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38 Male UK. Tired Of Being Like The Walking Dead

Discussion in 'Logs' started by Diddleum, Jan 6, 2020.

  1. OP
    Diddleum

    Diddleum Member

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    you are probably right, I can always dial it down. Go by how I feel.

    I think my thyroid is probably ok. No idea on shape of liver. Blood tests say it’s ok but caffeine tolerance is poor.

    i haven’t been able to tolerate more than 100g of carbs a day. Maybe insulin resistance from the fatty acids. I can fill glycogen by eating loads but I feel ***t getting the carbs in. My muscles look pumped full and I gain 5kg weight fast (non fat).

    hoping that this will help me tolerate carbs by lowering insulin resistance.

    thanks for your input.
     
  2. OP
    Diddleum

    Diddleum Member

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    Check out my physique, I’m 38 and not done any exercise in 2 years. I maintain muscle despite not eating much and doing a physical job. I’ve never put on even a little fat in my whole life.

    shame I feel like a lifeless zombie most of my life.
     

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  3. GreekDemiGod

    GreekDemiGod Member

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    @Diddleum My post was more of a personal reflection, and was hoping for more experienced members to chime in.
     
  4. Shin

    Shin Member

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    Physique is looking great, looks like you have a very fast metabolism at 38 still shredded not working out...
    Maybe you need to eat a ton more to feel good.
     
  5. OP
    Diddleum

    Diddleum Member

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    the problem is eating more carbs makes me feel ***t. That is the issue I feel best not eating or living in stress hormones or low carb. Still ***t but much better than eating carbs.

    I think I have to make carbs work for me.
     
  6. milkboi

    milkboi Member

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    One thing I wanna try for this myself is Mildronate. Forces your body to oxidize glucose instead of fat. Pretty safe I think, at least in the short-term.
     
  7. Shin

    Shin Member

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    The only carbs I can tolerate during the day are freshly squeezed orange juice and coffee with maple syrup(guess normal sugar would work too).
    Everything else makes me tired.
     
  8. OP
    Diddleum

    Diddleum Member

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    gf Came over last night. Had a nice evening and I was in a good mood. Failed at having sex with ED. Feel pretty low about that.

    Sleep was different again, unsure if my supplements are making me need sleep or have poor quality sleep. Took me a while to get to sleep, then kept waking up. I didn’t have the urge to urinate. Need to check the time I’m waking. Might be that I need less.

    felt hunger early in the morning sort of subsided but I have this weird slight hunger empty feeling constantly.

    I feel that it’s my little and often Niacinamide that’s making the change. So rare that a supplement does anything for me. I’m gonna drop all my other supplements other than Niacinamide, asprin and copper and go from there. I think preg might of been doing something but I’ll start from a fresh.
     
  9. Jem Oz

    Jem Oz Member

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    Your problems are not metabolic. You won't find the answers you need on this forum (despite the wisdom and good intentions). I'm not saying this to be rude or a contrarian, I'm saying it because I think it will genuinely help you. Your problems started 38 years ago when you were born to flawed parents (possibly primarily your mother) who were unable to love you in the way you needed. It's the reason you feel so dead in the water. You need to find a kick ass therapist (they are, unfortunately, a needle in a haystack, although if you live in London I can recommend an amazing one), who can help begin the process of retracing your steps, all the way back to the days and months and years that MOST shaped you, far far far more than any metabolic decisions you have or haven't made over the ensuing years.

    Like many others on this forum, you are attempting, gallantly, to squeeze and filter your difficulties through a metabolic/hormonal/diet-based lens, hoping that the answer is a simple question of metabolic math. Never forget that very smart people can be completely ignorant of other forms of knowledge. This includes Ray Peat, and certainly includes some of the brilliant gurus and prolific posters on this site. Frankly, the way some people on this site try to account for matters of the soul and heart by suggesting a metabolic deficiency, or proposing some such supplement, is akin to western psychiatry viewing "mental illness" as a chemical imbalance or genetic flaw.

    You won't find what you are looking for until you can find a way to excavate your own soul and retrieve long buried feelings, which, trust me, will be your meal ticket. I sincerely wish you well. (if you're still reading this and haven't hurled your laptop across the room in anger, I'd recommend reading Alice Miller's book "Prisoners of Childhood". It's been a great primer for millions of people daring to jump down the well).
     
  10. OP
    Diddleum

    Diddleum Member

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    thanks. There’s plenty of truth to what you write and possibly complete truth.

    I go through phases of focusing on spiritual health and focusing on metabolic health. I’ve meditated, done yoga, sang, hypnotherapy, charity work, tai chi, relaxation, high fitness, travelled, cbt, forced laughter and much more.

    I’m pretty much spent, I have no feelings. I can go back and talk about an childhood lacking in love and affection but it doesn’t help..? I know my parents flaws. My three brothers and sisters don’t have the issues I do?

    I don’t know, all I can do is keep plodding on and try. I’ll read the book, thanks.
     
  11. OP
    Diddleum

    Diddleum Member

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    Had a pretty poor day.

    Haven’t eaten much, little appetite. Been taking Niacinamide little and often but doesn’t seem to have same effect today?

    Took 4.5gram asprin and 1.5g niacinamide an hour ago. I feel nothing. Just sitting in bed feeling tired and empty. Temp he everything unchanged. Ha ha ha
     
  12. OP
    Diddleum

    Diddleum Member

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    Woke feeling brighter, slept less again but well. I get 4-5 hours solid sleep and a couple more broken. Not urinating in the night at all though. Temp was 36.5c 64bpm. Some half decent night time erections. Felt warm and comfortable. Sipped a bit of orange juice and got out of bed and got ready for work and things started to slip again.
     
  13. Nnanuu

    Nnanuu Member

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    Man you have taken a SSRI drug right? So for me you are suffering from PSSD.
    You are not alone and many have anhedonia from PSSD.
    Some people cured themselves from it. Just look it up there are specific communities for this.
    Emulate what people have done who got cured. This is your strategy - instead of going in circles for your own.
    Good luck!
     
  14. OP
    Diddleum

    Diddleum Member

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    yes I may well have pssd. I’m a member of the community. There is no consistent cure. Only a few random non agreeing anecdotes. I am friends with a few sufferers and we have all tried loads of “cures”.

    I know my symptoms match that but also match pfs, post roaccutane etc. I suspect that we all have issues that are similar and we are all wanting to have an answer and blame something in our past. But I’m probably wrong.

    I’ll try anything I’m desperate.
     
  15. OP
    Diddleum

    Diddleum Member

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    More improvements this morning. Didn’t sleep well again. Slept 2am - 0930. Some erections (I did masturbate out the blue last night thinking it would help me sleep - it didn’t), usually that’ll kill my night Boners.

    Temp in morning was 36.6! 70bpm. Perfect! I feel more positive mood is better , brighter. Voice is a little deeper...

    sooo, yestarday I woke ok, drank juice went to work for an hour. Felt normal shitty come home and got into bed. Got up about 2pm, decided to go on a walk, felt ***t. Whilst walking I remembered a few points in the week where I’d felt better for a little while. Including the previous night. I’d eaten coconut oil. So I got home had a teaspoon of CO in a weak coffee. I felt better quickly.

    Here’s my theory why it seems to help.

    PUFA - I’m constantly under the influence. And it’s causing my symptoms. Coconut Oil - as peat mentioned gives temporary reprieve from the suppression of metabolism by PUFA. I think I’ve found, feeling positive I might of found something that helps! Something to focus on- eating lots of regular CO. Let’s hope the effect lasts.

    Thinking about it, it is probably why I feel a bit better on a low carb diet. I usually eat beef butter cheese on these diets so all the saturated fat thrown in the mix lowers the constant burning of pufa so I feel better.

    Now I am somewhat unique as I don’t store fat at least not easily and at least not viscerally. I’ve always been lean.

    is it possible for people like me where it’s impossible to gain fat?

    So where does all the fat go? My blood trigs etc are all pretty low. So either I have a fatty liver (caffeine, alcohol intolerance present - my liver bloods are good though), or maybe I have constant high free fatty acids in my blood or maybe both.

    caffeine on its own like exercise makes my symptoms worse. Both increase FFA.

    niscinanide and asprin at any dose doesn’t have a massive impact - but NAM might be helping.

    So assuming my fatty acids are high - they must be. I am Insulin resistant and eating carbs makes me feel awful. Fruit seems best I guess it raises insulin least. Little and often is tolerable. It’s impossible for me to up my food intake in this state.

    most people can store the pufa as fat but it seems I can’t. This I think makes my situation more difficult. If I could keep it all shut away and eat lots of carbs I would.

    So all I can do is minimise pufa intake, increase CO (seems to make me feel better than butter). Little and often carbs - slowly increasing to insulin resistance tolerance. Lower FFA release. Work on the liver. Vitamin E.

    So I’ve started today with coconut oil. Let’s see if my theory holds if I keep on taking it all day diluting the pufas.
     
  16. milkboi

    milkboi Member

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    Mildronate will sharply lower your fat burning, so that would be a good substance to test your hypothesis.
     
  17. Shin

    Shin Member

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    I just think you have a very high metabolism being so lean, did you calculate how many calories you eat on average?
    There are many people here who have restricted pufa for years and didn't magically get cured...
    There are millions of people who eat PUFA and burn it and still feel great. Sure PUFA's should be limited
    but i don't think it's the be all end all in regards to feeling good.

    I would think you need to eat a shitload more calories if you have a high metabolism.
    I don't feel good on starches and dairy and mainly eat fruit(moslty OJ)kiwi, papaya, maple syrup, lots of meat.
    Coconut oil, mct, cocoa butter.
    Works best for me so far.
     
  18. OP
    Diddleum

    Diddleum Member

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    Thanks. The difficulty / likelyhood of depleting pufa is in my mind.

    it isn’t likely to happen, but shifting the balance of ufa to sfa must be possible. I think/hope that’s what I’m seeing when I ingest coconut oil. Pufa effects lowered.

    I eat barely nothing! Zero appetite, I assume I’m burning stored fats / mostly pufa.

    It’s 2pm and I’ve eaten two high protein zero fat yoghurts, a little sugar and coconut oil in two coffees and a glass of orange juice. Probs around 500 calories.

    I don’t loose weight, I’ve eaten less and maintain my muscle. I know I should be eating more but it makes me feel worse. Eating more fat will accumulate pufa probably, eating more carbs makes me feel ***t from insulin resistance I think. I think I just have to try gradually increase carbs rather than trying to ingest large amounts at once. Maybe this will avoid the symptoms and fatty acids (the cause of insulin resistance) will gradually lower.

    that being said my brother who is a bit smaller than me doesn’t eat much at all and he is healthy driven high sex drive. I’m not convinced yet on having to eat loads, especially when I have no appetite and eating more makes me worse. My temps aren’t far off perfect and I’m in a cold climate.

    peat says to only eat when hungry.
     
  19. OP
    Diddleum

    Diddleum Member

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    Today has gone better than yestarday. Starting the day with coffee and coconut oil and I generally I feel better. I woke noting my voice deeper and more throaty rather than nasally. The CO coffee seemed to make it more so. I went on a walk and I enjoyed it more than yestarday. Started to slip toward the end of walk, fog fatigue and lower mood come in. Still better than yestarday.

    when I got in I had another coffee and CO. I decided to do two spoons of coffee in it. I didn’t get much pick up. Still better than yestarday.

    this made me think why am I using coffee atm? Coffee like exercise will likely increase FFA/pufa. I will try dropping the coffee and having the CO in warm milk. In theory I should get a better effect from the CO.

    update 1630. Felt bright at points today. I actually wanted to get out of bed and do some washing and cleaned the house. Small progress. Putting it down to eating more and more coconut oil.
     
  20. OP
    Diddleum

    Diddleum Member

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    thanks pal, I have some on order. Should be here in a couple of weeks. Hoping for a miracle!
     
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