Over 3 Months In

[Peata]

I started getting a stuffy nose, then came a bout of explosive diarrhea And it's almost 11 p.m.

I took the other little bit of Cypro so I'm at 1 mg. now. I feel like I need it and maybe it will help me sleep better. Ugh. I suppose this is higher estrogen - serotonin - histamine at this particular time. I should have had my period by now and in fact it began to spot a couple days ago but nothing really since. I think this is an estrogen dominance thing. Used to get this all the time - days of spotting, then one slightly heavier day, then done. I definitely need to get back on the Progest E regularly, or at least luteal phase schedule after this.

Man, guts still rumbling.

 

[Peata]

Had allergy problems this a.m. so I took ".25" mg. Cypro. I tried to divide the tablet best I could. I don't know if that's enough to do anything for allergies, but at least it hasn't made me sleepy. I used to take Benadryl in small amounts (maybe 1/5 tablet) to have some allergy help but not make me sleepy during day. I guess I'll see if this can work at such a tiny dose of Cypro. So far so good.

 

[Peata]

After a false start last week, my period came on yesterday. I've had cramps off and on, nothing where I feel I must take something for it.

Acne has been getting a little worse - a few active spots on my face and one was painful. I am going to order more Progest E tonight.

I don't really take the Activated Charcoal anymore. I will still take it some and will work out a way at some other time, but I'm not focused on it anymore right now.

Sleep - despite taking the small amount of Cypro at night and getting sleepy, I'm still staying up too late and sleeping in too late these days. I want to turn that around again where I wake up earlier, refreshed.

Digestion is doing a little better. Still having some diarrhea everyday, but not on the level that I was.

Bloat went away on Friday, August 22 when I stopped drinking cups of milk, and it has not returned.

 

[Peata]

Also my waist went down two inches - it's at 32" now. Bust and hips are the same since I started measuring a couple weeks ago. But I've read the waist is a marker for health, so I'm encouraged.

 

[Peata]

For some reason I started to bloat up again Tues. evening. I don't know that I ate or drank anything or amounts different than usual. I took 6 AC and that seemed to help a little as the evening went on. But it was disheartening after the success I'd been enjoying for a couple weeks. Since it didn't seem to be food related, I can only surmise it's a hormone shift. My breasts were swollen too. I took 6 more AC before bed Tues. night. I stayed mildly bloated through yesterday but some of that could have been cortisol or adrenaline from not getting enough sleep Tues. night and then being on the go all day Wed. I do think it has something to do with hormones too because of my breasts being a little swollen and sore, and my overall bad attitude yesterday for no reason. My period stopped yesterday, so it was like experiencing PMS afterward. This has happened to me now and then in the last couple years.

adding: I stopped Cypro yesterday and took only a tiny amount Tues. to give myself a little break from it though I'm not sure if one needs to do that. I started again today with tiny amounts.

Today I am still a couple pounds up on the scale from where I was Tuesday morning, but I feel a lot better mentally/emotionally and physically. My skin even looks better. I guess the hormones have shifted to a progesterone-friendly time for now. I know how this will go - come ovulation it all will go back to whackiness. So it looks like my "Peating" is not solving my Estrogen dominance and that I will need to use Progesterone indefinitely, at least during luteal phase if not all the time. I must stop experimenting so much and just do what works and get on with life. And check again sometime down the road and see if anything has changed/needs adjusted.

 

[Blossom]

I stopped the weighing and measuring regularly a couple months ago and have found it so liberating. It helps me keep the focus on how I really feel. It was strange at first to not weigh myself nearly everyday but it turned out to be a very great thing for me. I never realized how much I let a number effect my life. There was never anything right or wrong about the number anyway. I think for me it was just a needless additional stress. I know about what I weigh and can tell by how my clothes fit all I really need to know. I think backing off the scale and cronometer has helped me to learn to trust myself and the wisdom of my body more. I can always measure myself or my food at anytime but I'm currently choosing not to as often these days and it gives my life more of that relaxing vacation feel.

 

[Peata]

I stopped the weighing and measuring regularly a couple months ago and have found it so liberating. It helps me keep the focus on how I really feel. It was strange at first to not weigh myself nearly everyday but it turned out to be a very great thing for me. I never realized how much I let a number effect my life. There was never anything right or wrong about the number anyway. I think for me it was just a needless additional stress. I know about what I weigh and can tell by how my clothes fit all I really need to know. I think backing off the scale and cronometer has helped me to learn to trust myself and the wisdom of my body more. I can always measure myself or my food at anytime but I'm currently choosing not to as often these days and it gives my life more of that relaxing vacation feel.

Yes, I hope I can take the focus off my weight and get involved in projects I've been putting off for too long. I'm ready to push forward to fulfill my life's dream again.

However, the weight really is an issue for me. I'm over 30# overweight and it's definitely not just about seeing a vanity number on the scale or being a certain size. I could care less about looking "thin", but I barely fit into anything now, and I've feared for my health over the last several months. This isn't just a few healthy pounds overweight, it's fatness that is causing inflammation in my body (or it could be inflammation causing fat). Anyway, I am doing all I can and still barely holding the weight where it is. I'll just have to carry on.

Thanks for the encouragement.

 

[Blossom]

I would go live your dream no matter your size! Wouldn't it have been awful if someone like Peat had held back on his life's work because he thought of himself as 'too skinny' or some nonsense. I think we all have something to contribute and if we spend our time in fulfilling pursuits I'm sure the health benefit is immense. We are often our own worst critic. Go do fabulous things.

 

[Peata]

I like Nik Wallenda's mantra, "Never Give Up".

 

[Peata]

I would go live your dream no matter your size! Wouldn't it have been awful if someone like Peat had held back on his life's work because he thought of himself as 'too skinny' or some nonsense. I think we all have something to contribute and if we spend our time in fulfilling pursuits I'm sure the health benefit is immense. We are often our own worst critic. Go do fabulous things.

Thanks. I'm starting to get myself more involved in things I enjoy, more creativity, more exercise, being a little more "out there" socially. I see good and bad days, but I'm hoping overall it will start to have a real positive effect on me in all areas of life. Besides, it's just enjoyable even if it only affects a person at the time they are doing it. Hopefully it will start to infuse me more often though. Because I have let the world turn me into a cynical being, who has give up on the human race's nature and therefore, humanity's future. But in a way that has also started to free me up to just live until I die. I mean really live.

Sorry if that sounds depressing, it's not meant to be.

 

[Peata]

I think I just mean I'm trying to live in the moment and find joy where I can, and be with people I enjoy, do what I love, that kind of thing.

I still don't know what to make of "the world" where it seems dominated by greed/money and power and the never-changing human nature and where it seems history will repeat until we blow ourselves out of existence.

That's what has dissolved the last of my innocense of youth, it seems just this year. I don't like this and it seems to zap my creativity, playfulness, sense of wonder, etc. Now and then I catch glimpses of that and want to recapture it and keep it. I'm sure it can dwell alongside the realistic person I am (you can't "unlearn" things after all, and I don't want to). It used to dwell with me - I could use right and left brain as needed, being "coldly" realistic but also "sky's the limit" imagination and fun. Anyway, before whatever dragged me down this year - some local tragedy, the horrible winter and isolation, and having some blinders pulled off about someone I thought I knew better...

Well, I guess I had to get that off my chest. Maybe this is a good sign that I wrote such a deeply personal thing.

 

[Blossom]

It sounds insightful and realistic to me. There are tragic things that happen everyday but it seems like you have developed resilience and a sense of purpose. That is beautiful Peata.

 

[Peat's_Girl]

I identify with your struggle! (PCOS, premature skin aging (or paranoia?)) I'll be reading on!

 

[Katty]

Re: post Doctor Visit

I'm happy because I saw a new doctor and he seems easy to work with. He prescribed Cyproheptadine. 4 mg. I just picked up the Rx and it was very cheap thankfully.

Hey Peata, I know this was an older post. But I'm wondering how you got the Dr to prescribe cypro. Did you just tell him you have allergies and you want it? Or did you give him more specific symptoms? I'm thinking about bringing this up to my Dr, but not sure if he'll be up for it.

EDIT: And p.s., sorry for the odd placing of this question. I was searching for key words and didn't read your more recent posts before posting this. Hope you are feeling better about things-- personally, I haven't felt creative or a sense of wonder in a long time.

 

[Swandattur]

Peata, I think you really have to find positive things to think about to counteract the negative. Sounds like you are doing that. :)

 

[Peata]

Re: post Doctor Visit

I'm happy because I saw a new doctor and he seems easy to work with. He prescribed Cyproheptadine. 4 mg. I just picked up the Rx and it was very cheap thankfully.

Hey Peata, I know this was an older post. But I'm wondering how you got the Dr to prescribe cypro. Did you just tell him you have allergies and you want it? Or did you give him more specific symptoms? I'm thinking about bringing this up to my Dr, but not sure if he'll be up for it.

EDIT: And p.s., sorry for the odd placing of this question. I was searching for key words and didn't read your more recent posts before posting this. Hope you are feeling better about things-- personally, I haven't felt creative or a sense of wonder in a long time.

Hi Katty. I went to the doctor partly for allergy issues anyway, so I said something like, "I don't know if you're familiar with it, but years ago, a doctor prescribed me an antihistamine called Cyproheptadine, and I did really well with it. I'd like to take it again. I've tried other things over the counter and prescription, but I'd really like to go back to Cyproheptadine."

Kept talking it up like that.

(It's true that I did have an Rx for it many years ago but that was long before I knew that it was a great drug and I didn't keep taking it.)

 

[Peata]

I think I just mean I'm trying to live in the moment and find joy where I can, and be with people I enjoy, do what I love, that kind of thing.

I still don't know what to make of "the world" where it seems dominated by greed/money and power and the never-changing human nature and where it seems history will repeat until we blow ourselves out of existence.

That's what has dissolved the last of my innocense of youth, it seems just this year. I don't like this and it seems to zap my creativity, playfulness, sense of wonder, etc. Now and then I catch glimpses of that and want to recapture it and keep it. I'm sure it can dwell alongside the realistic person I am (you can't "unlearn" things after all, and I don't want to). It used to dwell with me - I could use right and left brain as needed, being "coldly" realistic but also "sky's the limit" imagination and fun. Anyway, before whatever dragged me down this year - some local tragedy, the horrible winter and isolation, and having some blinders pulled off about someone I thought I knew better...

Well, I guess I had to get that off my chest. Maybe this is a good sign that I wrote such a deeply personal thing.

Wow, I was in a dark place.

 

[Swandattur]

Mood can really shape the way we see things. I've been noticing that in myself, lately.

 

[Peata]

Cypro

I've been feeling much better emotionally/mentally. I think it's the Cyproheptadine. It's very subtle -not a drugged sedated feeling that I don't want nor "high" type thing that I don't want (I want to feel like me, but the best me), but there's definite change for the better.

I started Sept. 24 gradually taking more. At first I'd get very drowsy and feel "hungover" the next day, but now I don't get that even at 3 mg at a time. So I'm developing tolerance to the sleep side effect. I also have not experienced the increase in appetite that its sometimes prescribed for. This would be an unwanted side effect for me.

Anyway since the 24th of Sept I've increased to something like 1 mg. 4x day then another 2 - 4 mg. at night. I am trying to take it to bowel tolerance (in other words, taking enough to prevent my daily diarrhea) but have not reached that goal at 6-8 mg. per day yet.

Maybe it's not serotonin in my gut causing diarrhea but something else.

I'm also not taking enough to apparently arrest all histamine issues. I have developed a nasty chronic cough (chronic bronchitis type of thing that is related to allergies) and sometimes my scalp itches still. So I'll keep messing with dose.

But what I adore about it is, about 2 weeks after taking Cypro on a regular schedule, I noticed an overall calmer self.

I've stopped pulling out hair in my bangs.

Anxiety almost non-existent. Even performing music in front of others was less stressful the other day.

I feel more motivation and am making slow but steady progress on my life dream.

I feel more positive about life, about other people. Things that used to get my hackles up do not even make a blip on my radar now.

Even people that I didn't use to think favorably of sometimes for their actions toward me or something, it just doesn't seem to matter anymore - the past is the past, and the way they act, I feel ... not sorry for them, that's not the right word, but more like understanding and like it's not a big deal. I can interact with them on a level above that where I feel love for them or at least overlooking things and even see how to make them feel better with what I say to them.

All this has been a strange, wonderous experience. I hope it lasts. If it doesn't, I'll go off Cypro to "reset" and go back on again after a while.

I don't mean to make it sound like I can't feel nervous or irritated with someone or whatever, I can. It's just a lot easier for the good feelings to be there and override the bad... it's easier to just get on with things and be in a better frame of mind.

 

[Peata]

Pre-menstural & Weight

My frame of mind is quite thankfully different than what I posted in late Aug/early Sept. I even went through my luteal phase (pre-menstrual) with few problems. I have been using regular doses of Progest E to help with acne. I did get bad pimples on neck and under jawline but not too bad.

When I look back at how I felt one year ago... I was starting to get depression half the month. Lots of pre-menstural and even post-menstrual symptoms.

This time no depression at all.

I did have the acne, as mentioned, and I have slightly sore breasts today. Period started lightly last night.

Also I have been holding at current weight (bouncing around a few pounds in this range) for going on 6 months. At least the horrible, scary non-stop weight gain has stopped. Even though I hadn't been able to lose one pound since. Most of it is belly fat. My upper arms too, thighs/hips. I am simply too big. Cellulite, tight clothes, etc. I probably can't convince anyone by just saying, but this is not a case of "I'm finally at the right healthy weight, I just didn't know it all along and was always too thin before Peat". This is not the case, though I know it is for some who come here malnourished. I'm a good 30# above my normal, healthy weight. But I have come to a kind of acceptance of my weight for now. I have moved on, doing other things and not thinking about it so much.

I do think I will find the answer soon. Keeping calories lower and focusing on getting the protein has seemed to help with bloat. (And of course getting the carbs). Fat intake has been lower (usually 30 - 40 g) as a side effect of keeping calories lower. I feel like there's much less bloat than before. Someone even asked me a couple days ago if I was losing weight. Well not on the scale, but I feel like as I said, a bit of shift of the bloat. Which is encouraging. I "feel" a bit slimmer.