Alcohol not working so powerfully anymore?! Dammit!

[MetabolicTrash]

So I should elaborate that I am currently drunk ... Had some booze to power up.

Sadly, I found that certain factors influence my drunkenness! I had noticed that watching some particular content had sobered me up sadly! I need to remain in this drunken haze for lengthier periods of time to cope dammit. I have been having a horrible time away from posting here and drunkenness is the only way I feel now to cope with it, and taking that away is taking away any escape.

I hate that the feeling of being wasted can so easily be taken from me. Can anyone here explain and/or help me remain in the drunken haze feeling for prolonged periods? I do not want to keep chugging down the heavy stuff until I am literally unable to stand up, but if that is the only damn way then I must do it to feel better again.

I also hate that even when a bit wasted now, I STILL care to fix my grammar here. Damn. I should not care but I care too much!

Oh well, I will be rushing back to the wine now since there is nothing else to chug on here to keep feeling more and more zero minded and out of everything ... Damn this ***t, I can' take it any more...

Also u k I am losin awareness and might go oerboard and I am ware of it. I do have some activated charcola for emeeggency purposes but still dammit I want relief...


oly ***t I jut feel it hittin me aand now I just feel like whoa I did too much too ast and I feel super out of it and like sehien i nat hen to go dand etke a dance at the beah and lie and be free finally for who I am

EDIT: just wanted to add that I am sobering up again so will probably chug some more down. No issues, I will be fine! I have downed tons of booze before and live .. vomited a lot and felt severely ill but lived still as I am alive now! For no at lest... Ha ha.

 

[MetabolicTrash]

Anyays Yeah I will bump this to let you guys know of course. I am still ill as of writing this and need some moe booze I feel like I need it to help me escape this pattern of stress and suffering. I hate that this feeling slips away but I think I kno why -- caffeine. I hAD TONS of caffein earlier and hate weiting this ***t on a laptop but have no computer anymore ****. I will have to play this by ear, but do know that I only post here to let this forum kno since I have no friends ATM anyways.

This forum is the only human contact I have sadly, but it is what it is. I want to drink up to feel that "reset" feeling next day but sadly I am too self-aware the even drunk I have hope! It is sad I want to have no hope so I can reset and start anew! Having hope now is the anti-thesis of what I want -- hopelessness followed by a new beginning in a new realm. But of course I am so out of options that my idea of a good time is posting here when drunk, so wish me luck on getting more jaded as I grab another cup of wine now.