Ashoka
Member
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2015
- Messages
- 209
Hi there,
It may seem a strange place to post about this, but I appreciate the many ways in which mental health is discussed on this forum and the varieties of experience here.
I struggle with obsessive and self-punishing thoughts. I’ll give a ridiculous example from recently:
I put my pet down a couple weeks ago. He had a urinary block, which means they can die within 24 hours if untreated. The treatment to unblock it was $2,000. Because my cat had a lot of health issues (I was already treating his diabetes and an eye infection) and had already ended up in the hospital before, I decided to put him down. I immediately regretted this decision, however. I suppose I’m not the type to make such a calculation. As such, I feel responsible for this action and blame myself. As stupid as it sounds, I feel I cannot wipe my hands clean of what I’ve done.
But these types of thoughts aren’t an exception but a pattern. The pattern is feeling that I’ve made a mistake that I cannot attone for or make right. So this takes on a sense of tragedy, even out of something small.
My therapist has suggested due to this and other symptoms that I consider taking an anti-depressant, because in her research she says they have been shown to reduce obsessive thoughts. However I can’t imagine tossing something like that into the mix is a good idea. (I have Lyme disease and co-infections that have caused me weird emotional disturbances for over a year now.)
I do feel it’s important that I do something, though. It’s bizarre because some days I’m okay and then others I feel like I’m gripping onto life and surely I’ll tire out like someone grasping so desperately. Mainly because of guilt! Other times my health anxiety gets to
me and spins wildly out of control for hours, to the point I feel like I’m grasping onto my chest for dear life. In short, ot makes no sense, but I apparently cannot deal with reality. After repeated exposure to anxiety and pain, you can lose the ability to confront it.
So the topic is severe debilitating anxiety and obsessive thinking. Is there anything sensible I can do besides continuing on like this?
It may seem a strange place to post about this, but I appreciate the many ways in which mental health is discussed on this forum and the varieties of experience here.
I struggle with obsessive and self-punishing thoughts. I’ll give a ridiculous example from recently:
I put my pet down a couple weeks ago. He had a urinary block, which means they can die within 24 hours if untreated. The treatment to unblock it was $2,000. Because my cat had a lot of health issues (I was already treating his diabetes and an eye infection) and had already ended up in the hospital before, I decided to put him down. I immediately regretted this decision, however. I suppose I’m not the type to make such a calculation. As such, I feel responsible for this action and blame myself. As stupid as it sounds, I feel I cannot wipe my hands clean of what I’ve done.
But these types of thoughts aren’t an exception but a pattern. The pattern is feeling that I’ve made a mistake that I cannot attone for or make right. So this takes on a sense of tragedy, even out of something small.
My therapist has suggested due to this and other symptoms that I consider taking an anti-depressant, because in her research she says they have been shown to reduce obsessive thoughts. However I can’t imagine tossing something like that into the mix is a good idea. (I have Lyme disease and co-infections that have caused me weird emotional disturbances for over a year now.)
I do feel it’s important that I do something, though. It’s bizarre because some days I’m okay and then others I feel like I’m gripping onto life and surely I’ll tire out like someone grasping so desperately. Mainly because of guilt! Other times my health anxiety gets to
me and spins wildly out of control for hours, to the point I feel like I’m grasping onto my chest for dear life. In short, ot makes no sense, but I apparently cannot deal with reality. After repeated exposure to anxiety and pain, you can lose the ability to confront it.
So the topic is severe debilitating anxiety and obsessive thinking. Is there anything sensible I can do besides continuing on like this?