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'They won't make fun of me ever again,' says Dr. Fauci while designing new virus in his lab
According to anonymous sources, Dr. Anthony Fauci stayed up late in his North Carolina research lab last night, designing a brand new virus even deadlier than COVID-19. Recent polls suggest public opinion may be turning against Fauci as he...
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CDC ruling: You no longer have to wear a life jacket outside in case of rain
The CDC has updated its guidelines and announced that you no longer have to wear a life jacket outside in case of rain. The guidelines had been put in place last year during a particularly rainy March, and although many experts had claimed we...
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New study says we all must wear mask to prevent global warming
U.S. — A new study from very credible scientists has revealed that science wants everyone to continue to wear masks for the foreseeable future. This is due to brand new evidence from real science that masks actually prevent global warming. "The...
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CDC now recommends wearing a seat belt even when you're outside the car
The CDC has issued brand new recommendations regarding the wearing of seat belts. Health experts there are now recommending people wear a seat belt, even when outside the car. "This guidance is especially important if you're in a large group of...
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Biden wore mask during zoom call in case COVID had mutated into a computer virus
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Joe Biden was seen wearing a mask in a climate summit with world leaders, despite his being vaccinated and despite the conference being virtual and held over Zoom. This has made some wonder if Biden even understands...
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