Nova: The Very Far Off Broadway Not-Musical

[Nova]

So this is the inagurual post to my RP forums log.

Tonight, a question is looming in my mind. It's a question that has been burning within me for awhile now.

Is it possible to go through puberty a second time?

What I've been through these last few months feels a lot like puberty, I imagine. I can only imagine what puberty is really like because I went through puberty super early (like age 7-10, basically) and spent most of middle and high school years being really depressed and withdrawn. (Also quite ill thanks to PCOS and incredibly grueling menstrual cycles.)

My body has subtly changed since going "Peat". The most surprising thing, though? I can feel. Like I actually have emotions and they just kind of come out. Before, I just didn't feel things. I had a really flat affect. Like nothing mattered. Nothing made me happy, excited, sad, any of it. I just kind of existed and couldn't understand emotions in others.

As a woman, this sort of stunted emotionality majorly impacted my life. I doubt that I have ever had a real relationship with anyone outside of my family. I was never emotionally connected to anyone, always afraid to invest in relationships or even to approach people. The diagnosis was "social anxiety disorder" but that tells nothing. Why was I so freaking socially anxious? It got to the point where I quit Facebook, stopped answering calls, and only texted a few select people. It's still that way, if I'm being honest.

I'm not so socially anxious, but I am weirded out by feelings. I don't know how to deal with things, I have outbursts, I want to talk more. What is all of this? I don't know and that terrifies me on some level.

Pair all of this new "feelingness" with the physical changes and aches and pains and day-to-day life...yeah, sometimes I'm a bit burnt out. The intensity is appreciated but I get overwhelmed and I can't seem to escape from this new side of myself. Maybe I shouldn't look to escape, but to accept?

It's like I'm becoming a new person. The new person, she's nothing like me. She's my feminine side, finally awake and wanting to play, I suppose. But I have built my whole life around shunning femininity since I was never "one of the girls" because girls don't have beards and they have feelings. So I was just a thing, not a boy, not a girl, so I hated "girl" stuff because it symbolized a me that I could never be.

But now I can see all of that and the clarity, it burns! :P

******************
Really though, is it possible to go through something like a second puberty in your 30s? Could I really get taller, stronger, more feminine? Is it possible for me to direct these change in some way, through nutrition, supplementation, exercise and such? Am I just spinning my wheels, hoping for the impossible?

I want to be rid of this PCOS-a-saraus that's been riding my back since the late 90s. I want to live the life I could've had if only hormonal derangement, precocious puberty and toxic levels of stress hadn't stolen it from me the first time around. But maybe there's no use in playing couldawouldshoulda?

 

[tara]

Glad you are having feelings and a desire to talk to people. :)

Really though, is it possible to go through something like a second puberty in your 30s? Could I really get taller, stronger, more feminine? Is it possible for me to direct these change in some way, through nutrition, supplementation, exercise and such? Am I just spinning my wheels, hoping for the impossible?

I don't know if you can go through puberty again in the way it's usually meant, and I'm sorry the first time round wasn't much fun for you.
I think there is a strong possibility of you getting your hormones into a balance that supports your health better than they have been, probably with quite a bit of learning, experimentation, readjustments, uncertainties, and time. It's quite possible that the journey of getting your hormones into more supportive balance could have some features in common with puberty as they readjust.

I've read that people recovering from anorexia sometimes go through something like another round of puberty as their bodies get enough energy to turn on the reproductive hormones again.

I'm guessing progesterone may have a place in your future, but probably good to have more data on thyroid function first.
Have you had a go at tracking a typical or average day's food a couple of times to check whether you are likely covering basic minimums of protein and all the micronutrients, as well as maybe getting an idea on what your current maintenance calories are? (If you want and think it could be useful - you don't have to go there if calorie counting is going to mess with you.)

There are a number of micronutrients that are essential for the cells to be able to use carbohydrates and fats as fuel to produce the energy you need. Deficiency in any of them can make a bottle neck in energy production. Sometimes filling in some gaps can make a difference. Getting adequate protein and carbs (and probably some fat) are part of the story.

And then there's getting sunlight on the skin, and attending to CO2 levels, and suitable movement, and seeing what can be done about any ongoing excessive stresses, ...

 

[Blossom]

My body has subtly changed since going "Peat". The most surprising thing, though? I can feel.

I experienced this along with one other female on the forum that I'm aware of but surely there are more? I don't think this gets discussed much but I see it as a good thing although admittedly sometimes challenging. Hang in there, it gets easier with time and you'll never want to go back to a numbed existence.

 

[Nova]

Glad you are having feelings and a desire to talk to people. :)


I don't know if you can go through puberty again in the way it's usually meant, and I'm sorry the first time round wasn't much fun for you.

I think there is a strong possibility of you getting your hormones into a balance that supports your health better than they have been, probably with quite a bit of learning, experimentation, readjustments, uncertainties, and time. It's quite possible that the journey of getting your hormones into more supportive balance could have some features in common with puberty as they readjust.

This is more what I was thinking in terms of second puberty. All that puberty really is a season of maturation within the human body, imho. I know that I can't literally go through puberty a second time because my ovaries, pituitary, etc are all at adult stages by this point. But I do believe that as I continue to make positive changes and heal that things will fall into place within me. Make sense??

I've read that people recovering from anorexia sometimes go through something like another round of puberty as their bodies get enough energy to turn on the reproductive hormones again.

I'm guessing progesterone may have a place in your future, but probably good to have more data on thyroid function first.
Have you had a go at tracking a typical or average day's food a couple of times to check whether you are likely covering basic minimums of protein and all the micronutrients, as well as maybe getting an idea on what your current maintenance calories are? (If you want and think it could be useful - you don't have to go there if calorie counting is going to mess with you.)

There are a number of micronutrients that are essential for the cells to be able to use carbohydrates and fats as fuel to produce the energy you need. Deficiency in any of them can make a bottle neck in energy production. Sometimes filling in some gaps can make a difference. Getting adequate protein and carbs (and probably some fat) are part of the story.

And then there's getting sunlight on the skin, and attending to CO2 levels, and suitable movement, and seeing what can be done about any ongoing excessive stresses, ...

I've tried food tracking before and found it overwhelming. I've been experiencing some major changes in appetite the last couple of months. When I first started experimenting with Peat's suggestions, I had a really robust appetite, as I have for most of my life. I didn't get to morbid obesity without a fair amount of overeating, binge eating and horrid food choices. I was consuming around 2200-2400 kcal/day at that point. (Down from the 3000-3200 kcal/day I was consuming before I started Peating.)

When I got serious about taking off some weight in July, I dropped down to 1800 kcal/day and felt okay. Started losing weight and wasn't hungry. Around the beginning of last month, I was going through some major stress and started fasting. Well, that's when I started dropping massive amounts of weight (4-5lbs/week) and I had my first menstrual cycle without using BC or Provera in like 15 years!

So I figured I was doing something right or else I wouldn't be feeling better and losing weight like crazy. However, I just don't get hungry any more. Or maybe I do but I just let it go? Some days I only eat like once a day, usually around 10am-12pm and that's it. I know I'm not eating enough at that meal because it's usually just a bowl or ramen soup. I add veggies, mango chunks and chicken breast, sometimes a soft boiled egg. I've done calorie totals and it's usually somewhere between 700-800 for one big bowl. Which I don't always finish. Thankfully my big dog loves ramen leftovers, lol.

I drink 10oz of OJ every morning, sometimes a small glass of apple juice or green juice from the health food store. A couple of Pepsis, some sweet tea. My rough estimates would probably put me around 1500 kcal most days but I know that I'm not hitting that every day. Like yesterday, I only ate like half of my ramen soup, drank one Pepsi, OJ and had a small bowl of vanilla ice cream. I know that I underate, but I just couldn't make myself eat dinner. Or breakfast. And some days, I don't eat anything. Just drink juice and caffeine beverages all day.

I can't make myself eat any more. A lot of things that I used to enjoy, I just don't like anymore. Cooking seems like an epic task. I used to work in kitchens as a line cook, so I know I'm capable of cooking. And I used to really love cooking, baking, all of it. But now? I can't stand the sight of most foods and I really don't enjoy shopping or anything food related.

I'm not scared of food, or gaining weight or anything. It's just like my body nopes the eff out of eating. So even though I don't make great Peatian food choices, I'm still able to lose weight?

Ugh, I'm so frustrated. My macros, well, I only tracked them for a couple of weeks when I first started. I wasn't getting enough protein or calcium but I think a lot of that has to do with me being lactose intolerant and not being able to handle dairy products very well. I just can't slog through skim milk, cottage cheese, etc. I've been working on consuming small amounts of dairy every day, usually ice cream or cottage cheese. I'm getting better at digesting dairy products in general but I still can't drink more than 3-4oz of milk without getting sick.

 

[Nova]

I experienced this along with one other female on the forum that I'm aware of but surely there are more? I don't think this gets discussed much but I see it as a good thing although admittedly sometimes challenging. Hang in there, it gets easier with time and you'll never want to go back to a numbed existence.

Well, your positivity gives me hope. :)

I plan on discussing this sort of thing in my log because I suspect that this whole "second puberty" thing is going to be a major part of my journey. I missed out on a lot of my youth and it's not like I can get in the hot tub and go back in time like John Cusack in that one movie.

So even though it's not a literal sort of second puberty, it's still a season of maturing changes for me, I think.

 

[Blossom]

Well, your positivity gives me hope. :)

I plan on discussing this sort of thing in my log because I suspect that this whole "second puberty" thing is going to be a major part of my journey. I missed out on a lot of my youth and it's not like I can get in the hot tub and go back in time like John Cusack in that one movie.

So even though it's not a literal sort of second puberty, it's still a season of maturing changes for me, I think.

I bet your right, after all you know yourself better than anyone. I think I've healed and grown in every way (physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually) although I initially just set out to improve my metabolism. I'll be cheering you on Nova.

 

[Blossom]

I just wanted to add in hopes of not giving you a false impression that I still have things I'm working on and although there have been numerous improvements my life is not all glitter and lollipops. The biggest difference is that now there is clarity, insight and the ability to cope better with challenges. I have a lifetime of accumulated baggage I'm still sorting through but I know it's doable even if it's not always fun. A big part of it for me has been overcoming learned helplessness and that is process that unfolds differently for everyone.
Please be gentle and forgiving toward yourself including your body that has worked hard to keep you going all this time. Not everyone is naturally meant to be a size 2 or even 16 for that matter and I think if you nourish yourself well and move your body in loving and enjoyable ways your weight will settle at what is healthy for you.

 

[Nova]

Thanks for clarification. B-)

I'm not much for glitter or lollipops anyway, lol.

I aim to do better and to me, doing better means that I'm always striving towards something higher than myself. This journey is really less about me becoming an ideal person (whatever that is) and more about being true to myself. Being more authentically me, if that makes sense.

It hurts my ego to think that I may not ever be a "normal" weight. I don't really want to be a size 18, because for me that would still leave me as obese and living a life limited by the realities of having excess mass (and ****) to carry around. But I'm just recently realizing that I can't push myself. Well, I can push myself but it's not really a good thing to push one's self through / to do things.

I think of myself as being pulled by a higher power to reach a state where I can bring my vision to life. Being pulled towards something higher / beyond myself is much more inspiring to me than pushing through by mental fortitude and force of personal authority. It's the difference between making conscious choices to do what is right and healthy for me vs. applying logic and brute force to do what I feel or think has to be done in order to achieve a desired result.

At the peak of meta, I am.

 

[tara]

So I figured I was doing something right or else I wouldn't be feeling better and losing weight like crazy. However, I just don't get hungry any more. Or maybe I do but I just let it go? Some days I only eat like once a day, usually around 10am-12pm and that's it. I know I'm not eating enough at that meal because it's usually just a bowl or ramen soup. I add veggies, mango chunks and chicken breast, sometimes a soft boiled egg. I've done calorie totals and it's usually somewhere between 700-800 for one big bowl. Which I don't always finish. Thankfully my big dog loves ramen leftovers, lol.

I drink 10oz of OJ every morning, sometimes a small glass of apple juice or green juice from the health food store. A couple of Pepsis, some sweet tea. My rough estimates would probably put me around 1500 kcal most days but I know that I'm not hitting that every day. Like yesterday, I only ate like half of my ramen soup, drank one Pepsi, OJ and had a small bowl of vanilla ice cream. I know that I underate, but I just couldn't make myself eat dinner. Or breakfast. And some days, I don't eat anything. Just drink juice and caffeine beverages all day.

Hopefully your appetite will eventually line up with meeting your needs. 1500 is pretty low, and probably not enough to sustain a healthy metabolism long-term. I have a reputation around here for encouraging people to make sure they eat enough. But my hunch for you is to initially focus on meeting all the other nutritional needs - protein, minerals, vitamins - eating or drinking something nutritious several times a day, and when you are doing that, just see how much your appetite suggests for a while. This is just a hunch based on what you've written, not any kind of expertise.
Drinking counts too - a glass of juice, if it feels satisfying, can be enough to sustain blood sugars for a while, and contains useful minerals for metabolising it well. There are others who have felt good on fairly liquid diets (others want more solids). Peat says getting up to 80-100 g protein can make a difference for people with low thyroid function. Getting enough potassium and magnesium and calcium and sodium can also help. Feeling good while not eating could mean various things - eg raised stress hormones from the fuel deficit, or maybe relief at skipping something habitual that was hard on you - hard to know.

I love milk and cheese etc, but it doesn't seem to love me these days. Peat has suggested clean eggshell powder as a good alternative source of calcium, followed by oyster shell. I've been supplementing oystershell, hoping to get some egg shell soon.

We live in a world where some very nasty anti-fat attitudes are routinely expressed - it's tough being on the receiving end of that, and neither you nor anyone else deserves it.
I found some of Gwyneth Olwyn's writing on the topic of fat helpful for getting a perspective on this that contradicts some of the standard inaccuracies in the cultural. Here's the first in a series she wrote: Part I Fat: No More Fear, No More Contempt. I dont agree with her on everything - her perspective on 'essential' fatty acids and PUFA are very different from Peat's, and I'm inclined to think Peat knows this area better. But she has some good research, and writes well.

 

[Nova]

Hmmm....oystershell...eggshell...calcium....processing, lol.

The getting 80-100g of protein thing seems daunting. I know that when I did track my macros at the beginning, while eating around 2200 kcal/day, I was getting around 40-50g protein/day. So definitely not hitting that target. And I know these days I'm probably only getting like 20-30g/day because I'm not eating much. Room for improvement, there is.

Speaking as someone who has always been obese and had really poor, lax eating habits...it's hard to practice intuitive eating because recognizing hunger signals is difficult. Prior to my journey in Peatland, I don't think I really knew when I was hungry vs. bored, anxious, stressed, whatever. I did a lot of boredom munching and working in kitchens with access to tasty pastries and awesome ethnic foods from around the world played a big part in my 100 pound pack on in my mid 20s. I wasn't hungry most of the time, just eating because whatever "it" was, was available. I could easily claim that I was "testing" something or justify that I was just eating the "extras" so I wouldn't haven't to dispose of "it" later.

Even as a child, I ate to excess. Come home from school, veg out in front the TV with a half gallon of ice cream, demolish it before my mom got home from work. It's not like I was really hungry for all of the ice cream. I was just lonely and bored, watching TV and fantasizing about becoming a superhero or whatever. The ice cream was there, so I ate it and since no one ever said anything to me about it...I continued doing it.

It's hard for me to process this new thing. Like I recognize being hungry, can choose whether or not I'm going to eat, and I'm not panicking about overeating or eating the wrong things or whatever. I can trust my body, I guess, and that is new and weird for me.

But then what if I trust my body and it misleads me into old bad habits? That's why I am hesitant to eat more or to even eat when I know that I should be eating or drinking SOMETHING to keep my blood sugar up.

 

[tara]

But then what if I trust my body and it misleads me into old bad habits? That's why I am hesitant to eat more or to even eat when I know that I should be eating or drinking SOMETHING to keep my blood sugar up.

I think we can get out of the habit of recognising the signals if we've been in the habit of overriding them a lot. In either direction. One possible approach could be to try trusting your appetite for a few days, tot up approximately what you do eat, and get an idea of where it's leading you.

My take on 'reasonable' is taken from Olwyn's research: normal for a mature pre-menopausal weight-stable non-dieting woman averages roughly 2500cals. More if under 25, or pregnant or nursing, or extra tall, or extra physically active. A little less if post-menopausal or under 5'. That's a bit of a rough idea of what it might take to run a healthy metabolism. If the metabolism is low, then it will burn less. But chronically undereating tends to lower metabolism. (Lots of the public calorie recommendations are based on studies that rely on self reports - ie what people say they eat, not what they actually eat. On average people tend to underestimate in such studies.)

If you also pay attention to eating some foods that are particularly nutritious - eg fruit, juice, eggs, gelatinous broth from gelatinous cuts and greens, a little liver and oysters, maybe some roots and tubers, you might be able to eat when appetite says to, but a bit less skewed towards grains than your old habits? Shoot for foods with lots of useful micronutrients.

 

[tara]

This is not any guaranteed program, just some ideas that might be useful to you or might not. You get to make up your own plan and try it out and see how it goes.

I suspect that sometimes when we keep eating something beyond our appetite for it, it may be because we are deficient in something else, and just eating whatever's there in the vain hope of filling the gap. Maybe protein, maybe particular minerals ....

 

[Nova]

My take on 'reasonable' is taken from Olwyn's research: normal for a mature pre-menopausal weight-stable non-dieting woman averages roughly 2500cals. More if under 25, or pregnant or nursing, or extra tall, or extra physically active. A little less if post-menopausal or under 5'. That's a bit of a rough idea of what it might take to run a healthy metabolism. If the metabolism is low, then it will burn less. But chronically undereating tends to lower metabolism. (Lots of the public calorie recommendations are based on studies that rely on self reports - ie what people say they eat, not what they actually eat. On average people tend to underestimate in such studies.)

If you also pay attention to eating some foods that are particularly nutritious - eg fruit, juice, eggs, gelatinous broth from gelatinous cuts and greens, a little liver and oysters, maybe some roots and tubers, you might be able to eat when appetite says to, but a bit less skewed towards grains than your old habits? Shoot for foods with lots of useful micronutrients.

2500 kcals? I plan on reading that article you linked to above. It's been Pocketed! :P

I'm over 25, no kiddos or tit-feeding, just a bit north of average in height and moderately active, I suppose. But 2500 kcals seems daunting at the moment. I know that I could eat 2500 kcals, but haven't done so since my pre-Peatish days except for a couple of binges early on that lead me to spend some time worshiping the so-called porcelain god.

I think that maybe I'm burning my excess stockpile of fat. Fat-fueled metabolism is not a good long term strategy and I think that perhaps I'm starting feel some ill effects from it. I've hit similar walls before whilst doing paleo/primal. I'd feel awesome for the first month or so, get that "carb flu", and feel like ***t for a week or two and quit the program. Eat a freakin' pizza, guzzle some brew, and try again whenever I started feeling fat or wanted to do the "health thang".

This is not any guaranteed program, just some ideas that might be useful to you or might not. You get to make up your own plan and try it out and see how it goes.

I suspect that sometimes when we keep eating something beyond our appetite for it, it may be because we are deficient in something else, and just eating whatever's there in the vain hope of filling the gap. Maybe protein, maybe particular minerals ....

I appreciate the feedback. I realize that there isn't any one way to follow Peat's recommendations or to heal one's self from a lifetime of questionable habits and crapified metabolism. It's all experimental.

Deficiency based bingeing is a valid theory, imho. Most modern diets (unless heavily supplemented) are going to be deficient in some areas. Especially if one eats mostly grains and PUFA-laden proteins and snacks. No doubts there. I do believe that most of my binge eating and overeating in the last decade or so was due to my going on whack diets and eliminating whole food groups every year or so.

• Vegetarianism led me to eliminate meat and led to chronic protein deficiency. I craved meat and fish and anything really fatty for a long time and overate whenever I could get things like salmon, avocados, or fried crap.
• Juicing screwed my blood sugar levels up majorly and pushed me towards diabetes. I got used to having super lows and high highs and almost ended up on insulin.
• Paleo / Primal caused me to become super paranoid about carbs, to the point where I had intense debates about eating apples or baked potatoes. Both diets ruined food for me for a long time because I was so paranoid about everything being "clean". I craved carbs and sweets constantly and whenever I would go off the diet, I would stuff my face with gobs of whatever carby junk I could find.

So I know my history and I'm recognizing that I need to make some change to what I'm currently doing. That's progress to me. :)

 

[tara]

But 2500 kcals seems daunting at the moment. I know that I could eat 2500 kcals, but haven't done so since my pre-Peatish days except for a couple of binges early on that lead me to spend some time worshiping the so-called porcelain god.

That 2500 might be a bit of an idea where to be heading, but some people suggest taking it slowly - gradually increasing food intake in step with metabolism increasing to keep up with it. For people who are have been starving, I can see the point in getting up there ASAP. For others, the slower route may sometimes be workable. I don't know which is best.

I think that maybe I'm burning my excess stockpile of fat. Fat-fueled metabolism is not a good long term strategy and I think that perhaps I'm starting feel some ill effects from it.

If you are burning through the stores, slowly may be easier in terms of not overwhelming the body with too much PUFA coming out into the system at once and gumming up the works. And also, maybe less ikely to drive you round the twist and back to the stuff that wasn't working before. And if it involves high stress hormones (good as they may feel for a while), that's got it's down sides for long term-sustainability. Maybe there's a middle way - gradually burn off some fat while keeping up the juice etc so you've always got reasonable amounts of sugar to run on? I expect the perfect mix is very individual.

Apparently muscles like to burn fat while they rest. The brain and some other tissues always and muscles at work want sugar. Other tissues have their preferences for more of one or the other.

Did you see this thread and associated interview?:
Ray's Quick Therapy Diet: 2 Quarts Of Milk And 2 Quarts Of Orange Juice Per Day

 

[Nova]

I've come across that Quick Therapy thread before, pretty sure I read some of it and took notes. But where are the notes? Couldn't tell ya. I've got the writer's curse: lack of organizational ability when it comes to these sorts of things. I take notes, hide them somewhere on one of my giant notebooks, hard drives or my labyrinth of a google drive and I never see them again.

My concerns are:

• damage to my budget. I'd be looking at roughly $11-12/day on milk and OJ. (If I consumed my preferred brands. More if I splurged on schmancy stuff at Whole Foods or something.) Maybe the cost shouldn't be such a big deal...but somehow, I can't get past it. It's that nagging low hurdle.
• indigestion. I love OJ but it doesn't always return the love. I have to limit myself to 10-12oz/day or else I get the orange burps and acid-y mucus in my throat every 15 minutes. Although when I scanned the thread just now, someone was talking about adding baking soda to their OJ, so there's that I suppose.

Really, that's about it and writing it out, I see that those are excuses and not concerns.

Lame.

 

[Nova]

Just wanted to do a quick update before I go off to sleep land.

I weighed myself again yesterday. Apparently, I've lost another 3lbs since Monday and 8lbs since my doctor visit on the 3rd of this month. So I'm officially a bit worried about things, more than I was before. I tracked my calories and macros on Cronometer today. Haven't done that in awhile. The results were revealing and this is just day one.

Total calories: 1,181
Total after exercise: 948

Yeah, I am definitely undereating and operating in a caloric deficit. Very likely that I am burning fat and having some PUFA related detox-y liver issues. My upper abdomen is puffy and tender. I took a 2 hour nap this evening. Still found the energy to walk 2.1 miles, rearrange my living room, and do some fall cleaning. I just don't feel okay, but I can't say that I'm not functional. Just extra tired.

I'm also having some skin issues. Acne under my right arm and on my right thigh. The patch of acne under my arm is really red and angry. The worst of it just happens to be where my bra band sits. SO AWESOME. NOT.

Does PUFA leaving the body cause acne? I've often thought that it is a contributing factor in some cases. Lately my acne has been especially gross, with hard white cores that rip my skin to ***t on the way out. I try not to pop or pick, but sometimes they open up on their own and I have to deal with them.

Possible TMI, I'm aware.

Also I've noticed a strange coating on my tongue. It's like paste almost. I bought a tongue scraper to combat the coating and it seems to help somewhat. However, I still get the coating on my tongue every day and have to scrape my tongue 2-3 times a day to keep it at bay. This weirdness just started the last couple of weeks and is also paired with being really thirsty. Today I tried not to constantly sip water or tea all day like I usually do.

Guess what? I had cottonmouth all day and the coating was like a freakin' shag rug in my mouth. I had scrape for like 3 minutes after brushing the heck out of my tongue...and using a peroxide rinse...and I can still feel a bit of the nasty clinging to my taste buds. WTF?

Things haven't gone haywire yet. I'm not used to being in tune with my body at all. Rarely noticed things with my body prior to deciding not to hate myself. So I feel like my body is trying to tell me something, but what is it?

I'm going to stay positive, spend some time outside tomorrow if it isn't nipple-biting cold like it was today. Tackle another big project this weekend-next week or at least put my laundry away, lol.

 

[Blossom]

This energy expenditure calculator might help you get a rough estimate of your calorie needs by plugging in your age, sex, height, weight, activity levels and sleep.
Total energy expenditure

 

[Blossom]

Btw @Nova I'm sorry your struggling some at the moment. I think getting your calories closer to what you actually need can only help matters. 8 pounds is a lot to lose in only two weeks time. Please keep us updated on how you are doing!

 

[Nova]

Btw @Nova I'm sorry your struggling some at the moment. I think getting your calories closer to what you actually need can only help matters. 8 pounds is a lot to lose in only two weeks time. Please keep us updated on how you are doing!

Updating....

Day 2 of calorie tracking on Cronomnometer.

Total calories: 1,595
Total after exercise: 1,118

Not eating enough? Not eating the right things? Too much activity? Probably all of the above.

I'm going to continue tracking calories and exercise for the next week, with the goal of developing more awareness surrounding what I'm eating and how active I'm really being.

That total energy expenditure things looks handy. Think I will check it out after I've done the Cronomnometer thing for a week or so.

****************

Thoughts:

Peating is a lot like chess, imo. It's a long game, round after round in the longest tournament. Skilled chess players plan every move, sometimes playing the whole game in their heads, visualizing each scenario long before they move their intended piece. Some players play games ahead of the game they are currently playing. Tournament style play is where this becomes more evident among players. You can tell when a player is skilled, but not capable of carrying a game beyond the board, merging each game into a single long game. Those are the great players, the ones who play every single game as if it part of loop, riding a rhythm all the way through until the end comes.

Then they obsess over THAT move. The one that cost them the entire long game. It's not just about that single board, that specific set of moves...it's the upset that comes when the long game is not played through to a satisfying conclusion.

I think that Peating requires the ability to find a rhythm that one can ride all the through until "the end" comes. "The End" in question here? Complete healing. Cured of an ailment or 15. Optimal being. I suppose those are the reasonable conclusions that we all hope to reach by playing the long healing game using Peat-inspired strategies and rhythms.

Which brings me back to chess. There are two styles play. Strategy and rhythm. I talked about rhythm players above, but strategy players deserve some love too. Strategy players focus on one game at time, preparing for weeks or months before playing a serious game. They are proactive, tending look at losses as opportunities to improve their current strategies or to learn new ones.

Rhythm players plan each move just a few steps ahead, so it might look reactionary and sometimes sloppy. But they too are proactive. Just in a more flowing way. Rhythm is dance, strategy music. They work well together and are equally useful apart.

So my next move? To combine Rhythm with Strategy. I'm suffering from a lack of awareness of my own rhythm, whilst being too reactive and not using a lot of strategy. Rhythm is generally easier to pick up, but awareness of rhythm without adapting proactive strategies leads to stress.

I slip into meta-land when I let my mind wander.

*******************
After reading the post, I realized that I really wanted to end on a positive note.

I have been on a campaign against loose skin since I started my health journey this summer. I'm religious about moisturizing and I've been doing massages to help (theoretically) reposition some of the tissue as I lose weight.

I had a droopy lower abdomen when I first started out and last night, I noticed that it isn't drooping as much. My belly button is actually close to where it's supposed to be, lol. My inner thighs are not as clap-happy these days either, so there's that too.

The biggest change though? My boobs. They used to be these hideous fat sacks that I tried to hide. Now they are actually starting to look like boobs. They seem to be rounder and they sit a bit higher on my chest. These changes are really small and I doubt anyone besides me would ever notice.

I'm feeling positive about them nonetheless.

 

[Luann]

That's awesome, Nova. Your analogy is good and it helps to think about diet in terms of battles, not wars. Keep the good vibe going, for a rainy day!