Hi everybody,
I'm a 26 year old guy from Canada and have been constantly battling with issues with my mental and physical health. I first became intrigued with the ideas of Ray Peat by reading his articles on serotonin which I hugely identified with. I know most people hate reading long winded personal stories but I'm seeking answers here and there are so many variables here that nothing less than a full account will do.
I've had problems with depression since early child hood. Most likely because I didn't fit in at school and was bullied and socially ostracised. I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome around age 7 which explains the not fitting in part. I developed depression and became withdrawn so my parents pulled me out of school and put me in a "special" school for a year which did a lot to restore my happiness and confidence which lasted even after I returned to "regular" school. When I started high school things were going well. I was finally starting to make friends and I was happy until it seemed like, from out of nowhere, I feel into a deep depression. I also started having periodic stomach pains and problems with energy. I would fall asleep in class and felt sluggish all day but I couldn't sleep at night and developed terrible insomnia. This was when I was about 12 or 13 years old, I think.
My parents finally got fed up and dragged me to a psychiatrist. I've always been very close and could never open up to anybody, even when it was completely safe. I couldn't talk to the therapist so he put me on Prozac. The Prozac completely blunted all my emotions, I felt neither highs nor lows, and I became a robot. It puts you in a lower state of consciousness. There's no way to describe it. I was on it for a year. I hated the stigma of seeing a shrink and taking pills so I lied and said I was better, we tapered off the pills and I never saw him again. But even after discontinuing the pills I never regained my emotional vibrance.
I pretended to everyone, even myself, that I was fine for years but I wasn't. My energy gradually depleted and I developed a wicked sugar addiction. I was drinking multiple cans of coke a day and gained lots of weight. But the time I was in college I was starting to burn out, I lost passion for my studies and everything else and the stomach pains were getting worse. After I graduated I got a job in a call centre and the stress was incredible. It killed my digestion and I had cramps all day and diarrhoea multiple times per day. I eventually decided to go back to school, not so much to further my education as just to have an excuse not to have to work, not because I was lazy, but because I knew it was physically and mentally killing me. I just didn't have what it took. I completely broke down in the second semester. I was dragged back to a psych and put through a litany of anti-depressants (cipralex, wellbutrin, effexor, cymbalta, imipramine, buspar) and other drugs. They did exactly the same thing. They numbed me out, made me a zombie.
Since I also have ADD I was treated for that as well. When I was put on Adderall it changed my life. I thought amphetamines were the solution to all my problems. Suddenly I had passion again. I wasn't so shy anymore. For the first time I felt unashamed to open up to people. My sugar cravings disappeared. And the stomach pains were gone (probably because I ate so little, I guess). I shed weight like crazy. For the first time ever I actually wanted to exercise. For about 6 to 9 months I felt almost terrific.
And then it changed. I started to feel anxious. I retreated back into my shell. There was this horrible, extremely intense feeling of stress and anxiety in my body. It was oppressive. And I was cold. It felt like my legs were packed in ice. My libido was gone. I developed an extreme sensitivity so sound (misophonia). You know how everything sounds louder when you're on the verge of sleep? Imagine that amplified by a factor of 100. Even the quietest sounds were incredibly painful. Especially high-frequencies.
But I still clung to the idea that stimulants would save me. I was switched from Adderall to Dexedrine, Modafinil, Straterra and Vyvanse but in the end I realized that they just wouldn't work anymore. It was a one-time deal. They all made me feel so anxious and cold. I spent summers shivering under my blankets. I had lost all passion and couldn't concentrate. I thought it had something to do with amphetamines activating stress hormones. I convinced my doc to try me on a more specific dopamine agonist (Mirapex) in the hopes of getting my passion back without the speed rush, only to get exactly the same symptoms as amphetamines. I took two doses and that was it.
It's been about 9 months since I've been off stimulants. It took at least 6 months for the anxiety to subside. It was an extremely slow process and I still have some symptoms. My legs are still cold all the time but I've been warming up. The sound sensitivity is much reduced. Gradually I'm working the junk out of my system.
I'm calmer now, but also completely listless. Nothing gives me pleasure. I don't want to do anything. I have no ability to concentrate. I'm also back to being so reserved and withdrawn that I barely leave the house. I used to have such passion and many interest but now everything feels like a chore and I just find myself reading all day. That's all I have the energy for these days. I've been overcome by fatigue and sleep is totally unrefreshing. I'm just so tired all day. Everything feels so impossibly hard, yet I'm not depressed. My thoughts aren't negative and I have hope for the future.
My GP prescribed a number of supplements to fill various deficiencies (zinc, niacin, iron) and B-12 complex injections (to get my homocysteine down, I think) but nothing's helped me. I've also done experimenting of my own with various things, mostly for my stomach (like peppermint oil and betaine HCL, for example). I've also tried thyroid. Both cytomel and later dessicated porcine thyroid (from Nutrimeds) but stopped taking it when it made me feel sick and nauseous.
I was hoping people here who understand Ray Peat's work can help me make sense of all this. Clearly I have problems with my gut and high serotonin which was exacerbated by SSRIs. I've started eating the carrot salad and it was an eye-opening experience. I felt things I haven't felt in years. But it only lasts a few hours at best and doesn't give me any energy or motivation but the results are encouraging.
I hope I can find some answers here. There are so many questions I have. I want to understand what's happened to me and how to change it, how to get back to the way things were when I was happy and productive.
I'm a 26 year old guy from Canada and have been constantly battling with issues with my mental and physical health. I first became intrigued with the ideas of Ray Peat by reading his articles on serotonin which I hugely identified with. I know most people hate reading long winded personal stories but I'm seeking answers here and there are so many variables here that nothing less than a full account will do.
I've had problems with depression since early child hood. Most likely because I didn't fit in at school and was bullied and socially ostracised. I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome around age 7 which explains the not fitting in part. I developed depression and became withdrawn so my parents pulled me out of school and put me in a "special" school for a year which did a lot to restore my happiness and confidence which lasted even after I returned to "regular" school. When I started high school things were going well. I was finally starting to make friends and I was happy until it seemed like, from out of nowhere, I feel into a deep depression. I also started having periodic stomach pains and problems with energy. I would fall asleep in class and felt sluggish all day but I couldn't sleep at night and developed terrible insomnia. This was when I was about 12 or 13 years old, I think.
My parents finally got fed up and dragged me to a psychiatrist. I've always been very close and could never open up to anybody, even when it was completely safe. I couldn't talk to the therapist so he put me on Prozac. The Prozac completely blunted all my emotions, I felt neither highs nor lows, and I became a robot. It puts you in a lower state of consciousness. There's no way to describe it. I was on it for a year. I hated the stigma of seeing a shrink and taking pills so I lied and said I was better, we tapered off the pills and I never saw him again. But even after discontinuing the pills I never regained my emotional vibrance.
I pretended to everyone, even myself, that I was fine for years but I wasn't. My energy gradually depleted and I developed a wicked sugar addiction. I was drinking multiple cans of coke a day and gained lots of weight. But the time I was in college I was starting to burn out, I lost passion for my studies and everything else and the stomach pains were getting worse. After I graduated I got a job in a call centre and the stress was incredible. It killed my digestion and I had cramps all day and diarrhoea multiple times per day. I eventually decided to go back to school, not so much to further my education as just to have an excuse not to have to work, not because I was lazy, but because I knew it was physically and mentally killing me. I just didn't have what it took. I completely broke down in the second semester. I was dragged back to a psych and put through a litany of anti-depressants (cipralex, wellbutrin, effexor, cymbalta, imipramine, buspar) and other drugs. They did exactly the same thing. They numbed me out, made me a zombie.
Since I also have ADD I was treated for that as well. When I was put on Adderall it changed my life. I thought amphetamines were the solution to all my problems. Suddenly I had passion again. I wasn't so shy anymore. For the first time I felt unashamed to open up to people. My sugar cravings disappeared. And the stomach pains were gone (probably because I ate so little, I guess). I shed weight like crazy. For the first time ever I actually wanted to exercise. For about 6 to 9 months I felt almost terrific.
And then it changed. I started to feel anxious. I retreated back into my shell. There was this horrible, extremely intense feeling of stress and anxiety in my body. It was oppressive. And I was cold. It felt like my legs were packed in ice. My libido was gone. I developed an extreme sensitivity so sound (misophonia). You know how everything sounds louder when you're on the verge of sleep? Imagine that amplified by a factor of 100. Even the quietest sounds were incredibly painful. Especially high-frequencies.
But I still clung to the idea that stimulants would save me. I was switched from Adderall to Dexedrine, Modafinil, Straterra and Vyvanse but in the end I realized that they just wouldn't work anymore. It was a one-time deal. They all made me feel so anxious and cold. I spent summers shivering under my blankets. I had lost all passion and couldn't concentrate. I thought it had something to do with amphetamines activating stress hormones. I convinced my doc to try me on a more specific dopamine agonist (Mirapex) in the hopes of getting my passion back without the speed rush, only to get exactly the same symptoms as amphetamines. I took two doses and that was it.
It's been about 9 months since I've been off stimulants. It took at least 6 months for the anxiety to subside. It was an extremely slow process and I still have some symptoms. My legs are still cold all the time but I've been warming up. The sound sensitivity is much reduced. Gradually I'm working the junk out of my system.
I'm calmer now, but also completely listless. Nothing gives me pleasure. I don't want to do anything. I have no ability to concentrate. I'm also back to being so reserved and withdrawn that I barely leave the house. I used to have such passion and many interest but now everything feels like a chore and I just find myself reading all day. That's all I have the energy for these days. I've been overcome by fatigue and sleep is totally unrefreshing. I'm just so tired all day. Everything feels so impossibly hard, yet I'm not depressed. My thoughts aren't negative and I have hope for the future.
My GP prescribed a number of supplements to fill various deficiencies (zinc, niacin, iron) and B-12 complex injections (to get my homocysteine down, I think) but nothing's helped me. I've also done experimenting of my own with various things, mostly for my stomach (like peppermint oil and betaine HCL, for example). I've also tried thyroid. Both cytomel and later dessicated porcine thyroid (from Nutrimeds) but stopped taking it when it made me feel sick and nauseous.
I was hoping people here who understand Ray Peat's work can help me make sense of all this. Clearly I have problems with my gut and high serotonin which was exacerbated by SSRIs. I've started eating the carrot salad and it was an eye-opening experience. I felt things I haven't felt in years. But it only lasts a few hours at best and doesn't give me any energy or motivation but the results are encouraging.
I hope I can find some answers here. There are so many questions I have. I want to understand what's happened to me and how to change it, how to get back to the way things were when I was happy and productive.