How To Be Happy?

Discussion in 'Mind, Sleep, Stress' started by Dino D, Jun 29, 2019.

  1. Dino D

    Dino D Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2017
    Messages:
    329
    Gender:
    Male
    I know ,,all" the theory, and spirutual ways

    But

    Lets get practical and lets go to what trully works

    I have ben trought a lot if my life, and i have done a looot of mental mastrubation and tried a lot of crazy stuff... there have been very complex contenplations about everything, but it seams:
    That i can only be happy when
    1. I get what i want / i do what i want
    2. I do extreame adrenalin stuff or alcohol and drugs

    Problem 1. When getting what you like it goes away, fades, and stops making you happy, even activitys or sports stop being fun
    1.1 with getting older there is less and less stuff that can make you happy, and it lasts shorter

    Problem 2. Still, often you cant do what you like, or get what you want (because of many reasons, family, job, health whatever) or because its imposibille

    Conclusion: i cant be happy

    Possible suggestions dont work: positive thinking, letting go, being in the now, religion, God, life purpose and so on, coffee or fckn dairy and juice hah, all of those things can stop my suffering, make me come to a neutral state but i never manages to get happy withot the mentioned ways...

    So, any advices?
    And i will not look into advices who will copy budhas, tolles, jesuses, or what ever theories... if youre trully happy, but without lieing to your self, be 100% honest, and if youre happy (most of the time) then tell me how?

    Ps. Im not in a bad mood, i dont trully suffer or have problems, but im not happy, so im neutral but this is in fact unhappy...
    Because of soceity, life, family and job i cant chase my dreams or live like I want... also I dont know what i trully want... and if i would have some dream life, then i would be SONGOKU that looks like bread pitt or johnny depp with a better body :p and if i would become that, after some time, it would fade... and here we are
     
  2. milk_lover

    milk_lover Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2015
    Messages:
    1,761
    Redbull or Coca Cola with taurine. And applying vitamin D on your shoulders/chest. That combo helps me a lot when I am stressed.
     
  3. Cirion

    Cirion Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2017
    Messages:
    3,731
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    St. Louis, Missouri
    Trust me I know the struggle. Not to be cliche but the fact is getting physically healthy also makes you happy. But you're right, a lot of the things required to get physically healthy can be challenging to do. For example, I don't believe 9-5 job working for a living is compatible with health, and I am planning to get out of this asap. Luckily, I have no major expenses to deal with so I can gamble with things like bitcoin lol which I'm hoping will help me exit the rat race sooner. I no longer believe I'll fully heal until I can move to a nice beach house and no 9-5 responsibilities anymore. Though I do suppose that's kind of in line with your #1 point. I think once you are physically healthy, it's a little bit easier to maintain, for me, the struggle is how do you restore broken health once it's broken, without living a 100% stress free life, and that's the hard part for sure, because once you're broken, your body has an exaggerated stress response to EVERYTHING, even otherwise small stressors so you basically have to remove 100% of them to make any progress at all. Though once things start moving in the right direction, it gets easier. I bet if I could just move to a beach house for 6 months to a year I'd come back mostly healed. Unfortunately there is no quick "hack" to getting healed and some things like taurine, caffeine can make you feel great in the moment but haven't actually cured you of anything in the long run.
     
  4. Collden

    Collden Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2012
    Messages:
    529
    Gender:
    Male
    What is happiness anyway? Its clearly a feeling that is different from what you are feeling now, but what is it about that unknown feeling that is better than what you feel now? You dont even know what it is yet you think that everything would be alright if you just felt it. Its not related to any physiological/health issues or lack in the way you life your life, because then you would likely have found that cause of your unhappiness in your long search by now.

    What if there is no such thing as happiness? What if there is absolutely nothing you can do to generate that feeling because it doesn't even exist? What if this is all there is to it? Where do you go from there?
     
  5. redsun

    redsun Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2018
    Messages:
    1,533
    Gender:
    Male
    The more you shed the rules of culture and society, the more happy you will be. Thats because freedom is happiness, its that simple. Freedom to do what you want, to be where you want, act how you want. The closer you can get to creating perfect freedom in your life the happier you will be.

    Also power. Feeling strong, powerful(whether literally in the physical sense, or influence in others) is another thing. This is especially true for men. Not having or feeling like you have power in some way is bound to make you unhappy, depressed as a man.

    You say you don't know what you want and then immediately after, you spit out the first thing that comes to mind. You want to be muscular, big, strong, aka powerful. And if you just want a ripped body that is attractive, then you still will create power as more attractive people have more success in life, more happiness(usually), have an easier time in life because they are treated better because of their looks(think smoking hot girl having an easy life as an extreme of this manifestation). If that is something that you really want deep down it will not fade with time, it will truly amplify your whole life.

    If becoming ripped and muscular is truly what you want, do it. Use the resources at your disposal. If you dont have time, find a way to make time. Make time for your dream. There are some resources on here about building muscle. One of the users here, Hans, also has a website where he has posted tons of research and info mainly focused for men(largely Peat-based as well) to improve hormones, build muscle, reduce body fat etc, its on his profile page. Dont let the peatworld be your only resource for your dream however.
     
  6. methylenewhite

    methylenewhite Member

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2018
    Messages:
    1,123
    Gender:
    Male
    Happiness is religious and social brainwashing artificial concept. They just run your through some mental&hormonal rollecoaster to anchor some specific biochemical state in your brain. That anchored state they after will start calling happiness and will brainwash your to pursuit it. "Im not happy" basically means Im not in that high-like state. Just forget about it. Seriously

    Probably you could benefit from reading The Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. It will take you at least one step further to understanding of non-existence of happiness.
     
  7. Runenight201

    Runenight201 Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2018
    Messages:
    1,345
    Gender:
    Male
    Are you serious? You’re unwilling to listen to the people who spent their whole lives creating practical guidelines for living a good life.

    Eat a metabolically good diet, make some good friends, have a significant other, pursue hobbies, pursue goals, feel like you’re developing In some fashion, be social, stay connected. Make enough money to have secure food and housing. Learn what you have to do to relax.

    You don’t know what you truly want...well that’s fine. Do something. Fail at that, realize you don’t like it, that’s fine. Then do something else. Don’t like that, that’s fine. So do something else. At least do something though. Don’t stagnate, pursue something. The pursuit brings meaning and fulfillment. In it you grow, develop, and learn.

    You have interests. Whatever they are do that. If you have no interests, then something is wrong metabolically. Fix that, and pursue your interests.
     
  8. raysputin

    raysputin Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2016
    Messages:
    2,325
    Gender:
    Female
    I don’t believe in happiness.i believe all we can strive for is authenticity. Life is full of anxiety. Just look at animals, you think they are every happy? My cat is not anxious when she has food in her bowl and can lick herself clean. Everything else is relentless anxiety. I think being authentic means we’re not anxious. A butterfly doesn’t try to be a butterfly, it just does butterfly things. That’s the most we can get in this human experience, just doing and being human.
     
  9. Cirion

    Cirion Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2017
    Messages:
    3,731
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    St. Louis, Missouri
    I think most people who don't believe in happiness have never experienced it. IME and IMO, most unhappy people are also broken metabolically or otherwise have disrupted hormone levels. Being metabolically happy lets you find happiness even in the small things and doesn't require a 8 digit income, or even a significant other (although that can help), or even much of a social life. I know my current unhappiness is nearly 100% due to metabolic dysfunction, as I've been metabolically healthy before, with almost no difference in my current social life or hobbies, yet 10x happier.
     
  10. raysputin

    raysputin Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2016
    Messages:
    2,325
    Gender:
    Female
    Even if you achieved happiness, as you so claimed to do when you were healthy, is it really happiness if it sets you up for misery when that illusive happiness disappears? I mean if happiness were something you could experience and keep ok great. But that’s not reality. We all die, we all sag, we all have to deal with the reality of a deteriorating body. As much as you try to mitigate that and rationalize your attempts at stalling the process, the reality is no one has been able to solve the problem of life. People only enhance their time here, which is a worthy and honorable pursuit and everyone’s responsibility in my opinion. But to act like it’s the laziness and lack of health that makes people doubt the existence of objective happiness is ignorant.
     
  11. Cirion

    Cirion Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2017
    Messages:
    3,731
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    St. Louis, Missouri
    I'll take "fake" happiness over the misery I already have had most of my life any day. Quality of life matters to me. I'm not interested in life if I can't even be remotely happy with it. And you absolutely can be quite happy your whole life even into old age. The main reason people deteriorate is precisely because they stop caring about diet, or keeping stress low, etc.

    Anyway, everyone is free to just give up and say "happiness can't be achieved" or "you're gonna lose it anyway so why bother", but that's not me, because an unhappy life is one not worth living IMO. That's a super depressing way to look at life, and the moment I take that stance is probably the day I blow my brains out haha, so no, I keep hold of my dream, especially since I've done it before so I know I can do it again.
     
  12. Collden

    Collden Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2012
    Messages:
    529
    Gender:
    Male
    If you were in superb metabolic health and thus happy, how did you ever lose that state? Why would you ever stop doing what makes you happy if you knew what that was?

    I think you are talking more of a drug-like high that can be temporarily produced by anything that is metabolically stimulating. But this is always temporary, you cannot keep up this kind of high any more than you can maintain a cocaine binge indefinitely. Sooner or later you gotta come down, so this cannot be the key to happiness
     
  13. raysputin

    raysputin Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2016
    Messages:
    2,325
    Gender:
    Female
    Hmmm. I understand what you’re saying. I suppose I don’t invest too much in being happy because to me it’s so evasive and fleeting. Maybe we’re splitting hairs. I think contentment is being able to enjoy life, enjoy food, a beautiful environment, feel things. But I don’t think you need to be happy to do any of that. Counting your blessings to me is part of contentment, not happiness. Happiness is like those super peak moments of really being excited and invigorated, if achieving things and basking in your glory, which I’ve never felt for months at a time. Maybe days, maybe even weeks, but it’s never been a state for me to achieve permanently. I also would disagree that people stop caring about diet and that’s why they are miserable. I know plenty of people who are obsessed with diet and quite unhappy. Just anecdotal but it seems the more obsessed someone is with finding perfect food the more unhappy they are prone to be when circumstances out of their control make it impossible to get the perfect food or whatever they need to be “happy”
     
  14. raysputin

    raysputin Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2016
    Messages:
    2,325
    Gender:
    Female
    I think those people who are old and “happy” are really just at peace with themselves and their life decisions and grateful for what they experienced. Everyone is going to lose a loved one, everyone is going to have a stressor, everyone lives in a world where there are threats of war, famine, and disease. I mean how could you ever shield yourself from reality? You think you’ll be happy at your wife’s funeral, your dads deathbed, etc etc. the more you can be authentic and in touch with your feelings, the less you hold onto resentment and repression of who you truly are. That’s my goal, at least.
     
  15. Cirion

    Cirion Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2017
    Messages:
    3,731
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    St. Louis, Missouri
    This is what is so sad, and I mean that genuinely and not as an insult. I think people don't even know what its like to even be metabolically healthy. I probably wouldn't either if I hadn't experienced it personally...

    metabolically healthy = Always wake up refreshed and not groggy at all, wake up before alarm, tons of energy, tons of motivation, build muscle easy, powerful libido, great memory, very social etc etc.

    Is the goal here not to get to that point? How many can honestly say they have all that? I can't currently but I've done it before. Ray peat himself is an example of it and hes 80 ish so age has little to do with being able or not able to be metabolically healthy. I made many mistakes which made me lose my health which included over-exertion in the gym, dating the wrong people etc, getting too liberal with diets, I won't be making those mistakes again. The problem is once you lose your health it's very, very hard to get it back, and I've made many more mistakes in the attempt to restore my health, but I keep pushing forward and I'll get there, through sheer determination and force of will.

    Let's face it, most of us here can not wake up without alarms, feel at least somewhat groggy waking up, dragging out of bed especially on monday mornings, mediocre motivation, struggle to want to go to the gym, mediocre at best libido, no or limited ambition, mediocre at best memory, and mediocre at best social lives. Life is supposed to be exciting and full of wonder, but how many of us truly feel this way? I'm not interested in that average existence personally. I believe it was RP himself that said that it is an energetic metabolism that lets one truly experience the wonders of life, but a depressed metabolism can not experience the same.
     
  16. Cirion

    Cirion Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2017
    Messages:
    3,731
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    St. Louis, Missouri
    Yeah perhaps our definitions of happy are slightly different. There is being happy because you won the lotto or had a really great date, and then there is happy just because you're metabolically healthy and no other specific reason since being healthy chronically elevates your dopamine levels and dopamine sensitivity. It's the latter I'm referring to - the ability to feel the excitement in every day life, which you absolutely can feel for weeks, months, even years on end. My longest streak was something like 3-6 months straight, and only ended after I started dating the wrong person and over-doing it at the gym, eating too much poor foods etc. Every day was filled pretty much with the wonder that Ray Peat talks about, like a kid on Christmas day. That's how life is meant to be experienced. It's truly a pity that most of us rarely experience is. However, since most peoples' dopamine levels are FUBAR and unable to find enjoyment in anything anymore this is why people seek alcohol, drugs, sex, and other things that provide "Highs". In fact, everyday life is SUPPOSED to release pretty high amounts of dopamine, but everyone is so full of serotonin, estrogen and cortisol that people have to find adrenaline rushes to even feel any amount of dopamine anymore...
     
  17. raysputin

    raysputin Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2016
    Messages:
    2,325
    Gender:
    Female
    I think what you’re blaming is culture and not the individual. If we had a culture that allowed people to develop then yea more people would be “happy”, or feeling their bodily energies and thus feeling good. Instead we welcome babies with acid in their eyes, spankings on their butts and all the other wonderful parts of being integrated aka horrifically broken to belong in society. Culture is really just a weapon of deadening the body.

    The other day I had dinner with my brother and nephews, my nephew got wet playing soccer in the grass. He’s 7 and took off his clothes and sat naked on the couch. My brother who is his father kicked him and screamed at him for getting naked. That’s the kind of ***t kids grow up with. We’re all constantly told to be repulsed of ourselves as kids and then we’re supposed to reach reproductive age and be gods and goddesses. The destruction of the body starts very early and yea it’s hormonal but there is definitely a psychosocial component to how much we hate ourselves and any gesture of bodily freedom and how much we try to curb that stuff from day one in kids.

    I really never find rays voice to sound very happy. Even his chuckles always have this sardonic tone to them. His cadence and intonation when he speaks reminds me of eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. Half the time he’s sarcastic, and when he is really excited about something it’s usually when he’s talking about how much pharma sucks or how American militarism is destroying the world. What I do find that ray has going for him is major authenticity. Do you ever notice how Andrew murray or other hosts are always saying good evening or thank you or whatever and ray just doesn’t respond? He could care less about social niceties.
     
  18. Cirion

    Cirion Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2017
    Messages:
    3,731
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    St. Louis, Missouri
    We're definitely getting back to splitting hairs but I do at least in part agree with you. Having negative relationships can absolutely be harmful. This is just one more stressor in the large pool of stressors that most people swim in every day. The trick is to drain this "swimming pool" as much as possible, so that we're only dipping our toes in it or even completely "dry" of stress (the ideal, which most will never achieve of course). I think most peoples' "pool" of stress though is not only filled to the brim, but even overflowing in some cases, so its no wonder that people are cortisol dominant. My intent is not to say that diet fixes all problems, but it's a major piece and one of the easiest to manipulate. I would agree that one probably can't get well just by manipulating diet if the other environmental/social stressors remain. They also absolutely must be removed to accomodate proper healing. Our bodies can not generate dopamine normally again until the excessive stressors are for the most part removed from our lives. So on a biological level when I say chasing happiness, what I really mean is chasing low stress and thus also high dopamine levels.
     
  19. raysputin

    raysputin Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2016
    Messages:
    2,325
    Gender:
    Female
    Furthermore, RP says it best:

    The consumption of manufactured foods, pollution of air and water, the use of lead in gasoline, cigarette smoking, increased medicalization and use of drugs, psychosocial and socioeconomic stress, and increased exposure to radiation--medical, military, and industrial--would be obvious things to consider, along with decreased intake of some protective nutrients, such as selenium, magnesium, and vitamins.

    But those harmful factors all had their defenders: Who defends socioeconomic stress? All of the social institutions that fail to alleviate it. In 1847, Rudolph Virchow was sent to Poland to study the health situation there, and when he returned, the highly regarded anatomist, physiologist and pathologist announced that the Poles wouldn't have a health problem if the government would stop oppressing them, and institute economic reforms to alleviate their poverty. The reforms weren't made, and Virchow lost his job. Other harmful factors, such as seed oils, degraded foods, and radiation, have specific, very well organized and powerful lobbies to defend them.
     
  20. Collden

    Collden Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2012
    Messages:
    529
    Gender:
    Male
    I really don't think you were ever truly happy if you lost it that easily by just doing too many gym workouts or not being disciplined enough with what you eat. Why would you push yourself too hard if you were truly happy? Why would you eat foods you know are bad for you if truly happy? Why would you get into relationships with negative people who bring you down if you were truly happy? These choices don't happen in a vacuum.

    What I observed from people who seem "genuinely" happy is whatever they are feeling is not that sensitive to disruption by minor life circumstances like that. It is a predisposition that is usually observed to have been with that person his whole life. I've also been high and experienced the rush of falling in love where I just spontaneously lose a ton of weight and always spring out of bed for months on end, it never lasts. Just like you have never been able to make it last indefinitely, whatever it is you felt.
     
Loading...