Convulsions then temporary paralysis, from giddy, playful mood?

[Ben]

I have been inducing a state of flow lately which feels very good, along with hitting rock bottom, in my eyes. So I gradually learned about how to induce it for a couple of weeks, and seemed to master it a couple of days ago. It is just doing what I feel from within I want to do at any given moment.

Yesterday, something happened to me and I lost whatever little hope that remained in my life. There was great disappointment, then suddenly I start to feel really good and giddy. Because I felt there was nothing to gain or lose, my ego was pretty dead. I broke some stuff just for the excitement and I wanted to break some valuables of mine too, but I didn't. I had a headache at this time which lasted for hours.

Then I lie down on a bed and turn on the music on my headphones, and within 3 seconds, I get convulsions for 20 or 30 seconds without losing consciousness. They "just happened". Then I get paralyzed for several minutes. It's like my nerves were disconnected from my muscles. I could not move them even if I tried very hard. Then very gradually, I could move them again. But they moved slowy for a couple of hours. And my speech was still very slow when I fell asleep for hours and then talked to someone.

Now I feel mentally numb, kind of like drowsiness except not. So what happened? Why would mindlessness result in convulsions? Did my brain activity and blood flow drop to such an extreme low that the music set off a kindling reaction? Or is it something else?

I remember dreaming about getting convulsions from weeks or months back, maybe they weren't dreams. But the only other thing is that I used to get repetitive arm and neck contractions when I couldn't take out my anger on anything. However, I wasn't mad this time, had full-body convulsions, and paralysis.

I just wonder what happened. I never drink, smoke, or take drugs, and I have been feeling great in the flow state, better than ever. Why would I then get convulsions from being in the flow state and playful? It doesn't make sense to me.

 

[treelady]

I'm sorry I can't help you except to tell you about a dream I had.
I was with a group of people and listening to someone talk about a really sad world event and I couldn't stop crying. It woke me and there was a huge amount of tears all down my face.

 

[tara]

Convulsions and migraines seem to have some things in common.
My migraines often follow a short period of feeling unusually well.

 

[Ben]

Convulsions and migraines seem to have some things in common.
My migraines often follow a short period of feeling unusually well.

They probably have the commonality in vasoconstriction, which is caused by serotonin.

However, the mood I had reminded me of the mood I had on several hits of acid and tianeptine last year, a very very low serotonin state. And in that state, I felt invincible, which is also kinda how I feel in the happy state, and that is unlike learned helplessness.

So maybe it was vasoconstriction from good mood. When we are in a really good mood, we hardly use our higher functions. Does this sound like it's the case for your migraines?

 

[Ben]

I'm sorry I can't help you except to tell you about a dream I had.
I was with a group of people and listening to someone talk about a really sad world event and I couldn't stop crying. It woke me and there was a huge amount of tears all down my face.

I haven't had a bad dream in a while. The only dreams I can remember having recently are ones that i'm in an airport or traveled to another state. I haven't been in a plane since I moved to Denver in August, but somehow it was a big deal to me. When I missed my flight because of TSA, I got so stressed out that I got so far and I would have to go home. Fortunately, they did assign me to another plane. I had so many moments where I may have failed to go.