Peaty way of dealing with anger, frustration and depression towards life circumstances

[Whichway?]

I know Ray has taught that learned helplessness, serotonin and certain stressors are bad for us.

I've been dealing with difficult life circumstances for the last two decades and a recent shock has sent me into a depressed state.

I've tried prayer consistently for the last two years, to try each day to get in touch with what I should do. However in that two years I have been unable to move the dial one notch in terms of improving my health, personal relationships and work satisfaction. So I don't feel there is any major area where I am doing well and at least take comfort from that.

I often feel angry, and rather than suppress it I am wondering whether I should find a positive outlet for it if I can.

Maybe journalling and writing things down might help?

If you have been through difficult circumstances which have gone on for a long time, what methods have you used to deal with that, that has helped?

 

[LadyRae]

Lots of walking outdoors. Just stroll along. Through a park or country-side is even better.

Best

 

[Momma]

Celebrate what a bad **** you are for enduring two decades of a difficulty. Seriously. Some people crumble after a week and here you stand. Be proud of yourself.
Also, don’t repress your anger. You are angry and it’s ok.

 

[Peachy]

Maybe journalling and writing things down might help?

I’ve benefited from this. I used to do a 3-step journaling exercise.

1) what is happening
2) how I feel
3) it’s ok to feel ___when ____

Seems a little silly but it’s been powerful at times!

 

[GreenPea]

I've previously been in a long term situation where I've felt trapped, helpless and depressed. It's definitely a toxic situation for health. I was angry too - which I found hard to bear - and tried to push this down.
However, with hindsight, I realise that the anger gave me energy to put positive changes in place, so in a way, it was like a secret gift. It took a long time, and the changes were tiny and incremental day to day, but my life and outlook are different now.
Don't know if that's helpful, but I hope you manage to find some resolution. Feeling 'stuck' is debilitating, but you can get to the other side, and your anger may be a clue in this.
Best wishes

 

[yerrag]

I'll continue on and expect the worst, and hope for the best. As you can't change the external, but continue with what's inside you. If you find talking it over with family and friends is pretty useless, do nor fret. It is almost impossible as people for some reason don't realize they are hard of listening but are soft are being heard, so you may find that you end up giving people advice. Practically everyone has his own share of problems, and if they give advice, as far as I know, the advice is useful only if you were that person. Which is, for all intents and purpose, pretty useless.

What worked for me is that I found a counselor, and a counselor that has no commentaries or bias that isboart and parcel of his.being, and who will listen mostly, and ask questions only to guide you to know yourself better. And the better for you to deal with your problems.

For knowing oneself, to me, is the way I can deal with my being and with the circumstances I am handed with.

I didn't realize it then, but when I was intrigued about a Sufi method of knowing oneself, the idea being that one is an imperfect being with god being perfect, I got to studying the Enneagram to understand that I am a product of my fears, and to integrate into being closer to God, I need to know what my fears are and to face them to develop.

I came from a.place of being betrayed by my own flesh and blood, who ironically was doing it out of her religiosity and her being bound by the "Law," from fear which presents itself us love. It wasn't just religious, but cultural aspects intertwined.

One has to understand the human condition, and a lot of it is programmed into us by culture, tradition, and religion.

My journey inadvertently led me to shed a lot of these layers to know myself better and to be able to face life without a lot of dependencies outside of God.

If you have health, why fear having no health insurance? If you understand the God that is in you, why let Facebook and even your church tell you what is within and without the bounds of law?

Just so you know, I don't hate my sister, but I understand why she did it. We are still siblings and I still love her, but I am careful of her. And I wouldn't have asked the questions I deemed most important to my happiness without her providing the stimulus.

 

[Jennifer]

I often feel angry, and rather than suppress it I am wondering whether I should find a positive outlet for it if I can.

Maybe journalling and writing things down might help?

If you have been through difficult circumstances which have gone on for a long time, what methods have you used to deal with that, that has helped?

I’m very sorry for your suffering, @Whichway?. I agree with Momma. You’re one tough cookie! I’ve been through difficult circumstances spanning decades also and experienced my worst nightmare last year, which had me enraged. I believe anger is energy and energy can’t be destroyed only transmuted so I transformed that energy into empowerment. I started training to climb mountains again, dancing like I had never danced before and journaling daily, even while climbing. Having those outlets, three constants in my life that I can always count on to be there as long as I show up, has been transformative. I also was motivated to finally let go of the remaining things in my life that I knew weren’t for my highest good, and I’m actually the happiest I’ve ever been.

 

[Normal Human]

I know Ray has taught that learned helplessness, serotonin and certain stressors are bad for us.

I've been dealing with difficult life circumstances for the last two decades and a recent shock has sent me into a depressed state.

I've tried prayer consistently for the last two years, to try each day to get in touch with what I should do. However in that two years I have been unable to move the dial one notch in terms of improving my health, personal relationships and work satisfaction. So I don't feel there is any major area where I am doing well and at least take comfort from that.

I often feel angry, and rather than suppress it I am wondering whether I should find a positive outlet for it if I can.

Maybe journalling and writing things down might help?

If you have been through difficult circumstances which have gone on for a long time, what methods have you used to deal with that, that has helped?

In the original rat experiments where learned helplessness was induced, it was induced by subjecting the rats to an "inescapable stressor". At the beginning of this exposure, the rats tried to escape (which would have been successful in the the wild), but their attempts were blocked by the experimental design.

Over time, the rats "learned" that their behaviors did not effect the outcome, and therefore resigned to it, leading to the state of "learned helplessness" with all the physiological and psychological problems we know of.

"In one of the studies in which rats had been taught learned helplessness so they would drown in five or six minutes, just being able to see another rat escape would let the informed rat go for days without drowning. Just the recognition that someone else did it can make all the difference."
-Ray Peat

I think modern psychology tries to make people not feel anger, "process the anger", or blame themselves for feeling it, rather than helping people realize it is often a guide that something in our external life is not to our satisfaction.

When I was strongly dealing with a learned helplessness scenario due to extreme work stress in what seemed like a dead end job, the way I got out of it was by making sure I got some sugar and salt and protein every 3 hours (oj, milk, cheese), doing Buteyko Method, taking some small amounts of pregnenolone (<10mg) every day at first, and then after a week or so I only would take it when I felt the benefits of the last dose go away so I would only need a dose every week or so, and, I very slowly made a plan to transition out of the dead end job and open my own business. It took several months from the first step of the plan until the end, but just working on such a radical change energized me, and then with the culmination of the plan the learned helplessness/stress feeling was gone.

I think the basic pro-metabolic substances of T3, CO2, sugar, salt, small infrequen pregnenolone, aspirin, glycine all help reduce the physiological stress enough to let a sliver of hope for a different future seep in, so that small consistent steps can be taken toward getting there.

 

[Jackson Chung]

I was married to a very abusive woman. I made 100k annually and had 450k in savings. She used this against me as she had nothing and refused to work. From 2018 - 2020 I took her abuse and it was horrific. I worked 40 hours a week and she made me do another 30-40 hours a week for things like housework, grocery shopping and more. She controlled when I woke up/slept, prevented me from seeing my family or helping them and if I went out of line she did not let me sleep or threatned divorce. She was a monster but seemed small and innocent, if she called the police they would believe her. A Domestic Violence charge could cost me my job and lots of money to defend. In 2020 I made an escape plan. Here is what I did:

1. I documented her abuse every day in an email I sent to myself
2. I took any photos/screenshots of evidence I could find
3. I made excuses (working late) to stay outside and plan my escape
4. I learned the law and was ready to fight her in court myself (remember lawyers are expensive and since she made no money I'd have to pay for her lawyer)
5. 6 months later I had a recorder running on me at all times to prove I wasn't lying
6. The judges are crooked, I was not going to let them destroy me. So I did research on how to keep them honest
7. 1 year later I was ready

I left her and told her all the evidence I had, the result:

1. She settled for $15k and her stuff back

She still wants me back.

I don't think I could have done this without Ray. I lived on OJ/milk for 2/3 of my meals (she cooked once). I kept my calm when faced with her insults and shouting in my face for what seemed like hours. Only thinking I will one day leave this place.

It was hell on earth, but if I can do it anyone can. I faced a monster (the state and her) and stood to lose at least $200k of my life savings and won.

 

[Elie]

Lots of great suggestions here.
Have you tried counselling?
check kylecease.com he has several recorded counselling sessions that people find they can relate to and find answers about the underworkings of what troubles them.
Look into the spiritual concepts associated with the I am meditation.
A bioenergetic model of physical health also gives you the strength to withstand mental and cognitive challenges (lowering the odds of slipping into depression and anxiety).

 

[Elie]

I was married to a very abusive woman. I made 100k annually and had 450k in savings. She used this against me as she had nothing and refused to work. From 2018 - 2020 I took her abuse and it was horrific. I worked 40 hours a week and she made me do another 30-40 hours a week for things like housework, grocery shopping and more. She controlled when I woke up/slept, prevented me from seeing my family or helping them and if I went out of line she did not let me sleep or threatned divorce. She was a monster but seemed small and innocent, if she called the police they would believe her. A Domestic Violence charge could cost me my job and lots of money to defend. In 2020 I made an escape plan. Here is what I did:

1. I documented her abuse every day in an email I sent to myself
2. I took any photos/screenshots of evidence I could find
3. I made excuses (working late) to stay outside and plan my escape
4. I learned the law and was ready to fight her in court myself (remember lawyers are expensive and since she made no money I'd have to pay for her lawyer)
5. 6 months later I had a recorder running on me at all times to prove I wasn't lying
6. The judges are crooked, I was not going to let them destroy me. So I did research on how to keep them honest
7. 1 year later I was ready

I left her and told her all the evidence I had, the result:

1. She settled for $15k and her stuff back

She still wants me back.

I don't think I could have done this without Ray. I lived on OJ/milk for 2/3 of my meals (she cooked once). I kept my calm when faced with her insults and shouting in my face for what seemed like hours. Only thinking I will one day leave this place.

It was hell on earth, but if I can do it anyone can. I faced a monster (the state and her) and stood to lose at least $200k of my life savings and won.

From my experience, it takes two to tango, and we generally attract certain people into our lives to learn lessons about ourselves.
Having said that, what you did is impressive. Being able to step outside of the situation and act proactively this way takes a great deal of maturity.

 

[HeyThere]

What has gotten me through my past 10 years is walking. Just walking, and yes around nature is best. Then I started listening to music w/ headphones on my walks.. my favorite bands, this felt like elation to listen to my passions while walking outside. Unfortunately, this recent 3 year hell has me also listening to the news on my walks, but at least I am moving. Sometimes I just walk in peace and listen to what is around me. Walking for 10 years I have to mix it up.

And as my "esp", or whatever you want to call it goes, these past 2 weeks this song and it's repeated line has been going through my mind and viola, here it is mentioned more than once in this thread. This always happens to me! ha. And I believe anger IS an energy.. you just have to channel it wisely and ethically. It can be a fed up boost you need to get sh*t done. And if you're stuck and can't fix stuff (been living it) then WALK.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPj-8_wOZcA

 

[akgrrrl]

You have been on this forum a long time, and now, a wonderful cross section of wisdom from your compadres.
Fortifying yourself with Peaty diet principles, deliberate and strong physical activity (Walking in nature!),
And absolutely addressing the actual location and situation of your life circumstances that create the cycle you are in 20years now.
It IS scary.
Many of us have leaped off of a cliff into the unknown, and not made it, its true. Thats when hitting bottom creates a completely different set of circumstances but achieves the same thing. Planning that leap can create a flicker of hope that snowballs into your next right action. And the next, and the next...
I know a woman who gave up her home, her husband, relationships with friends, and all ties with her adult children. She left without so much as a vehicle. She took a bus to a different state, then with a driver taking clients from airports to dude ranch. Without job opening or offer, she offered her work ethic and general skillset. She started doing everything from mucking stalls, food prep and serving, laundry and housekeeping, tack maintenance, firewood process, gardening and groundskeeping.
4 months later, she sent us all an email with pictures.
Trim and looking absolutely vibrant, she wrote a long letter how her high happiness was unequal to any other time of her life.
Of note, that she began to see the difference between the clients coming TO the ranch, and their demeanor afterwards. That the difference in having relationships with the workers and owners who were grounded in their shared work goals---they, who ate clean meat/ eggs/cheese/local veggies, who did not carry cellphones, who drank pure wellwater and took no synthetic drugs. Her description of her work and developing relationships with the horses revealed a deep love and nearly mystical connection to the land she had obviously fully embraced. Her email close was to appreciate us all as having been a part of her path, but that she had no intention of returning.
For you, I agree with other members, in that you have maintained a long struggle that has prepared you for your next step. You know what did or did not work. Only you can make the next choices that manifest something OTHER than what you already know are dead ends. Pay attention, to the souls who have replied to you here----we know exactly what you mean, and we are pulling for you.

 

[Peatress]

What a beautiful post @akgrrrl

@Whichway? Find a way to express your anger, at the same time find a way to move through it. Anger can be useful especially if you are creative. Walking in nature is good but not always possible if you are in poor health. I think the hardest part of overcoming is that we always move the goal posts. I achieved somethings in my life that I didn't think were possible and now I am faced with a new hurdle I've forgotten to celebrate those achievements. Don't be too hard on yourself - make sure your goals are yours and not other people's goals for you. Wishing you courage.

 

[CoconutEffect]

Ibogaine

 

[Whichway?]

Thank you everyone for the time taken and detail in the replies. It’s given me several paths to explore to try to heal my broken-ness.

 

[Herbie]

I deal with anger by being angry and expressing anger without breaking the law. So not hitting people with blunt objects or running them down in my car etc.

I would prevent anger by eating enough, frequently enough and clean enough to be more resilient and less reactive. Taking things to lower stress like progesterone, 6ketop4, aspirin, cyproheptadine.

I used to think I wish I could be as non chalant as Ray but I'm working a physical job/challenging job as well as the controller of teenage men who are like wild animals who expect me to have the virtues of a god not free at home reading, painting, thinking and emailing people.

The things that really make me angry are mainstream news, politicians, government, authority, weakness, pathetic people and the general direction this is all heading.

 

[JamesGatz]

HONESTLY best way is to listen to someone with a life MORE HORRIBLE than yours - thats the best way to feel better

For example I saw a kid on this forum who got JABBED because his mom threatening to kick him out of the house thats SO FUNNY TO ME

Meanwhile im here AT MY HOUSE barking at my mom that shes going to get KICKED OUT if she buys me the wrong milk again

Just joking - but yea honestly, Talking to a HOMELESS PERSON always makes me feel better because im like damn, My life is BETTER than I thought it was

 

[yerrag]

No.

Something that works should apply to all.

If you're at the lowest of that totem pole, you cant use that. And when people are down and out, that's not gonna help.

Happiness is not dependent on other people being more miserable than you.

 

[Jackson Chung]

From my experience, it takes two to tango, and we generally attract certain people into our lives to learn lessons about ourselves.
Having said that, what you did is impressive. Being able to step outside of the situation and act proactively this way takes a great deal of maturity.

Thank you! I do believe that is true. But I don't know what I did wrong, she only realized what she lost when I left.

That being said, it was not easy. Even on a Ray Peat diet, today I am burned out. Even after having left her for over 1 year, I still have not recovered.

I used to be a go getter. I would work out and work hard at work. Now I strive to be an average performer.

She taught me that hard work gets you nowhere. I lost several promotions at work and 2 years of my life.

I used to be good looking, even in my photos I take I see I look tired and aged. I hope my looks come back. I need to find another woman (which isn't easy in this day and age as I'm an "anti-vaxxer" and being vegetarian makes it even harder).