Introductive Musings On A Rainy Day

[Nova]

I'm Nova. A 30-ish year old woman on a series of healing quests, an aspiring author, a morning dancer, a lover of sweet funky jams and intense bass, a connoisseur of ramen, and a canine enthusiast. Also a bad speller and somewhat lackadaisical about grammar, so excuse the mess.

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I discovered Ray Peat during a bout of google roulette last summer. At first, I thought RP was nutso or at the very least, one of those whack job obscurists from the alt.health fringe. Eating sugar to cure diabetes? Carbs help you lose weight? Low fat is good?

My whole life has been spent battling against my body. I started putting on weight at a rapid pace during early childhood and never really stopped. I started puberty at 7 and was pretty much through with it by age 12. In my early teens, I began having incredibly painful periods that sometimes lasted 3-4 weeks. I missed a lot of school and didn't have much of a social life during my teens years. Doctors' visits became part of my life and I had plenty of tests performed.

They diagnosed PCOS when I was 16. I began taking birth control pills at that time, to regulate my periods. I had them every month, but at a cost: horrific cramps. I still missed school on regular enough basis that I nearly didn't graduate on time. :-/

Around this time, I did a round of the OG Atkins Diet. My parents were on it and it seemed kinder and gentler than the calorie restriction / endless carrot sticks diets that my doctors recommended for me as a chubby kid. I lost 50lbs and was 220lbs at my high school graduation. That's the lowest weight that I can remember being as young adult/adult.

I moved onto transdermal birth control patches at 19. They were a bit easier on me than the pills, but the cramps and heavy bleeding still made me miserable. After a couple of years, the patches stopped being effective and I started going 4-5 months between cycles. I started gaining weight and generally felt awful most of the time.

I went off of the patch at 22, after having a brief conviction that big pharma was out to kill me. I also became a vegetarian at the time. I ate tons of processed carb-y fried crap and snacks out the ****. I went from 240 to 340lbs in the span of 2 years! At 24, I was absolutely miserable and just barely able to keep up with work. Forget having a social life.

The next 5 years went by in a haze, more or less. I tried juicing after a friend of mine experienced great success with it. I lost 30lbs in ~1 month. I quit that after pretty much dying. No energy, just sleeping whenever I wasn't at work. I tried raw veganism (hard on my wallet and my colon), several detox type-things (latex glove shaped shits, galore), paleo (okay, but I hate berries and nuts), primal (pretty much the same as paleo), IF experiments (mixed results), and plenty of supplements.

During that 5 years times, a lot happened in my personal life. I broke off a relationship that meant the world to me and watched the object of my affections move onto a relationship with someone I despised. I was given temporary custody of two of my nephews and 14 months later, their mother got herself together and got them back. I was devastated over losing them and entered a deep depression that really has only begun to lift the last year or so.

I've also let go of some emotional "dead weight" recently. Toxic familial relationships have been hacked away and now, I sometimes struggle with not picking the "dead weight" back up. I miss my younger sister and really want things to be good between us again, but I can't deal with her drug and alcohol fueled shenanigans. And I won't deal with her ignorant thieving **** husband. But I do miss my baby nephew and I really want to spend time with him, watch him grow up...

PCOS and toxic stress have taken their toll on me. I went the entire 5 years between 25-30 without having cycles. Complete cessation of menstruation. Menopause in my mid to late 20s. I grew a beard and went to have those fancy laser treatments a few years ago because I was tired of shaving. Now the beard is back (although patchy). I have chest hair and stomach hair too. Bacne and chestne? Check. Thinning hair on the top and back of my head? Check. Stinky pits and disgusting feet? Check.

I spent a lot of time hating myself, hating that I wasn't "normal" and never succeeding in my efforts to lose weight, get in shape, whatever. I decided that I wasn't going to hate myself anymore in the spring of 2016. I started making changes to my diet. I eliminated PUFAs as much as possible. I'm far from perfect, but I no longer eat bacon or anything deep fried. Processed foods are far and few between and I only cook with coconut oil or ghee now.

I've lost 59lbs since July 2016. Going from 336lbs to 277lbs is great, right? I mean, I'm jazzed about losing so much weight by eliminating PUFA and walking 2-3 miles/day. BUT earlier this week, I experienced an upset that caused me to think that it was time to seek community aka actually post something on the forum I have lurked on for the last year+.

The upset in question? I have lost 59lbs, but I haven't went down in pants sizes. I tried on several pairs of jeans at the store, but none of them fit. NOT A SINGLE PAIR. Last time I bought pants, I was a size 24. Not exactly something to crow about, but it's the truth.

So I thought that in light of my weight loss, I should be in a size 22 or 20, right? At the very least...NOPE. I got so upset that I pretty much stormed out of the dressing room and let the whole day be ruined by the revelation of not going down in sizes. I'm sure that there are those who can feel my upset. For the first time since I started down the Peat path, I thought about quitting. It's like, ****, are the sacrifices worth it anymore?

I just want so badly to be content with my body. Also I really want to have certain experiences that I missed out when I was younger thanks to my PCOS and prediabetes and being a fatass hambeast. I really want to be able to go anywhere and try on cute clothes. I would like to be able to have a style instead of settling for whatever fits and looks decent and isn't hella expensive. (Plus size clothes are a real money drain.)

It's not just about clothing, fashion, style, etc. It's really a life thing. I feel like I've been dead, more or less, for the last decade or so. I missed out on a lot of things because I was busy looking out for my significant other or my family and not looking out for myself. I didn't ever really think about what I wanted or even needed. It was always just "Do this for X." or "Do that because it's needs to be done."

Now, I feel like it's my turn to live my own life. I know that I won't ever get a "do over". I do think that my life can change though and that I can make better choices. I just can't go getting all worked up over stupid ***t and losing my vision for what I really want out of life.

Ugh, hope this makes sense. It's long and I'm new.

 

[Lilac]

Hello, Nova. Please give yourself lots of time. Wishing you the best.

 

[marsaday]

Where you have bad regulation of the body it often comes down to thyroid. Low thyroid is linked to PMS problems. The thyroid is the master hormone and helps regulate many others. So after a time other hormones go out of sync as well.

I would do some reading about thyroid health and see if this area makes sense to you. Other lights may go off as you get into the subject. To get the body back on track is not a case of just taking some thyroid hormones though. It is a complex system and you will need to look into other hormones, vits and minerals and diet.

 

[Luann]

Have you gained bone mass? Perhaps around the hips?

 

[Nova]

Bone mass in the hips? Not sure. I've not measured my hips. Maybe hip measurements are worth keeping track of?

I do know that my legs are very toned thanks to all of the walking. The last few weeks, I have noticed something weird going on with my hips. My gait has changed. Before, I just kind of lumbered along doing a Walmart Shufflin'-stroll. Now, I can feel movement in my hips that wasn't there before. I've also been having pains in my left hip. I thought it was from being a side sleeper but maybe my hips are getting wider or my bones are growin'??

 

[Blossom]

Welcome to the forum Nova. I enjoyed reading your intro. I don't have any weight loss advice but I do think tracking measurements would be more accurate than going by clothing size. Clothing manufacturers have been known to change things and I personally can wear three different sizes depending on the brand.

I've also been having pains in my left hip. I thought it was from being a side sleeper but maybe my hips are getting wider or my bones are growin'??

I had some hip pain about a year into Peating and the only thing I could figure out was that my bones were getting stronger (I gained an inch in height and my jaw got wider too). The pain went away eventually and was never so bad that I felt like it required medical intervention. During the time it would pain me I would jokingly say that I was preventing a future fractured hip/ hip replacement! I guess I'll never know for certain but I believe that even as adults with good nutrition we can strengthen our bones.
I'm glad you joined us!

 

[Nova]

I had some hip pain about a year into Peating and the only thing I could figure out was that my bones were getting stronger (I gained an inch in height and my jaw got wider too). The pain went away eventually and was never so bad that I felt like it required medical intervention. During the time it would pain me I would jokingly say that I was preventing a future fractured hip/ hip replacement! I guess I'll never know for certain but I believe that even as adults with good nutrition we can strengthen our bones.
I'm glad you joined us!

Gaining an inch in height? Whoa...I thought that growing taller was impossible for adults. I saw a documentary where people were travelling to China to have their bones broken and stretched to like, maybe, gain 1-2 inches in height at best. And that's if things went okay and they didn't end up with complications.

My hip pain is sometimes severe. There have been a few times where I nearly cried. But mostly, it's just a nagging sort of pain that comes and goes. It is more prevalent when I push myself physically. I do deep stretching/yoga 2-3 mornings a week and sometimes I just get caught up in my music and end up pushing too far. Squats also bring pain on. I've taken this week off from squats and so far, I've had 4 hip pain-free days. So maybe it's just stress pain?

I'm also working on posture and realigning my body. I have terrible posture from spending years hunched over keyboards, writing and gaming and spending vast amounts of time farting around on the interwebz. Carrying a bunch of extra weight for years and working at a physically demanding job for most of my 20s while being obese undoubtedly contributed to the degeneration of my bodily support system (joints, muscles, etc).

However, I like the theory that my bones are getting stronger. And I'm glad that you enjoyed my intro.

 

[tara]

Nova

that it was time to seek community aka actually post something on the forum I have lurked on for the last year+

Glad you are. :)

(I gained an inch in height and my jaw got wider too)

 

[tara]

If you feel like telling, I wonder if you got thyroid lab tests amongst all those drs visits? Maybe you have the results?
Have you had a go at measuring body temps and resting heart rate?
Any sign of a goiter?

 

[Nova]

I've had some thyroid tests done with visits to my endocrinologist. I don't have the latest batch of results. The latest batch was only last week, so maybe that would provide some insight. The office hasn't phoned with the results yet though.

No goiter.

I haven't tried measuring temps and resting heart rate. Been considering doing those things but keep forgetting. Does having an erratic sleep schedule and/or sleep apnea effect temp or rhr?

 

[lvysaur]

Gaining an inch in height?

I grew too (24 and male). Some say the height gains on Peat are due to increased disc mass between the vertebrae. I'm not sure whether my growth was in the torso, legs, or neck, but I suspect the torso or lower back.

 

[Dopamine]

You could try putting on some lean muscle. Muscles burn fatty acids at rest and it is important to build muscle in the right areas for posture and body composition. I'd recommend kettle bell swings if your hips can handle it or maybe some barbell or dumbell exercises.

 

[tara]

I've had some thyroid tests done with visits to my endocrinologist. I don't have the latest batch of results. The latest batch was only last week, so maybe that would provide some insight. The office hasn't phoned with the results yet though.

If possible, probably good to ask them for the detailed numbers of all the thyroid-related tests, not just the drs judgment that they are 'in the normal range'. Maybe you can ask them to send you the detailed test results, rather than just give a generalised summary on the phone?

Does having an erratic sleep schedule and/or sleep apnea effect temp or rhr?

Probably both of those could be involved in metabolic disturbance.
Do you know if you usually sleep with your mouth open or closed? If open, you might well get benefit from closing it - possibly with mechanical support (tape or chin strap).
Is the erratic sleep schedule habitual or because of insomnia?
Resting heartrate is best measured when you are neither physically active nor stressed for other reasons.

 

[Nova]

If possible, probably good to ask them for the detailed numbers of all the thyroid-related tests, not just the drs judgment that they are 'in the normal range'. Maybe you can ask them to send you the detailed test results, rather than just give a generalised summary on the phone?

Probably both of those could be involved in metabolic disturbance.
Do you know if you usually sleep with your mouth open or closed? If open, you might well get benefit from closing it - possibly with mechanical support (tape or chin strap).
Is the erratic sleep schedule habitual or because of insomnia?
Resting heartrate is best measured when you are neither physically active nor stressed for other reasons.

I can ask the drs office about the thyroid and other tests. They will probably send me results if I ask.

I wake up with my mouth open most of the time. Sometimes I drool excessively. I also grind my teeth though and have TMJ. So I assume that I do close my mouth at some points during the night. I've been trying to be more mindful to fall asleep with my mouth closed though. I've tried mouthguards and tape over my lips but neither really prevented my mouthbreathing or snoring.

The erratic sleep is habitual, I think. I worked nights for awhile and that's when things got really screwed up for me sleepwise. I've been enforcing a bedtime routine most nights and try to get to bed before 11pm. Otherwise, I just stay up all night watching stuff online or reading in bed.

Guess I need to add temps and hrh to my routine soon...

 

[tara]

I've tried mouthguards and tape over my lips but neither really prevented my mouthbreathing or snoring.

Some people find an anti-snoring chinstrap comfortable and effective, eg various models here:
https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_...,k:anti-snoring+chinstrap&ajr=2&tag=rapefo-20
My issues are not the same as yours, but I found keeping the mouth shut at night helpful. I think it's proabbly really worth trying to see if you can change this. Mouth breathing at night means hyperventilation which means reduced oxygen supply to tissues which means stress on a bunch of systems. Getting CO2 up can help with lots of things. (Need to be eating enough alkaline minerals too.)

The erratic sleep is habitual, I think. I worked nights for awhile and that's when things got really screwed up for me sleepwise. I've been enforcing a bedtime routine most nights and try to get to bed before 11pm. Otherwise, I just stay up all night watching stuff online or reading in bed.

I struggle with getting to bed early enough too. I think it can make quite a difference to the overall system. Some kinds of repair and maintenance probably only happen during sleep.

 

[tara]

Guess I need to add temps and hrh to my routine soon...

You don't necessarily have to do it everyday forever. If you can measure for 3-4 days it'll give some relevant data. And then if thyroid supplementation seems warranted in the future, you can monitor while adjusting dose, and again every now and then to check how things are going.

 

[Luann]

Where is that quote about self-report being better than any health measurements? Although what Tara suggested may be helpful and it's good to have objectivity.