For some time now I've been feeling vaguely confused about everything, as if existence was both too much and too little at the same time. I don't know how to interpret the surrounding reality, or what to think of anything. Everything can be explained in numerous rational and irrational ways, none superior than the other. Existential axioms can be swapped with new ones, changing everything and nothing. I can imagine any kind of identity for myself, yet feel familiar in none of them. Sometimes people seem alien to me, like I have descended to study some bizarre lifeform. I understand where I am, but it just doesn't seem familiar or relatable. There is no way to verify whether or not there's an afterlife, or any kind of all-encompassing meta-context for our subjective experiences. I feel like I should believe in something. But at the same time I'm paranoid about believing in the wrong thing. There are an infinite potential ways to earn a metaphysical punishment for breaking the rules of a game you're not even sure exists in the first place. How to determine what is desirable and what is not? Christianity could be a true answer for everything. It could also be a destiny-defining litmus test. Same goes for breeding. Can creating a new experience of awareness without its consent ever be ethical? It could be that life is a test of compassion where the metaphysical winning move is to not pass it along and create more suffering and imperfection. Or, it could be that by not breeding something real is lost. Or, neither could matter at all. How is it reasonable to expect to come upon any kind of agenda for my individual existence when everything seems to be fundamentally up to subjective interpretation? I feel so lost with everything. I'm paralyzed. Unable to to do anything of significance.