My Father Recently Passed -- Advise On Healing

inthedark

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Focus on the good memories you built with this person, and you'll find the positive memories take up more space in your heart than the grief. It's easier to deal with the pain when you focus on the good aspects of your relationship with the deceased person.

In 2018 my father passed away (suddeny/unexpected) then in 2020 my boyfriend of 4 years passed away as well suddenly.

I was there in the hospital when my father passed away, which was traumatic to see but I'm glad I was there with him (and my father knew my mom and I were there, so he did not go alone.) Basically, as the staff was doing the final round of CPR on my dad, I yelled out "Dad we love you!" and his heart restarted for a split second (after more than 30 minutes of CPR from the staff). That's how I know my father heard me. If life was a movie, my dad's heart would have restarted and he would revive, but life is not a movie so all I got was a heartbeat to acknowledge his love.

My partner got sick during the covid epidemic, so the hospital would not let me see him until it was too late. The only reason I was even able to see my boyfriend before he died is that he was in hospice at that point, which has no covid restrictions because the hospital staff figures "Oh well, they're gonna die anyway, no point in worrying about covid." Still, it was great seeing him, reminding him that I love him and just recounting our entire relationship. I held his hand for hours and just talked to him and even though he was pumped full of drugs and had limited brain activity, I saw tears coming from his eyes. I got to tell him everything I wanted to say, so there were no "regrets" and nothing left unsaid. I said my goodbyes and left the hospital. 2 days later the hospice staff called me at work that he was in the process of dying, but by that point I got everything off my chest so it wasn't so hard letting him go.

The pain would have been unbearable if I didn't get to say my goodbyes and express my love.

The hospice department also deserves credit and they made the process of saying bye to a dying person "bearable." They assured me he wasn't in pain and he was "comfortable" in his state, and although his brain and lungs were damaged, I know he felt my presence and voice in that room.
Thank you for sharing. Something I’ve found super helpful is to hear how others have dealt with death and loss of loved ones.
 

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