Penis Size

OP
J

Jing

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Does she care? Maybe you need to hear more validation from her that you please her. Focusing more on how you enrich her life rather than on how she doesn’t orgasm with you could help. Emphasize the positives and making it the sole seat of significance
She says it doesn't matter because she loves me but it's still depressing to me because everytime we have sex I'm just reminded it would be better if I was bigger. I already do focus on all the other stuff.
 
OP
J

Jing

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But there are a lot of women that can set orgasm with this size, It depende on more things but with this regular size a lot of women can orgasm..
But my girlfriend can only orgasm with a big **** so this doesn't help my situation.
 

AnonE

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Hey I think we had a bit of a breakthrough on the previous page of this thread.

We've learned that OP has been with his partner for 13 years, has never made her orgasm, and she's told him that she's orgasmed with a bigger **** before. (if I read that all right.) Holy ***t.

OK dude, that is ****88! Seriously, I'm sorry to hear that. I would feel bad about myself too if I were in your shoes, my sympathies.

We live in parallel universes with the same **** size. You've got your experience and mindset, and me mine. As I mentioned previously I've been around a lot, had great experiences with women, and don't care at all about my size, I actually think it's great and quite like my member lol.

Confidence, self-esteem, acceptance - whatever you want to call it - is built through positive feedback and experiences. We aren't monks and can magically 'think' our way to happiness and self-esteem. When I was late-teens and early-20s I didn't have it at all, kind of crazy to think about. Fast forward after a decade of living life and building up positive experiences and memories - especially with women - and that all changed. Your brain needs to see you

Since penis surgery is a dumb idea, OP, I hope you can see that the other solution to this is to increase confidence, self-esteem, and self-acceptance. This can be through more positive experience with women, and re-framing your own success so far, in order to improve your self-image. Now given that you're married or whatever, I can't ethically tell you to seek out experiences with other women, but outside of therapy for this particular issue, that would be an interesting idea.

The other thing to think about, is re-framing. You're not happy about a missing piece of sexual chemistry with your partner. But that's one aspect of your relationship. Your partner chose you to be her man, spend the most time of her youth with you (when she is highest value), give you the most sex, the most commitment, time, energy, etc. So out of all the possible men she could have chosen, you were the best, you were #1, all things considered. Hopefully you can take some solace in this fact, and from there perhaps come up with a plan to improve that sexual chemistry. There are actual couples counselors for this type of thing as well, if you're willing to do some research and be open-minded.

Anyways, thought I was out of anything worth saying, as it seemed like beating a dead horse, but after reading the previous page of the thread I couldn't help but post. Hopefully something in here could be helpful and worth considering.
 

Runenight201

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I was gonna say couples therapy or sex therapy. Either he gets her to orgasm (sex therapy) or learns to live with it (couples therapy)
 

AnonE

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Or leaves, quite frankly. I don't like being negative, but I can't imagine being in a situation that has me feeling low-esteem constantly. Very few things are worth that.

If the chemistry can't be made right and there's a mismatch that makes one partner feel like crap, then that's not a very good relationship.
 

Runenight201

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I think he should exhaust the therapy options before choosing to leave. It’s also a little unfair to his woman. I mean she’s even told him she loves him and doesn’t mind, and leaving would be pretty selfish. It’d be one thing if she’s constantly telling him he’s not good enough, but I don’t think that’s the case here.
 

AnonE

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Yep I'm with you. All of these things make far more sense than obsessing over penis size. Maybe it's a convenient cope to avoid doing more uncomfortable things... Totally understandable though tbh. Not a fun situation.
 
OP
J

Jing

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Hey I think we had a bit of a breakthrough on the previous page of this thread.

We've learned that OP has been with his partner for 13 years, has never made her orgasm, and she's told him that she's orgasmed with a bigger **** before. (if I read that all right.) Holy ***t.

OK dude, that is ****88! Seriously, I'm sorry to hear that. I would feel bad about myself too if I were in your shoes, my sympathies.

We live in parallel universes with the same **** size. You've got your experience and mindset, and me mine. As I mentioned previously I've been around a lot, had great experiences with women, and don't care at all about my size, I actually think it's great and quite like my member lol.

Confidence, self-esteem, acceptance - whatever you want to call it - is built through positive feedback and experiences. We aren't monks and can magically 'think' our way to happiness and self-esteem. When I was late-teens and early-20s I didn't have it at all, kind of crazy to think about. Fast forward after a decade of living life and building up positive experiences and memories - especially with women - and that all changed. Your brain needs to see you

Since penis surgery is a dumb idea, OP, I hope you can see that the other solution to this is to increase confidence, self-esteem, and self-acceptance. This can be through more positive experience with women, and re-framing your own success so far, in order to improve your self-image. Now given that you're married or whatever, I can't ethically tell you to seek out experiences with other women, but outside of therapy for this particular issue, that would be an interesting idea.

The other thing to think about, is re-framing. You're not happy about a missing piece of sexual chemistry with your partner. But that's one aspect of your relationship. Your partner chose you to be her man, spend the most time of her youth with you (when she is highest value), give you the most sex, the most commitment, time, energy, etc. So out of all the possible men she could have chosen, you were the best, you were #1, all things considered. Hopefully you can take some solace in this fact, and from there perhaps come up with a plan to improve that sexual chemistry. There are actual couples counselors for this type of thing as well, if you're willing to do some research and be open-minded.

Anyways, thought I was out of anything worth saying, as it seemed like beating a dead horse, but after reading the previous page of the thread I couldn't help but post. Hopefully something in here could be helpful and worth considering.
How would couples therapy help? That ain't going to make me be able to make her orgasm thorugh sex... your just not getting that I want to make her orgasm through penetration and give her that full feeling and deep penetration..
 

Runenight201

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Sex therapy could help with that.

Couples therapy would help you learn to live with the fact that she can’t orgasm with you, if that ends up truly being the case. Which I don’t think it is. An orgasm is as much in the mind as it is in the body.
 
OP
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Jing

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Sex therapy could help with that.

Couples therapy would help you learn to live with the fact that she can’t orgasm with you, if that ends up truly being the case. Which I don’t think it is. An orgasm is as much in the mind as it is in the body.
How? She can only orgasm from a bigger **** so it's nothing to do with her mind.... but it's not just about an orgasm I want to give her deep penetration and a full feeling, she's has also told me she likes the feel and look of a bigger **** in her hand soo??
 

AnonE

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Can they make it so I can make her orgasm through penetration even though she needs a bigger **** for that?

Honestly I don't know but it seems like it could be worth trying.

What myself and others are trying to say is...

Exhaust all the logical and reasonable options on addressing this lacking aspect of your sexual relationship.

If nothing works, then what we're left with is:

a) try therapy yourself for learning to live with this, gain self-acceptance, etc. Or:

b) leave the relationship, find a different woman (or women) that you'll be more compatible with sexually, gain self-esteem through more experiences, etc.

We're just trying to get you from point A to point B of not being miserable over this, because really there's no reason you should be.
 

Runenight201

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I’m no sex therapist, but honestly dude what do you have to lose. This is a textbook case for a sexual therapist. On the website AnonE posted one of the things they treat is an inability to orgasm.

A woman isn’t going to have an orgasm from a brute who doesn’t know how to handle a woman but has a massive schlong. Imagine him just jamming it in there while she’s dry and not aroused, there is a mental component.
 
OP
J

Jing

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Honestly I don't know but it seems like it could be worth trying.

What myself and others are trying to say is...

Exhaust all the logical and reasonable options on addressing this lacking aspect of your sexual relationship.

If nothing works, then what we're left with is:

a) try therapy yourself for learning to live with this, gain self-acceptance, etc. Or:

b) leave the relationship, find a different woman (or women) that you'll be more compatible with sexually, gain self-esteem through more experiences, etc.

We're just trying to get you from point A to point B of not being miserable over this, because really there's no reason you should be.
Our sexual relationship is really good the only thing lacking is lack of size....

I've tried therapy myself...

Why would I leave when we love each other and everything else in the relationship is perfect and we have kids??
 
OP
J

Jing

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I’m no sex therapist, but honestly dude what do you have to lose. This is a textbook case for a sexual therapist. On the website AnonE posted one of the things they treat is an inability to orgasm.

A woman isn’t going to have an orgasm from a brute who doesn’t know how to handle a woman but has a massive schlong. Imagine him just jamming it in there while she’s dry and not aroused, there is a mental component.
I'd lose money... she doesn‘t have inability to orgasm how many more times do I need to say it?? With me she says it right on the edge but she just can't get there because she needs deeper penetration and the full feeling.
 
OP
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Jing

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You gotta try something
Well couples therapy isn't the thing to try because they will just tell me there's nothing I can do . Like do you have a problem processing information? I've told you several times the issue is my size which my girlfriend has agreed with? You seem to keep telling me it's all in my head ???
 

AnonE

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There's plenty of ideas in this thread, in terms of mindset, practical things to do to try and address the sex issues, etc.

If your relationship is otherwise perfect and you don't want to try anything else - then just live with it. Apparently you've been doing so for 13 years, what's the rest of your life right. Or maybe you can't live with it because it sucks too much, and you leave. Those are options you have. You'll have to be honest with yourself and decide what's best.

You can try to focus on other things - start a business, put another kid in her, do some chicks on the side to raise your self-esteem, whatever.
 
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