Childhood spanking is linked to adverse physical, psychological, and behavioral outcomes in adolescence

[ecstatichamster]

The only times violence against a child may be warranted is to prevent the child from harming others or his/herself, and even these extreme situations should be handled without violence whenever possible. Outside of these situations, violence against their child is a clear admission from the parent that they have lost control of the situation and are in need of parenting lessons in order to appropriately deal with comparable situations in future.

Almost every time a parent resorts to violence against their child they have simply lost patience or are too unintelligent to solve the problem without violence. How embarrassing must it be to go through life as a parent who once upon a time resorted to violence with their own flesh and blood unnecessarily!

10000% agree. I don’t believe in hitting kids.

 

[Jing]

10000% agree. I don’t believe in hitting kids.

What's your solution to a naughty child? Ive had this debate a few times and never gotten a good answer.

 

[soul_rebel]

Yeah...I think a spanking is warranted from time to time. They need know the consequences of their actions and discipline. We also have to realize we all have pride (children too). At some point a parent is not going to be "outdone" or manipulated by their child. Children need to respect their parents.

If one can remember the amount of spankings they received as a child (meaning a handful), that is probably a good thing and means they were effective. If too many to count, then ineffective/abusive.

 

[sugarisgreat]

Any stress brigs bad outcome.

It is stressful to not get your way.
It is more stressful to be a fool your whole life, who has not had the benefit of being disciplined by good parents.

 

[ecstatichamster]

What's your solution to a naughty child? Ive had this debate a few times and never gotten a good answer.

we used time outs and tried to avoid the punitive model. Our kids are grown and extremely close to us, polite and reasonably well adapted. We avoided power struggles much Of the time.

 

[Rafael Lao Wai]

10000% agree. I don’t believe in hitting kids.

+1

 

[Jing]

we used time outs and tried to avoid the punitive model. Our kids are grown and extremely close to us, polite and reasonably well adapted. We avoided power struggles much Of the time.

What if that doesn't work and they keep coming out of time outs?

 

[ecstatichamster]

What if that doesn't work and they keep coming out of time outs?

put them back in. Kids become conditioned to listen to parents very early. This is explained in attachment theory. The fewer rewards and punishments the better.

 

[Jing]

put them back in. Kids become conditioned to listen to parents very early. This is explained in attachment theory. The fewer rewards and punishments the better.

And if they keep just getting out of time out? Or they are messing around In time out?

 

[ecstatichamster]

And if they keep just getting out of time out? Or they are messing around In time out?

you just keep doing what you’re doing. You can’t be hitting them. I never did.

 

[Jing]

you just keep doing what you’re doing. You can’t be hitting them. I never did.

I don't hit my kids but what is your solution just let kids be naughty? You do know putting a kid in time out is a form of abuse aswell right? You are using your power to make a kid sit in one spot you think they would listen if you was small like them?

 

[ecstatichamster]

it is such a foolish fallacy to view life as a reward and punishment situation. Even for small children, there is the desire to please their parents. Children are good, and need a loving parent setting limits and helping them prevent injury. But to view children as needing rewards and punishment emanating from the authoritative Father and/or Mother is Biblical and primitive and everything that is wrong with our world today.

If my kids don't do what I want them to do, that's life. If they throw their dinner on the floor, they get no more dinner. This is called natural and logical consequences. I don't need to hit them. I never needed to hit them and never did except maybe one smack in anger which I regret.

Time out is a form of abuse? Ha. I put them in their room and shut the door. Then after a few minutes they come out and try again. It's no big deal. I don't try to manipulate my kids.

I never did. And I never got into this power struggle that constitutes common and poor parenting.

Also I never coddled my kids and I never bailed them out of their problems. I know other family members who really ruined their children by bailing them out of everything and now as adults they are selfish kind of s**t people and I don't like them. They treat their parents horribly, as their parents taught them that kids are always first.

An example. My son would hit my daughter. He was slightly older. But we didn't interfere all the time. We let them work out their problems. They weren't competing to get a parent on their side against their sibling. It wasn't seriously harmful or hurtful or we would have intervened for safety but we didn't need to.

We expected our kids to make their lunch and do their laundry at a young age. Or they wouldn't have clean clothes. They learned responsiblity. We never punished them and never grounded them.

I run a business and I don't treat employees manipulatively either. They appreciate it and do great work and we have no politics and everyone works hard for the company. I never appreciated annual reviews and rewards and punishments for employees either. It gets the worst in people and they try to subvert the system and take advantage. I am not in a utopian dream. I verify and have financial controls and watch people carefully. But we aren't into finding fault and punishing people.

Same with our kids.

 

[Jing]

it is such a foolish fallacy to view life as a reward and punishment situation. Even for small children, there is the desire to please their parents. Children are good, and need a loving parent setting limits and helping them prevent injury. But to view children as needing rewards and punishment emanating from the authoritative Father and/or Mother is Biblical and primitive and everything that is wrong with our world today.

If my kids don't do what I want them to do, that's life. If they throw their dinner on the floor, they get no more dinner. This is called natural and logical consequences. I don't need to hit them. I never needed to hit them and never did except maybe one smack in anger which I regret.

Time out is a form of abuse? Ha. I put them in their room and shut the door. Then after a few minutes they come out and try again. It's no big deal. I don't try to manipulate my kids.

I never did. And I never got into this power struggle that constitutes common and poor parenting.

Also I never coddled my kids and I never bailed them out of their problems. I know other family members who really ruined their children by bailing them out of everything and now as adults they are selfish kind of s**t people and I don't like them. They treat their parents horribly, as their parents taught them that kids are always first.

An example. My son would hit my daughter. He was slightly older. But we didn't interfere all the time. We let them work out their problems. They weren't competing to get a parent on their side against their sibling. It wasn't seriously harmful or hurtful or we would have intervened for safety but we didn't need to.

We expected our kids to make their lunch and do their laundry at a young age. Or they wouldn't have clean clothes. They learned responsiblity. We never punished them and never grounded them.

I run a business and I don't treat employees manipulatively either. They appreciate it and do great work and we have no politics and everyone works hard for the company. I never appreciated annual reviews and rewards and punishments for employees either. It gets the worst in people and they try to subvert the system and take advantage. I am not in a utopian dream. I verify and have financial controls and watch people carefully. But we aren't into finding fault and punishing people.

Same with our kids.

So you would just let your child starve? That's definitely a form of abuse, and yes time out is a form of abuse you are forcing a child to stay alone in a room you are using your big size to force them to be alone.

Let me give you a situation so you are out with your 3-4 year old they keep trying to run into the road you have explained to them that it is dangerous etc and this keeps happening every time you go out how do you plan to stop them running in the road?

 

[Jing]

But to view children as needing rewards and punishment emanating from the authoritative Father and/or Mother is Biblical and primitive and everything that is wrong with our world today.

Not sure what you mean by this but time out is a form of punishment.

 

[Missenger]

Not sure what you mean by this but time out is a form of punishment.

Physical abuse is physical abuse, don't mince words. The father puts bread on the table, kids need a basic respect of that like their own flesh and blood, since their flesh and blood gives more of a damn about them than you. Giving them gold stars like an animal is retarded.

 

[Jing]

Physical abuse is physical abuse, don't mince words. The father puts bread on the table, kids need a basic respect of that like their own flesh and blood, since their flesh and blood gives more of a damn about them than you. Giving them gold stars like an animal is retarded.

Not sure what your getting at but time out is a form of abuse aswell. It's just a different form.

I'll ask you the same question.
Let me give you a situation so you are out with your 3-4 year old they keep trying to run into the road you have explained to them that it is dangerous etc and this keeps happening every time you go out how do you plan to stop them running in the road?

 

[ecstatichamster]

time out isn't punishment, it's removal from a situation and a way to calm down.

So you would just let your child starve? That's definitely a form of abuse, and yes time out is a form of abuse you are forcing a child to stay alone in a room you are using your big size to force them to be alone.

Let me give you a situation so you are out with your 3-4 year old they keep trying to run into the road you have explained to them that it is dangerous etc and this keeps happening every time you go out how do you plan to stop them running in the road?

No missing a meal is not abuse.

And in your road scenario, I would remove the child from the scene.

 

[Jing]

time out isn't punishment, it's removal from a situation and a way to calm down.



No missing a meal is not abuse.

And in your road scenario, I would remove the child from the scene.

Of course it's a punishment your child is naughty so you are now punishing them by forcing them to sit alone...

Yes missing a meal is abuse kids need food to grow and what if your kid throws the food on the floor with every meal?

And remove them from the situation? So you will never take your kid out again? What if you are like 30minutes or more from home with roads surrounding you ?

 

[Jon2547]

Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
Proverbs 23:13

The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
Proverbs 23:15

He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
Proverbs 13:24

 

[ecstatichamster]

alright, well I'm done here.