Good Boundaries

[Lolinaa]

Hello guys,

I know from reading Peat and taking care of my health that good communication requires energy and being healthy.

Anyway, I feel like I need to adjust my boundaries for better relationships.

Once I am disappointed with somebody I just stop talking to them, or act very distant or cut all communication. It's like a veil has been has been removed and I just cant pretend. I don't forgive easily as well.

How can I tell people how I feel more easily? And let them know beforehand that I wont tolerate if they cross the line?

How do you manage? Any advice, experience or courses I can learn from?

 

[Amazoniac]

It's easier to do it from the first interaction, but when a person got used to a certain dynamic with you, it can be more challenging. Sometimes people just don't admit that you'll no longer be accepting some things and they will try to constantly transgress those boundaries just to confirm that the previous dynamic is still in place.

Given that people tend to choose the most reasonable path, if they sense that you are willing to cut off the relationship if they don't respect you, they will probably eventually conform. Some people have an inherent respect for others (Yennifer), but it's also related to admiration, and having such firm posture is a way of showing independence, and they will in turn admire you for that. I was going to add a Travo's 'citation needed' but I'm on mobile, so it was going to be an expensive joke.

 

[johnwester130]

positive social interaction = healthy metabolism and high energy

society = low energy and low metabolism

David Wilcock (conspiracy theorist) says positive energy can be leeched by negative forces.

 

[Cirion]

John is 100% correct

I was on the path to healing my metabolism when I met my ex, who was Bipolar II and at first it was fine but over time her negativity and depressive moods really brought me down. I was mad when she cheated/broke up with me but now I realize she did me a favor ultimately. Her negativity actually ruined my metabolism, no joke.

Stick with happy/positive people as much as you can and are able especially when it comes to a long-term relationship that you have full control over the choice of. I will never date someone with mental disorders or severe negativity ever again, I learnt my lesson.

You can't control all of the negativity and depressed people you come across, so don't worry about the stuff you can't control, but there is plenty enough that you can control to keep yourself sane. You can at least control how you respond to negative people, to mitigate their effects on you. Don't let people get under your skin, whether its road rage, annoying coworker/boss, spouse, whatever. Take the high road and don't feed the negativity further.

Stay off social media honestly if possible. Social media is a cesspool of negativity, at least in my experience.

- Avoid negative thoughts, avoid negative people, avoid negative conversations

It's so easy to be negative. Every day you'll find someone moaning about their job, their boss, their friend/relationship and it is so easy to join in the negativity and sometimes without even really realizing it. It takes some working to re-wire your brain to be more positive but it does make a difference. Low energy and low metabolism is an absolute epidemic in the world these days. It's actually very hard to find high energy / positive people, sadly, so when you find someone like this... hold on to them!

I would add that every once in a while its worth expressing anger but very rarely. Most situations just aren't worth it. Most people express anger way too easily. Save your energy for when its truly required.

 

[Runenight201]

I would add that every once in a while its worth expressing anger but very rarely. Most situations just aren't worth it. Most people express anger way too easily. Save your energy for when its truly required.

Engaging in some weekly or as needed martial arts/boxing/etc... I've found is a really good way to release pent up anger. Beating the ***t out of a punching bag is fun lol. I can see it working in the opposite direction if overdone though and predisposing one towards aggression and violence.

 

[Lolinaa]

Thanks guys for your input.

I tend to think like you Johnwester130. I feel when somebody is healthy they dont have the needs to do or say things to others that they know will hurt. Some even take pleasure in doing so.

It's funny because even in my lowest time I prefer to isolate instead of hurting.

@ Cirion: I think I have to learn to not let negative people go under my skin as you said. I definitely agree about the low energy, low self esteem people outnumbering positive and confident people.