Feeling Terrible At 22 (f) Desperately Seeking Advice

[Maljam]

Thanks so much for this comment. It's really resonated with me. I have been back and forth to A&E and the GP for years with nobody really helping me. Some Drs thought I was pre-diabetic which really freaked me out - and now they've found inflammation in my blood having arthritis symtoms, my health is quite worrying to me.

I really appreciate you taking the time to write this comment. Can I ask how long you would recommend not exercising for? I have really severe body dysmorphia, so the 10lbs that I have gained already is really causing me a lot of upset. I'm scared that my body won't stop gaining weight if I eat lots of calories & sugar while not exercising. 4 years ago, I weighed 165lbs, so will I just get back up to that weight? I wasn't exercising, but I was eating loads of gluten & junk food. I was absolutely miserable with my body back then (felt pretty terribly too) and I only start feeling mentally happier when I am at a body size I feel comfortable in. If I were to go back to eating more but with whole foods like fruit, gelatin, meat, etc, do you think I would gain the same amount of fat like I had?

When I exercise, I do feel better immediately and for the rest of the day I have raised energy levels. It's when I don't exercise that I absolutely tank. Is this because of raised adrenaline and cortisol from the exercise or is it something else, do you think? I would say your body needs a "reset" of sorts before you begin exercise, maybe just light walking until then, however long this takes is anyone guess. I don't think anyone can tell you dont exercise for X weeks then start slamming the exercise again. This is probably your anxieties around gaining weight wanting permission to exercise heavily again.

I would love to sort out my digestion and health (mental and physical) problems, I'm just terrified I'm going to gain loads of weight and swap one problem for another. I also do modelling so have to be very careful with how much weight I actually gain if I'm repairing my metabolism. I've watched Stephanie Buttermore's video on her weight gain going "all-in" for a year, she gained 40+lbs before her body started to let go of the fat. Do you think my body needs to hold onto fat like she did even though I have a very healthy body fat percentage? Why are you suggesting to not exercise and eat more - I'm still a bit confused as to why it needs to stop completely?

Thanks so much.

Sorry to hear about your body issues. So many women and men face these pressures to look a certain way and it effects their mental health and physical health, it is awful.

Feeling bad when not exercising isn't a good sign, I would agree with you it is probably a stress hormone thing making you feel energised.

I think your beliefs around weight should probably be addressed as you continue, I simply don't see how you can improve your health without having to gain a bit of weight, unless you upped calories very slowly. Even then, it will probably take some weight gain for your health to normalise. The sooner you accept this the better.

I think you will need to go on a similar path as Stephanie Buttermore did, maybe not quite eating "all in" but after years of restriction (completely unscientific explanation) your body will hold onto some weight as protection for if you may drop your calories again, your body knows it will have a reserve of energy. This is incredibly common these days.

 

[JazTee]

Also in other news I'm on day 4 of no bowel movement also. This happens quite often though earlier in the year when I was exercising but eating a lot of calories (through January - I was eating aroun 2000kcal a day and exercising doing light pilates 30min a day) I was very happily regular.

I've always had issues with constipation and when I was younger I used to have to take laxatives & enemas very, very regularly. I would only poop like every 5 days.

I'm much better now, and this bout of constipation is much worse than I've had in a while.

So I know something is wrong with my overall health. I'm thinking of taking Movicol for the next couple of weeks to try and keep things regular and help clear the endotoxin, paired with taking carrot salad daily. I've noticed a really sour dip in my mood and outlook as well probably due to the endotoxin that's in me right now. Sunday I was feeling very optimistic and the happiest I'd been in months - and now I'm back to my regular slump of a mood. Does anyone have any recommendations for triggering a BM? In so much pain atm.

(I sound like a barrel of laughs haha sorry eveyone)

 

[JazTee]

Sorry to hear about your body issues. So many women and men face these pressures to look a certain way and it effects their mental health and physical health, it is awful.

Feeling bad when not exercising isn't a good sign, I would agree with you it is probably a stress hormone thing making you feel energised.

I think your beliefs around weight should probably be addressed as you continue, I simply don't see how you can improve your health without having to gain a bit of weight, unless you upped calories very slowly. Even then, it will probably take some weight gain for your health to normalise. The sooner you accept this the better.

I think you will need to go on a similar path as Stephanie Buttermore did, maybe not quite eating "all in" but after years of restriction (completely unscientific explanation) your body will hold onto some weight as protection for if you may drop your calories again, your body knows it will have a reserve of energy. This is incredibly common these days.

Thanks - I know it's totally irrational. Logically, I know that I'm not fat - but as soon as I tell myself that and see my reflection in the mirror I look like a gargoyle. It's a struggle I've had to deal with since I was 9 - I was bullied a lot and I've had a really stressful childhood. So I know I have a lot of stress in my body - and I get stressed incredibly easily. I wake up in the night which I've read is linked to high estrogen and cortisol, but if I have a lot of sugar before bed (salt & OJ) I wake up in the night too.

Even then, it will probably take some weight gain for your health to normalise. The sooner you accept this the better.

I think that is what is really conflicting for me. I don't judge anyone who is overweight or chubby or think they are lazy or disgusting etc, but for me I have incredibly harsh standards. One part of me is thinking "it can't be that bad, I'd be able to feel good and it'd be great for my quality of life to improve" but then the other part is saying "you won't level out, you'll continue getting fatter, your body won't heal, and then you'll be miserable."


Can I ask why there are obese people if my body would just somehow naturally stop gaining fat? Why do overweight & obese people's bodies not level out and continue retaining fat?

Genuinely curious because I think it would be an incredibly difficult feat for me to do if I'm looking at even another 10lbs of weight gain. I feel terribly dumpy at 130lbs already. So don't know how I'm going to be able to cope if I get above 135 honestly. I was feeling suicidal gaining these extra 10lbs. I know it is incredibly shallow - but it's my body dysmorphia. I know weight isn't everything, looks aren't everything, but my disorder somehow twists it to the point where I can't leave the house because I'm too fat and ugly and become very difficult to live with. Do you think I could clear these mental health issues with the right diet, pregnenolone, etc etc?

 

[Vinny]

Thank you so much Vinny. It would make sense having inflammation as my blood has inflammation & my joints have been very uncomfortable and painful recently.

How long do you think I should refrain from exercise? I'm very worried about gaining too much fat if my body doesn't need to gain it though. I watched Stephanie Buttermore's "all in" videos when she was severely underweight and exercising too much to the point of losing her period. I'm only 5ft3 and 130lbs so I have a very normal body fat percentage, almost a high percentage if you were to see my body - got a lot of fat deposits on my stomach & hips and face, so woud my body just keep gaining more and more fat and not reach it's peak like with Stephanie? She gained 40+lbs and then finally started losing weight as her body was no longer holding onto the fat in a stress response from her previous starvation. I'm worried that due to me being quite a healthy weight at 121lbs for my height when I was exercising a lot a few months ago, that the stress in my body wasn't the lack of fat, and I would just be gaining fat for no reason, which in turn wouldn't reach a peak and I would just continue to store fat until I become overweight. If that makes sense.

You`ll refrain from exercise for as long as it`s necessary, sweetheart. I`m sorry, but I don`t think you have many options.
You`re starved and exhausted. Your body lacks macros, and this is bad. Now wonder constipation. You`ve screwed up your metabolism and now it takes much, much more time to brake down, process and absorb the nutrients. Forcing things out, as you mention in another post, with daily carrot salad and laxatives, sounds like not a good idea to me.
I`m sorry again to be blunt, but it seems you`d have to choose between health, from one side and look/career from another. There is no quick fix.
There is also no way to tell how long. It`s very individual. You`re still very young, which is a bonus. If you possess also superior genetics, things will move faster. But hardly as fast as you expect... Things will be difficult for you in the coming years, Jaz. Accept it.
The weight gain will be probably inevitable too. It`s tricky to control it, but let`s see if there will be any first, and only then we can discuss some strategies.

So, to sum up, I`ll paraphrase @Recoen : eat, sleep, rest and supplement. It is as simple as that.
(By supplementing I don`t mean taking hormones, you know)

 

[Recoen]

Thanks so much for this comment. It's really resonated with me. I have been back and forth to A&E and the GP for years with nobody really helping me. Some Drs thought I was pre-diabetic which really freaked me out - and now they've found inflammation in my blood having arthritis symtoms, my health is quite worrying to me.

I really appreciate you taking the time to write this comment. Can I ask how long you would recommend not exercising for? I have really severe body dysmorphia, so the 10lbs that I have gained already is really causing me a lot of upset. I'm scared that my body won't stop gaining weight if I eat lots of calories & sugar while not exercising. 4 years ago, I weighed 165lbs, so will I just get back up to that weight? I wasn't exercising, but I was eating loads of gluten & junk food. I was absolutely miserable with my body back then (felt pretty terribly too) and I only start feeling mentally happier when I am at a body size I feel comfortable in. If I were to go back to eating more but with whole foods like fruit, gelatin, meat, etc, do you think I would gain the same amount of fat like I had?

When I exercise, I do feel better immediately and for the rest of the day I have raised energy levels. It's when I don't exercise that I absolutely tank. Is this because of raised adrenaline and cortisol from the exercise or is it something else, do you think?

I would love to sort out my digestion and health (mental and physical) problems, I'm just terrified I'm going to gain loads of weight and swap one problem for another. I also do modelling so have to be very careful with how much weight I actually gain if I'm repairing my metabolism. I've watched Stephanie Buttermore's video on her weight gain going "all-in" for a year, she gained 40+lbs before her body started to let go of the fat. Do you think my body needs to hold onto fat like she did even though I have a very healthy body fat percentage? Why are you suggesting to not exercise and eat more - I'm still a bit confused as to why it needs to stop completely?

Thanks so much.

I’m really sorry to hear about the dysmorphia. I also have some and find it gets better as my digestion gets better - also anxiety, insomnia, etc probably endotoxin, serotonin, estrogen, etc driven for me. For me finding faith again has really helped the most though. If there’s someone you trust and will actually listen to you, that could be helpful. I think finding someone who will more listen vs trying to tell you that you look great, etc is needed.

I stopped any kind of purposeful workouts, cardio and weightlifting, for 6y. I would walk in nature sometimes if I was feeling really good that day and found it restorative. It’ll really depend on your situation.

I read a lot of Ray Peats work early on, even before starting my diet and exercise craze, but it seemed not “fast enough” for me. And definitely not what the mainstream was saying. Matt Stones work really resonated with me when I stopped exercising. So I basically stopped restricting anything and ate what I wanted when I wanted. I did gain about 20lbs (a lot for a 5ft tall frame). But it leveled off then started to slowly drop. My bigger concern was stopping the muscle catabolism.

I’m still not completely healed yet as I’m still dealing with hypoglycemia, dry legs, and lower leg bruising mostly. Sometimes I still get brain fog. But compared to where I was I’m like 80% better.

You can always reverse diet. But looking back I would take Ray Peat’s principles and eat without tracking total calories. I threw away the scale and that also really helped me. If you stop feeling hungry that can be a huge sign of a B1 deficiency so watch for that.

Feeling better after exercise when you feel horrid the rest of the time is definitely a stress response.

 

[Maljam]

Also in other news I'm on day 4 of no bowel movement also. This happens quite often though earlier in the year when I was exercising but eating a lot of calories (through January - I was eating aroun 2000kcal a day and exercising doing light pilates 30min a day) I was very happily regular.

I've always had issues with constipation and when I was younger I used to have to take laxatives & enemas very, very regularly. I would only poop like every 5 days.

I'm much better now, and this bout of constipation is much worse than I've had in a while.

So I know something is wrong with my overall health. I'm thinking of taking Movicol for the next couple of weeks to try and keep things regular and help clear the endotoxin, paired with taking carrot salad daily. I've noticed a really sour dip in my mood and outlook as well probably due to the endotoxin that's in me right now. Sunday I was feeling very optimistic and the happiest I'd been in months - and now I'm back to my regular slump of a mood. Does anyone have any recommendations for triggering a BM? In so much pain atm.

(I sound like a barrel of laughs haha sorry eveyone)

Constipation is often caused by simply a lack of calories, or sudden change in diet. As you begin to eat more, things will eventually normalise. To flush out constipation I have seen cascara and milk of magnesia recommended, but this is just a band aid for uncomfortable situations, it doesn't fix the underlying problem.

 

[Maljam]

Thanks - I know it's totally irrational. Logically, I know that I'm not fat - but as soon as I tell myself that and see my reflection in the mirror I look like a gargoyle. It's a struggle I've had to deal with since I was 9 - I was bullied a lot and I've had a really stressful childhood. So I know I have a lot of stress in my body - and I get stressed incredibly easily. I wake up in the night which I've read is linked to high estrogen and cortisol, but if I have a lot of sugar before bed (salt & OJ) I wake up in the night too.



I think that is what is really conflicting for me. I don't judge anyone who is overweight or chubby or think they are lazy or disgusting etc, but for me I have incredibly harsh standards. One part of me is thinking "it can't be that bad, I'd be able to feel good and it'd be great for my quality of life to improve" but then the other part is saying "you won't level out, you'll continue getting fatter, your body won't heal, and then you'll be miserable."


Can I ask why there are obese people if my body would just somehow naturally stop gaining fat? Why do overweight & obese people's bodies not level out and continue retaining fat?

Genuinely curious because I think it would be an incredibly difficult feat for me to do if I'm looking at even another 10lbs of weight gain. I feel terribly dumpy at 130lbs already. So don't know how I'm going to be able to cope if I get above 135 honestly. I was feeling suicidal gaining these extra 10lbs. I know it is incredibly shallow - but it's my body dysmorphia. I know weight isn't everything, looks aren't everything, but my disorder somehow twists it to the point where I can't leave the house because I'm too fat and ugly and become very difficult to live with. Do you think I could clear these mental health issues with the right diet, pregnenolone, etc etc?

I am not quite sure of the answer to your question about obese people. I am not sure you should eat anything and everything. You aren't going to become morbidly obese on mid 2000 calories a day, this is a normal amount for functional humans to eat.

I think a good diet and being well fed definitely helps mental issues, however sorry to say it sounds like your issues stem from childhood and are deep rooted. I worked for years tinkering with diet and supplements and it never completely fixed the issues until I worked on things that happened in childhood. Mental health is overlooked on this forum, as much as diet and supplements can help things, some things need to be addressed.

 

[somuch4food]

Did you get blood work done? I assume you did, because you mentioned you're low in vitamin D. Do you happen to know your iron status? Serum iron, ferritin, and transferrin are the major ones. Many of those symptoms you mentioned are common in people with copper misplacement, and/or copper insufficiency (which will cause iron to get out of control).

Do you eat liver? Getting biweekly servings of beef liver and plenty of sunlight daily is the best way to reestablish proper copper status. The sunlight will also provide vitamin D.

I'm currently exploring copper toxicity/zinc deficiency. Don't you think beef liver is too high in copper? What are other foods/nutrients that would help?

Constipation is often caused by simply a lack of calories, as you begin to eat more, things will eventually normalise. To flush out constipation I have seen cascara and milk of magnesia recommended, but this is just a band aid for uncomfortable situations, it doesn't fix the underlying problem.

Stuffing more food is not what will solve constipation. From my recent research, you need GABA. Too much glutamate, not enough GABA will lead to constipation, anxiety, depression, etc. I'm currently trying to make sense of this. Copper dysregulation like Jessie mentions can be a cause of low GABA. I can post more information later on if you're interested.

FYI, I also don't tolerate caffeine and I have many similar symptoms.

You might want to cut back on dairy, especially milk as a drink. I always thought I handled it pretty well, but it can be inflammatory for a variety of reason. I feel more hungry when I use milk as a drink. Cold dairy seems to trigger excessive hunger for me. I think it's related to glutamate, calcium activates glutamate and is a double edge sword. I need some calcium, but too much at once and I'm a mess. Instead, I use it in recipes and it's better tolerated.

 

[Recoen]

I'm currently exploring copper toxicity/zinc deficiency. Don't you think beef liver is too high in copper? What are other foods/nutrients that would help?



Stuffing more food is not what will solve constipation. From my recent research, you need GABA. Too much glutamate, not enough GABA will lead to constipation, anxiety, depression, etc. I'm currently trying to make sense of this. Copper dysregulation like Jessie mentions can be a cause of low GABA. I can post more information later on if you're interested.

FYI, I also don't tolerate caffeine and I have many similar symptoms.

You might want to cut back on dairy, especially milk as a drink. I always thought I handled it pretty well, but it can be inflammatory for a variety of reason. I feel more hungry when I use milk as a drink. Cold dairy seems to trigger excessive hunger for me. I think it's related to glutamate, calcium activates glutamate and is a double edge sword. I need some calcium, but too much at once and I'm a mess. Instead, I use it in recipes and it's better tolerated.

https://www.researchgate.net/profil...oxicity-in-rats.pdf?origin=publication_detail

 

[Jessie]

I'm currently exploring copper toxicity/zinc deficiency. Don't you think beef liver is too high in copper? What are other foods/nutrients that would help?

I wouldn't eat it everyday, you could run into problems by doing that. 1/4lb per week is a good amount, maybe up to 1/2lb per week if someone has major nutrient deficiencies. But if you already have copper toxicity, then yeah, I would refrain from beef liver for a while.

Zinc can help with copper toxicity, and vice versa, which is why a deficiency is common in copper toxicity. So you could eat higher sources of zinc (oysters, red meat, most cheeses, blackberries, raspberries, etc.).

Non-liver sources of copper tend to be substantially lower in copper. But shrimp, chocolate, and most mushrooms (particularly shiitake) tend to provide some copper.

 

[Maljam]

I'm currently exploring copper toxicity/zinc deficiency. Don't you think beef liver is too high in copper? What are other foods/nutrients that would help?



Stuffing more food is not what will solve constipation. From my recent research, you need GABA. Too much glutamate, not enough GABA will lead to constipation, anxiety, depression, etc. I'm currently trying to make sense of this. Copper dysregulation like Jessie mentions can be a cause of low GABA. I can post more information later on if you're interested.

FYI, I also don't tolerate caffeine and I have many similar symptoms.

You might want to cut back on dairy, especially milk as a drink. I always thought I handled it pretty well, but it can be inflammatory for a variety of reason. I feel more hungry when I use milk as a drink. Cold dairy seems to trigger excessive hunger for me. I think it's related to glutamate, calcium activates glutamate and is a double edge sword. I need some calcium, but too much at once and I'm a mess. Instead, I use it in recipes and it's better tolerated.

Please link me to the post where I suggested anybody stuff food to fix constipation. A lack of calories is a very well known and common cause of constipation, the OP said she is eating not enough calories, I suggested she eat a normal amount for someone her age.

How do you know she doesn't have enough GABA, how do you know she has copper dysregulation? Have you done tests? Not everything is caused by a highly specific thing that involves lots of guesswork that you yourself said you are still trying to make sense of. A common trait on this forum is to make things more complicated than they need to be.

 

[somuch4food]

Please link me to the post where I suggested anybody stuff food to fix constipation. A lack of calories is a very well known and common cause of constipation, the OP said she is eating not enough calories, I suggested she eat a normal amount for someone her age.

How do you know she doesn't have enough GABA, how do you know she has copper dysregulation? Have you done tests? Not everything is caused by a highly specific thing that involves lots of guesswork that you yourself said you are still trying to make sense of. A common trait on this forum is to make things more complicated than they need to be.

Sorry about my post. You caught me in a bad state. I was feeling manic, and got pretty depressed later on. I related so much to what the OP described that I felt compelled to write. Normally, I catch myself before publishing these kind of posts.

Anyway, I've managed to pull myself back with some oysters, like Jessie mentioned. Calories are important, but they aren't a silver bullet either. IMO calories can help cope with a bad diet and lack of calories can explain why she's feeling worst now, but eating everything and anything to reach calories is not that helpful, especially if not hungry.

The macros the OP is aiming for are appropriate I would think. A little more fat and proteins would probably help with satiation.

BTW, I enjoy your posts. You make for a reasonable voice on the forum.

@JazTee I would advise you to start to take note on how you feel when you eat certain things. The body starts reacting to a meal almost immediately, but some reactions can happen later on from gut bacteria/endotoxins. It can help understand which foods to emphasize.

 

[JazTee]

Thanks so much for all your support everyone. I really appreciate the time that everyone has put into giving me advice. I've managed to make a bit of an action plan going forward so let me know if you think this sounds good at all.

DIET:

• Eat varied, nutritious, Peat meals & snacks whenever genuinely hungry, don't restrict and concentrate on building metabolism/warmth.
  
• Keep the meals to being balanced & voluminous.
  
• Eat between 2000-2500kcals a day, not being afraid of carbs & sugar.
  
• Hit my 100g protein target daily. (which I am hitting now I drink 4-5 cups of warm sugared milk a day. Cold milk makes me bloated and gassy.)
  
• Introduce gelatine to diet.
  
• Continue eating liver 1x a week & introduce oysters into regular diet.
  
• Eat 1 carrot w/ coconut oil and vinegar daily.

LIFESTYLE:

• Record my temperature upon waking & 30 mins after breakfast. (usually I stay around 69.2 or 69.3 celcius)
  
• Very light stretching & yoga/thai chi esque movement, for mental health benefits not body gains.
  
• 1 gentle hike a week in nature if possible, and gentle walks around a park if I feel like it to help digestion.
  
• Lower estrogen & serotonin as much as possible by diet and then maybe pregnenolone further down the line.
• Aim for sleeping 8+ hours a night (struggle with sleeping through the night, lots of noise disturbances in my area but I'll try).
• Keep a food diary and note any changes in mood & physical changes to try and find links.

MENTAL:

• Talk through my fears and find a supportive network throughout the probable weight gain.
  
• Focus on accepting my body will change and hopefully it will give me a clearer understanding of what is actually going on with my health & hormones.
  
• Maybe buy some new clothes because my current ones are starting to get too tight haha.

How does this sound for now? I'm still struggling with incredibly cold hands and feet 1-2 hours after eating a meal - but I have found that since increasing my calories the past week to 1700-2000 (I hit 2400 yesterday with 100g protein) that I am expeiriencing more rational thought and less emotional mood swings. So that's good I guess.

I'm having liver tonight as it has been a week since I last ate it, so I guess Thursday Night is Liver Night now.

I think you guys are definitely right. Even though I'm definitely not underweight or even have a low body fat % right now, I think that how often I have gone on crash diets and pushed my body to its extremes has really taken its toll on me - and now that I've slowed down the past few months - it's finally starting to show just how unwell my body has become. Back when I was 17, I was eating 100-200kcals a day for months and barely surviving, then I gained about 50lbs in the SAME YEAR after binging on terrible food full of PUFA & (due to trauma/abuse) was suffering immense stress all the time. I did a similar thing back when I was 19 too, and then this year when I was at 1000-1200 and exercising loads. It's a pattern that has been since I was around 9, but I'm hoping to break it for good by eating for health and health alone.

So I have a lot of damage to undo and let heal. Hopefully this journey will be a resorative one (and that my adult acne finally sods off haha).

Thanks again guys x

 

[snacks]

Back when I was 17, I was eating 100-200kcals a day for months and barely surviving, then I gained about 50lbs in the SAME YEAR after binging on terrible food full of PUFA & (due to trauma/abuse) was suffering immense stress all the time.

This is the most significant piece of info you should have given to begin with. You're right about needing to increase calories and not worry about weight in the short run but I would emphasize the import of going on walks (not runs, currently or ever unless you feel like getting into sprinting) frequently as this has good physiological effects and more importantly is relaxing and can get you out into the sun or even just into fresh air at night.

google refeeding syndrome btw. Have you ever had those symptoms? what caused it if so? If you can identify this you might be able to have a bit of a clearer idea of what exactly you're starved for

 

[somuch4food]

I think you've got a well rounded plan.

To help with noises while sleeping, you could try white noise.

Don't forget that it is ok to falter, the important part is to continue the march forward once you regain composure.

 

[Maljam]

Thanks so much for all your support everyone. I really appreciate the time that everyone has put into giving me advice. I've managed to make a bit of an action plan going forward so let me know if you think this sounds good at all.

DIET:

• Eat varied, nutritious, Peat meals & snacks whenever genuinely hungry, don't restrict and concentrate on building metabolism/warmth.
  
• Keep the meals to being balanced & voluminous.
  
• Eat between 2000-2500kcals a day, not being afraid of carbs & sugar.
  
• Hit my 100g protein target daily. (which I am hitting now I drink 4-5 cups of warm sugared milk a day. Cold milk makes me bloated and gassy.)
  
• Introduce gelatine to diet.
  
• Continue eating liver 1x a week & introduce oysters into regular diet.
  
• Eat 1 carrot w/ coconut oil and vinegar daily.

LIFESTYLE:

• Record my temperature upon waking & 30 mins after breakfast. (usually I stay around 69.2 or 69.3 celcius)
  
• Very light stretching & yoga/thai chi esque movement, for mental health benefits not body gains.
  
• 1 gentle hike a week in nature if possible, and gentle walks around a park if I feel like it to help digestion.
  
• Lower estrogen & serotonin as much as possible by diet and then maybe pregnenolone further down the line.
• Aim for sleeping 8+ hours a night (struggle with sleeping through the night, lots of noise disturbances in my area but I'll try).
• Keep a food diary and note any changes in mood & physical changes to try and find links.

MENTAL:

• Talk through my fears and find a supportive network throughout the probable weight gain.
  
• Focus on accepting my body will change and hopefully it will give me a clearer understanding of what is actually going on with my health & hormones.
  
• Maybe buy some new clothes because my current ones are starting to get too tight haha.

How does this sound for now? I'm still struggling with incredibly cold hands and feet 1-2 hours after eating a meal - but I have found that since increasing my calories the past week to 1700-2000 (I hit 2400 yesterday with 100g protein) that I am expeiriencing more rational thought and less emotional mood swings. So that's good I guess.

I'm having liver tonight as it has been a week since I last ate it, so I guess Thursday Night is Liver Night now.

I think you guys are definitely right. Even though I'm definitely not underweight or even have a low body fat % right now, I think that how often I have gone on crash diets and pushed my body to its extremes has really taken its toll on me - and now that I've slowed down the past few months - it's finally starting to show just how unwell my body has become. Back when I was 17, I was eating 100-200kcals a day for months and barely surviving, then I gained about 50lbs in the SAME YEAR after binging on terrible food full of PUFA & (due to trauma/abuse) was suffering immense stress all the time. I did a similar thing back when I was 19 too, and then this year when I was at 1000-1200 and exercising loads. It's a pattern that has been since I was around 9, but I'm hoping to break it for good by eating for health and health alone.

So I have a lot of damage to undo and let heal. Hopefully this journey will be a resorative one (and that my adult acne finally sods off haha).

Thanks again guys x

Sounds like a solid plan. Glad you are already feeling the benefits from increasing calories.

I know I sound like a broken record but sleep disturbance is another issue of low calories. Look at all the posts on fasting forums complaining about sleep issues. Insomnia is a common problem in people with anorexia. The body needs energy to relax and fall asleep. Adequate calories will eventually correct this. Also things like blue light blocking glasses in the run up to sleep help me get to sleep quicker.

For noise disturbance I bought some cheap squashy ear plugs off Amazon, I got about 50 packs for about £7. They are very comfortable and keep me asleep but I still hear my alarm.

I would pay attention to your liquid intake and maybe swap some of that milk out for some meat if you feel over watered, I wouldn't keep pushing up milk to increase protein. Just notice if you are peeing too much too clear and adjust accordingly.

I think when you fix your hormonal profile and childhood trauma your need to famine/binge will go eventually. I think stress hormones encourage behaviours like that.

For lowering estrogen I've found mushrooms, and the fat soluble vitamins good. I don't think the vast majority of supplements are good, but maybe some vitamin D and a little vitamin E may be helpful in your case. After a few weeks of using vitamin E I had an estrogen blood test off the charts low (not that this is a good thing, I wasn't trying to do this, my libido was 0 but it just proved to me how potent E was.)

 

[Vinny]

Thanks so much for all your support everyone. I really appreciate the time that everyone has put into giving me advice. I've managed to make a bit of an action plan going forward so let me know if you think this sounds good at all.

DIET:

• Eat varied, nutritious, Peat meals & snacks whenever genuinely hungry, don't restrict and concentrate on building metabolism/warmth.
  
• Keep the meals to being balanced & voluminous.
  
• Eat between 2000-2500kcals a day, not being afraid of carbs & sugar.
  
• Hit my 100g protein target daily. (which I am hitting now I drink 4-5 cups of warm sugared milk a day. Cold milk makes me bloated and gassy.)
  
• Introduce gelatine to diet.
  
• Continue eating liver 1x a week & introduce oysters into regular diet.
  
• Eat 1 carrot w/ coconut oil and vinegar daily.

LIFESTYLE:

• Record my temperature upon waking & 30 mins after breakfast. (usually I stay around 69.2 or 69.3 celcius)
  
• Very light stretching & yoga/thai chi esque movement, for mental health benefits not body gains.
  
• 1 gentle hike a week in nature if possible, and gentle walks around a park if I feel like it to help digestion.
  
• Lower estrogen & serotonin as much as possible by diet and then maybe pregnenolone further down the line.
• Aim for sleeping 8+ hours a night (struggle with sleeping through the night, lots of noise disturbances in my area but I'll try).
• Keep a food diary and note any changes in mood & physical changes to try and find links.

MENTAL:

• Talk through my fears and find a supportive network throughout the probable weight gain.
  
• Focus on accepting my body will change and hopefully it will give me a clearer understanding of what is actually going on with my health & hormones.
  
• Maybe buy some new clothes because my current ones are starting to get too tight haha.

How does this sound for now? I'm still struggling with incredibly cold hands and feet 1-2 hours after eating a meal - but I have found that since increasing my calories the past week to 1700-2000 (I hit 2400 yesterday with 100g protein) that I am expeiriencing more rational thought and less emotional mood swings. So that's good I guess.

I'm having liver tonight as it has been a week since I last ate it, so I guess Thursday Night is Liver Night now.

I think you guys are definitely right. Even though I'm definitely not underweight or even have a low body fat % right now, I think that how often I have gone on crash diets and pushed my body to its extremes has really taken its toll on me - and now that I've slowed down the past few months - it's finally starting to show just how unwell my body has become. Back when I was 17, I was eating 100-200kcals a day for months and barely surviving, then I gained about 50lbs in the SAME YEAR after binging on terrible food full of PUFA & (due to trauma/abuse) was suffering immense stress all the time. I did a similar thing back when I was 19 too, and then this year when I was at 1000-1200 and exercising loads. It's a pattern that has been since I was around 9, but I'm hoping to break it for good by eating for health and health alone.

So I have a lot of damage to undo and let heal. Hopefully this journey will be a resorative one (and that my adult acne finally sods off haha).

Thanks again guys x

It's a good plan. Glad you realise the challenges you're about to face.
Upping the animal protein (from meat) will be very beneficial.
Good luck, and keep us updated if you're willing to.

 

[JazTee]

UPDATE:

I've been watching lots of videos about refeeding & metabolism repair etc. Kate Deering in particular was taking about low body temperature = running off cortisol.

I experimented last night and had homemade ice cream made from sweetened condensed milk and double cream. It was incredibly sweet (almost too sweet and burnt my throat a bit), and I only had a small amount but I noticed my hands immediately went freezing cold and my temperature dropped. I obviously was like "oh it's because ice cream is cold so it has made me cold" but KD was saying about how when you have lots of sugar - you suppress cortisol and your temperature drops if that is your main fuel source. I did feel very calm and my agitated hunger feeling did also stop.

I ate some dates just now and noticed my temperature dropped from 36.6 to 35.9 and my hands and feet are cold again. My hunger also feels a bit dampened too.

Does the same principle apply here, of just eating around 2,000+ cals a day getting all 3 macros in with emphasis on carbs? Or do I need to be having more DIRECT sugar and less starch to combat the cortisol? Or will my body just adapt to me eating more calories & carbs in general and end up using them instead of the PUFA and stress as time goes on?

I'll definitely keep you updated on my journey as it continues. I know it's going to be a long one, but watching videos of women that have gone through the same thing, that have actually gained 50+lbs while repairing their metabolism and then become very healthy looking, slim individuals with good muscle mass is really helping me keep focused on my goals of wanting to just be healthy. My period is also very late again (when I'm supposed to be at the most fertile stage of my life), so this change has got to happen - regardless of my vanity & pride.

Thanks again everyone!

 

[Maljam]

UPDATE:

I've been watching lots of videos about refeeding & metabolism repair etc. Kate Deering in particular was taking about low body temperature = running off cortisol.

I experimented last night and had homemade ice cream made from sweetened condensed milk and double cream. It was incredibly sweet (almost too sweet and burnt my throat a bit), and I only had a small amount but I noticed my hands immediately went freezing cold and my temperature dropped. I obviously was like "oh it's because ice cream is cold so it has made me cold" but KD was saying about how when you have lots of sugar - you suppress cortisol and your temperature drops if that is your main fuel source. I did feel very calm and my agitated hunger feeling did also stop.

I ate some dates just now and noticed my temperature dropped from 36.6 to 35.9 and my hands and feet are cold again. My hunger also feels a bit dampened too.

Does the same principle apply here, of just eating around 2,000+ cals a day getting all 3 macros in with emphasis on carbs? Or do I need to be having more DIRECT sugar and less starch to combat the cortisol? Or will my body just adapt to me eating more calories & carbs in general and end up using them instead of the PUFA and stress as time goes on?

I'll definitely keep you updated on my journey as it continues. I know it's going to be a long one, but watching videos of women that have gone through the same thing, that have actually gained 50+lbs while repairing their metabolism and then become very healthy looking, slim individuals with good muscle mass is really helping me keep focused on my goals of wanting to just be healthy. My period is also very late again (when I'm supposed to be at the most fertile stage of my life), so this change has got to happen - regardless of my vanity & pride.

Thanks again everyone!

You are going to get a mixed bag of answers asking if you should go with starch or sugar on here and it will probably just confuse you more than help. At the end of the day you should eat whichever makes you feel best, regardless of what people tell you on here.

I personally felt worse eating majority sugar with a little starch, and better eating majority starch with a little sugar.

 

[Linnechka]

UPDATE:

I've been watching lots of videos about refeeding & metabolism repair etc. Kate Deering in particular was taking about low body temperature = running off cortisol.

I experimented last night and had homemade ice cream made from sweetened condensed milk and double cream. It was incredibly sweet (almost too sweet and burnt my throat a bit), and I only had a small amount but I noticed my hands immediately went freezing cold and my temperature dropped. I obviously was like "oh it's because ice cream is cold so it has made me cold" but KD was saying about how when you have lots of sugar - you suppress cortisol and your temperature drops if that is your main fuel source. I did feel very calm and my agitated hunger feeling did also stop.

I ate some dates just now and noticed my temperature dropped from 36.6 to 35.9 and my hands and feet are cold again. My hunger also feels a bit dampened too.

Does the same principle apply here, of just eating around 2,000+ cals a day getting all 3 macros in with emphasis on carbs? Or do I need to be having more DIRECT sugar and less starch to combat the cortisol? Or will my body just adapt to me eating more calories & carbs in general and end up using them instead of the PUFA and stress as time goes on?

I'll definitely keep you updated on my journey as it continues. I know it's going to be a long one, but watching videos of women that have gone through the same thing, that have actually gained 50+lbs while repairing their metabolism and then become very healthy looking, slim individuals with good muscle mass is really helping me keep focused on my goals of wanting to just be healthy. My period is also very late again (when I'm supposed to be at the most fertile stage of my life), so this change has got to happen - regardless of my vanity & pride.

Thanks again everyone!

I'm late this thread and also historically a lurker, but wanted to pop in because you and I have very similar pasts and we've also been doing the Peat-inspired eating for similar amounts of time. You already have a ton of advice from people who have been doing this way longer than I have, but I'd add that making sure to check your temperature before doing anything physical, even walking, and then again 20 minutes after you've finished will help you get a good idea of how much your body can handle without getting stressed. I come from a semi-starvation background too and overexercised myself before starting this, but it was somewhat driven by the fact that exercising has always helped me process some of these mental health issues like body dysmorphia. So I understand how some movement feels important for mental sanity and managing the negative inner voices. Tracking temp and pulse has helped me do that without setting back any of my progress

I also just wanted you to know that someone else was here who struggles with body dysmorphia, too. It took me a long time to commit to this process. I was convinced, however illogically, that somehow I'd be the one person this process wouldn't work for. I was scared I would gain and gain and gain and never actually heal enough to ever stop gaining. I know that fear very well. You're not alone. You're also already so remarkably brave for being here and challenging that fear. I hope you can keep reminding yourself that your feelings are valid, but they're not facts when your body dysmorphia kicks up.

If you have the means, you may also want to consider a coach. Being accountable to someone else helps me push past my own fears that come up during the healing process. Kate Deering actually coaches people through this process -- I'm working with her now. It's been extremely helpful for someone with semi-encyclopedic knowledge on this stuff check my food logs, listen to my issues, and pinpoint things to help combat my issues specifically. (Like you, I also have lactic acid issues but I've also caused quite a few mineral deficiencies and imbalances she's helping me correct.)

But, mostly I just wanted to say, hi, we're in this together. You're not alone. There are people here cheering for you to heal and feel better and come out the other side. Keep pushing through!