My Social Inhibitation Is SKY HIGH, How To Lower It?

[goodandevil]

Stop watching porn.

 

[4peatssake]

While meditating is great, the suggestion to do it depends on the context.

You wouldn't tell a teenager who's going through emotional turmoil to try "meditating". Or to read the Power of Now and start experiencing the "Now". Most self-help advice is for people 40 years and over who don't have the energy of youth (and all its turmoils) to distract them from the "now" or from their "inner sanctum".

The advice that actually works is the advice that helps them get out of their particular situation, and it's not politically correct e.g. if someone thinks they're ugly they should do all they can to at least look average, if someone is getting bullied they should do all they can to get stronger and fight back.

I don't consider the benefits of meditation to be age dependent. I never suggested he meditate either but find out what bugs him about it. There's a whole lotta pent up negative energy inside and coming to grips with it is not without its benefits.

People who are older have lived through youth. I wouldn't summarily dismiss their advice because it doesn't personally fit for you.

Edit to add: From what I understand, you are suggesting for him to take the rage, self hate and aggression and direct it toward physically improving himself and from that effort start to feel better about himself.

I prefer a solution that gives a person the ability to take those energies and transform them into positive energy without the use of aggression. Otherwise, you're still left with your anger.

 

[milk]

I've been taking tianeptine and it's great for social inhibition. My gait is more confident, my voice is deeper, I'm more pro-active, I'm interacting better with people.

It feels like being drunk without the shitty aspects of drunkenness. Just making phonecalls in my living room felt fun, the sky outside, the shadows inside, I was appreciative of my surroundings.

I believe my social anxiety stems from narcissism to an extent. Trying to project an identity. Takes a lot of energy. I need to let go of all the retarded neuroses that became stitched onto the identity that I try to project and that just alienate me from the common run of people. Just let go, get into people's wavelenght, look them in the eye, don't be insecure, respect myself and respect others.

 

[cantstoppeating]

While meditating is great, the suggestion to do it depends on the context.

You wouldn't tell a teenager who's going through emotional turmoil to try "meditating". Or to read the Power of Now and start experiencing the "Now". Most self-help advice is for people 40 years and over who don't have the energy of youth (and all its turmoils) to distract them from the "now" or from their "inner sanctum".

The advice that actually works is the advice that helps them get out of their particular situation, and it's not politically correct e.g. if someone thinks they're ugly they should do all they can to at least look average, if someone is getting bullied they should do all they can to get stronger and fight back.

I don't consider the benefits of meditation to be age dependent. I never suggested he meditate either but find out what bugs him about it. There's a whole lotta pent up negative energy inside and coming to grips with it is not without its benefits.

People who are older have lived through youth. I wouldn't summarily dismiss their advice because it doesn't personally fit for you.

My post wasn't directed at you but to the general idea that he should meditate. I don't consider the benefits of meditation to be age dependent either, it's very clear that it has real cognitive benefits independent of age, yet the context (i.e. the person and their situation) determines whether they will actually do it and thus affects its status as advice. While meditation is beneficial irrespective of age, it's not appropriate as advice irrespective of context.

For someone like "You", journaling or otherwise doing introspective work isn't going to help either -- he's already too stuck in his head, continuing to toil in his negative state. He needs to work on his physiology while simultaneously working on the two parts of himself I mentioned earlier in this thread.

People who are older have lived through youth. I wouldn't summarily dismiss their advice because it doesn't personally fit for you.

While experience is obviously a factor, the decrease in youth hormones and general ageing is severely underestimated. The most profound example is advice given to teenagers and young-adults to simply "not care what others think" while going through their most emotionally turmoil years. It's physiologically near-impossible to do otherwise. This advice unequivocally comes from parents and generally those in their 30s and over, who confuse cause and effect: they don't stop caring because they live through it, or gain experience, but because their youth-hormones have plummeted and they've become desensitised to the vagaries of youth.

 

[solaire_of_astora]

Here's what's helped me be less socially inhibited (I've yet to truly conquer it)

Tianeptine: as mentioned above, it makes you much more relaxed and willing to socialize.
LSD: not as practical as tianeptine, but much more potent from my experience.
Phenibut: my understanding is that it works very similar to GABA.
Also: caffeine, zinc, DHEA, vitamin B6, B3, magnesium.

Certain forms of chiropractic aimed at balancing out the nervous system have helped me:
Network Spinal Analysis, and Upper Cervical Care have been beneficial in this regard. Trauma release exercises are also pretty good.

 

[Such_Saturation]

If "you" gets phenibut, he will end up in the hospital...

 

[4peatssake]

While meditating is great, the suggestion to do it depends on the context.

You wouldn't tell a teenager who's going through emotional turmoil to try "meditating". Or to read the Power of Now and start experiencing the "Now". Most self-help advice is for people 40 years and over who don't have the energy of youth (and all its turmoils) to distract them from the "now" or from their "inner sanctum".

The advice that actually works is the advice that helps them get out of their particular situation, and it's not politically correct e.g. if someone thinks they're ugly they should do all they can to at least look average, if someone is getting bullied they should do all they can to get stronger and fight back.

I don't consider the benefits of meditation to be age dependent. I never suggested he meditate either but find out what bugs him about it. There's a whole lotta pent up negative energy inside and coming to grips with it is not without its benefits.

People who are older have lived through youth. I wouldn't summarily dismiss their advice because it doesn't personally fit for you.

My post wasn't directed at you but to the general idea that he should meditate. I don't consider the benefits of meditation to be age dependent either, it's very clear that it has real cognitive benefits independent of age, yet the context (i.e. the person and their situation) determines whether they will actually do it and thus affects its status as advice. While meditation is beneficial irrespective of age, it's not appropriate as advice irrespective of context.

For someone like "You", journaling or otherwise doing introspective work isn't going to help either -- he's already too stuck in his head, continuing to toil in his negative state. He needs to work on his physiology while simultaneously working on the two parts of himself I mentioned earlier in this thread.

People who are older have lived through youth. I wouldn't summarily dismiss their advice because it doesn't personally fit for you.

While experience is obviously a factor, the decrease in youth hormones and general ageing is severely underestimated. The most profound example is advice given to teenagers and young-adults to simply "not care what others think" while going through their most emotionally turmoil years. It's physiologically near-impossible to do otherwise. This advice unequivocally comes from parents and generally those in their 30s and over, who confuse cause and effect: they don't stop caring because they live through it, or gain experience, but because their youth-hormones have plummeted and they've become desensitised to the vagaries of youth.

I did not suggest journaling, not by a long shot.
What I suggested was 3 pages a day of stream of consciousness writing in the morning - as a way of starting to get all that self hate out of himself. It's not a difficult exercise and I've seen it help a lot of people, not just people over 40.

I understand that you believe that you are right.
Others won't all share your point of view, just as you don't share mine.
Let's make room for everyone who wishes to help and you can decide what feels best for him.

 

[cantstoppeating]

I did not suggest journaling, not by a long shot.
What I suggested was 3 pages a day of stream of consciousness writing in the morning - as a way of starting to get all that self hate out of himself. It's not a difficult exercise and I've seen it help a lot of people, not just people over 40.

I understand that you believe that you are right.
Others won't all share your point of view, just as you don't share mine.
Let's make room for everyone who wishes to help and you can decide what feels best for him.

In psychiatry, depression is said to be internalised anger. It's a state of learned helplessness where a person feels their actions have no bearing on their state of being so they resign themselves to being passive. The solution is to invoke the anger outwards and channel it into assertiveness to get their needs met, whatever they may be. See the 'Anger map' attached below.

Writing down thoughts in a stream-of-consciousnouss style is great but do you really think it applies to someone in state of "rage, self hate and aggression"? It's more appropriate for someone with perhaps a menial stressful job who's biggest trouble is figuring out what he's going to eat for dinner.

Edit to add: From what I understand, you are suggesting for him to take the rage, self hate and aggression and direct it toward physically improving himself and from that effort start to feel better about himself.

I prefer a solution that gives a person the ability to take those energies and transform them into positive energy without the use of aggression. Otherwise, you're still left with your anger.

I've seen nothing in your post to suggest your two solutions are mutually exclusive.

If you're saying that one should avoid the state of anger when trying to get out of depression, then that's an example of politically correct but practically useless advice. That's not a critique of you per se, but the mainstream zeitgeist that proliferates this feel-good baseless advice.


Anger Map:

 

[4peatssake]

I did not suggest journaling, not by a long shot.
What I suggested was 3 pages a day of stream of consciousness writing in the morning - as a way of starting to get all that self hate out of himself. It's not a difficult exercise and I've seen it help a lot of people, not just people over 40.

I understand that you believe that you are right.
Others won't all share your point of view, just as you don't share mine.
Let's make room for everyone who wishes to help and you can decide what feels best for him.

In psychiatry, depression is said to be internalised anger. It's a state of learned helplessness where a person feels their actions have no bearing on their state of being so they resign themselves to being passive. The solution is to invoke the anger outwards and channel it into assertiveness to get their needs met, whatever they may be. See the 'Anger map' attached below.

Writing down thoughts in a stream-of-consciousnouss style is great but do you really think it applies to someone in state of "rage, self hate and aggression"? It's more appropriate for someone with perhaps a menial stressful job who's biggest trouble is figuring out what he's going to eat for dinner.

Edit to add: From what I understand, you are suggesting for him to take the rage, self hate and aggression and direct it toward physically improving himself and from that effort start to feel better about himself.

I prefer a solution that gives a person the ability to take those energies and transform them into positive energy without the use of aggression. Otherwise, you're still left with your anger.

I've seen nothing in your post to suggest your two solutions are mutually exclusive.

If you're saying that one should avoid the state of anger when trying to get out of depression, then that's an example of politically correct but practically useless advice. That's not a critique of you per se, but the mainstream zeitgeist that proliferates this feel-good baseless advice.


Anger Map:

It's difficult to converse with you because I experience so much judgement coming from you about what is being said and assumptions about older adults. And so everything I say has to be measured against those tendencies.

I work with people who are depressed, have been in deep depression myself due to severe childhood trauma and what I have suggested as a possibility "to you" (the OP) is not without its merits. I say that because I've seen it work, for myself and with others. It's not theory or "feel-good baseless advice." It's something that actually works if one suspends judgement enough to actually try it.

It's a means to separate a person from the onslaught of negativity in their head. It's a direct method to put their consciousnesses into the role of an observer so they can begin to actually see themselves. But the results aren't immediately like popping a pain killer nor does one usually even know what the results will bring to them. Doing the activity shifts consciousness. You don't pay attention to the writing, you just write. It doesn't have to make sense, you can rage, praise, whatever. But it does remove the crap inside despite yourself and when followed through, one can begin to see patterns of thoughts but from the outside in, rather that being in that horrific frenzy and trying to make any sense. Some people jokingly have referred to it as brain drain.

In no way does it negate the person's current state. The very worst thing to do in my opinion is negate a person's situation and feelings and judge them. It's their reality. I'm not suggesting he pull up his socks.

Regardless, you has expressed clearly that he is currently entrenched in his thoughts and feelings about himself and others. Internet forums will likely just give him more ammunition in that regard, if he is in even being genuine in his posting.

Do you have personal experience healing yourself from depression? Have you helped people with depression recover? Have you ever done a month's worth of stream of consciousness writing and experienced its effects?

I don't consider there to be just one way to handle a problem. Sometimes just getting a severely depressed person to do anything that moves them forward is next to impossible and I have never once seen any sustainable forward movement without a shift in consciousness. If you only shift the anger from inward to outward, you're still left with all the anger and anger is a volatile fuel source. Not optimal.

Your method takes the fuel and releases it (temporarily) with physical activity. It's like letting some steam out of the pressure cooker. Certainly helpful if there is an enormous amount of pent up energy but not a permanent solution in and of itself. Furthermore, depending on one's physical stamina and well being which is compromised in a severely depressed person, rigorous physical activity can create further difficulties and injury which could further compound his negative views of himself.

What I am suggesting is to take the fuel and harness it so one can effectively transform the fuel into beneficial energy to help oneself.

I'm radical in my approach because no mainstream methods ever worked for me, nor did I ever observe them effectively help others. I know far too many people who have taken their own lives.

I understand your anger and frustration toward mainstream help, it's part of a deranged culture. I just think you're barking up the wrong tree, arguing with me.

Truth be told, I see value in employing both the activities we have suggested to his situation.

 

[pboy]

on a real note though (although alcohol can in a sense train you and actually be a tool but its not ideal to need long term or all the time)

its basically a lack of confidence issue, which comes from lack of knowledge and experience or just not really having a personality, or being too afraid to let it show via being judged...which is either just because of shyness, or because your ashamed of your true self, in which case...do something about that. If you are humble you can always be confident, its usually only when people overstep themselves or have that tendency that they shut themselves down. If you are raw and innocent or a rookie, but have the right attitude about it, people are almost always inclusive and have fun bringing you in

 

[cantstoppeating]

...
I don't consider there to be just one way to handle a problem. Sometimes just getting a severely depressed person to do anything that moves them forward is next to impossible and I have never once seen any sustainable forward movement without a shift in consciousness. If you only shift the anger from inward to outward, you're still left with all the anger and anger is a volatile fuel source. Not optimal.

Your method takes the fuel and releases it (temporarily) with physical activity. It's like letting some steam out of the pressure cooker. Certainly helpful if there is an enormous amount of pent up energy but not a permanent solution in and of itself. Furthermore, depending on one's physical stamina and well being which is compromised in a severely depressed person, rigorous physical activity can create further difficulties and injury which could further compound his negative views of himself.

...

I'm using a model (of which the Anger Map is a part) that psychiatrists use to understand the mind and its problems as well as male psychology. If you don't have these models in mind, then I can see how you'd think my solution is mere "physical activity".

What I am suggesting is to take the fuel and harness it so one can effectively transform the fuel into beneficial energy to help oneself.

That's exactly what I've described and it's actually how it works in practise:

Depression -> Anger -> Assertiveness -> Wellbeing.

I have identified the primary needs for "You" to be masculinity and proposed two ways to get it: 1) lift weights and 2) join a team sport.

If this is all new to you then I suggest looking into models that psychiatrists use to understand the mind and its problems that are reality-tested and sound. You can find a quick overview of it here and here.

When I use the label "mainstream" I'm largely referring to the pop-psychology culture of "The Secret" and "The Power Of Now" i.e. popularised pieces of psychology far removed from their contexts so as to be ineffective as tools for the mind. I'm not referring to the well-tested and reality-proven methods of modern day psychiatry from which the Anger Map earlier is a sound model.

 

[cantstoppeating]

on a real note though (although alcohol can in a sense train you and actually be a tool but its not ideal to need long term or all the time)

its basically a lack of confidence issue, which comes from lack of knowledge and experience or just not really having a personality, or being too afraid to let it show via being judged...which is either just because of shyness, or because your ashamed of your true self, in which case...do something about that. If you are humble you can always be confident, its usually only when people overstep themselves or have that tendency that they shut themselves down. If you are raw and innocent or a rookie, but have the right attitude about it, people are almost always inclusive and have fun bringing you in

Yes a lack of confidence is a real issue and once again, modern day psychiatry to the rescue:



Solution: take action (i.e. use courage) which transforms the anxiety into confidence. For example, if you're afraid of talking to a girl, even with all the pickup-lines in the world, do it anyway and you'll gain some confidence and your anxiety will decrease.

More info here.


Note: confidence is an emotional energy. One can be very competent at some activity yet not feel confident or feel very confident yet not be competent.

 

[narouz]

Sorry to interrupt,
but what does that icon mean
that is attached to his thread's subject heading
when you're looking at the "Board Index" page...?

The icon is a triangle with an exclamation point inside of it.

 

[cantstoppeating]

Sorry to interrupt,
but what does that icon mean
that is attached to his thread's subject heading
when you're looking at the "Board Index" page...?

The icon is a triangle with an exclamation point inside of it.

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=7338&start=135#p95551

 

[narouz]

Thank you, sir!
May I have another?!

 

[cantstoppeating]

on a real note though (although alcohol can in a sense train you and actually be a tool but its not ideal to need long term or all the time)

its basically a lack of confidence issue, which comes from lack of knowledge and experience or just not really having a personality, or being too afraid to let it show via being judged...which is either just because of shyness, or because your ashamed of your true self, in which case...do something about that. If you are humble you can always be confident, its usually only when people overstep themselves or have that tendency that they shut themselves down. If you are raw and innocent or a rookie, but have the right attitude about it, people are almost always inclusive and have fun bringing you in

Yes a lack of confidence is a real issue and once again, modern day psychiatry to the rescue:



Solution: take action (i.e. use courage) which transforms the anxiety into confidence. For example, if you're afraid of talking to a girl, even with all the pickup-lines in the world, do it anyway and you'll gain some confidence and your anxiety will decrease.

More info here.


Note: confidence is an emotional energy. One can be very competent at some activity yet not feel confident or feel very confident yet not be competent.

 

[charlie]

Sorry to interrupt,
but what does that icon mean
that is attached to his thread's subject heading
when you're looking at the "Board Index" page...?

The icon is a triangle with an exclamation point inside of it.

It's a "Topic icon". When you are making a post you can choose between those 10 icons that are available.

 

[Such_Saturation]

I can just imagine you flourishing within the loving embrace of a modern psychiatrist

 

[narouz]

Sorry to interrupt,
but what does that icon mean
that is attached to his thread's subject heading
when you're looking at the "Board Index" page...?

The icon is a triangle with an exclamation point inside of it.

It's a "Topic icon". When you are making a post you can choose between those 10 icons that are available.

Thank you, Charlie.
So the OP chose that icon when he started the thread?
Where does one find "Topic Icons"...?
(I just noticed that up in the composer toolbar there is the same icon,
a triangle with an exclamation point inside;
when I hover over it it says "spoiler message.")

 

[narouz]

I can just imagine you flourishing within the loving embrace of a modern psychiatrist

Know hope!
He might emerge like so...

...oh no...I'm verklempt!...talk amongst yourselves....