How to Deal With Extreme Stress

Jackson Chung

Member
Joined
Jul 30, 2017
Messages
160
Hi,

I have a very abusive wife who does the following to me:

-Doesn’t work
-Doesn’t study (full time Cloud Computing degree and I do her homework)
-Doesn’t let me sleep (asks me to stay in a specific position that’s comfortable for her but not me and wakes me up several times a night)
-Doesn’t go anywhere outside without me and forces me to go even if I am exhausted
-Isolates me from my family. If I call them she starts arguing. Wont even let me visit them
-Doesn’t contribute. The part time job she had where she made 2000 is for her brother and not me
-Cooks once a day. I live on OJ and milk for breakfast and lunch
-there is a log on my bathroom where I have to write down everything I am doing for her. Literally a checklist I have to check off everything she

my typical day is like below:
1. Wake up at 7
2. Work until 5
3. Come home. She cooks food maybe for me or leftovers from the other day. Shower
4. Do her homework 6 until 9.
5. No free time. Forced to be in bed by 9

weekends I take her shopping or doing housework 8-5 on Saturdays. Sunday’s I take her somewhere even if I’m exhausted. I get no time to myself.

if I complain or argue. She blackmails me:
-She runs away and I go after her. Takes hours to calm her down
-She calls her family saying nasty things about me mostly which aren’t true
-She turns the tables on me blaming me for the issues
-She threatens divorce

I cant take much more of this. I am planning on leaving. But I need time to prepare.
How do I stay sane in the meantime? Any tips?
 

redsun

Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2018
Messages
3,013
Hi,

I have a very abusive wife who does the following to me:

-Doesn’t work
-Doesn’t study (full time Cloud Computing degree and I do her homework)
-Doesn’t let me sleep (asks me to stay in a specific position that’s comfortable for her but not me and wakes me up several times a night)
-Doesn’t go anywhere outside without me and forces me to go even if I am exhausted
-Isolates me from my family. If I call them she starts arguing. Wont even let me visit them
-Doesn’t contribute. The part time job she had where she made 2000 is for her brother and not me
-Cooks once a day. I live on OJ and milk for breakfast and lunch
-there is a log on my bathroom where I have to write down everything I am doing for her. Literally a checklist I have to check off everything she

my typical day is like below:
1. Wake up at 7
2. Work until 5
3. Come home. She cooks food maybe for me or leftovers from the other day. Shower
4. Do her homework 6 until 9.
5. No free time. Forced to be in bed by 9

weekends I take her shopping or doing housework 8-5 on Saturdays. Sunday’s I take her somewhere even if I’m exhausted. I get no time to myself.

if I complain or argue. She blackmails me:
-She runs away and I go after her. Takes hours to calm her down
-She calls her family saying nasty things about me mostly which aren’t true
-She turns the tables on me blaming me for the issues
-She threatens divorce

I cant take much more of this. I am planning on leaving. But I need time to prepare.
How do I stay sane in the meantime? Any tips?

Harsh words below. But I think you need to hear them.

Doesn't sound like your wife to me, sounds like a control freak mother but worse. Are you a man or a little boy? You say you want to leave. And she also wants to divorce. I can see why she wants to, hell I think any women would if you really are that much of a pushover. Instead of putting your foot down and treating her like a wife you let her walk over you like she is the queen and you are the servant. That's not a marriage.

Bed time? By your wife? I almost think this is satire. Be a man and do what the **** you want. If you actually care about the marriage that's what you need to do. If you don't, still the same thing. If you let her do whatever she wants with you, then she thinks you are dirt and will have zero respect for you. And she shouldn't, because that's not a man. That's a boy not wanting to disappoint his mama.

No need to complain or argue. Ignore her. If she runs off, let her. She will come back. You are being tested time and time again and you fail miserably. She has you wrapped around her finger. If you want the marriage to turn around, do it. If not, leave. If you do still care about your wife you have to start acting like the man in the house. Doing whatever she wants, whenever she wants, however she wants it done, is telling her you don't love her. Means you think she is superior to you. She feels like she is forced to take control because you behave like you have no balls at all from what I can tell.

There is nothing you can do or take that will help you deal with extreme stress that is in large part your own fault because you don't act like a man.
 
Last edited:

dukesbobby777

Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2020
Messages
633
Harsh words below. But I think you need to hear them.

Doesn't sound like your wife to me, sounds like a control freak mother but worse. Are you a man or a little boy? You say you want to leave. And she also wants to divorce. I can see why she wants to, hell I think any women would if you really are that much of a pushover. Instead of putting your foot down and treating her like a wife you let her walk over you like she is the queen and you are the servant. That's not a marriage.

Bed time? By your wife? I almost think this is satire. Be a man and do what the **** you want. If you actually care about the marriage that's what you need to do. If you don't, still the same thing. If you let her do whatever she wants with you, then she thinks you are dirt and will have zero respect for you. And she shouldn't, because that's not a man. That's a boy not wanting to disappoint his mama.

No need to complain or argue. Ignore her. If she runs off, let her. She will come back. You are being tested time and time again and you fail miserably. She has you wrapped around her finger. If you want the marriage to turn around, do it. If not, leave. If you do still care about your wife you have to start acting like the man in the house. Doing whatever she wants, whenever she wants, however she wants it done, is telling her you don't love her. Means you think she is superior to you. She feels like she is forced to take control because you behave like you have no balls at all from what I can tell.

There is nothing you can do or take that will help you deal with extreme stress that is in large part your own fault because you don't act like a man.

That is spot on. Thumbs up for this post.
 

rsandy

Member
Joined
Dec 12, 2020
Messages
28
Remove her from your life in the most efficient means possible.

Create a new life of joy and regenerate your self.

Also, thanks for reminding me to never get married.
 

youngsinatra

Member
Joined
Feb 3, 2020
Messages
3,084
Location
Europe
Harsh words below. But I think you need to hear them.

Doesn't sound like your wife to me, sounds like a control freak mother but worse. Are you a man or a little boy? You say you want to leave. And she also wants to divorce. I can see why she wants to, hell I think any women would if you really are that much of a pushover. Instead of putting your foot down and treating her like a wife you let her walk over you like she is the queen and you are the servant. That's not a marriage.

Bed time? By your wife? I almost think this is satire. Be a man and do what the **** you want. If you actually care about the marriage that's what you need to do. If you don't, still the same thing. If you let her do whatever she wants with you, then she thinks you are dirt and will have zero respect for you. And she shouldn't, because that's not a man. That's a boy not wanting to disappoint his mama.

No need to complain or argue. Ignore her. If she runs off, let her. She will come back. You are being tested time and time again and you fail miserably. She has you wrapped around her finger. If you want the marriage to turn around, do it. If not, leave. If you do still care about your wife you have to start acting like the man in the house. Doing whatever she wants, whenever she wants, however she wants it done, is telling her you don't love her. Means you think she is superior to you. She feels like she is forced to take control because you behave like you have no balls at all from what I can tell.

There is nothing you can do or take that will help you deal with extreme stress that is in large part your own fault because you don't act like a man.
Couldn‘t agree more.
 

TheSir

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2019
Messages
1,952
Harsh words below. But I think you need to hear them.

Doesn't sound like your wife to me, sounds like a control freak mother but worse. Are you a man or a little boy? You say you want to leave. And she also wants to divorce. I can see why she wants to, hell I think any women would if you really are that much of a pushover. Instead of putting your foot down and treating her like a wife you let her walk over you like she is the queen and you are the servant. That's not a marriage.

Bed time? By your wife? I almost think this is satire. Be a man and do what the **** you want. If you actually care about the marriage that's what you need to do. If you don't, still the same thing. If you let her do whatever she wants with you, then she thinks you are dirt and will have zero respect for you. And she shouldn't, because that's not a man. That's a boy not wanting to disappoint his mama.

No need to complain or argue. Ignore her. If she runs off, let her. She will come back. You are being tested time and time again and you fail miserably. She has you wrapped around her finger. If you want the marriage to turn around, do it. If not, leave. If you do still care about your wife you have to start acting like the man in the house. Doing whatever she wants, whenever she wants, however she wants it done, is telling her you don't love her. Means you think she is superior to you. She feels like she is forced to take control because you behave like you have no balls at all from what I can tell.

There is nothing you can do or take that will help you deal with extreme stress that is in large part your own fault because you don't act like a man.
This says it all. Good post.
 

Elize

Member
Joined
Jan 25, 2016
Messages
918
She doesn't deserve you. You need to realize and accept that you are worth more then you will be able to free yourself by walking out never to run back. It's about selfworth. Blessings and good luck ?
 

Perry Staltic

Member
Joined
Dec 14, 2020
Messages
8,186
Dude, you need to understand one thing: everything she's doing to you, you're letting her do it. You disrespect yourself that much.
 

lampofred

Member
Joined
Feb 13, 2016
Messages
3,244
Sorry that doesn't sound abusive. It sounds more like she doesn't really respect you so she's just using you for what she can get from you, not in a Machiavellian way but in a childish, dependent, self-centered way. Something as simple as getting your body temperature up might improve your "presence" and her respect for you.
.
 

akgrrrl

Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2018
Messages
1,714
Location
Alaska
Listen to an old person over 65: LEAVE NOW. Take any innocent like your dog or cat, bags of clothes, shoes, your laptop, and keepsakes from your family. Close out the bank acct. File divorce with your courthouse clerk the same day, with brand new PO Box. Failure to think this thru and focus on rebuilding your life all at once can only result in excruciating and devastating personal consequences that will be long and drawn out hell.. Save yourself. Now.
 
OP
J

Jackson Chung

Member
Joined
Jul 30, 2017
Messages
160
To those that support me. Thank you! Yes I am planning to leave. M
To those that say man up. It’s easy for you to say. You see I stand to lose $100,000 if I were to divorce. It’s not an easy matter. I am working on ways to avoid losing this money. I need to buy time before I leave.
If you don’t know. This person I am married to came from an abusive household. While I never saw such things. She is used to these things. She told me she would beat her alcoholic father with a stick. I never would have thought she was this way. She is a true psychopath. There is no way manning up will work on her.
Any tips would be appreciated to help get through life as I execute my plan to get rid of her.
 

Elize

Member
Joined
Jan 25, 2016
Messages
918
As a woman I can only share that you should act with wisdom. Do not threaten or share what you intend to do. Make up your mind and just leave quietly. True character shows not in how we start a relationship but how we end it.
 

GAF

Member
Joined
Dec 28, 2014
Messages
789
Age
67
Location
Dallas Texas
I've listened to this hundreds of times in the course of my 40 year CPA practice. Every day you wait to get rid of her causes the problem to get more expensive. Your state laws determine how much she can ultimately get so it does not matter at all what you "think" she might be able to get. Leave today. Hire a lawyer today. Do not talk to her ever again. Have your lawyer speak on your behalf, and tell your lawyer, to only speak on your behalf in writing to her lawyer. Your position should be she is going to get zero. Do not negotiate with her directly. If fact, do not negotiate at all. Do not text. Do not answer the phone. Do not answer emails. Do not tell her where you are or where you are living. Do not give her access to any of your NEW bank information and cancel ALL debit and credit cards that are in your name or in joint names. Inform the HR people at your place of employment that they are not to provide any information to her at all.

Focus on your work and making and saving money. $100K is peanuts and you will be able to make that up 100 times over once you stop your mind from trolling thru this over and over and over.

There are 1000's of reasonably decent women in your area who are desperate to find a hard working gentleman like yourself - Women who will take care of you and devote themselves to you in meaningful ways.

It is not that hard to crawl out of hell. Just move out and find a lawyer and tell your lawyer what to do and when to do it. Don't let your lawyer run your show either. Take charge of your future. You've got one life and none of us have much time left.
 

redsun

Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2018
Messages
3,013
To those that support me. Thank you! Yes I am planning to leave. M
To those that say man up. It’s easy for you to say. You see I stand to lose $100,000 if I were to divorce. It’s not an easy matter. I am working on ways to avoid losing this money. I need to buy time before I leave.
If you don’t know. This person I am married to came from an abusive household. While I never saw such things. She is used to these things. She told me she would beat her alcoholic father with a stick. I never would have thought she was this way. She is a true psychopath. There is no way manning up will work on her.
Any tips would be appreciated to help get through life as I execute my plan to get rid of her.

I am not saying to man up unironically. You clearly are not acting like a man now. And this entire time you were not one as far as I am concerned otherwise you would never be in this situation where you have bedtimes and your entire day is basically controlled by her.

And yet you married her despite what was wrong with her. I still do not see how you are not majorly at fault here. You probably gave the false impression to her that you can be a man, which is what most men do at the start but that's not what they are. Most men get married expecting a second mother and are babies in an adult body.

Are you ok? She beat her alcoholic father who probably was abusive with a stick. That is not a psychopath. Seems like a damaged girl who has learned to cope by trying to control everything. Clearly you control nothing, that's why she is the way she is.

Its quite easy for a man to do what a man does. That's his nature. Clearly its not yours.

Hopefully for your sake you learn how to be a man before your next relationship.
 

boris

Member
Joined
Oct 1, 2019
Messages
2,345
I would give her a tablespoon of progest-e or some NDT or T3.

Such behaviours have root in past trauma of course but the episodes are caused by energy failure.
 

akgrrrl

Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2018
Messages
1,714
Location
Alaska
Jackson, several here have echoed the necessity for you to leave asap as I said in brief. I only want to repeat that the suggestions of absolute secrecy and failsafe methods reminiscient of a good spy novel cannot be understated for personal safety and successful separation. I would offer you a contact for a rental but I doubt you are prepared to live in Alaska. Pm me if you want to chat on that.
 
OP
J

Jackson Chung

Member
Joined
Jul 30, 2017
Messages
160
I've listened to this hundreds of times in the course of my 40 year CPA practice. Every day you wait to get rid of her causes the problem to get more expensive. Your state laws determine how much she can ultimately get so it does not matter at all what you "think" she might be able to get. Leave today. Hire a lawyer today. Do not talk to her ever again. Have your lawyer speak on your behalf, and tell your lawyer, to only speak on your behalf in writing to her lawyer. Your position should be she is going to get zero. Do not negotiate with her directly. If fact, do not negotiate at all. Do not text. Do not answer the phone. Do not answer emails. Do not tell her where you are or where you are living. Do not give her access to any of your NEW bank information and cancel ALL debit and credit cards that are in your name or in joint names. Inform the HR people at your place of employment that they are not to provide any information to her at all.

Focus on your work and making and saving money. $100K is peanuts and you will be able to make that up 100 times over once you stop your mind from trolling thru this over and over and over.

There are 1000's of reasonably decent women in your area who are desperate to find a hard working gentleman like yourself - Women who will take care of you and devote themselves to you in meaningful ways.

It is not that hard to crawl out of hell. Just move out and find a lawyer and tell your lawyer what to do and when to do it. Don't let your lawyer run your show either. Take charge of your future. You've got one life and none of us have much time left.
Thank you. Actually have you heard of offshore asset protection? Placing money in an offshore Trust. That is my plan. What do you think? I am trying to find a safe bank to do it with. Found some in Singapore that accept Americans.
 
OP
J

Jackson Chung

Member
Joined
Jul 30, 2017
Messages
160
Jackson, several here have echoed the necessity for you to leave asap as I said in brief. I only want to repeat that the suggestions of absolute secrecy and failsafe methods reminiscient of a good spy novel cannot be understated for personal safety and successful separation. I would offer you a contact for a rental but I doubt you are prepared to live in Alaska. Pm me if you want to chat on that.
Thank you so much. I am in Michigan. Yes absolute secrecy. But can be hard with the extreme verbal abuse. She insults my family daily. Any mistake is punished. For example I took a geography test for her. Got 80. Final grade was a4.0. Still got yelled at. Some of her classes have online labs, i have to get 100%. That means doing a2 hr lab several times.
 

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