How To Be Happy?

Cirion

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Cirion, I really don't think you were ever truly happy if you lost it that easily by just doing too many gym workouts or not being disciplined enough with what you eat. Why would you push yourself too hard if you were truly happy? Why would you eat foods you know are bad for you if truly happy? Why would you get into relationships with negative people who bring you down if you were truly happy? These choices don't happen in a vacuum.

What I observed from people who seem "genuinely" happy is whatever they are feeling is not that sensitive to disruption by minor life circumstances like that. It is a predisposition that is usually observed to have been with that person his whole life. I've also been high and experienced the rush of falling in love where I just spontaneously lose a ton of weight and always spring out of bed for months on end, it never lasts. Just like you have never been able to make it last indefinitely, whatever it is you felt.

Maintaining good health is much like maintaining wealth. They both take constant maintenance. Just because your are healthy doesn't give you liberty to eat junk food like its going out of style, getting wasted every weekend, and staying up all night, etc. Similarly, if one is wealthy, that doesn't give them liberty to buy a new house/car every year. Being wealthy also takes a lot of maintenance and tracking your assets and rate of returns, and expenditures relative to gains from assets. The same applies to being healthy. You can't abuse your body and expect it to remain healthy. In order to retain wealth you must continue to invest a lot of money every year, and not pull out more than is gained per year. Actually, wealthy people often live more frugally than middle class individuals. Being healthy requires similar discipline. Recognizing that you should take frequent vacations, days off, always get enough sleep, etc. Actually achieving health is also kind of like building wealth. To "Build health" you must build up nutrients and energy and androgens while reducing expenditures (stress).

You are right though that it takes more than one small thing to destroy good health but it absolutely does add up over time without watching things. As for the choices, well, being healthy has a way of making you feel invincible and thus stop caring about being as strict about things. Yes, I was foolish. I took the good health for granted, a mistake I don't plan to make the next go around. I made many bad choices because feeling good has a way of making you do dumb things or at least for me it did. I had never had a long-term relationship before, I had in fact never even been healthy enough to properly chase one, so that one I chalk more up to inexperience than anything else (but another mistake I shall not make again).
 
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lampofred

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I really never find rays voice to sound very happy. Even his chuckles always have this sardonic tone to them. His cadence and intonation when he speaks reminds me of eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. Half the time he’s sarcastic, and when he is really excited about something it’s usually when he’s talking about how much pharma sucks or how American militarism is destroying the world. What I do find that ray has going for him is major authenticity. Do you ever notice how Andrew murray or other hosts are always saying good evening or thank you or whatever and ray just doesn’t respond? He could care less about social niceties.

I think he is slightly autistic.
 

lampofred

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If anyone knows the secret to perpetual happiness, please do post it on this thread. Because I definitely am not even close to discovering it.

I think the only truly happy people I have seen are toddlers. And they have insane metabolisms.
 
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LUH 3417

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If anyone knows the secret to perpetual happiness, please do post it on this thread. Because I definitely am not even close to discovering it.

The only truly happy people I know are toddlers. And they have insane metabolisms.
Happiness is a warm bun

Haven’t you heard of terrible twos?
 

Nebula

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Happy people usually have a core group of secure family and friend relationships and belong to a village like community they feel secure, loved and needed in. They also feel they are doing work that is making other’s lives better and get joy from seeing the direct results of their work. They typically have a close relationship with the people they are helping.

Good health and plenty of free time helps a lot, but I think happiness with regular moments of joy is more about meaning and belonging.
 

lampofred

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Happiness is a warm bun

Haven’t you heard of terrible twos?

Kids might throw temper tantrums and cry but they don't take anything to heart (except in exceptional cases like abuse). They can be as good as new in just a few minutes. I think the real, "adult" kind of unhappiness that causes systemic harm stems from chronic emotional suppression and resentment over a long period of time.
 

LUH 3417

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Kids might throw temper tantrums and cry but they don't take anything to heart. They can be as good as new in just a few minutes. I think the real, "adult" kind of unhappiness that causes systemic harm stems from chronic emotional suppression and resentment over a long period of time.
People feel awful because they are treated awfully, usually beginning really early in life. Like Reich and his idea of body armoring, there’s not an adult alive that isn’t some form of human armadillo. I’m messed up because I peed on the floor in kindergarten
 

LUH 3417

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I really don't think you were ever truly happy if you lost it that easily by just doing too many gym workouts or not being disciplined enough with what you eat. Why would you push yourself too hard if you were truly happy? Why would you eat foods you know are bad for you if truly happy? Why would you get into relationships with negative people who bring you down if you were truly happy? These choices don't happen in a vacuum.

What I observed from people who seem "genuinely" happy is whatever they are feeling is not that sensitive to disruption by minor life circumstances like that. It is a predisposition that is usually observed to have been with that person his whole life. I've also been high and experienced the rush of falling in love where I just spontaneously lose a ton of weight and always spring out of bed for months on end, it never lasts. Just like you have never been able to make it last indefinitely, whatever it is you felt.
If people were meant to pop out of bed, we’d all sleep in toasters.’ - Garfield
 

Jib

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@ Dino

I'm gonna type out one of my favorite stories, just for you. It's from Lieh-Tzu: A Taoist Guide to Practical Living. I forgot about this story for years but just remembered it when you told me. I just found that I already have typed it out on my computer, and could copy and paste it, but I'll type it out again for you. You said you don't want to hear anything like this, but I think it's such a great story and is worth listening to, and I'll give you the respect of typing it out word by word instead of just copying it and pasting it like a hit-and-run or something. As I type it out it really helps me focus on the words as well and lets them sink in more. I'll share my own thoughts after. Here we go:

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"True Happiness and Contentment"


Confucius had just retired from politics when Tzu-kung came visiting. As Tzu-kung entered, he saw his teacher looking sad and despondent. He had never seen Confucius behave like this before, so he left quietly and went to talk to his friend Yen-hui.

Yen-hui was one of the most promising students of Confucius. He enjoyed a special relationship with his teacher and understood the teachings of his master more than any other student. When Yen-hui heard what Tzu-kung had said about their teacher, he did not say a word. Instead, he picked up his lute and started to play and sing as he walked to his teacher's home.

When Confucius heard Yen-hui's singing, he was surprised. He stopped frowning and invited Yen-hui inside. Yen-hui was happy that his little act succeeded in cheering up his teacher, but Confucius greeted him with, "Why are you so happy with yourself these days?"

Yen-hui did not respond directly to his teacher's question. Instead, he asked Confucius, 'Teacher, why are you so depressed these days?"

Confucius said, "Let's hear your reasons for being happy first."

So Yen-hui replied, "You have taught me that to accept life and be contented with the will of heaven is to be happy. I have kept those words in my mind and now I am always satisfied and happy."

Confucius was taken aback by Yen-hui's answer. "Did I really teach you that? I think you misunderstood me. Besides, that was a long time ago. Things are different now, and my understanding of happiness has changed."

Confucius then looked at Yen-hui intently and continued, "You only know that accepting life and being contented with the will of heaven is happiness. You do not know that sometimes it may bring sorrow. You think you are contented and happy if you are not attracted by fame and fortune, or worried about life and death, or disturbed by changes in your surroundings. My understanding of what it means to be happy and contented is not merely that. Let me tell you some of my experiences and maybe you will understand what it means to be truly happy and contented.

"When I was young, I pledged that one day I should offer my services to my country and help to make a better society. So I studied the classics, acquired skills in the martial arts, and cultivated myself with music and poetry. I had hoped I could lead others with my example, become an advisor to the lord of my country, and help people live a better life. But when I completed my studies, the situation changed. My country became weak and the court became corrupt. Politicians fought for power, and intrigues and betrayals became the norm.

"Nowadays, no one is interested in hearing about virtue and harmony anymore. In our society, people place more importance on business advantage than friendship. Relationships have become shallow, and everyone is bending to social and peer pressure to get approval or to get ahead.

"How naive I was in thinking I could turn things around! Now I know no one can change the government or society by studying the classics. But I have not found a way to solve the problems of the world, either. When you lose your ideals and vision, you will realize that simply accepting life does not necessarily make you happy."

Yen-hui was dumbfounded by Confucius's confession. He had never heard his teacher talk about his life and his experiences. So he continued to listen attentively.

Confucius said, "To be truly happy and contented, you must let go of the idea of what it means to be happy or content. When you understand there is really nothing to be happy or sad about, then you will be truly contented. When you have reached this state of mind, then you will realize it does not matter whether or not music, poetry, or the classics are useful in changing society. In fact, whether or not you have an impact on society is not important."

Yen-hui finally understood what his teacher meant. He bowed respectfully and left.

Seeing that Yen-hui had returned home, Tzu-kung went to see his friend. When Yen-hui related what Confucius had told him, Tzu-kung was confused. He thought about his teacher's words and found that he was far from the state of mind Confucius had attained. Feeling frustrated and hopeless, he went home and locked himself in his house. For seven days he could not sleep. He lost his appetite and became thin and sallow.

When Yen-hui saw Tzu-kung's condition, he patiently explained his master's teachings to Tzu-kung and encouraged him to have confidence in himself. With Yen-hui's help, Tzu-kung finally came around. From then on, Tzu-kung was not depressed anymore. Daily he went to study with Confucius and laughed and sang with the other students.

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It occurred to me this is a story, so it isn't just about what "Confucius said,"; it's the whole story. Which includes a friend helping a friend. Sometimes there really is nothing you can do and it takes another soul to snap you out of it and lift you up. I really believe that.

Imagine playing fetch with a dog. Is the dog contemplating what the use is of such a game? Or what impact that might have on the world? Or does the dog think, one day I'll be old and won't be able to do this anymore, and get depressed?

They just play. I think most humans would be better off if they treated each other like most people treat dogs today. I think there's a reason dogs have become even more popular. It's because they're like medicine in a society that has become progressively sicker and more detached. Dogs represent love, affection, being outgoing, fearless curiosity, joy and excitement for no reason, playfulness, and simple-mindedness.

They are also notorious, at least in my experience, for being resistant to any kind of "therapy." I've known many dogs that were severely abused that were screwed up for their whole lives until they died, despite being in the most loving and attentive families possible after the initial abuse. Humans can be the same way. So seeing that in dogs, for example, has helped me be more compassionate both with other people, as well as myself. It's very popular today to judge people for not "consciously controlling" their thoughts, or not just "choosing to be happy," but the reality is people can be just like dogs.

Try explaining to a dog why it doesn't have to be afraid that someone is going to hit them after giving it a treat. Obviously, nothing will get through, and nothing will change.

And if it does change, it can only be the product of outside forces: other beings. So in cases where such issues are resolved, it's never in a vacuum. I used to do NLP work with people, as a hobby. It is absolutely possible to change a person's thoughts/belief systems, and even resolve traumatic memories. This isn't about making people into "happy robots" but helping them let go of baggage that is no longer serving them.

It's helpful to recognize the "big ones" you might have, the big beliefs that might be sucking you down into a void that goes beyond the natural fluctuation, the natural ebb and flow of human emotions.

Like a dog pulling it's head away and shivering if you go to pet it. Many humans are like this in one way or another. They're simply auto-pilot self-protective responses, but outdated ones that start to mess up a person's life and limit them instead of protect them, like it did in the past when the abuse happened, whatever it was. Sadly, without intervention, or someone with the skills and knowledge to correct this, many people will live through abuse and die without ever having resolved the effects of it. This is reality.

With work, I believe these habits can be changed, but this doesn't guarantee a person will be "happy." But whenever I worked with people, that was never the goal. The only goal is to confront the tormenting thoughts/beliefs, and let them go by releasing the emotions attached to them. And as new problems come up, this process has to be repeated. This is why I recommend people to learn to work on themselves, so they can -- at least partially -- cope with and release mental hangups as they arise. But I think it almost always will require outside intervention of some sort to help people that are really down for the count.

But the idea that other emotions are "bad" is of course, not true. Laughing, crying, yelling, singing, being sullen, being social, being happy, being depressed. There is a very natural ebb and flow to all of these things.

However, in the "happy" people I know, the resounding trait is that they don't let emotions linger unnaturally. I remember a friend telling me after losing his job, he felt "extremely depressed for about 20 minutes." Then he pulled himself together and figured he'd find a way to make things work. That's just the way he is.

But I've found it funny that he tends to experience emotions in short bursts like that. He feels the whole range of emotions but he's always been in a good mood whenever I've visited him. He's divorced and lives alone and is 70 years old, has a generally awful diet of primarily canned food, has almost no teeth left, and is probably the happiest person I've ever met in my life, by traditional definitions, and he's been that from the time I met him over 15 years ago. Not happy-go-lucky. Just grounded and always the same and positive at least 99% of the time.

He did go through a rough patch during the divorce and said he almost killed himself. He was in the bathroom with a loaded handgun pointed at his head but then he looked over at a picture of his kids and couldn't do it. He said he just imagined them going to school and everyone knowing them as the kids whose dad committed suicide and then he put the gun away and never thought about it again. I was shocked when he told me that as I never imagined him, of all people, would've ever even thought about suicide.

He always socializes with people out getting groceries, makes people laugh, and in general is just positive to be around. He told me one day he thinks he's happy and has no regrets because he just always did whatever he wanted to do, even from when he was a little kid.

For whatever that's worth. I've been his friend for so long, but his demeanor is pretty foreign to me, as I've spent like 98% of my life being neurotic/depressed etc.

The only time I've achieved "Dog Mind" was when I had a somewhat normal social life. Everyone is different. But for me being around people I get along with has always been key to my health and why it deteriorates so rapidly when I'm alone for too long and have no one to connect with. Whether it's a significant other or a best friend you can laugh your **** off with and be completely open with, or both, or a community, or whatever. Too much time alone thinking is not good, in my experience, and is a recipe for not being "happy."

The last part of the story is the most powerful to me:

When Yen-hui saw Tzu-kung's condition, he patiently explained his master's teachings to Tzu-kung and encouraged him to have confidence in himself. With Yen-hui's help, Tzu-kung finally came around. From then on, Tzu-kung was not depressed anymore. Daily he went to study with Confucius and laughed and sang with the other students.

Good luck, Dino. We all could use some of that, I think :)
 
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Dino D

Dino D

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@milk_lover so red bull + taurine? or just red bull, or cola + taurine?
@Cirion i know your way, i wont get to deep into it, who knows, maybe you can make it, i know that everyone feels better when healthy and in a good state, but I was searching more for happiness that can be archived by unhealthy or old and weak people, or people who have a shitty life but are still happy... however my diet improved and i feel better, still a lot of work to do :)
@Collden ultimately happiness is an illusion, but practically it is real for me, I'm happy when i get a super hot girl (but not anymore because I'm married) when i drink with friends and we do crazy stuff, when i do some extreme sports, when something beautiful happens that touches my soul... happiness is a nice state, feeling of bliss, love warmth, relaxed, peacefull, mixed...
@redsun yea, thats what i wrote... I cant do what i want, i cant leave my wife, job, i cant get a super rich millionaire or look like brad pitt, and if i did the misery would come again, then i would have to leave the new thing for witch i have left now,,, also when doing deep spiritual work, and drugs haha, I saw clearly that my selfish desires for sex, looks and whatever are low, and an illusion, that I dont need them and that they can never satisfie me, that Im perfect right now, that everything is to beautiful and even the bad thing, I reconected with my wife in my hearth and saw her as the most beuatiful being, and like ADELE said, i remebered and felt the reason why i love her, and there is even no reason, i just love her... however i faded (still love her though, but the stupid wish for party and sex with super models comes from times to times hah)... enlightenment or uncondicional happiness would be nice haha
as for being ripped, it not my super goal, but one wise mad said it better to be rich and depressed then to be poor and depressed, the same is with looking good or bad...
@methylenewhite 100% right... still i was happy from 3-10 years almost every day, from 10-20 I was pretty happy, why not continue to be happy in general...
transcedenting the need for happines, like an ultimative goal is only achived by sages, super gurus or whatever, I doubt i can get there... i transcedented suffering and true depression, but i didnt get happy or close to happy, its more like numb (linkin park-numb and chester commited suicide :) )
i didnt read the book of flow, but i read articles about it on the net, i read eckart tolle, ramana maharshi, rupert spira, gjurdief, wim hof (and did it for one year), also wilhelm reich-and did the therapy bymy self, erich from and so on...
@Runenight201 thats what i do, all of that, thats even a problem, I had an outstanding life, even now i have a great life with party, some money (not rich but its OK), sports and so on.... the problem is when you have a lot of highs then you start craving them and then you feel bad when youre are in a normal or low state, i want all the time to be in the super sweet spor of me getting girls and having party (and i had 15 years of such an intesne life) and i got like 50 times in the spot where I started hating this empty and meaningless life, and in the end it does not make me happy and never did, and now if i go party or even flirt with girls it does now make me happy like before or at all
@pinacolada being authentic is in line with what i said-doing what you trully want, but then come other problems... what if i get disabled, sick or cancer and cant to that, so it is very condicional, however I dont have the guts to do what i want, and i dont know what i truly want... what i want now changes, or if i do spiritual stuff (wim hof or drugs or deep meditation or emotional relases) it gets showed that all of my everyday desires are like curses and lies and that I dont trully want them, in fact there are diseres that in fact are the obsticles and the reason why I'm not happy or peacefull now-there are my delusions and so on)
@Cirion yes, but can we be happy without super metabolism, coffee, mdma or whatever can make everybody happy, but what when it goes away...
@lampofred chronic emotional suppression and resentment over a long period of time, yes... i tried to get rid of it (meditating, wim hof, wilchel reich, emotional relases) i got lows and highs from it, its like an endless detox, ... every emotion is relative, every need is conditional and illusionary created, youre not what you want and what you think that you need is not what you need, and in fact that same NEED is also an illusion, and if you get it you just get more empty, its like a distraction
@Jib thx, you are my friend now hehe, but still that story is deep, but your conclusions about making frineds is a practical hack, a distraction... you should like confucions be able to be alone with your self and be happy, or be beyond happy, JUST BE, and BE FINE with it, I know people like your friend... i know a guy who lived on the streets, joked, was a bit crazy but happy and with smiles... but deep down, when you look deep down, thats not it... your friend is not happy, he is not like confucius, he is a selfish guy who feels good because he does what he wants and does not care.. but let me make him sit alone with his self, doing therapy and opening up his aromor, and you will see his screams and tears :D or maybe not... thats not the point and it is in line with what I say-do what you want and you will be happy, and I asked is that it? do i only have to be happy if I do what I want? so is the the conclusion IF I want to be happy, I can only be happy if I do what I want so I have to do what i want no matter of the consequences (leaving wife, kids, family, job-going for party, gmy, spiritual trips, India, or living in a forest deep within my self and soul or whatever)
My happines was a system closes described from @methylenewhite ... in that sense it is not different from a drugadict that chases the high achived from drugs, a chase for a specific biochemical state in my brain (doing what i want and like, geting the high from it)... i asked for the being happy with whatever state, or being super fine with not being happy...
currently, i'm like a depressed budha who handles his depression very good to the point where he often gets OK or a bit better then OK but not happy or very very rarely...
And I see happiness only in a super party, sex, or extreme stuff btw. in my life i smoked weed 5 times, and did mdma 2 times (its not like i took a lot of drugs), i did the wim hof method like 200 times, and meditated maybe 1.500 hours, and i read books and listened to youtube channels about this topic (and binged forums) for 5 years... Smart people are here, so I just took a shot, maybe a surprise answer or method would pop up, still thx
 

nbznj

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Social life is everything. Look at the blue zones.

If you don’t create your tribe and you don’t know a ton of people who can laugh with you, then make it happen. Being social is a skill that needs work, just like building muscle or dieting it’s not easy, and takes time.

"To be truly happy and contented, you must let go of the idea of what it means to be happy or content. When you understand there is really nothing to be happy or sad about, then you will be truly contented. When you have reached this state of mind, then you will realize it does not matter whether or not music, poetry, or the classics are useful in changing society. In fact, whether or not you have an impact on society is not important."

Yeah, this. I like that a lot. The less you stress for crappy western society driven obsessions, the slower you age. I like social media for that. Daily reminder that people obsess over utter BS. Overthinking will keep anyone in a state of symptomatic unhappiness. Quite the cancerous way to live.
 
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Runenight201

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You can look behind the curtains, and see how meaningless all the things of this world are. Relationships, jobs, sex, drugs, accomplishments, etc....

But then you can close that curtain, and just enjoy the experiences of life. Recognize that they are fleeting, but still enjoy the highs as they come, ride the lows when they arise. There’s a reason why every culture always had festivals, and dancing, and feasts, and it was ensure that life didn’t become such a drag all the time. William James mused that every such occurrence was a religious experience, in that it expanded the soul and made life enjoyable. And when the euphoria is over, put on your shoes and just live. It was a common theme in Zen Buddhism to just live. That the key to enlightenment was to wake up, wash your face, put on your shoes, eat breakfast.

You could be spending too much time looking past the curtain. Perhaps closing it and enjoying the play is best. There’s real joy in experiencing a laugh, a touch, a hug, a conversation, a smile, a song, a poem, a movie. I think keeping those things regularly in the social diet are just as important as proper nutrition.
 

Hugh Johnson

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Advaita Vedanta. Once you realize your true nature as the consciousness in which all apparent reality exists, existence will slowly start to be permeated by peace and happiness.

There are other ways, such as the sedona method or letting go by David Hawkings that help you reach the same conclusion.
 

Energizer

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I think you should do what you enjoy and avoid what you don't as much as possible. This is a much more concrete concept, imo, than trying to chase an abstract ideal like Happiness. Cultivate good health: good metabolic function ties in well with the high energy blissful and resilient resting state (like that of the exuberant child). Living in an environment which promotes that has its advantages (such as near the equator or an area with lots of sunshine, good natural foods, high altitude, etc).

The word Happiness has been muddled by endless paralyzing analysis and co-opted by consumerism, which in the West involves the obsession of chasing after abstract ideals, Happiness being one of them ("The American Dream" being another prominent myth to program the masses to better serve the corporate ruling class). The ideals can never be satisfied, so people can be kept in a never-ending state of distraction and anxiety in order to keep them peddling on The Rat Wheel, seeking out external things to ease this anxiety, like buying superfluous things, toiling away in miserable jobs, meaningless entertainment, etc. I find this lecture to be quite eloquent talking about how society has gone astray and perhaps might shed some light on ways we can make meaning in our lives in our society that eliminates meaningful choices.

Another idea would be to promote a shift in perspective by going somewhere completely different and trying out completely different things. This is not an original idea. For example, Ray mentioned he travels to Mexico and other countries whenever he starts feeling the slump of living in America for too long.
 
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Dino D

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@Runenight201 agree
@Hugh Johnson i know, but i cant realize it, only as a intelectual concept, and i had one glimps for 2 seconds... have you realize it, can you get in that state? (its not a state) is it trully your direct experience (are you enlightened) or is it just talk and theory? like it is for me?
@Energizer true true, im traveling to Bali in 3 months, that should be nice hehe
 

milk_lover

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@milk_lover so red bull + taurine? or just red bull, or cola + taurine?

Red Bull has already taurine. My idea is that the sugars, caffeine and taurine are things that generally reduce my workplace stress. So yeah answering your question, just Red Bull or cola + taurine. Vitamin D is also protective against depression and stress.
 

milkboi

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Red Bull has already taurine. My idea is that the sugars, caffeine and taurine are things that generally reduce my workplace stress. So yeah answering your question, just Red Bull or cola + taurine. Vitamin D is also protective against depression and stress.

How much Taurine do you consume per day?
 

Hugh Johnson

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@Runenight201 agree
@Hugh Johnson i know, but i cant realize it, only as a intelectual concept, and i had one glimps for 2 seconds... have you realize it, can you get in that state? (its not a state) is it trully your direct experience (are you enlightened) or is it just talk and theory? like it is for me?
@Energizer true true, im traveling to Bali in 3 months, that should be nice hehe
Advaita Vedanta is not about enlightenment, it's about being happy and at peace.

In any case, yes. I am not enlightened but I am less bothered by stuff. In any case you kind of get how your experience is in your consciousness and it becomes more like a movie you are watching.

Once you see it once you learn to take your less seriously, and you keep returning to your true self.

Keep it up and you can engage with the world more fully because you are less concerned about what is going on. Realization of your true essence as awareness does not fix you or make you holy. It just makes you happier and less bothered by stuff because you see it is just a story.
 
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ilikecats

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@pinacolada "The production of euphoria has been mentioned as a side effect, but I think euphoria is simply an indication of a good physiological state.”- Ray Peat

"if you're far from the euphoric condition it means you're basically degenerating structurally" - Ray Peat
 
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