LUH 3417
Member
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2016
- Messages
- 2,990
I agree with you on every count. I do think children who have been neglected or abused may need to experience a toxic relationship to figure out who they are and what’s acceptable.I know all about toxic relationships, I was in one for almost 4 years. Extremely toxic and dysfunctional, more than I could ever express. It was insane. Both of us were victims of childhood abuse and neglect, and part of why I got into it and was able to stay is that I'm no stranger to mental illness. I have been absolutely f***ing nuts before, so in a sense, crazy to me is normal. I have an extremely high threshold for weird and abusive behavior because it's what I grew up with and lived with in my own mind for so long.
Healthy relationships start within ourselves. Frame is everything. Knowing who you are and what's acceptable to you and what isn't acceptable, how to assert yourself unapologetically. Our relationship with ourselves should be our basis for all of our other relationships. It's a dense concept to process but yields a lot of insight.
I spent a lot of time alone and it let me live in my own little fantasy world. It wasn’t until I started dating that I could have the opportunity to assert myself and say this works for me or this doesn’t. Isolating myself did not grant that opportunity and I somewhat regret the time I spent alone trying to develop myself. For me, it was futile because I did not know how to even begin the project of self development nor did I have any of the tools or resources necessary to do so. It was only once I started dating that I started to see real change in my life. I think we need people to grow. If we can be forward thinking and avoid catastrophe, of course that is preferable to extreme emotional pain and suffering, but I think even being in a toxic relationship is better than being alone.