Hikikomori - Staying In All Day Playing Video Games

gaze

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Jun 13, 2019
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2,270
I'm a borderline "hikkikomori." However I prefer to spend most of my time reading on forums like this, other self-improvement things, and working out.

With the work I do, people can drop projects off here, I can do the work, and they can come pick it up and pay me.

My friend who is 70 years old has been doing the same kind of work (repair/restoration) for decades, and lives alone. He is divorced. He is not a "hikkikomori" but here is the point I'm making:

The social isolation/agoraphobia is the real kingpin here. I COULD play videogames all day if I wanted to, and I have done that a LOT in the past. But is a person who has a decent income because they lucked into being able to learn a trade that allows them to work from home any less of a hikkikomori if they don't have many (or any) healthy relationships, and are agoraphobic?

Many times lately I've felt like I've "given up" on life (less so since I started taking DHEA several days ago). I love my work and hobbies but the lack of socializing just makes it all seem pointless.

Community is everything. I think the Hikkikomori syndrome is a result of the breakdown in intergender dynamics, less people getting married and having kids, more promotion of sex "just for fun" with less emphasis on family building and family values. Trust me, I am not against free, wanton sex just for fun at all, and wish I had some of that myself.

But when I was in a long term relationship with my last girlfriend, I was the highest functioning I'd ever been. She was the only person I had in my life that pushed me to try new things, go to new places, meet new people, and also love and support me and encourage me to grow my business and better myself.

After we broke up I spiraled into a very deep depression and reverted back to my old ways, which you could call Hikkikomori. Staying inside all day, not talking to or hanging out with anyone, playing a lot of videogames, watching a lot of TV and movies. Whether I was doing that or working out and making music is beside the point. Videogames get a bad rap, but someone not integrating into society is simply not integrating no matter what they're doing, whether videogames or working out and reading books.

So in my experience it's all about socialization. When I get jobs in, I get motivated. I love it when people are happy with jobs I've done and I can see the smiles on their faces and how much a difference it's made for them.

But I don't get jobs in often because I don't advertise and nobody knows who I am. When people feel appreciated and supported and valued and wanted and desired, motivation rises. The major incentive is the social reward: status, respect, and above all, love/support/admiration/care. Feeling like your life and work is worth something to people and seeing it make a difference.

For me, my ex girlfriend was my lifeblood because I don't have a community like we all evolved to have: a tribe. It's a tough place to be. Co-dependent relationships are a result of weak communities with weak or non-existent bonds between neighbors and the village in general. Everyone is disconnected so when most people find a partner, they cling to them like a lifesaver.

I have been much more productive in the past. For me, it's a switch that flips: customers show up and I will be excited to meet the challenge. Or if anyone is interested in the music I make, my motivation to put real effort into it skyrockets thousands of times.

But being isolated and having no connections and feeling like all the skills I have are pointless? Back to Hikkikomori, like a defense mechanism, a turtle shell. Depressive, lonely, and using any media and substances to fill the biological void left from a lack of socialization.

Tobacco, marijuana, alcohol, sedative pills -- my usage of all of those skyrockets when I go for long periods of time without seeing or talking to anyone. Also how much I watch TV/movies. My sleep also gets completely and utterly disrupted and destroyed.

To be fair, even at my menial manual labor job I had for 5 years, I felt a sense of belonging. Just working in a retail stockroom. My boss was absolutely horrible though and I started having panic attacks every single day I'd go in just because of his yelling/swearing/verbal abuse. So getting another job has felt pretty offputting after I quit from there.

Normal, menial jobs can provide satisfaction in my experience. The people I worked with are what made it fun (except for my boss). Whether Hikkikomori have no work experience or bad work experiences can probably affect why they avoid work.

Personally I had to go to a rehabilitation facility after I got out of the mental hospital to help me find work. Had I not had a supervisor with me basically holding my hand at my first job for two weeks before I flew the coop and got the job and went by myself from then on....I don't think I ever would've had a job.

My social anxiety was so horrible that having a supervisor to help me get a job was the only thing that would help. I was not lazy, just absolutely terrified. For 5 years I did not call out of work a single time or miss a single day and I gave it my all every day. I think for a lot of people the resistance to work can be a result of social phobia/anxiety, not simply being lazy as a lot of people think. The reason I quit my job was I couldn't deal with my boss anymore, and in hindsight I should have complained to the higher-ups about his abusive behavior.

Social phobia/lack of assertiveness skills could also explain Hikkikomori syndrome, at least part of it. When you have no skills to navigate your way confidently through the world, EVERYTHING seems terrifying. I don't think anyone WANTS to lock themselves away in a room for their whole lives, and if they were completely honest with themselves, they would probably admit if they could have their ideal, perfect life, it would not look like the one they're living.

I'm sure there are exceptions, but they are exceptions.

what's your stay at home job?
 

Jib

Member
Joined
Mar 20, 2013
Messages
591
what's your stay at home job?

stringed instrument repair and customization, I also make various parts for stringed instruments by hand and sell them online, also give lessons on how to play and am working on making tutorial videos for various jobs I do
 

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