Porn use that is not considered "binging" is certainly less damaging or depending on the amount watched maybe not damaging at all (in terms of downregulating dopamine receptors). Though complete sexual abstinence itself does have unique benefits. One of which is increasing one's interest in sex and women in general. A man that does not pmo and is not sexually satisfied will more often than not pursue women more than a sexually satisfied man. I do not claim that porn is inherently evil or anything but it does damage individuals and modern culture in its own way. Partially because many young people become addicted to it and don't use it in "moderation". Though I think the nature of porn is inherently addicting as it downregulates dopamine receptors which makes less rewarding tasks more mundane and porn more entertaining by comparison. Its a positive feedback loop.

Quick answer, you will see I mostly agree with you... The differences are clear

Certainly, sex with a real woman comparing to masturbation, is much more variable and can be extremely fascinating, above all, how more capable you is, how more healthy you is, the better it is
So hormonally? Different effects

Again, what kind of porn you choose, how often and when or why you want to use it, reflects your state, moderately or even more

You: "I do not claim that porn is inherently evil or anything but it does damage individuals and modern culture in its own way. Partially because many young people become addicted to it and don't use it in "moderation". "
I partially agree... And the rest is directed to everyone

Think, how someone during a healthy and regularly healthy state, can use porn so that it becomes something not good to her?
Or rather, how a nude or sensual woman is not something good to a healthy and smart heterosexual man?
Yes she can use him, but then...
You know how to use it? It will be usefully positive

If porn or masturbation, is everytime a bad thing, then being a monogamous guy is a difficult or a bad thing

 

[Gone Peating]

Quick answer, you will see I mostly agree with you... The differences are clear

Certainly, sex with a real woman comparing to masturbation, is much more variable and can be extremely fascinating, above all, how more capable you is, how more healthy you is, the better it is
So hormonally? Different effects

Again, what kind of porn you choose, how often and when or why you want to use it, reflects your state, moderately or even more

You: "I do not claim that porn is inherently evil or anything but it does damage individuals and modern culture in its own way. Partially because many young people become addicted to it and don't use it in "moderation". "
I partially agree... And the rest is directed to everyone

Think, how someone during a healthy and regularly healthy state, can use porn so that it becomes something not good to her?
Or rather, how a nude or sensual woman is not something good to a healthy and smart heterosexual man?
Yes she can use him, but then...
You know how to use it? It will be usefully positive

If porn or masturbation, is everytime a bad thing, then being a monogamous guy is a difficult or a bad thing

The middle of two extremes is not always the correct position

The middle of two extremes is always right! - It's an oxymoron

 

[MatheusPN]

The middle of two extremes is not always the correct position

The middle of two extremes is always right! - It's an oxymoron

I see... One extreme can be right. Well, where is the right middle of extremes here, someone?