How To Calm Down And Recover Metabolism After Very Bitter Arguments?

encerent

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Help!!!

How do you bounce back from a bad fight with a significant other, friend or co-worker?

I want to get back to a healthy state where I can sleep soundly, eat heartily and enjoy the summer. But all I'm doing replaying the argument in my head, endlessly coming up with counter-arguments I should have said (and want to say the next best chance I get!).

I'm already losing sleep doing this pointless playback, obsessing how I was so right and how I should have said this and that to smash their argument to bits in the moment.

Of course the passing of time is the surest remedy for these things. But I don't want to be in a zombie/low metabolism state for days, which will be re-enforced by poor sleep and poor metabolic habits.

In this case right now, I guess we've made up to some extent. But I still can't get over it all. I'm pathologically playing the argument over and over still, imagining perfect responses I should have, could have said. How do I let go faster and move on as the other person apparently has?

I'm trying to imagine their point of view. But I can only see how they're so dumb and I'm so right and it's all their fault. I'm still stuck in the argument and overstimulated. How do I knock myself down?
 

miki14

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Flight or fight. Sprints, short bursts, long pauses. Or Bjj. Can't you just fuk her? Love after hate is the best, they say ;)
 

shine

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Help!!!

How do you bounce back from a bad fight with a significant other, friend or co-worker?

I want to get back to a healthy state where I can sleep soundly, eat heartily and enjoy the summer. But all I'm doing replaying the argument in my head, endlessly coming up with counter-arguments I should have said (and want to say the next best chance I get!).

I'm already losing sleep doing this pointless playback, obsessing how I was so right and how I should have said this and that to smash their argument to bits in the moment.

Of course the passing of time is the surest remedy for these things. But I don't want to be in a zombie/low metabolism state for days, which will be re-enforced by poor sleep and poor metabolic habits.

In this case right now, I guess we've made up to some extent. But I still can't get over it all. I'm pathologically playing the argument over and over still, imagining perfect responses I should have, could have said. How do I let go faster and move on as the other person apparently has?

I'm trying to imagine their point of view. But I can only see how they're so dumb and I'm so right and it's all their fault. I'm still stuck in the argument and overstimulated. How do I knock myself down?


Just stop thinking. Focus on your breath, not your thoughts. IIIIN, and OOOUUT. Repeat 1000 times.

Also, you are waaay too involved in other people. You gotta be able to walk away from them at any point.

 

yerrag

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Talk to a counselor. Counselors are trained to listen. He or she will help you find the answer. Usually the answer is with you all along.

Don't talk to a friend. A friend means well but usually doesn't listen. Only has answers that's based on his own context. And that's your best friend. Usually, they have more problems and you end up listening to their problems.
 
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Andman

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treat it as any other stressor imo. eat right, use the anti-stress substances liberally (t3, preg, prog, caffeine, etc.)

cypro if you have it on hand too
 

Thoushant

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Rumination can be hard to go through, but you might be imagining the ways your not comfortable expressing.
If you accept your imperfect responses in the situation, you might understand why you felt limited.
If you reflect on it, you might realize no one is right, you might want to talk it out and understand from a constructive conversation.
 

milk_lover

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Sometimes you just need to calm yourself, withdraw from the situation, and drink some sugary drink or eat a bar of chocolate and after you become relaxed and calm, give them a call (don't send text messages as they can easily be misinterpreted) and start with an apology even if you know you are right. This way they will start listening to you and be convinced by your arguments.
 
OP
encerent

encerent

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Good suggestions. I have to try some now. My mind and body is still in the overactive, overexcited, ready to argue and pounce on every little word state. o_O
 
OP
encerent

encerent

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Step 1, why are you having bitter arguments...

For the whole range of reasons humans have to be mad and argue with each other, which might amount to 'not much' to a reasonable third party watching. I think I am more sensitive get stuck in arguments more when I get into them with people, but I don't think I argue/fight more than others. I'm bad at coping, and I'm trying to let it roll, walk away, and do the other things people have suggested so far.
 

Waynish

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For the whole range of reasons humans have to be mad and argue with each other, which might amount to 'not much' to a reasonable third party watching. I think I am more sensitive get stuck in arguments more when I get into them with people, but I don't think I argue/fight more than others. I'm bad at coping, and I'm trying to let it roll, walk away, and do the other things people have suggested so far.

Why do people interpret being "bad at coping" as negative? Coping itself is negative. Meditation will probably be the most effective. Here are some guides: dhammatalks.org
 

Luming Zhou

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Why do people interpret being "bad at coping" as negative? Coping itself is negative. Meditation will probably be the most effective. Here are some guides: dhammatalks.org
A lot of people do in fact have these thoughts after they have arguments and use alcohol and drugs as ways to cope with these obsessive thoughts. This is the reason why people say they use alcohol or drugs "to relieve stress."
 
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haidut

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But all I'm doing replaying the argument in my head, endlessly coming up with counter-arguments I should have said (and want to say the next best chance I get!).

Getting angry is normal, and is usually much healthier than the calmed, composed attitude of the stone-face poker player protagonist we are being told is how the ideal behavior should look like. The repetitive thoughts after the argument suggest depleted energy reserves combined with elevated serotonin. Excessive mental verbalization is the prime sign/symptoms of mental exhaustion and many of the psychotic states driven, of course, by serotonin. Peat wrote in one of his articles of the "verbal deliriums" he used to experience when he was severely exhausted. Broda Barnes used to do "couples therapy" with thyroid. I would suggest trying cyproheptadine first.
Also, if you perceive this person you are arguing with as always toxic and always driving you mad, then it may be worth limiting exposure to them. If it is even possible. Sometimes, if it is an elderly parent or mentally ill spouse, there is only so much you can do to avoid or reason with them. For all the big deal therapists and psychiatrist make of "communication" between two parties and trying to reason away all problems as problems with communication, this crap shatters in the face or reality - i.e. a berserk partner/parent/coworker that is unwilling or incapable of listening, let alone communicating. So, in cases like that I'd focus on maintaining good energetic status and having a few tools like cypro/thyroid at hand. Like everything else, even this will pass, but it may return so it helps to be ready in advance for the next time you see it coming.
 
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encerent

encerent

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Getting angry is normal, and is usually much healthier than the calmed, composed attitude of the stone-face poker player protagonist we are being told is how the ideal behavior should look like. The repetitive thoughts after the argument suggest depleted energy reserves combined with elevated serotonin. Excessive mental verbalization is the prime sign/symptoms of mental exhaustion and many of the psychotic states driven, of course, by serotonin. Peat wrote in one of his articles of the "verbal deliriums" he used to experience when he was severely exhausted. Broda Barnes used to do "couples therapy" with thyroid. I would suggest trying cyproheptadine first.

Thanks haidut, I actually caught you last night in your latest chat with Danny Roddy on his channel. (I feel like a celebrity is coming down to look into my suffering and trying to help me with it.) It was great as far as I watched it but I was too preoccupied with my repetitive mental verbalizations to pay attention and continue. I do have cypro on hand and I'll try that next time after I have some argument/trigger to a episode of repetitive--almost delirious (like you said)--thoughts.

You're the next guy to carry on the Peat legacy man. You keep up with the theory and science, and can talk technical biochemistry and physiology as easily and quickly as Peat does as people pose general questions. I notice how you straighten out their questions (as you straighten out Danny's lol) and give them the words in your answer they didn't know how to express in their own questions. You give people actual tools--the right words--to gain more knowledge and understanding.

Even with your science knowledge, you still care about individual human being and what he/she is going through. A lot of scientists especially medical scientists seem to think human beings are inconvenient. They like treating cells and body parts and genes. A suffering person is messy and inconvenient. Doctors don't like you to talk. They rather irradiate you, draw some blood, do a ton of tests and look at your cells. They care about perpetuating science culture, norms and prestige that have nothing to do with people even if they're in the medical field. You come down and give stressed people practical, simple advice to help improve their lives, just as Peat does.

The advice you give is repetitive: but that's a feature. There're a handful of pro-metabolic substances--food and supps--that would almost help any physical or mental ailment. That's the point of the bioenergetic view of the organism though. There are master keys (sugar, thyroid, progesterone) that click right in and unlock human energy to thrive in this world. There are no specialized keys that fit just the brain, the heart, the pink finger, the eyeball , or the "psyche."
 
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lampofred

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Getting angry is normal, and is usually much healthier than the calmed, composed attitude of the stone-face poker player protagonist we are being told is how the ideal behavior should look like.

100%.

Most meditations will castrate you. I would instead try to do something physical such as playing sports or lifting weights to burn off the excess energy.
 

LucyL

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I would use EFT for something like this. EFT- Emotional Freedom Technique is very easy to learn. Basically it is a pattern of tapping on acupressure points on your body while focusing on the emotions that are upsetting you. I think it works because stimulating the acupressure points stimulates your parasympathetic nervous system, which is the calm, relaxing part of your nervous system and focusing on the incident while you are doing this trains your body to respond calmly to it, instead of the continual fight or flight response you are experiencing now. It may take a few rounds and over a couple days to clear it completely, but it will get easier as you get more comfortable using EFT.
 

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