Overwhelmed And Underwhelmed By Life. Simultaneously

[Prosper]

How do you spend your days right now Prosper?

Naps, crossword puzzles, walks in the city and the nature, playing guitar and piano, staring at the wall. I'm unemployed. Not having an excessive amount of unscheduled time to think things like this would of course help, but as a solution having a job is closer to a distraction than a cure... I don't know what kind of "cure" I'm even looking for, or whether I have a real problem in the first place. To answer your earlier question, I'm not partaking in any activity that could be considered societally meaningful. I don't care much for the society or other people. This may or may not be a part of the issue.

I think this is great.
It clearly doesn't feel great, but asking this...searching...not settling...not numbing....not distracting....not reasoning... but wrestling.
Seems like you have resisted for sometime now?
To me, it takes more faith to believe in nothing than to believe in something.

Ask God to show you.
I believe He will.

For the past year I've been begging God to give me something that I can hold onto. I've been asking him to do with me what he pleases and to use me as his instrument if he so desires. Not as crudely, but that's the general idea. I've tried to feel those words as I say them and truly mean them. While I don't think this has achieved much, it has led me to ponder what can and can not be viewed as a sign from a god. Will you intuitively feel "this is it", or will you have to rationalize "well this was a coincidence, it could have religious significance"? It seems so intellectually troublesome. How will I know I'm not tricking myself? The minute I'm open to interpreting anything as a sign from God is the minute I'm risking entering severe delusion. I fear that once I'm convinced of God's existence I will become a hardline fundamentalist, because that is the most integrous and rational thing to do.

I was horribly anxious, paranoid and empty for many months. I was certain that my soul had been destroyed or something. Felt like I didn't have any identity. I felt super awake and clear, but in a bad way. I felt the presence of chaos and of evil.

Yes, that hits close to home. What kind of steps did your road to "recovery" include, other than becoming a temporary Christian?

Sorry to say that happiness remains an "uninspired banality," and if you disagree, maybe you should hang out with some behaviorist psychologists and see how far that gets you.

It is, in the absence of additional context. You're not saying much else than "be happy or get help". Of course, I can agree with that sentiment. But it's not the kind of insight I'm seeking today. For now, this thread IS the "get help" step.

 

[damngoodcoffee]

Yes, that hits close to home. What kind of steps did your road to "recovery" include, other than becoming a temporary Christian?

I went to school. I had been just living on welfare for a few years and I thought I have to anchor myself to day-to-day life. It wasn't easy but I think it helped. I fell in love to a girl who became my girlfriend. Her love helped me. Also I think this whole "Peating"-thing has been important to me.
Oh yeah and staying away from drugs and alcohol. That was something I just knew I had to do. Nowadays I can enjoy some wine with no worries. :)

 

[cyclops]

Naps, crossword puzzles, walks in the city and the nature, playing guitar and piano, staring at the wall. I'm unemployed. Not having an excessive amount of unscheduled time to think things like this would of course help, but as a solution having a job is closer to a distraction than a cure... I don't know what kind of "cure" I'm even looking for, or whether I have a real problem in the first place. To answer your earlier question, I'm not partaking in any activity that could be considered societally meaningful. I don't care much for the society or other people. This may or may not be a part of the issue.

Dude, this is a huge part of your problem.

 

[Constatine]

Try to connect to nature. If you can spend a week camping or go on a several day hike. It really seems to take us out of our heads and into a realm of pure awareness.

 

[ilikecats]

@Prosper what are your temps and pulse like? (does that question frustrate you? lol) Everyones gonna say get a job and thats legit but if you were in a good physiological state you shouldn't need to be distracted by work bs 24/7 to feel all right. Over analysis is a symptom of high serotonin. I think it makes people uncomfortable to realize that most of their mental problems are do to certain physiological defects.

 

[lampofred]

Hate to sound reductionist, but whenever I feel like this (low clarity, paralyzed by too many options, not knowing what to do), I find I'm in a high serotonin/low dopamine state. Caffeine/aspirin/very mild doses of amphetamines (I'm prescribed)/bag breathing help me get out of the rut and find clarity.

I still have trouble maintaining this clarity 24/7 though. What I mentioned above works only temporarily for me.

Basically you just need to be inspired by life again.

 

[cyclops]

very mild doses of amphetamines

like what?

 

[lampofred]

like what?

30 mg vyvanse as long as I'm very well fed and am not running on stress hormones gives me clarity on what I need to do to in my life in the short-term. Although I'm sure something like LSD will be much better for this purpose in the long-term.

 

[ilikecats]

nice peterson plug btw lol. People push his BS so hard here. Heres an excerpt from the website @theLaw posted wheree peterson wants you to pay 30 plus dollars for his "self authoring program" : "This is of vital importance, because uncertainty triggers emergency mental and bodily responses, particularly through the action of the stress hormone cortisol, and chronic cortisol overproduction can increase the risk of cancer, heart disease, obesity, anxiety, depression and infection. Such overproduction is a major cause of mental degeneration, as well, and contributes to rapid aging". I wonder how petersons cortisol levels are doing on that low carb paleo diet he's doing lol. Gotta get rid of that uncertainty!

 

[lampofred]

nice peterson plug btw lol. People push his BS so hard here. Heres an excerpt from the website @theLaw posted wheree peterson wants you to pay 30 plus dollars for his "self authoring program" : "This is of vital importance, because uncertainty triggers emergency mental and bodily responses, particularly through the action of the stress hormone cortisol, and chronic cortisol overproduction can increase the risk of cancer, heart disease, obesity, anxiety, depression and infection. Such overproduction is a major cause of mental degeneration, as well, and contributes to rapid aging". I wonder how petersons cortisol levels are doing on that low carb paleo diet he's doing lol. Gotta get rid of that uncertainty!

I actually think your mind plays a big part in regulating cortisol levels. That's why mindfulness is so helpful in lowering stress hormones.

 

[Prosper]

I went to school. I had been just living on welfare for a few years and I thought I have to anchor myself to day-to-day life. It wasn't easy but I think it helped. I fell in love to a girl who became my girlfriend. Her love helped me. Also I think this whole "Peating"-thing has been important to me.
Oh yeah and staying away from drugs and alcohol. That was something I just knew I had to do. Nowadays I can enjoy some wine with no worries. :)

Glad you're doing better

Dude, this is a huge part of your problem. Forget "society", how do you feed yourself?

A potato farm in the middle of nowhere would be ideal. Living a short but concretely meaningful life within a pre-civilizational tribe takes the second place. Large post-modernist society within which nothing is sacred and living is nauseatingly convenient is cancerous, inhumane and brings out the worst side of everyone involved.

@Prosper what are your temps and pulse like? (does that question frustrate you? lol) Everyones gonna say get a job and thats legit but if you were in a good physiological state you shouldn't need to be distracted by work bs 24/7 to feel all right. Over analysis is a symptom of high serotonin. I think it makes people uncomfortable to realize that most of their mental problems are do to certain physiological defects.

Crude estimate: 97.7f/36.5c 70bpm. I should start measuring more often. When I was younger temps averaged at 96.8f/36c

Hate to sound reductionist, but whenever I feel like this (low clarity, paralyzed by too many options, not knowing what to do), I find I'm in a high serotonin/low dopamine state. Caffeine/aspirin/very mild doses of amphetamines (I'm prescribed)/bag breathing help me get out of the rut and find clarity.

I still have trouble maintaining this clarity 24/7 though. What I mentioned above works only temporarily for me.

Basically you just need to be inspired by life again.

Same,the occassional cup of coffee can increase my outlook almost to the point of hypomania, but prolonged use always leaves me worse off.

 

[cyclops]

A potato farm in the middle of nowhere would be ideal. Living a short but concretely meaningful life within a pre-civilizational tribe takes the second place. Large post-modernist society within which nothing is sacred and living is nauseatingly convenient, it's cancerous, inhumane and brings out the worst side of everyone involved.

Maybe the past wasn't as great as you romanticize it to be.

And you can make your potato farm dream a reality...go do it, and be prepared for some hard work.

If your nauseated by the convenience of modern society why does your current lifestyle seem so convenient?

 

[marcar72]

For the past year I've been begging God to give me something that I can hold onto. I've been asking him to do with me what he pleases and to use me as his instrument if he so desires. Not as crudely, but that's the general idea. I've tried to feel those words as I say them and truly mean them. While I don't think this has achieved much, it has led me to ponder what can and can not be viewed as a sign from a god. Will you intuitively feel "this is it", or will you have to rationalize "well this was a coincidence, it could have religious significance"? It seems so intellectually troublesome. How will I know I'm not tricking myself? The minute I'm open to interpreting anything as a sign from God is the minute I'm risking entering severe delusion. I fear that once I'm convinced of God's existence I will become a hardline fundamentalist, because that is the most integrous and rational thing to do.

Jesus himself said a wicked and adulterous generation seeks a sign. So you're good to not be seeking them out.

Jesus also said that He's the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father but by Him.

Biblically speaking, God doesn't hear the prayers of a sinner. You'll find that throughout the whole Bible. In the Old Testament the blood of animal sacrifices had to be offered through the High Priest for the remission of sins. This was also a foreshadowing of the sacrifice Jesus offered once and for all to those who believe. His sacrifice covers all sin: past, present, and future.

So the Christian viewpoint is that one has to accept Jesus Christ as their Savior in order to have any fellowship with God. (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit) Once one believes in their heart that Jesus died, was buried, and rose three days later as an appropriation for their sins that person is sealed with the Holy Spirit. (saved) Then one can have fellowship with God, the quality of there which depends on ones obedience to God.

Brother Breaker here Robert Breaker is a good Bible teacher who rightly divides the Word of God. If you got all that time on your hands, why not watch some of his videos and I pray you come to a saving knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

 

[Frankdee20]

I know it is in my head, but I also acknowledge that they are potentially significant and legitimate concerns. For the sake of example, let's take Christianity, which teaches that one can live a 100% good life, yet suffer in afterlife if he fails to accept Jesus as his savior. This is only one perspective. Someone else might think that belief in Christian God is soul-destroying blasphemy. Then there is the rational man who sees both beliefs as irrational and therefore false. None of these perspectives can be embraced with full confidence without falling to self-righteous delusion. One can only gravitate towards one of them according to how they feel. What if you feel nothing? Should you just move on? Should you try harder? Who determines either to be a reasonable choice?

It seems that living for the moment is the only truly authentic thing anyone can do. But what if it is not enough? What if it is, in some indefinable way, a detrimentally wrong attitude? I may be relatively fine now, but it is fully possible that being existentially carefree in the present moment will lead to yet undetermined horrible consequences later on. If life is a test, then just about anything could be tested. If life is not a test, then it is something else. What is that? I don't know what is more terrifying, that existence has an objective purpose or that it has not. I'd rather exist in a limbo where neither is true.

If anyone has the courage on this forum to tread down the rabbit hole, it’s me. Feel free to chop it up, I’ve surpassed existential dread. Most people never tread down that plane, this is why I have no true connection with others, they live life on the pragmatic plane, but have you danced with the devil ? I learned a few steps brother

 

[Dhair]

Naps, crossword puzzles, walks in the city and the nature, playing guitar and piano, staring at the wall. I'm unemployed. Not having an excessive amount of unscheduled time to think things like this would of course help, but as a solution having a job is closer to a distraction than a cure... I don't know what kind of "cure" I'm even looking for, or whether I have a real problem in the first place. To answer your earlier question, I'm not partaking in any activity that could be considered societally meaningful. I don't care much for the society or other people. This may or may not be a part of the issue.


For the past year I've been begging God to give me something that I can hold onto. I've been asking him to do with me what he pleases and to use me as his instrument if he so desires. Not as crudely, but that's the general idea. I've tried to feel those words as I say them and truly mean them. While I don't think this has achieved much, it has led me to ponder what can and can not be viewed as a sign from a god. Will you intuitively feel "this is it", or will you have to rationalize "well this was a coincidence, it could have religious significance"? It seems so intellectually troublesome. How will I know I'm not tricking myself? The minute I'm open to interpreting anything as a sign from God is the minute I'm risking entering severe delusion. I fear that once I'm convinced of God's existence I will become a hardline fundamentalist, because that is the most integrous and rational thing to do.



Yes, that hits close to home. What kind of steps did your road to "recovery" include, other than becoming a temporary Christian?


It is, in the absence of additional context. You're not saying much else than "be happy or get help". Of course, I can agree with that sentiment. But it's not the kind of insight I'm seeking today. For now, this thread IS the "get help" step.

Dave is right. Rumination is a textbook sign of high serotonin. I understand that you may feel like you don't ruminate or have excessively verbal thought patterns, but your own description of your behavior suggests otherwise. You should have labs done. You sound depressed.

 

[InChristAlone]

I have had existential crises in the past few yrs and have felt more awake than ever but also more freaked out than ever. But each step seems to bring me closer to the solid belief that we are all connected and we refuse to admit it. Or let people get too close due to fear of finding out our own imperfections or things we need to resolve.

I find peace in the The Three Principles. I used to be a Christian but I could hardly call myself that now due to the connotations. I think Jesus is amazing, but I cannot follow that religion as it is practiced. We are all okay in the end there is no burning hell for our sins. If you woke up to who we really are there is no way you can believe in a hell. I believe we are all about unconditional love at our very essence. And there is nothing that can completely take it away. Maybe cloud it.

Anyway, I can understand where you are coming from. I have had rumination as well. Doing a vitamin C flush seems to help. Could be a gut bacteria. I also take cyproheptadine for my serotonin problems.

 

[paracelsus]

Like most people on this forum, you may be a self-perfectionist. This does alienate you from other people because you're trying not to reflect the parts of them that you don't like. This is highly dissociating, fractured. Just realize that in a lot of ways you can be a failure and still be happy.

It's funny that we consider ever "knowing" religious/existential absolutes. There are no fixed points. The single point and the incidence of all possible points at all possible times are one and the same, I feel some relief about that.

If that wasn't helpful: I felt the same until I got a good job that I enjoy. Making me feel some social acceptance I think. Gratitude for needs temporarily met.

 

[DaveFoster]

Naps, crossword puzzles, walks in the city and the nature, playing guitar and piano, staring at the wall. I'm unemployed. Not having an excessive amount of unscheduled time to think things like this would of course help, but as a solution having a job is closer to a distraction than a cure... I don't know what kind of "cure" I'm even looking for, or whether I have a real problem in the first place. To answer your earlier question, I'm not partaking in any activity that could be considered societally meaningful. I don't care much for the society or other people. This may or may not be a part of the issue.


For the past year I've been begging God to give me something that I can hold onto. I've been asking him to do with me what he pleases and to use me as his instrument if he so desires. Not as crudely, but that's the general idea. I've tried to feel those words as I say them and truly mean them. While I don't think this has achieved much, it has led me to ponder what can and can not be viewed as a sign from a god. Will you intuitively feel "this is it", or will you have to rationalize "well this was a coincidence, it could have religious significance"? It seems so intellectually troublesome. How will I know I'm not tricking myself? The minute I'm open to interpreting anything as a sign from God is the minute I'm risking entering severe delusion. I fear that once I'm convinced of God's existence I will become a hardline fundamentalist, because that is the most integrous and rational thing to do.



Yes, that hits close to home. What kind of steps did your road to "recovery" include, other than becoming a temporary Christian?


It is, in the absence of additional context. You're not saying much else than "be happy or get help". Of course, I can agree with that sentiment. But it's not the kind of insight I'm seeking today. For now, this thread IS the "get help" step.

It's useful to compare periods of stress versus insight. During the recovery phase from extreme stress, such as during a vacation, sabbatical, change of environment, new life circumstance, spiritual experience, nutritional change, or hormonal or supplemental introduction, we enter into a new perspective.

Vacations themselves may be thought of as "energy pooling," which itself activates the orienting reflex and allows the organism to reposition itself with a clearer understanding of its current state and present needs. It's important to capitalize on periods of recovery through an integration of new understandings into the present environment, all to safeguard a future uninterrupted flow of energy.

Androgens promote creativity and outward expression, whereas estrogen enforces harm-avoidance. After an artist reaches 40 years of age, creativity plummets. After 40, the use of adaptogenic substances such as coffee, teas, tobacco and alcohol becomes insufficient to promote youthfulness. Dr. Peat writes about "winter sickness," which he later calls "the pathology of estrogen dominance," or the more colloquial "seasonal affective disorder (SAD)," and it involves symptoms of moodiness, depression, irritability and so on.

@lampofred Thank you.

 

[lampofred]

It's useful to compare periods of stress versus insight. During the recovery phase from extreme stress, such as during a vacation, sabbatical, change of environment, new life circumstance, spiritual experience, nutritional change, or hormonal or supplemental introduction we enter into a new perspective.

Vacations themselves may be thought of as "energy pooling," which itself activates the orienting reflex and allows the organism to reposition itself with a clearer understanding of its current state and present needs. It's important to capitalize on periods of recovery through an integration of new understandings into the present environment, all to safeguard a future uninterrupted flow of energy.

Dr. Peat is that you?

 

[hiconscience]

Maybe the past wasn't as great as you romanticize it to be.

And you can make your potato farm dream a reality...go do it, and be prepared for some hard work.

If your nauseated by the convenience of modern society why does your current lifestyle seem so convenient?

Exactly.
the all so familiar American convenience so many abuse. one must mature sooner or later and stop expecting it to all magically change
Humans need to strive for something.work or produce something...or you'l never find meaning. 10 years? wow that's a long time to never try to think/live differently. you sound like you victimize yourself. never change and it'll never change. you need to join a fight Club and get punched maybe it'll wake you up.
too harsh....sorry
but I have met way to many of you...